34. Sawyer
Sawyer
I flip the pancake perfectly, my grin instant as Noah giggles.
“And then we watched another movie and ate all the popcorn.” Kevin is now more talkative than ever, and if I thought getting Annabelle and these kids off the farm was going to be this successful, I would’ve done it a lot earlier.
“So let me get this straight. You had candy for dinner and then popcorn, followed by…?” I ask them both, the amusement on my face hard to remove as I see both boys sitting up at the kitchen breakfast bar, eating the pancakes quicker than I can make them.
“Ice cream.” Noah giggles, and I swear, these kids are amazing.
“It was so cool,” Kevin says, and I slide another pancake onto his plate. I left Annabelle to sleep. God knows, she needs it. After what happened last night, and the fact that I heard both boys awake early, I left her bundled in the blankets and got them up and in the kitchen so we didn’t wake her.
“Your mom is going to freak out when she hears that.” I’m only half joking.
“Hears what, exactly?” Her voice reaches me from the doorway, and I look up.
My breath gets caught in my throat, just looking at her.
Her beautiful hair is a complete mess in a top knot on her head.
Her sleep shorts and top are all wrinkled, her face stunningly fresh, and as she pads closer on bare feet, she looks like all my favorite things rolled into one. She looks like she belongs .
“We had candy for dinner,” Noah admits immediately, his reply so quick, I mentally note not to tell him any of my secrets.
“Oh, really?” Annabelle’s eyes are full of knowing as she walks to her boys and kisses them both before walking up to me.
“You didn’t wake me.”
“You looked too perfect in my sheets. I didn't want to.” My arm wraps around her middle, and she smiles as I lean down and kiss her good morning. Not the kind of kiss I want, given we have an audience, but one that leaves promises for more later.
“So candy for dinner, huh?” She turns to look at her boys.
“Gummy bears, to be exact,” I tell her, showing her the empty packet I picked up from the living room floor this morning.
“Hmmm, better brush your teeth extra well this morning.” As she takes a seat, I slide a coffee across the counter to her. She looks up in surprise.
“Pancake?” I ask.
It strikes me then that she probably hasn’t had anyone make her breakfast since she was a kid. She’s been the one making food for everyone else ever since.
“That would be nice.” Adoration softens her eyes, the look warming me all over as I get to work on the pan immediately. I’m not a chef, by any means. Pancakes are the extent of what I can do, but I do them well.
“Sutton up?” She looks around for evidence of my brother.
“Not yet.” I look at the clock. It’s early, but these kids still probably have so much sugar in their system that I'm surprised they slept at all.
“What do you want to do today? Want to hang out here and go for a swim?”
All three look at me like I have three heads.
“What?” I shrug, plating Annabelle’s pancakes and placing them in front of her.
“Swim!” Noah’s smile takes up his whole face.
“You have a pool?” Kevin asks in disbelief.
“We don’t have any swimsuits…” Annabelle says to me, head tilted.
“Well, the weather is nice and, yes, Kevin, there’s a pool out back. And as far as swimsuits go, there are some in the clothes I got you all.”
“Can we, Ma? Please?” Kevin asks immediately, and I look at Annabelle, loving how she says yes without hesitation and digs right into her pancakes. I know she’ll probably need to get back to the farm and that I’m just delaying the inevitable. But I don’t want them to leave. Not yet. Or ever.
As the kids start excitedly talking to her and over each other, my cell rings, and I grab it, seeing it’s one of my managers from the New York office. My stomach sinks.
“Oh, this might not be good.” I kiss her on the top of her head and walk out to take the call.
It’s brief, another emergency that I need to go to the city to handle, the type of jobs we’re doing seemingly not going as well as they usually do. But I know this is the game I play. I’ve just never noticed before, because I’ve never had anything else occupying my time.
I end the call, knowing I need to pack and get on my jet. Walking back into the kitchen to the kids still excited about swimming, I release a heavy sigh.
“Everything alright?” Annabelle asks. She sees it in my eyes. She knows I need to go.
“Sorry, I can’t swim today. I need to fly out,” I tell them, and Kevin immediately sinks back into his chair.
“But I want to swim?” Noah says sadly, and I feel like shit. God, leaving their mom even for a day kills me, but that look in his eyes. The one full of disappointment, and knowing I put it there, it kills me even more.
“We can swim another day. Sawyer has to fly back to the city now for work, and we all need to get back to the farm and do the same. But it’s almost summer, so there will be lots of other days we can swim.
Why don't you both go and clean up your room and grab your things so we are ready,” Annabelle tells them, while I hang my head in shame for letting them all down.
“I’m sorry.” I don’t want to deal with the bullshit. I want to stay here. I scrub my hand down my face. I need to make some decisions, and I need to make them quickly.
“Don’t be sorry. We know you need to go. You’re busy; you have important things to do.”
“ You are important. The boys are important.”
She offers me a small smile, and I wonder how in the world I can ever beat this and what I can do to make this more permanent.
“Sawyer, work is important to you. I know you have an office here now, but I also know you’ll need to travel. We’ve already said we’ll just have to figure it out. It’s okay.”
While I appreciate her understanding, it still does very little to erase the disappointment I just saw in all their eyes.
“Connor flies into New York once a month for a week and then spends three weeks here. Maybe I can do something like that.”
“One week or one day, I’ll miss you all the same.” She looks up at me sweetly, and I smile, slipping my arms around her, never wanting to let her go.
“Why don’t you stay here while I’m gone? Just go and check on the farm briefly each day, but sleep here?” I suggest, but she’s already shaking her head.
“We’ll be fine, Sawyer. You have to go back to the city, and we have to go back to the farm.”
I hate that our little bubble has burst already.
“I’d feel better if you stayed here…”
“The farm is our home, and I have too much to do.”
Nodding, I hold her tight to my chest as I take a deep breath. As much as I want this, I have no idea how I can keep leaving her when it already hurts this much. Something’s gotta give.