Chapter 23
23
RYLAN
Taking a private jet from Kansas City to Chicago was definitely something I could get on board with. But being pushed around in my brand-new wheelchair by my boss wasn’t high on my bucket list. When the elevator doors at my apartment building opened on my floor, I grabbed the wheels in both my hands and pushed as hard as I could. The front wheels lifted off the ground, and for a split second, I had a rush that I hadn’t felt since right before that bullet hit my thigh.
“Dammit, Dennis!” Lee’s deep voice boomed in the elevator that felt minuscule with him inside it. The chair stopped its backward movement—which was good; I hadn’t expected the wheels to pop up so high. Instead of falling backward and slamming my head into the floor at Lee’s feet, I was flung forward, damn near toppling to the ground. The only thing stopping me from landing on my injured leg was Vinny Leonetti’s hand crashing into my chest.
“Woah there!” Vinny righted me in my chair, and not for the first time, I wondered why he was here.
Shoulda just let me fall.
“Sorry, boss,” I said, trying not to slur and failing spectacularly. “These pain meds are a bit stronger than I thought.”
Lee grumbled under his breath, and though I couldn’t make out his words, I was pretty sure everyone in the building could hear the thunder of it rolling.
At my door, Vinny stuck my keys in the lock— How the hell did he get those? —and let us in.
“Feel like maybe I should do that,” I muttered as Lee pushed me over the threshold.
“You dropped your keys twice before we got onto the elevator,” Lee said as he turned my chair around and stepped back to glare at me. “If we left it up to you, we’d still be out searching the snowbanks for them.”
So that’s how he got them.
“Sorry, boss.”
Lee scrubbed his hand down his face and tossed a look at Vinny. “You sure about this?”
Vinny hung my keys up on the hook by the door instead of sitting them on the kitchen counter where I always put them, ensuring I’d forget about them completely. “He’ll be okay.”
They were talking about me. Me and all my new-found ineptitude. I glared at the leg brace on my thigh rather than hitting it like I wanted to. I learned the hard way that wasn’t a good idea.
“Dennis!” Lee’s voice shook me out of my head. I dragged my tired eyes up, up, up to look at him. “Can we get you anything before we go? Need help getting to the bathroom?”
“I can go to the bathroom by myself,” I muttered, turning away.
Vinny shifted in his spot by the door, looking like he wanted to bolt. “At least the doorways are big enough.”
“Thought the same thing,” Lee said, glancing around my apartment. “Flooring could be better, but the transitions don’t look too bad.”
“You know I’m right here, don’t you?” I asked. “You don’t have to talk shit about my apartment in front of me.”
“Not talking shit.” Lee put his hands on his hips. “We’re discussing you being able to move around in your chair without you landing on your head like you almost did in the elevator.”
“And the airport,” Vinny pointed out.
Half a smile cut through the stoic mask on Lee’s face. “And the hospital. Twice.”
Vinny’s laughter was interrupted by a knock on the door. He reached for the handle and pulled it open before I’d even moved my hands from my lap to the wheels. I heard his and Lee’s voices calling out some sort of greeting, but my heart kicked up a beat, and the sound of my blood pounding in my ears drowned out their words.
“Damn, gorgeous.” I clutched my chest, wishing I could loosen the hold the mere sight of Joss caused on my heart. “You look better than ever.”
“Dennis!” Lee swung his angry green gaze my way. “How many times do I have to tell you to stop harassing her?”
Joss’s cheeks flushed a deep pink, and she grabbed his meaty arm. “It’s okay, Lee.”
I was about to yell Damn right, it’s okay! when Joss swung her gaze around the room as if she’d never been here before.
It dawned on me then: we were still doing this whole charade. The one where we were in love and dating and fucking each other’s brains out but pretending there wasn’t a goddamn thing between us. It should have made me question so many things, but my brain short circuited the moment she turned her beautiful smile my way.
“How are you feeling?”
“Lightheaded,” I answered honestly, then swallowed the saliva pooling in my mouth. I pressed my hand to my breastbone. “Kinda feels like my heart is gonna pound its way right out of my chest.”
“Dennis!”
I cringed, but any fear of what my boss would do to me floated away with the sight of Joss’s shy smile. She tucked her hair behind her ear, then pulled her bag up her shoulder.
Her full bag.
“What…” I glanced at my boss. “What’s going on here?”
Before he could answer, Vinny stepped forward. “Joss is going to help you out a little until you get back on your feet.”
When I only blinked—did I mention the pain killers were strong?—Lee offered, “She volunteered as tribute.”
“Tribute?”
“Still think a home nurse is the way to go,” he grumbled.
“We talked about that,” Vinny said. “He shouldn’t need that much help.”
“I don’t need any help!” My loud voice was emphasized by my chair slamming into the end table behind me.
Apparently driving a wheelchair was a skill I did not yet possess.
Joss rushed forward, grabbing the lamp from the table before it crashed to the floor. “I got it! It’s okay.”
She maneuvered the lamp back to its previous location, keeping the shade from knocking me in the face.
“Looks like you could use some help,” Lee said.
“We’ll be okay,” Joss insisted. She placed her hand on my shoulder, and I wanted to pull her into my arms. Her voice sounded strained as she added, “I’m sure he’ll be up and moving in no time.”
The frown on Lee’s face didn’t give me high hopes.
“Are you good here?” Vinny asked, tugging at his sleeve before taking a step back toward the door.
“We will be.” Joss removed her hand, and I felt the loss immediately. “I’m sure Rylan can show me around his apartment.”
Lee nodded, then pointed his finger at my face. “I expect you to treat Joss with respect. Don’t need no damn lawsuits because you can’t keep your hands to yourself.”
Raising my hands, I gave him a smirk. “I’ll be on my best behavior.”
“Be better than that.”
With a laugh, I told him, “Yes, boss.”
Lee shook his head and turned to Joss. “Call if you need anything. I’ll hire someone to care for him if he’s too mu?—”
“I don’t need you hiring anyone,” I interrupted. “I’m perfectly capable?—”
“You were shot on my watch?—”
“I can take care of myself!”
“Hey.” Joss’s hand was back on my shoulder, but whatever calming effect she had earlier didn’t quite take the edge off. “It’s okay. Everything will be fine. Rylan will be a perfect gentleman”—Lee scoffed—“and I’ll let you know if something comes up that I can’t handle.”
He didn’t look convinced, but he shook it off when Vinny touched his arm. “Give her a chance.”
The thought of Lee questioning Joss’s ability had me fuming even harder. He was damn lucky he decided to leave. Boss or not, I would have kicked him out if the big man hadn’t decided to go on his own.
Once the door was secured behind them, Joss turned to me with tears in her eyes. “Rylan.”
“Come here, gorgeous.” I didn’t even finish before she tossed her bag aside and rushed to me.
Holding her in my arms for the first time in nearly three weeks had my throat tightening.
Damn, I missed this.
The time away from her had been some of the worst of my life, and it wasn’t just because of her absence. The bullet that hit my thigh just missed my femur, but the impact was strong enough that it fractured the bone anyway. I’d been rushed to surgery, had a metal rod and titanium nails inserted in my femur to hold it together, and was put in traction for two weeks. They’d been about to release me when they found internal bleeding—a fragment of bone had been missed when they were cleaning my wound during the first surgery, and it nicked an artery, which required another emergency surgery to stop the bleeding.
Joss and I had talked on the phone a few times when I wasn’t swimming under the effects of the pain medicine they’d given. But there was a gulf between us greater than the distance between the Kansas City hospital and her apartment.
That thought had me sobering. Because that gulf was still there even if the distance was not.
How long would she put up with my inability to take care of myself? How long until she went away and didn’t come back?
I had to get better. I had to get back on my feet so I could prove to her I was okay.
I had to get better in case she didn’t come back.
“I missed you so much,” Joss whispered in my ear before she edged back enough to turn her face and press a kiss to my lips. “God, Rylan, I thought I was going to lose you.”
“Never,” I murmured, kissing her again. “I’ll never leave you.”
Not like she left me.
How long until she did that again?
She cupped my cheeks in her palms, staring down at me with those tear-filled eyes. “I love you.”
Was I a crazy motherfucker for wanting to soak up everything about her until she decided to go? Probably. Did that mean I was going to stop?
Not a chance.
“Love you more.”
Her smile was fucking glorious. I could have stared at her for days.
“Let’s get you settled in, shall we?”
That hit me hard in the chest. I grabbed the wheels and pulled out of her grip. “I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself. Been doing it since I was five.”
“Rylan—”
I didn’t give her a chance to finish. I wheeled myself to the chair Lee left my bag from the hospital in and grabbed it. Unfortunately, it landed hard on my leg when I tossed it on my lap, and I nearly doubled over in pain.
“Rylan!” Joss was beside me in an instant, stealing the bag from my lap. “Are you okay?”
“Fine,” I managed through gritted teeth.
“Let me help you.”
“Don’t need any help.”
“I know.” She dropped to one knee and gently took my hand from my leg. “I know you don’t. But I want to.”
I didn’t deserve this woman. Didn’t deserve her love. Her care.
My heavy eyelids closed, and she pressed her lips to my forehead.
“What do you need?”
“Sleep,” I muttered, only partially because I was tired as fuck. Sleeping was something I could do on my own. I didn’t need any help.
My chair started moving and my hands shot out as I grabbed for the wheels before dragging my eyes open.
“It’s okay,” she cooed from behind me. “Let’s get you settled in bed, okay?”
“I got it.” I pulled away from her, crashing into the wall in the process. After a little maneuvering, I was able to get down the hallway to my room.
It took a little more maneuvering—and possibly a little help from Joss—before I could get my chair over to my bed. I lifted out of it and wanted to cringe away when Joss ran to me and tucked herself under my arm.
“I got it,” I repeated, but she didn’t back away. Instead, she helped me onto the mattress before she pulled the covers back.
I sat there, watching as she unlaced my shoes and pulled them off my feet. But I couldn’t stand by when she reached for the hem of my shirt. I grabbed for it, knocking her hands away as I struggled to sit up and pull the damn thing over my head. I struggled. I fucking struggled . Before I could get it more than halfway up my chest without falling back into my pillows, Joss covered my hands with hers.
“Rylan. Please.”
Dropping onto my back, I turned my face away. She reached for my shirt and lifted, and her cold hands against my skin made me hate myself even more.
Here she was, hands freezing and likely in pain, trying to help me—a grown-ass man—get out of his fucking shirt.
“I’m sorry I’m so helpless,” I murmured as she moved my arm to get it out of my sleeve.
“You’re not helpless, Rylan.” She pulled my face back toward hers, but I couldn’t bring myself to look into her eyes. “You just need a little help.”
I squeezed my eyelids closed, feeling more than helpless—feeling worthless—as she freed my arm and moved on to the other. She paused when she pulled it over my head, and I took a peek, hoping she’d left me there so I could wallow in my pathetic-ness.
Instead, she was standing there, watching me from beside my bed. She lowered her face to mine, pressing a gentle kiss to my lips. “Let me help you.”
She kissed my lips again, then my jaw, then my neck. Joss smoothed her hands along my chest, her touch so light it made the hairs on my body stand on end. And when her mouth followed the path of her hands, it had something else rising as well.
“Let me help you,” she murmured again as she fingered the waistband of my shorts.
“Joss…”
Could I blame my inability to speak on my pain meds? I wasn’t sure that was the case, but I sure as fuck was going to try. She tugged my shorts down my hips, taking my boxer briefs along as she went, being achingly gentle as she cleared my wounded leg.
“I can’t—” How pathetic was this? I couldn’t take my own goddamn pants off. How the hell was I supposed to pleasure my woman when I could barely lift my hips?
“Let me help,” she whispered again, pressing kisses to the skin beneath my brace near my knee.
“Fuck.” She skipped the braced area completely, jumping to the space near my hip, and I wanted to buck and strain to get to her, but I couldn’t even manage that.
Joss skimmed her hand up my other leg, causing every hair that hadn’t already risen to stand at fucking attention, before her slim fingers grazed the base of my cock.
“Joss…” Her name was nothing but a groan as it tore through my chest. She licked my tip, and I moaned again as she wrapped her fingers around me and stroked as she kissed the head of my dick.
“Let me help,” she said again, crawling onto the bed between my thighs. Then she pulled the head into her mouth, her cheeks hollowing out as she sucked.
There wasn’t enough energy in my body to lift my hands and reach for her. I wanted to tangle my hands in her hair. I wanted to shove my goddamn cock down her throat while she stroked my balls and squeezed my ass.
I wanted to pull her body up mine and erase the distance between us, sinking into her beautiful pussy and feeling her strangle me as she came.
All I could do was lay there and watch. As she stroked my length and sucked and kissed. As she held my balls and the gap at the neck of her shirt fell until I could see more than a hint of her breasts.
The purple lace of her bra was another reminder of what I couldn’t do. There was no stripping her out of her clothes, no sucking on her clit until she was bucking beneath me like the night we first met.
My inability to take care of her ate at me even as she sucked my dick. I hated that all I could do was lay there. That I was getting the pleasure and couldn’t even enjoy it the way I should. It wasn’t until Joss spread her fingers out on my thigh and slid her hand under my hip that my brain was able to focus on something other than my thoughts.
Joss took a handful of my ass and squeezed. She shoved my cock down her throat and swallowed against me, causing any thoughts I might have had left in my head to fly away.
Holy fuck.
This woman and her mouth.
My spine started to tingle. My balls pulled up. And as she swallowed and squeezed and sucked my dick, lightning spread through my body, up my spine, through my brain, until my eyes were rolling back in my head, and I was pretty sure I’d died and gone to heaven. I came down her throat, shooting hot streams of cum into her mouth. Weeks’ worth of pain and stress and worry left my body as I floated through the clouds and off into space.
I didn’t need help.
But hot damn. I needed my Joss.