Chapter 20
CHAPTER
TWENTY
Being out of cinnamon seemed a small bit of nothing after the dramatic events of the past twenty-four hours of Operation Sawyer.
While an inconvenience, the normality of it assured Thea life went on, regardless of the circumstances. When someone used up the cinnamon—she thought she knew who—you got another jar.
Why couldn’t parent-children relationships be so easy? You felt a little down on yourself, they gave you a hug. You came home with a B on a test, they told you that you were still a star.
You tell them you’re getting married to the most wonderful man in the world, they send up a cheer and tell you how happy they are for you.
Her holiday mood dipped as her thoughts took a personal turn, so she swung around and held up the empty bottle. “Excuse me!” she called to the merry group in the kitchen. “Who used the last of the cinnamon? I need it for my icing.”
Dean lifted his hand even though everyone had already swung around to stare at him, confirming she wasn’t the only one who’d identified the culprit.
She tried to look stern, but it was tough since he was wearing an ugly green Christmas sweater with a jolly swan on the front plus reindeer antlers on his head. Her mood immediately lifted.
“I’ve been making hot toddies nonstop, Thea. Sorry!” Dean grinned at Jacqueline. “Good thing Mrs. Claus already visited last night, or I might have gotten coal.”
Mrs. Claus only uttered a classic French sound Thea still hadn’t mastered. “It could still happen, chéri.”
“I have some at the restaurant, Thea,” Madison called after giving Dean a stern look. “Let’s recall our rule of putting something on the grocery list if you use it all.”
“It was Christmas Eve!” The bells on Dean’s sweater tinkled as he threw up his hands. “Plus, we were all worried about Doc, and Kyle put me in charge of making sure he had a drink last night as we opened presents.”
Sawyer had concerned all of them, coming home with Kyle, who had recounted the whole story before Sawyer had sent off that final text to his parents and then blocked them. She’d showered him with pastries while Dean had made everyone hot toddies.
Operation Sawyer was more than a success. It was a motivational story, one that deeply touched her because she was looking for answers to some of the same questions that had plagued Sawyer.
“You get a pass this time,” she told Dean. “Madison, I’ll go to the restaurant. It’s your day off—”
“Yours too, Thea,” Madison refuted, “even though you made bread and desserts today.”
“Like you weren’t helping Nanine with dinner today,” she countered, taking off her apron as Nanine only watched with an amused expression from her position at the stove. “Be back in a sec. Anything else we need? The stores are all closed, so I need honesty here.”
They all looked at Dean. “Hey! Okay, fine, maybe some nutmeg. Your eggnog was a hit, Thea.”
She patted him on his sweater to make his bells jingle, which never failed to make Axel chuckle.
Brooke had sworn she was buying their Nordic giant his own ugly holiday sweater for next year since he found it so amusing, but he’d insisted he enjoyed the tradition as a spectator only.
That made sense. She couldn’t see Axel—looking very sharp as usual in a new cream cashmere sweater and brown wool pants—wearing anything silly.
That’s why he matched Brooke, who looked especially lovely in a velvet burgundy pantsuit.
Thea had dressed up in the new black cashmere dress Jean Luc’s mother had bought her, saying it would look so sophisticated on her.
What she hadn’t anticipated was that the color showed the flour she always seemed to get on herself, making her look like a crime scene after forensics had dusted for fingerprints, Dean had joked.
“I’ll go with you, Thea.” Sawyer slid off his barstool before Jean Luc volunteered. “I need some fresh air.”
“I’ll go—”
“I don’t need a babysitter, Kyle.” Sawyer held up a hand, his face tired from what must have been a restless night. “We’ll be back in a sec.”
Thea traded an unspoken look with Jean Luc before glancing over her shoulder and giving Kyle an assuring smile. “I’ll take care of him.”
Even though Sawyer had sent that final text to his parents, she supposed it was possible his parents might be keeping an eye on the restaurant.
But that seemed extreme, especially since Nanine’s was closed today.
Still, Sawyer had made it clear he wouldn’t let them control him anymore, and if he stayed at home for fear of a confrontation, he’d be doing just that.
Carl came out and helped Thea into her coat as Sawyer tugged his on.
Brooke’s father and Nanine had stayed late last night, past dinner and everyone opening presents.
They’d done a secret Santa this year and each picked a name.
She thought it was because everyone worried about her money situation, but no one seemed to mind, and she loved the magical Nordic cookie stamps Axel had gotten her.
She couldn’t wait to bake with them next year.
“You two sure you don’t want company?” Carl asked, his round face filled with concern.
“No, we’ll just be a sec,” Thea insisted.
She linked her arm through Sawyer’s as they started walking to the restaurant.
The streets were icy in places, and she wished she wasn’t wearing heels.
Sawyer was quiet, and part of her didn’t know what to say.
Goodness knows she had her share of problems with her own parents, but when she was upset, she didn’t always like to talk about things.
Sawyer tended to be private too. Of course, they’d showered him with all the love they could last night.
Dean had been extra hilarious, singing Christmas carols with Pierre.
But maybe talking about his girlfriend would help. Jean Luc was her happy place when she started worrying about things.
“Is Phoebe having a great time in New York?”
“Yeah.” He lifted a shoulder. “She and her dad get along—unlike her and her mom—and she’s gotten to see friends.”
“That’s great. I’m happy for her. Plus, New York City is especially magical around the holidays with all the lights and Rockefeller Square and all. Until this Christmas, spending it with Brooke that one time was my favorite holiday.”
The cold wind slapped her in the face as they turned right, making her think about her old home in Iowa.
The wind would be freezing there too. Likely a bunch of snow would be covering the flat fields around her parents’ farm.
She hadn’t called them yet, and part of her was dreading it.
They’d decided not to come to her wedding on the twenty-eighth, citing money as much as the holiday.
She was struggling not to feel guilty about how relieved she felt.
Which made her understand Sawyer’s feelings to a certain extent.
She found the courage to say, “I know you’re tired of talking about it, but I wanted you to know how proud I am of you.
I’ve been struggling with guilt over feeling relieved my parents aren’t coming to my wedding.
Seeing you take a stand has made me wonder if it’s time for me to do the same.
Although mine is easier since my parents live so far away and don’t travel. ”
“Distance doesn’t seem to matter. Otherwise, we wouldn’t have inner turmoil.”
She’d always appreciated his philosophy, and never more so than now.
“Thank you for saying that. Only Jean Luc knows this, but my parents aren’t happy about us getting married.
My mother said, ‘Why would you want to marry a Frenchman, Thea? Aren’t they known for being really rude and fast with women? ’”
“That’s stone cold, Thea.” Sawyer stopped on the nearly empty street, his glasses fogged up from the cold. “I’m sorry.”
“Jean Luc held me for a while after that call, but then he tried to make me laugh, saying things like, ‘Rude? I’ll show them rude.’ Then he swore impressively in French for a few minutes.
I was able to laugh then, but sometimes it still bothers me.
I mean, why can’t our parents simply be happy for us?
Aren’t they supposed to love us and cheer us on?
Why do they have to put down our choices like that? ”
He sighed as they resumed walking. “I’ve thought about this a lot, and last night I finally reached a conclusion.
It might not change things, but it is comforting.
My parents didn’t have me because they wanted to love me or cheer me on, as you said.
They had me to edify them and their status in life.
I was supposed to be the brilliant genius who’d sprung from their loins.
Sorry for the Greek myth metaphor, but it works for me.
From what you’ve told me of your parents, they had you because that’s what they were supposed to do.
Plus, being farmers, I imagine you were supposed to help out on the farm. Your value was work.”
Her heart throbbed a little at that conclusion, but the pain came from knowing it was true. “You’re right. Things turned unpleasant between us as soon as I started working less on the farm on weekends. Do you know what I’m really struggling with?”
They’d reached the restaurant. She was relieved not to see anything unusual on the street, she had to admit.
Nothing except for parked cars in their normal spots like usual.
Sawyer also seemed to do a scan and then heaved out a relieved breath.
They detoured to the back door, and she dug out her keys from her pocket.
“What?” Sawyer asked.
“I’m afraid I’ll be thinking about all this on my wedding day—a day that’s supposed to be one of the happiest of my life.”
He opened up the door and let her go inside first as she hit the lights. The chandelier gave a merry jingle of welcome.
“I worry about that with my first gallery show too, although Nanine has given me a special bottle to open that day with our friends.”
Tears filled her eyes, spilling onto her cheeks. “We do have the most wonderful family in the world, don’t we?”
He handed her his handkerchief. “Yeah. I get a little choked up too when I think about them. You should have seen Madison talking about her cleaver. I’ve never believed in violence, but somehow it’s assuring.
I know she’d never use it, but it’s like she’s a knight who’s ready to defend me.
I kinda love it. And last night, Phoebe told me she’d break some kneecaps too if my mother ever crossed her path.
That’s one of the reasons I love her. She’s got my back too. ”
Thea wiped her tears and smiled at him. His hair was a wild mass of curls tangled by the wind. “I’ve got your back too, Sawyer.”
Suddenly she was hugging him, the lingering smells of last night’s dinner service all around them in the quiet.
“And I’ve got yours, little sister.”
The embrace filled her heart. God, she was so lucky to have found these beautiful people.
It felt like the Universe had led her to this special city and given her everything she wanted.
She planned to hold on to that. Someday she would put the past completely behind her.
Jean Luc liked to say petit á petit. Little by little. Indeed.
Sawyer was smiling when he released her. “Now, where is that cinnamon? We have a holiday party to get back to.”
“You’re darn right we do.” She was grinning as she went to the spice cabinet where she knew she had two extra bottles of cinnamon for her breadmaking.
The chandelier gave a harsh jangle moments before a loud bang sounded on the back door. She jolted.
“Sawyer Jing Jackson!” a woman shouted. “You open this door. Right now. I saw you go inside.”
Sawyer paled. “Holy shit. That’s my mother. I thought we were in the clear.”
Panic had her heart drumming hard in her chest. “Me too! You weren’t kidding about her being relentless. Sawyer, I’m so sorry.”
He was grim. “It’s not your fault. It was a futile hope to think my text would make her back down.”
The banging sounded again, and that harsh sound had Thea reaching deep for something she’d been finding more and more of inside herself. Courage. “You stay here. I’m taking care of it.”
Her own calm astounded her. Sawyer even blinked at her for a moment. She only smiled.
Suddenly she felt like she’d received yet another gift to the recipe that was her delicious life.