Chapter 31
My head feelslike it’s being crushed in a vice, that’s the first thing I’m aware of. I moan, and twist so I’m on my side, burying my head in the soft pillow under my head.
Ugh.
I drank too much last night. But if the smell of the pillows is any indication, I managed to make my way back to Rush House somehow. I have zero recollection of exactly how I got here, though.
I sit up and rub my stinging eyes, suddenly really thirsty. There’s a glass of water next to the bed, and I gulp it down in seconds. Putting the empty glass down, I blink, and try to remember what happened last night. The crazy thing is, I don’t think I even drank that much. A couple of cinnamon whiskeys, maybe?
Glancing to my right, I see a mess of dark, wavy hair and realize it’s Roman. He’s sitting in a large wing chair that’s been pulled up next to the bed, head back, asleep.
I swallow and try to stifle the panic rising in my chest. What I do remember from last night is that Roman walked into the party with Jen.
After that…ugh, God, the complete absence of memory is the worst feeling. It feels like the information is hovering at the very edge of my subconscious, but I can’t access it, no matter how hard I try.
I glance around for my phone, but I don’t see it anywhere. Does Roman have it? As quietly as I can, I crawl across the bed, moving toward him, so I can see if it’s in his pocket. But a squeak in the bed frame breaks the silence of the room, and his eyes blink open.
He sits up with a groan, stretching, his muscled chest pulling against the thin fabric of his white cotton shirt. Then he seems to remember where he is, and his relaxed, just-woke-up vibe evaporates.
“Lux.” His voice is husky with sleep. “How are you feeling?”
“Like I slammed into a brick wall at full speed,” I say, clutching my stomach. Every time I move, even half an inch, my abs scream. “And it feels like I’ve done about a million sit-ups.”
“Yeah, you were throwing up quite a bit.”
I push back the embarrassment that suddenly rises. Never in my life have I everbeen that drunk. I shake my head, but even that movement is too much, and pain spreads through my skull. “What happened?”
He sits back, and I can see his throat move as he swallows, like what he’s about to tell me is going to be hard to hear. “You were at a party last night, and you were really out of it, so I took you to the emergency room. They ran tests, and…Rohypnol was detected in your bloodstream.”
“Okay,” I say slowly. “What does that mean exactly?”
“It means you were drugged.”
Every muscle in my body tightens, and I clutch the soft blanket that’s covering me. “Drugged? Who would do that?”
“Tyler was seen at the party last night,” he offers matter-of-factly.
I blink, and shake my head, unable or unwilling to believe someone—even Tyler—would purposely drug me. “It must have been an accident—”
Roman climbs onto the bed and reaches out for my hand. I don’t flinch away. “Lux, we have to assume this was intentional.”
What the fuck is happening right now? Things have gotten really scary. “So, what can I do?”
“The guys are out looking for Tyler right now. We’re going to handle this shit,” he says, rage dripping from his tone.
I nod slowly, just trying to take this all in. “I just don’t get it,” I say. “Tyler hates me so much that he’d drug me?” That just seems so fucking evil, I have a hard time wrapping my head around it.
“Did Tyler say anything to you last night?”
“I don’t remember.”
I shift in the bed, dislodging Roman’s hand from mine, so I can rub my temples, trying to soothe the pain away. I feel so stupid. Every college girl knows not to leave her drink unattended because this shit happens way more than it should. But I have people actively threatening me. What was I thinking?
I wasn’t thinking. I was distracted by Roman and Jen, I remember that much from last night.
Roman places his hand on my bare knee, his thumb brushing over my skin. “I’m shocked he was brave enough to try something in such a public place. The entire-fucking-campus knows we’re dating–”
I cut him off. “We’re not dating.”
“Lux.” He sighs. “We are.”
“Ah,” I laugh. “Is that what you told Jen when you left with her last night, that you and I are dating?”
He looks away, and I see him take a deep breath. When he looks back at me, there’s a softness in his eyes. “That shouldn’t have happened, Lux. I was angry. I’m sorry.”
I pull a pillow into my lap and hug it. “What happened with Jen last night?”
Maybe now isn’t the time to get into this, but I know if I don’t ask, the curiosity about what happened between him and Jen will eat me alive. I’d rather know the truth, ugly as it might be, rather than nothing at all.
The slightly panicked look in his eyes tells me everything I need to know. Still, I want to hear it. I want him to say the words. It’s a test to see if he can be honest with me, even when the consequences might be total annihilation.
He leans back against the headboard and looks at me like a man marching to his death. That look sets my pulse racing.
A tic pulses in his jaw, and he glances down. Fuck, he can’t even look at me. “I took her to some random beach.” He shrugs one shoulder. “And we, uh…fucked around.”
Fucked. Around.
I nod slowly, even as the sharp edge of betrayal slices through me. My chest constricts, and I clear my throat. “When you say fucked around…”
I don’t want to hear it, but I know I need to. I’ve been saying this whole time; even though we’ve had sex, we’re not together, and now, he’s about to prove my point…
He doesn’t answer my question directly, though. “I needed to prove that I could get you out of my head.”
I can tell what he’s telling me is hard for him to admit. But if he thinks that’s going to earn him any compassion from me, then he’s an idiot.
My heart is thundering in my chest, and my stomach is a mess, but when I speak, every word is measured, and calm. “What did you do with her, Roman? You might as well tell me.”
His eyes flick up to meet mine. “She sucked me off…”
Those four words crash into me like a giant wave and suck me under. As I struggle to pull in a breath, I can feel every last drop of blood drain from my face.
“Well, she tried,” he corrects, his gaze glued to my face. “But shit wasn’t working, so I stopped her, and then we…went to the party.”
A cyclone of emotions twists through me, but somehow, even through all that, I manage to find my voice. “Wasn’t working…” I repeat, encouraging him to elaborate.
Do I really want him to, though? I’ve heard what I needed to hear, and I’m already glancing around the room, looking for a sharp object I can plunge into his cold, black heart.
“Yeah, um.” He pinches the bridge of his nose, and tilts his head to the side, closing his eyes briefly before looking back down at me. “I couldn’t…” He releases a deep breath and the next sentence comes out in a rush. “She wasn’t you, Lux, and I just couldn’t do it.”
Wow. Just, wow. He couldn’t finish. Is that supposed to make me feel warm and fuzzy inside or something?
“So we’re fucking other people,” I say. “Good to know.”
The pure panic in his eyes is almost comical. But he grabs my arm, and the panic fades to anger like he knows exactly what I’m planning. “Don’t, Lux. Don’t try to prove a fucking point…”
“The fact that I can’t even talk to a guy without you freaking out, and then you run off with some random chick and have her suck your dick? That feels…” I pretend to think. “A bit hypocritical, don’t you think?”
Somehow my voice is calm, and honestly, I don’t even know how I’m managing it, because inside, I’m a ball of thunder and rage. “Maybe I should even the playing field…” I glare at him. “...then check back in and see how you’re feeling about it.”
I yank my arm against his grip, and he lets go. “Lux…”
“I’m tired,” I say forcefully.
Defeat flashes in his eyes and he nods, letting his hand fall limply at his side. I’m sure he knows, at this point, it’s pointless to argue his case.
His phone pings, and he glances at his phone. There’s no expression on his face, indicating what the text says, or who it could be from. I wonder if it’s Jen.
He glances back up at me and pushes out a breath. “I’ll be back later. I’ve ordered food, and it’ll be here in twenty minutes.”
I smile tightly. “Cool, thanks. Now get the fuck out.”
And for the first time since meeting him, Roman does exactly what I tell him to….