6. Chapter 6
It”s been a few weeks of getting to know Zane and him being in my art therapy class. We’ve both been learning ASL, so we”ve been able to have some shorter conversations without using the tablet.
On my days off, I”m finding little excuses to be at Oakside so that I can spend some time with him. Every day, he asks if I”ll be back tomorrow and tries to make plans to spend some time with me.
Today, he has asked me to meet him in his room. It will be the first time I get to see where he”s been staying. I”m walking down the hallway, and I stop just before I reach his door. Normally, I”d knock, but he”s not going to hear it. Walking into his room uninvited doesn”t seem right either. Thankfully, there”s a nurse in the hallway, and she walks over and smiles at me.
“My name is Kaitlyn, and I”m a nurse here. Can I help you with something?” she asks.
“I’m here to see Zane, but I’m not sure how to knock on his door. Since he won”t be able to hear it, how will he know I”m here?” I ask, feeling silly about not knowing and about the way I worded it.
“Oh, this switch right here. It”s kind of like a doorbell, but will flash the lights, letting him know that someone”s there,” she says, pointing to a button next to his door that does look like a doorbell. I thought it was just a light switch.
I press the button, and a minute later, Zane opens the door. He”s dressed in jeans and a button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up showing off his gorgeous tattoos. A huge smile lights up his face and his sea-blue eyes light up. He holds up a finger, indicating that I should wait a moment as he goes into the room to grab something, and when he comes back out with his tablet.
Then he steps into the hallway, closes the door behind him, and nods to Kaitlyn. Together we walk to the lobby and out the front door.
As we step off the front porch, he pauses for a minute as the sun hits the sharp planes of his face. I take a moment to enjoy his masculine beauty and drink in this time with him. After a moment, he takes my hand in his, and leads me to the garden.
The feel of his big hand holding mine makes my heart race. My hand fits in his perfectly, and just this simple act makes me feel so safe. It does funny things to me, but I try to play it off cool, so maybe he will do it again some other time.
He leads me towards the little waterfall at the back of the garden, where there is a little picnic all set up. When I stop, I see his eyes are on me.
Is this for us? I sign.
He nods with a smile, leading me over to where the blanket is already set up. We sit, and he pulls out sandwiches, fruit, chips, and my favorite, Oreo cookies.
Then he pulls out the tablet and starts typing.
I love being out here in the garden, so I figured we could have a picnic lunch today instead of sitting on the lawn.
It”s perfect.I smile at him as we begin eating lunch.
Will you tell me more about your family?he asks.
Thank goodness for the speech to text feature on the tablet.
My mom was always the traditional stay-at-home mom who, as soon as we were old enough, insisted my sister and I have kids so that she could be a grandmother. She”s never worked a day in her life outside the home. She went straight from her parent’s house to college to live with my dad. So, she doesn”t understand why I want my own job and to stand on my own two feet. My dad is slow and steady, a hard worker, and the first to fix things on his own before bringing anyone else in for help. He taught me lots of skills and also encouraged my painting.
What about your sister?he asks.
She is my best friend. It wasn”t always like that growing up. We fought a lot. Her husband Brian is so good to her and doesn”t care how much I crash dinner at their house. And my niece, Liz, is probably the coolest six-year-old I”ve ever met.
We pause for a minute and then I look back up at him and take the tablet before he gets a chance to write anything else.
My sister has been checking on me since I told her about not being able to have kids. When my mom she tried to harp on me about why I don’t try to reconnect with Eric, she stopped her.
Is he the ex who dumped you because you can’t have kids?
Yeah, and after how he handled the car crash, I’d have ended things with him anyway. Who doesn’t call someone’s family when they have to have emergency surgery?
After all the heavy talk, I try to lighten things up, but apparently, I just make it awkward.
If I didn”t know any better, I”d say this kind of feels like a date.I joke with him.
He looks at me for a moment like he”s not quite sure what to say.
What if it is?
I”m so caught off guard by the question that I just sit there staring at it, reading it over and over again. But then I decide to tell him the truth.
It would be the best date I”ve been on in five years.I tell him honestly.
Come on, this is all I can do. Lunch in a garden here at Oakside? You had to have been on better dates. Even an actual restaurant would be better than this.
I”ve had a couple of dates at restaurants, but the problem is I”m very open about not being able to have kids. I’m upfront about it because I don”t want to get involved with someone and then it becomes an issue. Those guys that want children I have found will end the date really early. Though, I can”t blame them. But then the ones who are okay with it and don”t want kids at all, I’m not interested in them either. Because I still want to find a way to be a mother.
I watch him read it, ready for him to run, because I know he said he had no plans of having kids and I desperately want to be a mom.
The right one won”t run away because you want to be a mother. The right one will want a family with you, he says.
But I notice that he didn”t mention what he wants.
Yeah, that”s what I figure, too, but it makes dating really hard, hence why I”m still a virgin, at almost twenty-three.
I don’t know what gave me the courage to tell him that, but something”s telling me to be totally honest, put all my issues up front, and if he stays, then so be it. But I doubt he”s going to. Older men like him want experienced women.
He”s drinking some of his water as he”s reading what I wrote, and I can tell the moment he reads about me being a virgin because he actually chokes on his drink.
When he looks over at me, his eyes are soft, but I can tell he”s definitely looking at me differently now, and I absolutely hate it. So, I take the tablet back from him set on changing the subject.
Have you been out to the barn and done any of the horseback riding that they have here?I ask.
He allows the conversation change, but there”s definitely a shift in the mood.
I have to wait until I get the okay from my doctor and my hand heals, but after that I plan to.
Since I notice he doesn”t invite me to join him, he must be looking for a way to end this gracefully.
As I quickly finish my lunch, we talk about the art therapy classes and then I make an excuse about needing to go talk to Noah and Lexi.
Time with Zane was good while it lasted. I just wish for once I”d find the guy that”s going to stick around because getting my hopes up, only to have them crushed is heartbreaking. It doesn’t help that I’m starting to have feelings for him.