Chapter 10 #2
God, he was jealous. He hadn’t felt like this when he’d met Rico at the menu tasting.
Then again, the chef hadn’t given a hint that he was interested in Madison.
He’d merely been another hot shit chef whom Madison had wanted present.
That had been enough for Kyle at the time, but now he wanted to toss him out the back door.
“Sawyer, tell your friend here,” Rico continued, “that she has been working too hard and needs to let her hair down. I remember the first week after opening my restaurant. I’d smoked so many cigarettes my fingertips were yellow, and my eyes were red from the lack of sleep.”
“Madison looks pretty good compared to that,” Kyle answered, stepping toward the group finally and extending his hand because that’s what real men did. “Nice to see you again, Chef Rico.”
“You as well, Kyle.” He gestured toward Madison. “You must let your star chef out more, though. I brought celebratory mezcal, but I know Madison from all our time together in Miami. Her soul is restless. She needs more than the jewel of Oaxaca. She needs music and dancing.”
His ground his teeth, hearing Rico talk about Madison’s needs.
He stole a glance at her, but nothing in her expression told him what she was thinking.
She might as well have built a wall between them.
He waited a beat, studying her face. She did look tired and restless.
Suddenly he wanted to kick himself. Why hadn’t he asked more pointed questions about what she needed?
What she’d done to shake off the pressure back in Miami?
Then he remembered Madison telling him recently that she missed speaking Spanish sometimes. Rico did, being half French Basque and half Spanish.
“Madison is the last person I would tell what to do, Rico,” Kyle finally answered. “She always knows what she needs.”
The wall fell. Just like that. Her eyes turned a warm gold, and he could see his friend again.
They shared a smile. It hurt. It reassured him. It made him want—impossible things.
“Maybe some dancing would be fun,” she finally said, turning to where Sawyer was emerging from the cooler with his arms full of containers. “You up for some dancing, Doc?”
“While I love Spanish music, I’m not very proficient in the dance moves.” He tried to do a salsa step, which only made the containers shift awkwardly in his hands. “Besides, I’m so hungry I could eat for the next hour.”
Madison turned to him, a clear challenge in her eyes. “What about you, Kyle? We could stick to merengue if you’re like Doc.”
He couldn’t salsa dance. His cotillion back in Austin hadn’t covered it.
Merengue was a possibility from what he knew.
As for all three of them going? He couldn’t handle seeing Madison dancing with Rico.
That he knew. And Rico was standing like a rooster about ready to rip him to death with his razor-sharp claws if he even stepped in that direction.
“Maybe another night,” he made himself say.
The light went out of her eyes.
Part of him wanted to die.
His answer had hurt her, and dammit, he didn’t know what to do. Did she want him to go? Stop Rico from putting his hands on her?
“Unless you want me to go,” he quickly added.
Her mouth twisted. It was the wrong thing to say, and he wanted to kick himself. She’d never admit to something like that.
“No, you hang with Doc and make sure his human shell gets full up. Rico, let’s go.”
“You don’t want to change?” Rico asked, that damn smarmy smile on his face again as he basked in his victory.
“What?” She crossed her arms over her black chef outfit and lifted her badass chin. “Would me going out like this embarrass you, Rico?”
Kyle almost laughed. He knew what Madison was trying to do. She was trying to get Rico to beg off. But the smarmy-smiling son of a bitch only shook his head. “You know I’ll take you as you are, Madison. I always have.”
She shot the obnoxious chef a look before grabbing her coat and tugging it on. “Mentiroso.”
Rico heaved out a breath before shrugging into his coat as well. “Shall we go?”
Madison didn’t stalk toward the door. Only Kyle knew from the way the corners of her eyes crinkled that she was feeling indecisive.
It happened once in a blue moon, but he remembered the first time he’d seen it.
Four dishes into recipe testing her duck with cherries dish.
When she doubted her choices and couldn’t see a clear path forward.
“Fine, but I can’t stay out too late,” she told Rico. “I have a restaurant to run tomorrow night.”
She flicked Kyle a glance as she walked by, her combat boots stomping toward the door. He knew the bravado was a coping mechanism, even as he admired it. He had his own methods of dealing with stress and emotional upheaval.
“I’ll see you later,” he told her before she left with Rico.
Her swift, unemotional nod was enough to leave cold lead in his stomach as the door closed. Silence filled the kitchen. The contrasting scents of cleaning products and onions and roasted meat filled his nose. He fisted his hands to his sides. Dammit!
“She didn’t want to go.” Sawyer was staring at the door along with him. “That last word she said in Spanish…it means liar.”
He swallowed thickly. He’d wondered. So she hadn’t bought Rico’s lines. There was some comfort there.
“Hey, I know we’re not supposed to talk about it, but you two are starting to hurt each other. I don’t think either one of you wants that.”
He gripped the edge of the stainless steel counter. “Dammit, I know that. I just don’t know what the hell to do. Being her friend means more to me than anything. But I want more. And I can’t have it, Doc.”
Sawyer took off his glasses and cleaned them with his handkerchief, taking his time. Kyle wanted to—
He didn’t know. He certainly couldn’t run after Madison and tell her not to go dancing with Rico.
When Sawyer put his glasses back on and glanced up, his smile was gentle. “Look, you’re both my friends. So I’m going to tell you how I see it. You don’t feel what you feel for nothing. It matters. It means something.”
The intensity in his voice touched a chord in Kyle. His heart thudded heavily in his chest. Because yeah, it fucking mattered. It was everything.
“It might mess things up. It might not.” Sawyer heaved out a sigh. “But the status quo between you is collapsing. Things already feel a bit ruined between you two. I remember when you guys used to sneak off and research things and laugh with your heads tipped close together.”
He did too, and his heart thumped painfully as the memories flashed through his mind.
“It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you like that,” Sawyer continued. “You should talk to each other and figure out what to do. Because I don’t think you want to lose each other. God knows, I don’t want to lose either of you.”
Sawyer’s words punched a hole in him. “We don’t want that either. That’s why we’re fighting this so hard, Doc.”
Sawyer tipped his head to the side, studying him. “It’s not the only reason.”
“Then what is?” he cried out, raking his hand through his hair. “Because I’m agonizing over it like you agonize over your paintings.”
His brown eyes softened. “It’s fear, Kyle, because you feel so much for each other. Friendship. Lust. All of it. Philosophers say love is the best and worst feeling in the world.”
He hung his head. God, did he love her? Was that why it hurt so much? “I hate feeling like this, but I especially hate being afraid. Not my go-to.”
“It’s only natural to feel fear. Especially when your emotions are this intense and might have life-altering complications.”
“Nice summation, Doc.”
“I know this might not help, but why not start being afraid of not being with her? Because it might come to that. Rico wants her. He’s pursuing her. She might let him. Not to make you jealous but because she’s practical enough to know something needs to shift between you.”
He swore. “You mean she’d find someone just to move on. To make things easier between us. But dammit, Doc, seeing her with someone else brings out a dark side in me. I wanted to rip out Rico’s throat tonight.”
“I know. So did I, honestly, but for other reasons. I think you and Madison can be happy together.”
He gripped the counter, flabbergasted. “You do?”
“Yeah, I do. I told you. I’ve watched how you two are. You’re like two fiery pieces of metal who’ve been forged together. You fit. But it’s not my life. You have to decide what you want to do. Only, do it soon because Rico wouldn’t have brought a Olvido Divino 30 bottle of mezcal for just anyone.”
He’d missed the label. One of the most expensive mezcals on the market. “Shit. All right, I’m thinking about it.”
“I’m here if you need anything. Just like you’re always here for me. Kyle, we’ve all got your back. Madison’s too.”
Standing in Nanine’s kitchen where they had first met and worked together, Kyle was overwhelmed with memories. He’s grown up here, he’d thought. Apparently, he still had a ways to go.
“Thanks, Doc.”
“Anytime. Now, do you want to eat with me? Or are you going to ruminate over your life choices?”
He snorted out a laugh. “Any duck with cherries?”
“You’re in luck.” Sawyer shoved the container toward him. “Man, you are so gone over her.”
As he dug into a container filled with the recipe he’d helped her nail, Kyle closed his eyes and savored the mélange of flavors, seeing Madison holding up the tarragon with her golden eyes lit with joy as she got the final ingredient.
He did love her.
Capital L love and all of the rest. His heart might as well have launched from Cape Canaveral into space. It was pounding and burning and pulsing with joy. Click made, he turned to the next problem.
How to conquer both of their fears.