18. Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Eighteen
Juliana
I ’m in a world I still don’t understand. The texts make me anxious, but not for the reasons I would expect. It’s Heath. We haven’t completed the bond, yet I can feel his emotions. His face is a mask, but I can see the tick in his jaw. He hasn’t let go of my hand, and I am glued to his side. He usually moves fluidly. The stiffness of his frame alarms me, and I want to ease his anxiety. If I allow myself to think too long about the words in the message, I will fall apart. I have to be steady.
I hope it’s someone in my life, not someone he brought into mine. I know the guilt will eat at him. In his mind, he couldn’t protect his mom; he has to keep me safe.
This has to be love. I love him. I will act as if I am not terrified for him.
I have lost track of the names of the shifters who showed up at the door. Sally rattled them off, but I wasn’t listening clearly. My concentration is centered on Heath. Bane and Hunter were the first to arrive. They brought their brother, Remy, who is as gorgeous as the rest of them. Many telling looks passed between the arrivals after them. It was a surprise because they knew Remy but didn’t know he had brothers. Heath is bent over the table next to Bane, looking at a computer. The remaining men who hurt Rylee are listed. Their words are muffled as I watch Rylee pace the length of the house. She had just arrived in town, insisting on driving herself. I’m worried about her. I don’t know how she will deal with the emotions if she has to see her captors again.
“Heath,” I whisper, and he turns sharply. “I have to use the bathroom.”
“I’ll go with you,” he offers.
“Don’t worry. I’m fine.” I pull my hand. “I’m safe here.” They would be dead on sight if they waded through all the shifters here.
“Come right back,” he demands, and I nod.
I practically dive through the door to the basement, jogging down the stairs. Heath must hate that his home was invaded once again, and his hidden door is revealed. He can protest about the crew of shifters, but he trusts them. They wouldn’t betray him.
Sighing, I shut the bedroom door and move to the bathroom. I did have to use it, but I also needed to get away. It’s overwhelming. Their presence is powerful. All of them are beautiful, and the women are kind. The men were all business, except for two men who were joking as they spoke. River was a wolf shifter and had nice eyes. I couldn’t help but stare at him as he walked in eating a bowl of spaghetti. No one seemed surprised. Sally looked at him with affection as she told me what animal he turned into.
Flushing the toilet, I move to the sink and turn on the water. I think the man who he was talking to was named James. He is a panther and came with a stunning woman and two other men. She is mated to all of them. As much fun as that sounds, I’m grateful Heath doesn’t like to share. I dry my hands and hesitate. It’s quiet in here. Leaning my palms on the counter, I bow my head. I need a few more minutes.
The lions came back. I laugh abruptly. Fuck. I knew about this world, but being in the center of it is still unreal. Since Stanly showed his animal, I have shoved the knowledge deep inside. It wasn’t shocking, yet I didn’t live in that world. I could know of their existence but continue with my life, ignoring the facts. It didn’t affect my life in drastic ways.
A knock on the bathroom door makes me jump.
“Jules,” Sally says, and I straighten. “Can I come in?”
“Yeah.” I turn and lean my ass against the sink.
“You okay?” She steps inside and shuts the door behind her.
“Of course,” I lie, and she tilts her head. “I needed a break.”
“I get it,” she says, leaning against the wall. “They forget you are human. It’s alright to be freaked.”
“Is it?” I cross my arms. “I need to keep it together.”
“Why?”
“Why?” I drop my arms and grip the counter. “Heath needs me to be okay.”
“Really?”
“He’s angry. I need to stay calm.”
“Of course, he’s pissed. His mate is being threatened. Think of a human man. If his girlfriend were threatened, he would be upset. Times that by a million.” She moves closer and leans beside me. “Everything is magnified for a shifter. Heath,” she starts, pointing toward the door. “Heath is out-of-this-world emotional.”
“Most of them wouldn’t think of him that way,” I say softly.
“I’m not most of them,” she replies.
“You know things,” I tease.
“I know a lot of things,” she grins, tapping my arm. “Some of them are useful.”
“I love him,” I admit quietly.
“I know. I can see it. Not with my gift. Your face gets soft when you look at him. Your body gravitates to his. The eyes show the worship,” she whispers.
“It’s that obvious?”
“Only to me. I like studying people.” She lifts a shoulder. “I can see how much you want his love.”
“I do.” I cross my arms again. “I always have. I grew up without much of it. Heath accepts me.”
“You deserve it,” she says. I shake my head. “Girl, you do.”
“This life is amazing and magical. Why would the universe pick me?” I swallow harshly. “I’ve always been confident in my body, but emotionally…” I dig my nails into my arms. “When you are used to being let down and told you aren’t good enough, you believe it.”
“Juliana,” Sally growls and steps in front of me. “Heath is sexy, kind, fierce, and powerful. The universe picks the perfect match and never makes a mistake. I wish I had your ass.” I jerk and can’t help but smile. “Your hair is always tousled the right amount. Your heart is huge, and Heath fits perfectly inside. Anytime you want a reminder of how badass you are, come to me.”
“Thanks, Sally.” I want her friendship.
“It takes even more strength to be weak.” She cups my chin softly before stepping back. The door opens suddenly, and Heath fills it.
“Damn, what if I was peeing?” she huffs.
“You weren’t,” Heath says briskly, his eyes on me. Sally smirks and moves to the door. “Thank you, Sally.” He looks at her, and something passes between them.
“I’ll try to keep River from eating all your food,” she says as she shuts the door.
“What’s wrong?” He stops in front of me, touching his fingertips to my hips.
“You heard.” I circle his wrists.
“I heard you talking to Sally and then dimmed my hearing.” He tilts his head. “Tell me.”
“I needed a break.” I hope he will let it go.
“Juliana, it’s more than that,” he says softly.
“You have enough to worry about. I’m not going to add to it,” I say. He slides his hands around my waist and lifts me onto the counter. Stepping between my legs, he tilts my head back.
“Don’t ever deny your feelings to cater to mine,” he growls, dropping his hands to my thighs. His eyes hold me captive, not allowing me to look away. “I am angry, but you shouldn’t keep silent because of it. Now tell me.” The words burst out once I have his permission.
“I’m fucking terrified,” I rasp. “I just found you. What if they take you away? They are using me to get to you. What if it’s someone in my life? Nothing would surprise me anymore.” I run my fingers through my hair. “I’m in a house filled with animals. I’m out of my depth. I feel helpless and scared. What can I do to help? I’m just human. My life was boring compared to all this.” I wave my hand toward him. “Look at you. My life can’t compare, but I feel this burning in my chest at the thought of life without you. Now someone wants to fuck it up. I know you will leave to kill those men, and I hate it. I’m supposed to stay here and wait. Just wait and wonder what is going on.” I let out a rough breath. “Are you going to leave?”
“Darling,” he whispers, cupping my neck. “My life was pointless without you. My mate equals me in every way. I will kill those men and hope they are the ones sending the messages. I will leave to do it, knowing you are protected. It doesn’t matter who is behind it. They will die, and we will move on. Being a human isn’t a weakness. You are in my world because of me, and I’m not sorry. My brave mate.” He glides his thumb over my cheek. “It takes guts to be surrounded by shifters and vampires. You have trusted me, and I won’t break it. I will always be honest. If I took you with me, I wouldn’t be able to concentrate. The whole time, I would worry about your safety. At least here, you are with my friends and behind locked doors.” He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me close. “I don’t think it’s your mom. She’s worried about her new boyfriend. What would be her goal? She has money. The men who hurt Rylee would love to take you from me.”
“What will they gain?” I ask, laying my head on his shoulder.
“I killed their friends. They probably are sick of looking over their shoulder. The others didn’t see me coming. I have been in control the whole time. They want to take the control back, and this is how they can do it.” He caresses my hair.
“I never want to cause you pain,” I whisper. “If something happens to me, it will bring back the horrible memories of your mom.”
“Shit,” he breathes, and his hand clenches. “You are worried about me. Don’t be. It’s not the same.”
“You saying not to worry doesn’t help. I will.” I wrap my arms around him.
“Forgive me. Of course, you will. I don’t want you to be afraid to tell me how you are feeling.”
“I’ve had to shove all my feelings away. I couldn’t voice my opinion. My mom would yell if I did. It’s a habit that’s hard to break.” I inhale deeply, finding comfort in his scent.
“I love control, but I will never try to dictate your emotions,” he rumbles. “I would like us to be a team.”
“I want that, too.” I prop my chin on his chest. “Will you leave today?”
“Bane found the location of two of the men. He’s working on the third. I think they are together, which is fortunate.”
“Why?” They will be harder to kill if they are together.
“It won’t take long to kill them and get back to you.” He threads his fingers through my hair, brushing it behind my ear, and I close my eyes. “I am eager to bond with you.”
“You are?” I open my eyes, and he drops his hand. Leaning back, I smile as his eyes crinkle.
“Very much.” He kisses me softly. “Have you made a decision?” I stare into his eyes and trust in him and what my body is telling me.
“I want to complete the bond,” I whisper, watching his eyes blaze. “You are my mate. I can’t leave you.”
“You’re sure,” he growls, and I nod. “That pleases me greatly. It motivates me to get this taken care of quickly. I don’t want any interruptions while you are in transition. I won’t leave your side.”
“Changing into a snake terrifies me, too.” I’m not a fan of pain.
“Darling—” He looks toward the door. “They found them.”
“Oh, okay,” I sigh.
“I’m taking Bane and Hunter. Micah and Quinn will stay here with you. The wolves want to stay, and I’m sure Sally won’t leave your side.” He cups my face. “If you feel uncomfortable, stay down here. The list of passcodes is on the table. If you need to, lock the door. Micah is the only one who knows them.”
“What about Rylee?” I can’t imagine how she is feeling.
“She will stay here,” he says, sliding his hand to the back of my neck. “Try not to worry.”
“Be safe,” I whisper.
“Darling, nothing can keep me from coming back to you,” he growls and kisses me. I lose my breath as he dives deep. I grip the back of his shirt and pull. Losing myself in his possession, I push away all the fear and just feel. His hand roams my back, hips, and thighs. His touch causes my body to heat and my heart to pound. I slide my hands to his chest and up to his neck, one hand cupping his jaw and the other tangling in his hair.
This is where I’m supposed to be. He is my home.
“No,” I protest when he pulls away, both of us breathing hard.
“I have to, or I never will,” he hisses and steps back. “Fuck, mate.” He runs his hand through his hair and exhales harshly. “I want you to talk to Ava.”
“Why?” She is a wolf shifter and mated to River and Kerian.
“She was human. She chose to complete the bond,” he says. I hop off the counter. “A human changing into a vampire isn’t the same, or else I would suggest Marie or Serenity. Maybe she can ease your fears in a way I can’t.” Serenity is mated to Ryker, and Marie is with Bash.
“Alright.” I’ve barely spoken to her, but she seems nice.
“Do you want me to tell her to come down?”
“Yes, I don’t want to discuss it in front of everyone,” I decide.
“Stay here. I’ll be back.” He kisses me hard and fast. “Be good, mate.”
“Be quick, mate.” He nods, and I don’t move as he leaves the room. Fuck, I don’t want to let him go. I tip my head back and put my hands on my hips. The pull to be near him is getting powerful. I want to follow him. Shaking out my arms, I try to calm my nerves. I’m not going to talk to Ava in the bathroom, so I force my feet to move and leave the room. As I leave the bedroom, I see her sitting on the couch.
“I’m sure you aren’t looking forward to talking to a stranger about becoming a shifter,” she says, grinning, and I relax. “I thought I would share some of my story first. I think we are a little alike.”
“Thanks.” I sit next to her and prop my arm on the back of the couch. “Did Heath demand you talk to me?”
“Hardly,” she snorts. “Once you get to know me better, you will realize I don’t respond well to demands.” Her face softens. “Well, maybe from my mates. Heath gave you the basics of the bond.”
“Yes.”
“I knew about this world. I dated a shifter and about peed my pants when he shifted. I thought he was human. Swearing I wouldn’t date one again, I decided to ignore their existence. Life went on until my best friend came to live with me. She got a job at Ryker’s club and found out she was his mate. I wasn’t thrilled about it. I didn’t trust him or the life he wanted to give her. She fell in love, and after some time, I got used to the idea. I saw how the bond worked. She turned into a vampire, and I was reluctantly stuck in their world. I love her and want her to be happy.” She sighs. “Then I was best friends with a vampire. The crew started to grow on me, but I still didn’t want to be too involved. Then I met Kerian and then River. They claimed I was their mate, and I didn’t want to believe it. I was independent. I didn’t want to be a shifter. I tried to fight it. I ran from them and denied my feelings for as long as I could. Dealing with shit from my past, family trauma, and trust issues, I pushed them away.”
“What did they do?” I ask, leaning forward. Her past is similar to mine.
“Fuck, they wouldn’t let me go. They fought for me, and what’s a girl to do? You’ve seen them. I eventually gave in. They are just so sexy and promised to love me no matter what. They rescued me in more ways than one. I was kidnapped, held in a cage, and chased,” she says. My eyes widen. “I won’t get into all that.” She waves her hand. “It worked out in the end.”
“You decided to become a wolf.” I’m curious now and hope someday I can learn everything.
“How could I not? I couldn’t be without them. I loved them. Once I decided, it felt right.” I nod, knowing how it feels. “Completing the bond is powerful. It’s like you are joining souls with another person. You can feel everything they do. It’s magical and profound.” She smiles dreamily. “That is until the pain starts. Your human body will change from the inside out. It’s bound to hurt. To Heath, it will look like you are sleeping, but inside, you are changing. He will never understand how it feels. I want to warn you, though, that you will meet your shifter.”
“What the hell? How?” I frown.
“It’s actually beautiful, but I didn’t know it was going to happen. I’m glad I can warn you because I thought I was going crazy. A wolf was in a bare room. She spoke directly in my head and knew things she couldn’t. I had to accept her and the new me. I named her Cinnamon. It felt weird calling her by my name,” she snorts. “She is me, but not. It’s still hard to explain. At least you won’t be as shocked as I was.” I think I’ll still be shocked to be faced with a snake. “This world is magical and is filled with things you never thought possible. But we are still people. Once I was a wolf, my feelings didn’t change, and I was still the same person, just enhanced. The people here will love you and watch out for you. We have BBQs, go to the bar, and have quiet nights at home. We are a family. I always wanted one.”
“Me too,” I whisper.
“You found one,” she whispers back. “Everyone values the bond and the family we formed. We don’t care about the breed of shifter or if you are a vampire. We accept every mate who joins us. We get to choose this life. I loved my mates enough to look past my bad experiences and live forever with them.”
“You’ve never regretted it,” I state.
“Never. I have two men who love me desperately and would kill anyone who threatened me. I have a daughter.” Her eyes brighten with tears. “She didn’t come from my body but my heart. I can’t imagine life without her. She is beautiful. I couldn’t have children. I thought my mates wouldn't want me because of it. I was wrong. We adopted Revel and are planning to adopt again soon.” She reaches out and cups my hand. “Blood means nothing. We choose our family. All of us will welcome you into it and protect you and your bond with Heath.”
“It sounds too good to be true.”
“I thought so, too. You will learn to trust us over time. I would like to be friends. Anytime you have questions, come to me or any of us. We are honest; some of us are too honest.” She leans back. “All the men are hot and powerful, but they are still men. They piss us off, and we have to get together with the girls and bitch. Of course, we don’t stay mad very long. They’re sexy and know how to apologize.” She smirks and tucks her hair behind her ear. “My mates are especially good at it.” Her smile goes away. “I don’t know Heath well. We haven’t spent much time with him, but I see the way he looks at you. I’ve seen the same look many times from Kerian and River. Every shifter and vampire in our family gets the same fierce ‘I can’t live without her’ look. Heath hasn’t allowed us to know him, and I understand. We all have our demons to fight. We met him because of an extreme situation where he came off as the bad guy.”
“He didn’t intend to hurt her,” I rush to defend.
“We know,” she says softly. “I’m not judging him. I can also see he is trying to protect himself. We do things we aren’t proud of when we fear we will get hurt. Do you love him?”
“Yes.” I rub my stomach, feeling the ache of his absence.
“Don’t let him go. If my mates gave up on me, I wouldn’t have this life that I love. They fought for me when I refused to see a future. Heath may not admit his love, but look deeper. Many women wouldn’t see past his rough demeanor and the scowl he wears so often, yet you did. Don’t stop. Accept him and your animal.”
“Thank you. Heath knew I was nervous. It helped.” I smile, and some of the fear of the change slides away.
“Your bond is true. It will all work out,” she says firmly and bounces her hands off the couch. “Are you hungry? What time is it? It’s a beautiful house, but I couldn’t live down here. I would sleep all day.”
“I am hungry. We got distracted before I could eat. I think it’s the middle of the night.” I laugh. “Heath took my phone.” We stand and walk toward the stairs.
“I think he left it on the table upstairs,” Ava says. I follow behind her. “You shouldn’t get any more messages.”
“I hope.” The living room is filled with shifters and vampires talking, but not as many as there were. The television is on, and Sally is yelling at the athletes on the screen. River must be rooting for the opposite team because he’s laughing at her anger. Quinn is holding his mate on his lap, talking over his shoulder to Micah. Daisy is beside him, running her fingers through his hair, but is watching Sally. I don’t see Serenity, Marie, or the dragons, and the lions left. Ava’s mates stare at her as we enter the room; their worship is very clear. River jumps up despite Sally’s protest and beats Kerian to Ava.
“Cupcake,” he says and kisses her. I look away, my gaze connecting to Kerian’s.
“Sit,” he says softly. Pulling out a chair at the table, I see my phone and pull it in front of me as I sit.
“We thought you would be hungry,” River says, placing a plate in front of me. He carefully unwraps a sandwich as I watch him in surprise. “They say I don’t share food,” he grumbles, filling my plate. He adds three different kinds of chips. “Eat up.” He grins and walks around the table, sitting opposite. Kerian pulls out the chair beside me for Ava and gives her a full plate. “Don’t worry. The dragons followed Heath on the sly.” I blink and look up from the food. “Nothing will happen to him.” He takes a big bite.
“The dragons went with him?”
“He doesn’t know that they did.” He points his sandwich at me. “They can shield their bodies.”
“He knew,” Kerian says dryly.
“You don’t know that,” River insists.
“Of course he knew.” Kerian plays with Ava’s fingers. “Heath is too powerful to be fooled.”
“Bet,” River demands, holding out his hand.
“How much?” Kerian asks, looking from River’s hand to his face.
“An extra night alone with Ava.” River wiggles his eyebrows.
“Agreed.” Kerian clasps his hand.
“Do I get a say?” Ava asks, and I take a bite as I watch her out of the corner of my eye.
“You get to decide what we do when I win,” River says gleefully.
“Ridiculous,” she whispers, but doesn’t protest. I shake my head and continue to eat.
“You won’t be saying that during our time,” River rasps. Okay. I can understand the appeal.
“Where’s Rylee?” I look in the living room.
“She took a walk in the woods,” Kerian says.
“She needed some time alone.” Ava looks out the window. I wish I could comfort her, but I feel unsure. She may not want to talk to anyone. I stare at the window, but I can only see my reflection. Ava seems to be able to penetrate the dark. What will I be like as a shifter? Will my sight be enhanced? I assume so, but everything is unknown. I can only imagine what it will feel like. How will I act? I can’t comprehend turning into an animal. How do you prepare? I’m grateful Ava shared her experience, so I don’t feel so scared.
“Jules.”
“Huh?” I focus on River.
“We called your name three times. Maybe you need to sleep.” He smiles gently.
“Right. Yes. I am tired.” I push back my chair. “Thank you for the food.” He nods.
“Call out if you need something,” Kerian instructs. I slide my phone off the table and escape downstairs. Shutting the door behind me, I hear the lock engage and stare at the panel beside it.
It must set the code automatically. The numbers light up, and it beeps. I feel safer down here, knowing no one can come down. Heath said Micah had the code, but he wouldn’t come down without warning. I see the paper Heath left me and swipe it off the table before going to the bedroom.
Heath is lucky. All of his friends are his family and want to help. Looking down at my phone, I give in to the urge and call Levi. I wait anxiously for him to answer, almost hoping he doesn’t.
“Sis, are you okay?” he answers, his voice rough from sleep.
“Sorry, I can call back. I woke you up,” I swallow harshly.
“It is the middle of the night, but that doesn’t matter. What’s going on?”
“I’m going to mate Heath,” I blurt out, digging deep to find the courage. “He’s my fated mate, and I love him. He’s going to turn me into a shifter. I don’t care if you don’t agree. He’s mine, and I can’t leave him. I would love to have you in my life as long as you continue to work on yourself and make good choices. I am choosing my happiness. I’ve spent my life worrying about you and trying to make Mom happy.” I dig my fingers into my waist. “Family is supposed to love and support you, no matter what. Unless doing that makes you lose who you are. I’ve lived my life for both of you. It’s my time. I like who I am with Heath. He allows me to be whatever I want. His family isn’t blood, but they love each other. I want that. They accepted me before we met. I don’t need your approval, but my hope is we can become friends. I don’t trust you. It’s going to be a slow road to find that again. But I want to try.” I exhale harshly. “You're my brother and I want you in my life, as long as you can accept my boundaries. If I think you are using the same manipulative tricks, I’m gone. I won’t allow it. Heath won’t either.” The heaviness I have carried on my heart for years lightens. Silence follows, and for a minute I think he hung up.
“Jesus,” he rasps. “How did I let our relationship fall so far? My sister, my family, shouldn’t be afraid to express herself. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for all the times I brushed aside your needs for mine. You protected me from Mom. You kept me fed, clothed, and tried to teach me what kind of man I should be. I ignored it. I used your love against you. I want you to find your happiness, and if that is with Heath, don’t give it up. He’s a good guy. I am sorry, and I’ll work to gain your trust. I know just saying the words doesn't make it all better. I have to do the work on our relationship and on myself.” He pauses, and I brush the tears from my cheeks. “You deserve a family and I’m glad you found it. We’ll go slow. We can get to know each other again, at your pace.”
“I would like that,” I sigh.
“When you are ready, reach out. Heath set me up with a therapist. Apparently, I have some issues I need to work out,” he snorts.
“Of course, Heath did.” I didn’t think I could fall deeper in love with the man. “I love you, brother.”
“I love you, too.”
“I’ll call.”
“Good. I’m happy for you.”
“Thank you. Goodnight.”
“Bye, Sis.” Taking back control feels really fucking good. I can’t allow my family to dictate my emotions anymore. It won’t be easy to break away from those habits, but I’m proud of myself for taking the first steps. Family should be filled with love. Seeing Heath and Rylee have the type of relationship I’ve always wanted with Levi is a revelation. He has protected her as Levi should have done for me.
I sit on the bed and bite my lip. I’m worried about Rylee. I’m exhausted, but I won’t be able to sleep until I know she is okay. I can’t control anything. Heath is off killing her abusers and not here to make sure she is alright. She might need someone to talk to away from the house full of strangers. I could go find her. She wouldn’t be far. If I go upstairs, someone will insist on escorting me.
I look at the closet and then down to the codes. Heath said the other door is in the closet. I haven’t had time to explore. Slowly getting to my feet, I creep forward and peek my head into the closet. It’s almost as big as my bedroom in my apartment.
Maybe I should go to sleep. The door is deep in the closet. Heath told me to stay at the house. I should. I turn around, take a step, and pause. I want to be there for his sister. Shit. I turn back. He’ll be upset, but nothing can hurt me here. He’s killing the threat. If I try to sleep, all I will be able to think about is Rylee.
I’m going. I move to the door and study the pad on the wall.
I jump, and the paper falls as my phone buzzes. I press my palm to my chest and take a breath. I shake my head and look at the screen.
No, no, no.