10. Ava
CHAPTER 10
Ava
THRIVING
THREE MONTHS LATER
“Holy shit .” I look up from the timer in my hand. “Billie, you just shaved half a second off your time! Personal best!”
My student, Billie Wallace, beams from the saddle as she catches her breath. “That felt good. I tried to run as straight as possible to the second barrel, like you said. How’d my hands look? Don’t think I stayed two-handed long enough, but the thought was there.”
Putting my sunglasses on, I tuck the timer into the back pocket of my jeans. “You’re developing that muscle memory, which is so important in this sport because things move so fast. You’ll get there. Right now, it’s all about repetition.”
I glance at Sally Powell, the head of veterinary programs here on the Wallace Ranch, who’s cupping her hand over her phone screen as she looks down at it. “The tape ready to view?”
Sally taps her finger against the screen. “Yep. Just putting it in slow motion. Billie, you turn a pretty barrel.”
“Trying, girl, trying.” Billie slides off her horse with the athletic ease of someone who’s been riding her whole life.
“Loretta is on fire,” Sally adds, referring to the gorgeous spotted Appaloosa horse that Billie rides. “She picked right up on you asking her to make more space between y’all and the barrel.”
I nod. “She ran straight and square. Excellent work, truly.”
“That’s because I have an excellent trainer.” Billie unbuckles her helmet.
Grinning, I cross my arms. “Trying, girl, trying.”
My heart swells as I inhale the scents of hay, dirt, and leather. Horse people are my people. I love everything about my job as the ranch’s first and only head trainer. The Wallaces became wealthy over many generations of cattle ranching, and the current owners decided to put that money to use by building world-class horse breeding and training programs on the ranch. My job is training horses and riders in barrel racing, a rodeo sport where riders run a cloverleaf pattern around three barrels as fast as possible.
I absolutely love working with Billie and Sally. Billie is Mr. Wallace’s daughter. She’s a cowgirl through and through, having grown up working cattle and breeding horses alongside her parents and brothers here in Texas Hill Country. As a twenty-fifth birthday present to herself, she’s decided to try her hand at barrel racing. Her goal is to compete in a local rodeo.
Judging by how far she’s come in the three months since we started, we’re definitely going to make that happen. I feel giddy just thinking about it.
I’d be lying if I said part of that giddiness wasn’t on account of the fact that words like rodeo and cattle make me think of Sawyer. Austin happened months ago, but I can’t quit thinking about that cowboy with the slow hands and big … heart.
The sense of freedom I experienced that night has carried over into other parts of my life. I know that has a lot to do with moving away from my hometown—and from my ex. I’m free to be myself in a way I never have been before. But I think the way Sawyer was so turned on by me just being me has provided a much-needed boost of confidence to start my new life.
I’m not worried about being the “right” kind of woman at work or at home. I just am , zero fucks given.
And go figure, everything is finally falling into place.
Which means I seriously, seriously need to stop thinking about that man already. Our one-night stand was good because it only happened once. If I ran into him again, chances are the experience wouldn’t be nearly as electric or memorable.
Sally, Billie and I all huddle around Sally’s phone, which she turns away from the ardent afternoon light. We’re outside in the corral today, thanks to the fire that partially destroyed one of our barns. We converted the newly constructed arena into temporary stalls for the horses.
The winter air is chilly, but the sun seeps through my jacket to warm my shoulders and back. I don’t love the cold, but it sure as hell beats the heat. Besides, spring—my favorite season—is right around the corner. My heart leaps when I think about how much fun Junie’s going to have meeting all the new calves that are about to be born. She’s also going to have a ball swimming in the Wallaces’ gigantic pool—they’ve already offered to heat it for us whenever we want to use it.
For so long I worried that divorcing Dan would ruin Junie’s life. At the very least, I worried it would damage her in some irreparable way. My therapist tried to convince me otherwise, but I didn’t believe her.
Slowly but surely, however, I saw how our life got bigger. Freer. Happier. Moving to Hartsville just turbocharged that change, and I’m realizing that being happy has made me a more patient, more present parent.
The Wallaces welcomed us with open arms. Not only did they provide the cutest housing for us—a light-filled, two-bedroom carriage house apartment—they also gave me the flexibility I need as a working mom. I’m a salaried employee, complete with benefits like health care and a 401(k), but I pretty much make my own hours. I’m also able to hire any extra help that I need to run our programs—Sally is a perfect example. We’ve become close in the month she’s been part of our team.
Most importantly, though, I found the most wonderful childcare in the form of Miss Lee, Mrs. Wallace’s younger sister. It’s a huge relief not to have to worry about June being in good hands during the day.
“All right.” I hit the play button on Sally’s phone.
We analyze each run in slow motion so Billie sees exactly what she’s doing right and what she needs to work on.
“I can see right away that you’ve got a good seat. You’re not popping up at the first barrel like you were before. All those drills we did practicing your slow work really paid off.”
Billie shifts on her feet. “It seems easier the faster I go.”
“That’s exactly how it should feel.” I point to the screen. “Yeah, look at your hands here—you’re still not staying two-handed long enough. You put your hand on the horn when your horse is striding in to keep your butt and hips planted. Then you let go, and push forward with your horse when you go back to two-handed to ‘drive’ to the next barrel.”
“Got it. And see, I think my legs were a little stiff there around the second barrel.”
“But you did stay sat,” Sally says. “I can see how you were pressing into your seat. Loretta definitely got a boost from your confidence.”
We watch Billie make her final loop around the third barrel.
“Be honest,” I say. “Are you still holding your breath the whole time?”
Billie chuckles. “You don’t miss a damn thing, do you, Ava?”
“I can tell by your shoulders.” I point to the screen. “You gotta keep breathing, Billie. Otherwise you’ll stay stiff, and that muscle memory we’re building up won’t work for you. I wonder if some yoga wouldn’t help with that? It’ll also keep your core nice and strong.”
“I could try yoga, yeah.” Billie lifts a shoulder. “I’m all about trying new things these days, so why not? Maybe it will help with this quarter-life crisis thing I’m having.”
I nudge her with my elbow. “Better than having that crisis when I did with a new baby in my arms. Good news is, life is so much better on the other side. You just gotta keep going. And please, for the love of God, don’t let a guy distract you from the work you’re doing on yourself.”
“Late bloomer here.” Sally raises her hand, where a yellow diamond winks from her fourth finger. “I can attest the wait makes the payoff so much sweeter.”
“You and Wyatt are the freaking cutest together.” Billie kicks at the dirt. “I’m happy for you guys. Even if I am a little jealous that you got one of the good ones. They’re few and far between, you know?”
Sawyer was a good one.
A really, really good one. So good that I’ve had zero interest in anyone else since our one-night stand. Not like I’ve had the time to pursue anyone anyway as I’ve started my job and helped June acclimate to our new home. I’ve become intimately acquainted with my showerhead and the new vibrator I ordered online after a friend recommended it.
Billie has to run, and so do I. I have to relieve Miss Lee so June and I can make some dinner and do bath time. I don’t love this time of day—we’re both tired, and I often wish I had the luxury of putting up my feet after work instead of picking up my “second shift” as June’s mommy—but I do love getting to spend quality time with my daughter.
“So, hey,” Sally says as we head across the corral. “That comment you made about guys not distracting you?—”
“Don’t worry, I’ve learned my lesson.”
Sally grins. “Does that mean you’d be up to meet someone? A fellow single parent?”
Letting out a chuckle, I pretend to busy myself with the gate, which always gets stuck. “Who’s this someone?”
“A guy who has a daughter the same age as Junie. I’ve known him forever, and I can attest that he and his little girl are pretty damn great.”
“I appreciate the offer, Sally, but to be honest, I’m not really interested?—”
“Oh, I’m thinking y’all would just get the kids together. You know, for a playdate or whatever. I’m not setting you up with him or anything.”
I let out a silent sigh of relief. I need a man distracting me from the beautiful little life I’m building like I need a goddamn hole in my head.
Things are good right now.
Life is good .
Meeting another parent can’t hurt, right?
“Junie is quite the little social butterfly, so I know she’d love to make some new friends in town. We’re in.”
“Great.” Sally claps her hands. “I think he’s coming to the barn raising tomorrow, so this will be perfect.”
The community in this little corner of Texas apparently still hosts old-fashioned barn raisings, where neighbors party while also engaging in some pretty legit construction. I thought these events only existed in movies like Seven Brides for Seven Brothers , but Mrs. Wallace was dead serious when she said she’d been approached about hosting one to rebuild the fire-damaged barn here on the ranch.
That’s how I ended up helping to plan a kegger-slash-HGTV-style party that will take place this weekend at a construction site a few hundred yards from the carriage house where I live.
I use the back of my wrist to push the hair out of my eyes. “I appreciate you thinking of me, Sally.”
She cuts me a look. “Are you just saying that?”
“No.” Shaking my head, I sigh. “I really do mean it. I was so scared that starting over would suck. Don’t get me wrong, things did suck when I first got separated. But moving here …”
I glance over the pasture that borders the corral. The winter landscape is stark, the gnarled old oaks and soaring pecan trees having lost their leaves long ago, but there is beauty in the bareness. The spotless sky is huge, a shade of blue so vibrant it makes your pulse beat faster. A slow-moving creek glistens over pale rocks. There’s a calmness here, a wild stillness, that’s hard not to fall in love with.
“It’s been the best decision ever. Y’all have been so welcoming, and I’m more than happy to return the favor.”
Meeting this guy, whoever he is, doesn’t have to be a big deal. It’s not like I’ll run into him again, seeing as I live and work on the ranch and rarely, if ever, leave. Junie hasn’t started preschool yet at the cute little school downtown. I’ve also been super busy getting our program up and running, which doesn’t leave me a lot of time to do much else besides eat, hang with my daughter, and sleep. Mrs. Wallace gets a large grocery delivery once a week, and offered me the chance to have our groceries delivered too—so I don’t even need to go downtown to the store.
Sally grins, touching her hip to mine. “It’s not a favor. But I’m glad to hear you’re open nonetheless. This guy is actually Wyatt’s brother.”
“Ah, right. I remember him telling me?—”
“Mommy! Mommy Mommy Mommy !”
I look up at the familiar squeal, smiling when I see a little girl with a blonde ponytail and Band-Aids on her face sprinting toward me. Of course my daughter has unzipped her jacket, which flaps out behind her in a sparkly whirl of pink and purple unicorns. Not far behind, Miss Lee pretends to hustle in an effort to catch up.
“You’re so dang fast, little lady,” she calls. “Bet you get that from your mama.”
Sally calls back, “She sure does. I’ve seen her mama in action, and she’s so fast on a horse you can barely see her when she passes by.”
I open the gate and hustle toward my daughter, holding out my arms. “Hey, Junie! How was your snooze?”
“Good.” She collides with me, wrapping her arms around my legs. “I love you, Mommy.”
“Aw, June Bug, I love you too.” I pick her up, settling her on my hip before pressing a noisy kiss to her cheek. Only it ends up being her chin, because she refuses to stay still. “Nice Band-Aids!”
June giggles. Like Nelly, she wears them as a fashion accessory. On my last trip to the grocery store, I grabbed a box of Disney-themed Band-Aids. Little did I know they’d end up being my daughter’s latest obsession. The other day she grabbed the box off the counter and proceeded to cover herself in them while I made dinner. Face, hands, legs—she even stuck them to each of her toes. It was hilarious, until I had to peel each one off during bath time. I was sure the Wallaces could hear Junie’s screams from their house a quarter mile away.
Today they’re all printed in bright colors, which matches her tie-dye sweatshirt and leggings.
“What did you and Miss Lee get up to today?” I ask.
“Lots of fun things.” Lee smiles. “What did we see, Junie?”
“Horses!” Junie’s face lights up. “And the moo-moos. And we painted! And ate sandwiches!”
I wrap my hand around her little ankle, resisting the urge to lean in and bite that cheek of hers, Band-Aid and all. She’s always been delicious. While most of her baby fat has disappeared, she still has the chubbiest, yummiest cheeks.
“That sounds like the best day ever.”
“I love Miss Lee.”
“Aw, sugar, I love you too,” Lee replies with a laugh.
I almost feel faint with relief. When we first moved to town back in November, Junie had a hard time adjusting to me being gone most of the day. Made sense, considering I’d been home with her pretty much since she was an infant. The only real babysitters she’d had were my mom, sisters, and mother-in-law, so June didn’t take kindly to Miss Lee at first. Now they’re best buds, and I couldn’t feel more grateful.
Of course, I received an email this morning informing me that Junie got off the wait list at the preschool downtown. She’ll only be attending three mornings a week, nine to twelve thirty. But I still worry about putting her through another transition, even as part of me knows she’s ready for school. She needs more interaction with other kids. Living on a ranch is great, but I’m starting to worry that Loretta the horse is becoming my daughter’s best friend.
“Did June really do okay?” I ask.
Lee waves her hand. “She did great. She listened well and ate almost her whole lunch. We only had one meltdown, right, sugar?”
I groan. “Let me guess. We couldn’t plaster ourselves with all the Band-Aids, so we threw a fit.”
“Bingo.” Lee points a finger. “I hid them in the cabinet beside the sink, by the way.”
“Thank you.” I squeeze Junie’s ankle. “What’s up with you and the Band-Aids, June? You know they hurt to take off, and we can’t waste them if you don’t need one.”
“Oh, I’ve heard all about the Band-Aids,” Sally says. “But I get it, Junie. They’re so fun and colorful. Like little tattoos.”
“Tattoos! Please, Mommy, I want tattoos! The Paw Patrol ones.”
I laugh. “You’re gonna be trouble one day, aren’t you?”
“Only the best kind,” Lee replies. “We talked a lot about the barn raising tomorrow, right, sugar?”
Junie wiggles in my arms and I set her down, noticing she’s finally wearing sneakers. For the past few months, all she’d wear were the light-up, glittery rain boots my mom got her for Christmas.
“It’s a party with cake,” June announces.
“I’m excited.”
“I am too,” I say, not sure whether the words are a truth or a lie.