32. Caleb
CHAPTER 32
Caleb
A knock at the bedroom door wakes me up. I’m wrapped up in Bailey as I groggily call, “Yeah.”
The door creaks open, and Charlie stands there holding Princess with a sleepy look as she rubs her eyes. Finn stands behind her, his head tilted as he watches Bailey and me. He’s been sleeping in Charlie’s room every night, so he hasn’t seen that his place has been taken over.
“Can I cuddle?” Charlie asks.
I lift the blanket, and a smile spreads across her face as she makes her way to my side of the bed and climbs in. She cuddles right into my side, and I lower the blanket, holding my two girls as close to me as possible.
The bed shifts as Finn jumps up and gets settled at my feet. He rests his head on my legs, staring up at me, and a small smile ghosts my lips. I’m lying here with the quintessential family. The only thing that could make it better would be a little baby lying on my chest.
Since my deployment, I’ve never thought of having children. That was until meeting Bailey; she’s turned my world upside down.
Bailey stirs and brushes her hair out of her face, smiling up at me as she whispers, “Good morning.”
“Good morning, baby.”
“Good morning, Mommy.”
Bailey’s eyes widen for a second before she looks over and sees Charlie cuddled into my side.
“You snuck into bed with us, I see.” Her voice is tinged with amusement.
Charlie nods against my chest. “Yeah, I wanted cuddles, and Daddy said I could.”
There’s that word again. That name. The name I never thought I’d hear directed at me. The girls smile at each other, but where Charlie’s is carefree, I see the worry behind Bailey’s.
“Okay, Baby Girl, you need to go get dressed and pack your bag. We’ve got to leave soon to meet up with Aunt Lily,” she says, and I stiffen underneath them.
Why does Charlie need a bag? Was last night’s nightmare too much and she’s leaving me just like Gina did? Is she scared to have Charlie around me now? Is she upset that Charlie called me dad and I didn’t stop it? Questions swirl around my head as my breathing quickens. My chest tightens. Fuck, I think I’m having a panic attack.
Charlie’s voice sounds far away as she says, “Okay, Mommy.”
The bed dips as she climbs off and makes her way out of the room. Finn stays behind, his eyes staying on me as Bailey’s lips dust over my cheek before she follows suit and makes her way into the washroom. I rub the sheet between my fingers as I close my eyes and focus on the sound of the water running in the washroom and steady my breathing.
Deep breath in. Deep breath out.
I continue to focus on those things as I try to ground myself.
The sound of the washroom door opening carries through the room, and my eyes fly open. I watch as Bailey makes he r way into the closet and comes out dressed in a pair of jeans, a T-shirt, and a cardigan. But the thing that catches my eyes is the bag she brings out with her. She places it on the bed as she sits on the edge and puts her socks on. I want to ask her so many questions, but my breath is caught in my lungs.
This feels all too familiar. My ears are filled with a whooshing sound as she rounds the bed, leaning over and giving me a chaste kiss. I can see her lips move, but I can’t process what she says before she moves into the hallway. The door opens again, and Charlie comes back in, climbing onto the bed as she gives me a hug before leaving.
The sound that pulls me back to reality the front door closing. Since they’ve moved in, they haven’t left without me being downstairs to say goodbye, giving them each a kiss goodbye.
Does this mean that it’s the end? Did Bailey rush out of here because she didn’t want to tell me she was leaving me? I lie in bed, staring at the ceiling, not wanting to move. Finn nudges his nose against my face before resting his head on my chest, watching me. The pressure on my chest calms me a bit. Reaching up, I scratch his head. He whimpers as he continues to watch me.
I pat his head then move out from under the blanket and make my way into the washroom, Finn on my heels. I turn on the shower and stare at myself in the mirror. I take in the sunken look in my eyes as I process the last twelve hours. I know it isn’t from lack of sleep, but from the realization of what’s happened.
My nightmare last night scared away Bailey.
The only thing that packing a bag and staying somewhere else could mean is they’re leaving me, and my soul cracks. I’m not sure how I’m supposed to move on from this. How do you move on from two people who have taken over every part of your being?
My life before them was routine, the same things day in and day out. Get up and walk Finn, eat breakfast and drink coffee, work, home, workout, walk Finn, dinner with a game on the TV. The only difference was the nights we had games, when that replaced my workout, and poker night on Saturdays. When they walked into my life, I found more things to enjoy. I laughed more. Smiled more. I woke up with a smile and looked forward to the day. I’m not sure how I’m going to go back to my boring routine.
I step into the shower, and the scorching water washes over me. I hope the heat from it helps my tight muscles relax, but it doesn’t. Realizing it’s useless, I turn the water off and wrap a towel around my waist. Finn watches me from his spot on the floor. I leave the washroom, and he follows. Making my way into the closet, I stare at all of Bailey’s clothes hung up on her side. It doesn’t look like she took much. I run my fingers over the soft material of the light-blue blouse she wore that day at the station.
That day will forever be seared into my brain.
The look in Bailey’s eyes the minute she decided she was going to kiss me. The feeling of her lips against mine was like nothing I had ever experienced. I’m almost thirty, and I’ve been no monk, but her lips pressed to mine had my heart racing and skin heating. Something took over my mind, body, and soul that had my hand in her hair and my mouth devouring her as though the world around me would burn in flames at any second. Her soft little moan seemed to snap all control I had as I lifted her and her legs wrapped around my waist. I knew I needed to taste more of her when my lips found her neck.
Her and Charlie were everything I never knew I needed. They are everything I need.
I move to the drawers where I keep my sweats and hoodies. Slipping into a pair of grey sweats and a T-shirt, I reach to the bottom of my hoodies and go looking for the one where I hid Mom’s engagement ring. I can’t find it. I had it in the one we ordered when our team won the championship a few years ago, but it’s not here.
I rip out every hoodie, throwing them to the floor before moving to my sweats and doing the same thing. My hands move to my hair, pulling at the strands. The last fucking thing I need right now is to have lost Mom’s ring. I search through my jeans, moving through my closet until everything is in a pile on the floor.
I abandon the closet and move into the bedroom, heading straight for my nightstand. I pull out the drawer and dig through its contents. It’s not there.
With my hands on top of my head, I stare out into nothingness. I take a deep, steadying breath.
I jog down the stairs and head into the kitchen. I pull open the junk drawer and dig through it. Again, it’s not there, but I do find some interesting papers tucked in the back. They’re house listings in the area of Bailey’s house. They all seem to be similar to her place, the number of rooms and washrooms, square footage, and yards. If their packing bags wasn’t a sign, this has to be. She was looking for a place to buy and never told me.
Was I moving too quickly for her? Has she been planning this since my nightmares in the beginning, just buying time until she could get a place? Was Charlie calling me Dad her tipping point? I brace my hands on the counter, and my head drops between my shoulders. I need a drink.
I move to check my cabinet for the bottles I usually keep there, almost tripping over Finn on my way. When I open the cabinet, there’s nothing, and I remember we finished them at the last poker night and I never re-stocked.
Grabbing my car keys, I call Finn, and he follows me out to the truck. I drive to the closest liquor store and grab a twelve pack of beer and a bottle of Jack. The cashier is a blonde woman in her late twenties. She smiles at me as her eyes roam my body. I don’t even have the energy to smile politely. I toss some cash on the counter, grab my items, and make my way out to my truck.
When I get home, I check the mail on my way in, tossing it all on the counter. I decide to go for the Jack first, opening the bottle and tipping my head back as I take a swig.
When my head comes back down, my eyes catch on one of the envelopes from the mail. It’s from the National Defence Headquarters in Ottawa. Placing the bottle on the counter, I rip open the large manilla envelope and pull out the documents inside. Sutton, Simon H. is written across the top of the first document, and I know exactly what it is I’m holding.
It’s my dad’s KIA report I requested from the military earlier this year.
Grabbing the bottle of Jack and the papers, I make my way to the couch. I take a large sip of the whiskey before I begin reading, needing to steel myself.
It’s all a daze. As I read, I continue to drink, each sip larger than the previous. The package isn’t small. There are several reports inside, and I work my way through each one. At some point, I decide to order myself lunch. Grabbing it off the front porch, I settle onto the couch and continue reading.
At the end of the report, there’s a stack of pictures, and they break me. I can’t remember the last time I truly let myself cry, but this does it. I drop the pictures and papers, and they scatter on the floor around me as I hold my head and cry. My chest heaves as every little painful thing escapes my body. I stay like this for what feels like an eternity.
I barely register the sound of the front door opening, but a gasp has my head shooting up. Bailey is standing at the entrance to the living room, her mouth agape as she looks at me .
When her eyes meet mine, she rushes to my side, cupping my face as she uses her thumb to wipe away my tears. The simple touch has me crying harder. Now that it’s started, I can’t seem to stop it. She straddles my lap, pushing me back into the couch as she wraps her arms around me and buries herself into my chest. My arms instinctively wrap around her.
I take a deep breath, trying to gather myself, and vanilla and jasmine fill my nose. It causes a mixed feeling in me. It relaxes me in a way nothing else can, but it has me anxious because I don’t know how long I’ll have this.
What is she doing here? She took a bag with her this morning.
When my breathing calms, she pulls back. My hands fall to her hips, and she runs her fingers gently through my hair. I close my eyes, enjoying the feeling. Her thumb traces over the last of my tears. Her lips dust over the same place and then my eyelids. Her simple touches bring me peace.
When she pulls back, my eyes open, and I’m met with her brilliant blue ones. They are filled with concern. But she doesn’t say anything, just waits for me to begin.
“What are you doing here?” I ask in a whisper.
“I live here,” she says with a soft smile.
Her fingers move from the top of my head, where my hair has some length, to the back and scrape at my scalp. She looks around the room, taking in the fast food bag, scattered papers, and half-finished bottle of Jack sitting on the side table. She slowly climbs off my lap and collects the papers, putting them into a neat stack.
I see her eyes scan the top page, widening at certain places. Her eyes dart to mine. “Is this about your dad?”
I nod.
“Oh, baby, I would have been her e with you when you read this. You should have told me.”
My eyes sweep over her, trying to process her words.
“Will you tell me what it says?”
I nod, and she settles on the floor, her attention fully on me.
“Dad was deployed overseas, working in a joint operation with American forces. He was stationed in a remote village that was being used as a small base when he was killed. They were tasked with developing a relationship with the locals in the hopes they could obtain information from them that could be useful.” I swallow as I try to continue. “Dad had thought one of the guys was paying a little too much attention to some of the local young women. One night, he followed him and saw him going into a house. It wasn’t long before he heard a woman scream. He entered the house, weapon drawn, and found the soldier attempting to rape her. Before Dad could do anything, the guy shot him. He must have thought the woman was too scared of him, because he left her alive. She ended up at the base where she told them everything. They decided their mission was too important to tell the family it was friendly fire, but with the mission well over now, they released the information at my request.”
Bailey’s eyes are wide as she stares at me. Reaching forward, she grabs my hand and squeezes it. “I’m sorry, Caleb. Truly. I’m sorry that happened to your father, and I’m sorry you had to read it.”
She places the stack of papers on the coffee table as she moves to stand. Her eyes catch on something, and she pulls out one of the house listings I must have grabbed with the report when I came in here.
“What are you doing with these?” she asks. Her voice doesn’t sound accusatory, rather, she sounds worried.
“I was looking for something in the junk drawer and found those stuffed in the back. I must have grabbed them when I g rabbed the others.” My voice sounds dull and emotionless, even to me, and I can tell Bailey notices it too.
“I can explain,” she starts.
She settles back on her heels as she scratches at her jeans. I watch her nails scratch over the material, leaving little lines of changed colour in their wake.
“So, at some point after we moved in here, I decided I want to sell my place. The good memories of my childhood have been taken over by the bad ones, and most of Charlie’s memories there aren’t good ones. So, I thought we need a fresh start. And I know that living with you wasn’t a permanent invite, but I figured I could list it and we could find a small place to rent until my place sold and I found a place I could afford. I don’t want us to overstay our welcome. And I know Charlie has said some big things the last few days, and she didn’t say anything to me about it, so I was just as surprised as you.” Her words are rushed, and her cheeks pinken as she avoids my eyes.
“Overstay your welcome?” I ask.
Her gaze shoots up to mine, and her mouth opens and closes a few times before she takes a breath and pulls her shoulders back. “I know you only brought us here because of Derek showing up at my place, and I want you to know how much I appreciate that.”
“Did I do something wrong? Was it the nightmare?” I ask.
Her brows pull together in confusion. “No. Why would you ask that?”
“You packed a bag.”
Her brows drop, and her shoulders sag. “We had a girls’ night planned with Lily. Every year, we pick a day during Charlie’s winter break to watch movies, play games, and do a sleepover at Lily’s. It was just an overnight bag.” Her words don’t completely relax me.
“You didn’t wait for me to com e down and say goodbye this morning.”
“I thought you wanted to stay in bed. I didn’t want to drag you out of bed on your day off,” she says.
“The way you rushed out of bed this morning.”
She blushes slightly. “I wasn’t ready to have the conversation about Charlie calling you Dad, not once, but several times. I wimped out and decided to run.” Her gaze darts around the room everywhere, but my face.
“I like it.”
My words have her head snapping to me so quickly, I’m surprised I don’t hear it pop.
“What?” Her words are breathy and quiet.
I slide onto the floor in front of her, my hand grasping her chin. “I like it.”
Her eyes widen.
“I never thought I’d hear someone call me that. I love that Charlie was the first one to. And you’re not overstaying your welcome. Why do you think I helped Charlie paint and decorate her room? That room is hers. I want her to be comfortable in it and down the road when she grows up and wants to change it, we’ll change it.”
A tear falls down her cheek, and I release my grip on her jaw to use my thumb to wipe it away.
“You weren’t leaving me?” I ask softly.
“What? No!” she practically yells. “Why would I leave you?”
I lean forward, our breaths mingling. “Can I kiss you?”
“You never have to ask,” she says as she leans forward, her lips finding mine.
My hand finds her hair as I hold her head so I can devour her. The kiss heals me in a way I never knew a kiss could. Bailey, being right here with me now, has brought peace to my soul. She’s not leaving me, and when she walked into the house and saw the mess I was, she still chose to comfort me. She ’s not letting last night’s nightmare run her off.
She’s choosing to stay.
She moves to straddle my lap, and I help her, gripping her hips and lifting her up. She moans into my mouth and the sound steals my breath. I want to hear that sound for the rest of my life. I want to be the cause of that moan. My lips leave hers as they trace down her neck. Wanting more access to her neck, I reach for the hem of the hoodie she’s wearing, and that’s when I realize she’s wearing the one I was looking for earlier. The one that had the ring in the pocket.
“You stole my hoodie,” I breathe out.
She bites her bottom lip, it’s sexy as fuck, and nods. “I knew it was cold, and I wanted something that smelt like you.”
“I was looking for it this morning, but it looks good on you.”
She worries her lip between her teeth as her hand reaches into the front pocket. “I’m guessing you were looking for this,” she says as she pulls out the ring box.
My hand goes to the back of my neck, and I rub it as I clear my throat. “Yeah.”
“It’s beautiful.”
Her eyes hold mine, and it’s like the air between us stills.
“It’s my mother’s,” I say. “She gave it to me at Christmas.”
“Christmas,” she whispers.
I nod. “Yeah, she said she knew I’d want to use it soon.”
“Do you?” Her eyes bounce between mine.
“Yeah, soon.”
A tear falls down her cheek, and she places the box in my hand. “When you’re ready,” she whispers before she kisses me again. She takes control of the kiss, but I have a question I want answered before we continue.
“It doesn’t scare you?”
She holds my gaze, and I see the full conviction in her eyes as she says, “Nothing about being with you scares me. You saved me in more ways than one. You are my safe space. So, no. It doesn’t scare me, but I don’t want to rush anything either. So, when we’re ready.”
“Bailey, you’re saving me every day.”
Another tear falls down her cheek, and I kiss it away before I reach for the hem of the hoodie, pulling it over her head and tossing it on the floor. Her smile is blinding. She grabs my shirt and pulls it off, tossing it in the same direction as the hoodie. We quickly work to get our pants off. When she’s completely bare in front of me, I allow my eyes to eat her up before I slide flat on my back across the floor.
“Come ride my face, Bailey.”
Silence fills the air. I lift my head to look at her, and she’s staring at me with her mouth slightly open.
“Bails, come ride my face.”
She slowly makes her way to me. When she’s right beside me, she swings a leg over my chest, straddling me. Impatiently, I grip her hips and pull her forward, positioning her right over my face.
“Sit,” I growl, and she lowers herself slightly as my tongue darts out and tastes her.
Her taste bursts over my tongue, and it’s even better than it’s been in the past. As though those last little barriers I had up, the worry that had plagued me, had dampened everything when it came to being with her.
She continues to hover, so I wrap my hands over her thighs and pull her down. Her legs spread outward as her centre comes closer to my mouth.
“I plan to feast Bailey, don’t make me work by having me go to my meal. Bring it to me.”
With that, my tongue begins to work furiously as I taste and tease her. My tongue thrusts in and out of her pussy before it moves to her clit, circling it slowly. She shivers above me as I take my time with the most sensitive part of her.
I do everything I’ve learned that sends her over the edge. Her body falls forward as she braces one hand on the edge of the couch and the other goes to my hair. She grips it tightly as she calls my name. I grin against her. She moans as I bring her to the edge. I make her cling to the razor thin edge between orgasm and pure torture. But when she falls, she’ll thank me for it. She’ll come so undone for me and it will be a sight to behold.
I suck her clit into my mouth. It sends her crashing over, and I’m not disappointed. She throws her head back so forcefully her body follows. Her hand finds my stomach as she attempts to hold herself up. Her creamy white skin is now a deep shade of pink. Her mouth is open, but no sounds escape as she allows the orgasm to tear through her.
She takes a breath, and I help her slide down my body before she lies on the floor beside me. Rolling, I prop myself up on an elbow, using my free hand to brush her hair from her face. Her satiated smile captures everything beautiful in this world.
Leaning in, I brush my lips over hers, and she lazily kisses me back. I nudge her legs wider as I move, positioning myself between them while never breaking our connection. I thrust my hips forward slightly, allowing the tip of my cock to tease her clit. She moans into my mouth. Her hips move up, seeking more. I break the kiss and sit back on my heels as I reach and grab a pillow off the couch. Placing the pillow on the floor beside her, I spread her legs more, pulling her body closer to me so that her legs sit on my hips, and move the pillow under her ass.
Her eyes are wide as she stares up at me. I grip my cock and give it a few strokes before I slap the tip on her clit. Her mouth drops open as the sound of her sharp intake of breath fills the air. I do it again, and she squirms.
“Play with your tits, Bailey. I want to watch while I fuck your tight cunt.”
Her hands move up to her breasts, her thumb and forefinger finding her nipples and pulling them slightly. I position myself at her entrance and press into her slowly. It’s torture not just for her as she attempts to bring her hips up to meet mine, but for me too. The look on her face as she bites down on her bottom lip while she watches my cock disappear inside her is worth it, though. When I’m fully seated, I lean forward as a groan leaves my chest.
“You’re fucking perfect,” I growl into the junction of her neck and shoulder before I nip her.
She clenches around me, causing me to moan. I push myself back up, grabbing her right thigh while my free hand finds her clit. My thumb plays with it, and I watch the effect it has on her. Her hands continue to play with her tits as her breathing quickens and her eyes close, her head thrashing back and forth. She’s a fucking sight to behold.
I fuck her hard and fast, relishing in every noise that escapes her. I watch as my cock stretches her.
“Look at yourself. Spread open for me, taking my cock like my dirty girl. Do you like being spread out for me, Bailey?”
She nods slightly, but I want words. I want to know just how much she likes it.
My hand slaps against her clit, and her eyes widen.
“Tell me, Bailey. Do you like being spread out, naked, and taking my cock like my dirty girl?”
“Yes.” Her voice is barely above a whisper.
I grin at her as my hips move faster. “You look so good, baby.”
She moans and tightens around me. She loves being praised while I talk dirty to her. I feel the telltale sign of my orgasm building. I need her to come.
“Come for me, Bailey. Soak my cock as you call my name. Show me you’re mine.” My voice is possessive.
She moans when I pinch her clit, sending her over the edge. Her hands leave her tits as she reaches out, looking for anything to grab. I pinch her clit again, and her back shoots off the floor. She clenches around me so tightly I feel like I might completely lose circulation. It has me coming harder than I have in my life.
I’m breathless as I come down from the high. I stare down at my beautiful Bailey and see tears slowly running down the side of her face as she lies beneath me. My hand reaches forward, and I carefully brush them away as a weight sits on my chest.
“Baby, are you okay?” My voice is nothing more than a whisper, but the concern that fills it is more than evident.
She nods delicately, and a smile spreads across her face. “Yeah, baby.” Her voice catches in her throat, and I watch as her chest rises while she takes a deep breath and slowly exhales it. “I’m perfect.”
Pulling out of her, I lie beside her and pull her into my side, feeling all the emotions of the day fade away as I drift to sleep.