30. Annabelle
Annabelle
A s we step into Whiteman’s Bar, nerves prickle my skin, and I pull at my dress.
I had no idea what to wear tonight. I haven’t been here for years.
The last time I was, I sat outside in my car, waiting for Steve, ready to drive his drunk ass home.
I waited all night, just so he could trash-talk me the entire way home, before giving me a black eye for my trouble. I shiver at the memory.
“Are you cold?” Sawyer holds my hand tight, walking us through the crowd to a booth in the back.
I shake my head, smiling. “No, I’m okay.”
He looks good tonight in his black jeans and a button-up shirt that’s open at the collar. Casual, yet still better dressed than half the people here.
“I thought we could hide down here.” Sawyer pulls up to a booth, and I grin at how thoughtful he is.
“You know me too well.” With a happy sigh, I slide into the booth opposite him.
“Well, by the looks you were getting walking in, I’d say most of the town now wonders how they can run me out of Whispers, just so they could have you themselves.” He looks around, and I blush. I see people looking at me, whispering, slowly realizing who I am, and I hate the attention.
“I haven’t been here in years.”
“I know. You’ve been busy, raising the boys, being such an amazing mom and always putting them first. But don’t worry about them tonight; they’re having fun.” He shows me an image on his phone. It’s a photo of my boys and Sutton building a fort in his living room out of cushions and blankets.
“Your brother is amazing for watching them.”
“He’s a big kid himself sometimes.”
“Hey, guys.” Connor and Daisy approach our booth, both looking happy to see us. They’re panting, with light sheens of sweat, obviously coming from the dance floor.
“You dance?” Sawyer looks at him like he’s grown another head.
“He does…” Daisy says, smiling.
Sawyer shakes his head with a teasing grin. “Never would’ve thought it.”
“We’re over by the pool table. Come over when you finish dinner, so I can beat your ass.” Connor laughs, and we do the same. This is nice. Sawyer has friends, and they’re all lovely people, all of whom I know but don’t know well.
“You can stick with me, Annabelle. Us girls will hit the dance floor without them,” Daisy offers.
“Sounds fun?” I say hesitantly, because I love to dance, but I wonder if I still remember how.
“See you later,” Connor says, before they both walk over to the pool tables, where I see Tanner and Victoria playing and another guy who looks like one of their friends.
“So, burgers? Steaks? What do you feel like?” Sawyer looks over the menu, and we decide the burgers are what we feel like, the waitress taking our orders and leaving us to it.
“Are you feeling alright?” Sawyer grabs my hand over the table.
“I’m actually feeling pretty good.” I feel light and free for the first time in what feels like forever.
I’m not on the farm, scared out of my mind.
The kids are safe and happy, having the time of their lives with a real-life movie star.
We’re staying at Sawyer’s place tonight, giving us some space from our nightly terrors, and I’m on a date with a man I think I might be falling in love with.
I chew my bottom lip, thinking about it all.
“You look pretty good too, Mama. You look beautiful tonight.”
“This ol’ thing?” I joke about my dress, although it isn’t really a joke. I estimate this dress is probably about ten years old. I found it in my old dresser from when I used to wear it as a teen, thanking the gods that it still fits.
“You’d look good in anything.” There’s molten heat in his gaze that has my stomach doing a flip-flop.
He lifts my hand, then brings it to his lips, kissing me on the inside of my wrist, and a delightful shiver ripples down my spine.
I look him over then, seeing him a little more settled into himself.
While changing from a suit is obvious, it’s more than that.
It’s like he has evolved, the way he is around people now, more welcoming, more warmth.
His shirtsleeves are rolled up, showcasing his strong arms, giving him a more relaxed, casual vibe.
He may sit behind a desk all day, but his physique rivals any man who works on the land.
I clear my throat, my body feeling hot, and try and get us on to balanced ground. He’s already got me turned on, and our date has barely started.
“So how long is your brother staying with you?” I ask, just as our food appears, and we start to dig in.
“He’s going to lie low for a while. The press are after him, so he needs seclusion until things calm down,” Sawyer says cryptically, but I pick up what he’s saying.
“It must be hard, living in the spotlight like that.” My life is basically seclusion, but I’m not running from anything, so I wonder for the first time why I’m hiding away so much.
“What’s the frown for?” Sawyer’s always alert to my emotions.
“It’s just…” My lips purse, trying to get a handle on my thoughts. “Well, it isn’t until now, until tonight, that I realize I’ve been pretty secluded as well.”
He watches me with interest, waiting for me to continue.
“I mean, I knew, kind of. I live way out of town, I’m busy, but now that we are out and about with baseball and being here tonight…
I was nervous coming here, nervous what people would think or say, but…
” I look around, seeing everyone back to their own conversations, and the few people who catch my eye give me warm smiles and a wave. It’s nice. Welcoming.
“But what?” he asks.
“But maybe I’m not doing it right.” I shake my head, taking a deep breath before sharing, “Steve always said not to let people in. Outsiders were never welcome into our business or onto our farm.”
“He kept you small,” Sawyer grits out.
“I was home all the time with Kevin when he was just a baby, and Steve barely let me leave for doctor appointments.” I’ve never told anyone any of this before, the release of information feeling cathartic.
There’s anger in Sawyer’s gaze as he says, “It’s a manipulation tactic.”
I bite my lip, seeing the reality of that now. “I just didn’t know any different. I didn’t know that…” I look around again, the colors and noise in the bar so vibrant and loud, making me feel alive.
“He made you think that being out on that farm was what you needed to do,” Sawyer adds for me, and I nod.
“It’s my livelihood, and I love it, but…” I see Bob over in the corner, and he’s both a farmer and owner of a business. Then I spot Tina and Tim having dinner, both of them farmers with a business and kids too. They’re all out here, living life, not hiding away, hiding from everyone.
“Maybe I’ve been holding back. Maybe I’ve been holding the boys back. Maybe I…” I start to feel a little panicked that I’ve done my sons a disservice.
“You’re an awesome mom. You’re allowed to do life on your own terms, and you’re allowed to change those terms any fucking time you want,” Sawyer says with so much conviction, I feel it in my bones.
“I… I think I know that now…”
Sawyer releases a heavy breath, his thumb rubbing back and forth on my hand in a soothing motion. “I probably should take my own advice.”
I tilt my head. “How so?”
“Well, we aren’t that dissimilar, you and me.
While you kept yourself on the farm, kept your circle small, I’ve been burying myself in work for years, living and breathing my business.
Growing it, yes, but not stepping out of it much.
I always thought my office was my kingdom.
I didn’t let anyone in unless they proved themselves, and I worked day and night, not really coming up for air. ”
He’s right; we’ve been doing life on our terms, and practically solo for years, both of us. It’s nice to know that I’m not alone, which makes me feel a little more normal.
He continues, his eyes looking deeply into mine. “Now I’m starting to see a different picture, a different dream about how my life might be.”
“What does that look like for you, Sawyer?” I’m nervous about what he will say.
“It looks like quiet country nights, like throwing the ball with kids after school. It looks like home-cooked meals at the table, and doing it all with a woman who’s just as driven as I am, someone who I can rest my head with at night, someone who I want to cherish, give her everything she’s ever dreamed of, because I already know she gives me everything I could ever want or need. ”
My heart thumps harder as I whisper, “That’s pretty descriptive…” He didn’t mention my name. He didn’t need to. We both know he was talking about a life with me.
“I don’t want to scare you, but I guess I just want to let you know that I’m really enjoying spending time with you, getting to know your boys, spending time in your family unit.
I’m no farmer, so I’m not sure what I can offer you there, but I’m not seeing anyone else, Annabelle.
You’re all I can think about and, well… I want to be exclusive.
We haven’t put a label on anything, and I want to.
I want to try to make a go of what we’ve started, see where it can go… ”
I hold my breath at his vulnerability, needing a second to internally pinch myself.
“You’re not scaring me… I want that. I would like to see what happens, where things go…” I smile as my heart races, having never had these kinds of conversations before.
“Yeah?” He smiles back just as brightly when I nod. “I’m not sure what the next few months will look like with work. I’ll probably still be flying back and forth for a little while, but I hope we can figure it out like we have been.”
“All we can do is try, right?”
As he lifts my hand to kiss again, I notice my palms are a little sweaty. With my heart still beating like it’s trying to escape my chest, I think I need to cool off, get some air, and calm myself. I don’t want him to take my obvious overwhelm as me not being sure about us moving forward.
“I just need to use the restroom.”
He releases my hand, and I slide out of the booth, smoothing out my dress.
“Take your time. I’ll be here,” he says, his words laced with double meaning.
I walk on shaky legs to the bathroom, where I hide in a stall and really pinch my skin, wondering if I will wake up, wondering if I might get my happily ever after, after all.
My grin is hard to remove as I wash my hands and fix my hair, which, for once, is actually sitting just how I want it to.
Looking at myself, I’ve changed. My eyes hold more life, and I smile more now than I have in forever. It’s the first time I’ve been out of jeans like this in years, and I reach into my bag, grabbing the light-pink gloss to swipe it on my lips.
I feel good. I feel like a young woman should. I feel confident to take on this new stage with Sawyer, whatever that may look like.
I step out of the bathroom and turn the corner to walk back out to the bar, my smile wide, my head a whirl of happy thoughts.
“Thought that was you.” I hear a man’s growl, and I stop midstep, my smile leaving my face instantly.
“Stanley.” My body turns rigid. I haven’t seen Steve’s father in years, but I’d never forget him. I can smell the alcohol on him. His eyes are a little bloodshot, his face bringing back images of his son. Steve was physically, emotionally, and financially abusive. Skills he learned from his father.
“What are you wearing? Steve wouldn’t like you parading around the bar like a little slut,” he spits out, and I take a step away from him, my fear tensing every muscle in my body.
Ignoring his insult, I say, “Well, I should be going.” I try to walk around him, but he’s quick, stepping in front of me so I can’t pass and bringing our bodies closer.
“I see you’re here with that fancy new lawyer. Are you spreading your legs for him?”
I feel sick, my fear and anxiety mixing.
My eyes flick around him to look at Sawyer, seeing him in deep conversation with Tanner at our table, and I take a breath and straighten my shoulders.
I’ve worked hard at getting my boys and me out of the hole his son left me in.
I’ve worked hard to bring happiness and light into my life, and now Sawyer is here with me.
I know how good it could be. Looking back at Stanley, I narrow my eyes.
Sawyer has instilled more confidence in me than my husband or his family ever did.
“What I do and who I do it with is none of your business,” I hiss at him, and his gaze turns murderous.
“You were always a stuck-up little bitch. No wonder Steve was always out, finding other women to satisfy him. Although, now you are a little older, Belle, I sure as hell see the appeal.” His eyes rake down my body and back up again, and I feel bile rising up my throat.
“Get the hell away from me,” I bite out, really wishing I had my garden hoe in my hand right about now.
“Maybe I should just take a little taste, Belle, feel your cunt. Always dreamed about it.” He takes another step toward me, and I take a step back, not wanting to be any closer to this man.
My legs shake, voice wavering as I speak louder this time. “I wouldn’t let your dirty-ass hand touch me with a ten-foot pole. Now, get out of my way.”
“Why, you little fucking bitch,” he snarls as his hand lifts, and I stand taller. I’m not going to cower, not anymore. His hand moves, and I brace for impact.
“You lay one finger on her, and I’ll end you.” Sawyer's voice comes from the side, his hand now grasping Stanley's wrist so tight I can see the skin turning white. His presence instantly fills me with relief.
“Fuck off, you city suit.” Stanley turns to throw a punch, but he isn’t quick enough. Sawyer’s hand flies past, hitting Stanley right in the chin, laying him out flat.
The bar is quiet, my gasp echoing as the music stops. Everyone’s looking, and I can’t slow my breathing as Sawyer steps in front of me.
“I think you need to leave,” he demands, sneering Stanley’s way.
“I agree.” Tanner steps to Sawyer's side, both men blocking me from view.
“As do I.” Connor stands on Sawyer's other side. I feel someone grab my hand, and I turn, seeing Victoria on one side of me, with Daisy on my other.
“Me too,” another man says, standing next to Tanner, a man I don’t even know.
“So do I.” Bob stands next to Connor, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Us too.” Tim joins them as Tina stands next to Victoria.
One by one, it feels like the entire bar full of people stand around me, shielding me from a man who taught my late husband everything he knows.
That’s when I realize without any more doubt that this town isn’t the enemy. They’re family. A fact I had forgotten for far too long. And my new boyfriend is at the helm, proving to me that he has my back, whether I need it or not.