Chapter 2
CHAPTER 2
“How did you find out about this, Mona?” Jackson asked as he poured some extra syrup over my pancakes. He knew me well.
“I donate monthly to them in his name. I received an email saying that his square would be here for the installation. Have you ever seen The Quilt, Jackson? It’s… beautiful and horrible all at the same time. At least, that’s how it feels for me. It pulls the past right back to the surface.” She looked at us, and I could see her eyes mist over. Shit. This day could slide sideways at any moment. Mom could be an emotional mess when she wanted.
“I have, actually. When I was a kid, we went on a school trip when it came through town. I didn’t really understand it then – not the way that I should have. But I remember my teacher crying, which was… strange, I guess, at the time to a twelve-year-old. I remember that it was beautiful and weird. Each square was so different from the others, and a few of them made some of the kids laugh. After seeing my teacher crying as she walked through the exhibit, I knew better. There was nothing funny about it at all.”
“So, Uncle Charlie has a square. How did I not know that?” I shoved a piece of bacon in my mouth.
“Did you know him, babe?” Jackson picked up his green juice and took a drink. It looked gross and tasted grosser, but Jackson had become a complete health nut when he turned forty. I did get to reap the benefits of his amazing, hard body.
I swallowed. “I… yeah. But I was really young when he died. I just remember that he would put me up on his shoulders and run around the yard with me, and I would laugh. He had a great laugh. That’s what I remember the most about him. I was what… seven when he died?”
“That’s about right.” Mom played with her food. “He knew who you were going to be, you know. We were all outside, and you were maybe five at the time, and you fell in the mud and got your favorite t-shirt dirty. He told me that you were definitely Dorothy's friend. Only a gay would cry at soiling their favorite Thundercat shirt in the mud.”
I gasped. “I had a real Lion-O kink. He was a very muscular and handsome catman. I loved that shirt.”
“He pointed that out, too. He was usually right about most things, you know. He had a sixth sense for everything except the fucking disease that killed him.” She looked away from us.
“I also had a thing for the World Wrestling Federation action figures.”
“Yes, you did,” she giggled. Crisis averted.
“I guess I’ve always had a thing for muscles,” I laughed and glanced over at the bulging biceps of my very hunky husband.
“Let’s just say that I wasn’t surprised when I met Jackson. You always did have a type,” Mom sighed and patted Jackon on his shoulder. “Your Uncle would be so happy for you. He went through it with men, let me tell you. It was a different time, I guess. You two are lucky. High school sweethearts that have always been together.”
“Well, not always. We did break up in college.” I liked to lord this over Jackson every now and then because it always got a rise out of him.
“It was for two months, and then you came crawling back.” He grinned. He was totally playing the game today.
“I remember you being the one who groveled,” I grinned happily back. He was right. I did go crawling back.
“We both knew it was wrong. We were right together and always had been. Did you really eat all that bacon?” He looked at me aghast.
“Why? Do you wanna make me more?”
“I want you to start taking better care of yourself. You could go to the gym with me or start eating better protein.”
“These are grounds for divorce, and Mom was here to be a witness.” I dropped my fork on the plate in protest.
“How long was he sick?” Jackson asked, completely ignoring me.
“It was… I didn’t know at first. He was in the city and didn’t visit the suburbs as often as I would have liked. But then he didn’t show up for Christmas, and that was weird. He had never missed coming home for the holidays, and I realizedI hadn’t seen him for almost a year. He had been feeling crappy the last time he visited. I thought he might have a bug of some kind, so we stayed in and watched movies for his whole visit. We had talked since then, but the conversations had been pretty short. I started thinking about it and just got so mad at him that I got in my car and drove up.”
“It was a surprise?” Jackson frowned. “That had to be hard, Mona.”
She nodded and sniffed loudly. “I knocked, and it took a bit for someone to answer. I was mad at him for not coming home. This was right after Christmas, I think. I left Adam with my parents and packed a bag. I stayed there and banged on the door. I was a little shocked when a woman answered. She was very butch with a military buzz cut.”
“Are you talking about Sandra?” I ate the last bite of pancake.
“It’s the day we met. She was a volunteer and was taking care of Charlie. She let me in, and I got really scared. I didn’t understand what was… I mean, I knew what AIDS was, but when she told me that he was quite sick and I should prepare myself – I knew without her telling me what was wrong with him. Charlie was a riot, and he loved having a good time. But he hadn’t been very luckyin the love department, like me. He was a bit of a slut. I knew that. But I thought he was being careful. He said he was, anyway.”
“I couldn’t stop myself from crying when I saw him. He was just a… skeleton of who he was. He had lost sight in one of his eyes, and his beautiful blonde hair was stringy and falling out. The look on his face when he saw me – the fear – it broke me. He cried. I cried. Sandra cried as she came in to check his vitals every so often and to make him eat anything since he had no appetite. She just forced it into him as best she could. I left Adam with his grandparents, and I stayed there for two months helping him, but Sandra had told me that it had progressed too far, and he wasn’t responding to the drugs. He had ignored it. Charlie was an ostrich who buried his head in the sand whenever he had a problem instead of facing it. I so wish he would have faced it sooner. Maybe he would still be here.” She looked at us, and it broke my heart. She loved him so much, and I had… I was a horrible son.
“I’m… I had no idea, Mona. You guys never talk about him.” Jackson reached over and placed his hand on hers.
“Well, Adam was so young. I knew he could barely remember him. I just… I think I’ve just kept him to myself to feel closer to him. He was my best friend and an amazing big brother. We used to go to gay bars together and watch drag shows, and we danced all night long. I still miss him so much.”
“We need to shower,” I said way too abruptly.
“You do. Adam, you really do stink.” Mom nodded.
“I get hot and sweat when I sleep. Jackson is a fucking inferno.”
“You don’t have to lay on top of me.” He stood up and put his plate in the sink.
“But you’re the best pillow.”
“Upstairs – both of you. I’ll clean the dishes while you get ready.” Mom stood up.
Jackson walked over and kissed Mom on top of the head. “I love you, Mona.”
“I love you too, Jackson. Now scoot. We can go grab drinks after. I’m sure I’ll need one.”
Jackson took my hand, and we walked slowly up the stairs. The gravity of my Uncle Charlie was pulling me like a dark planet—an energy source that you couldn’t see but knew was there. It gripped all of us, and I tried to picture his face. All I could see was the picture of him and Mom that she had framed and set beside her recliner. I knew nothing about him – not really. How could that be?
“You, ok?”
“Yeah… I’m just surprised, I guess. It’s not what I was expecting to happen for the day.”
“What did you expect to happen?”
“Lying naked in your arms watching shit TV?”
“That sounds great, but…”
“Not happening, I know.” I pulled off my clothes and threw them in the corner. This was the perfect outfit for staying inside all day, but now those plans had been derailed. I’d have to choose something nicer to go to this. “What do you wear to a… art installation? A memorial? All of the above.”
“I think we should think of it as a celebration, babe. We’re going to remember your uncle. You sure you’re ok?” He pulled his shirt over his head, and I had to stop myself from salivating. I was one lucky man.
“Yeah, I just… I barely remember him, you know? I wish that I would have had him to… Our lives are so different from each other, I guess. If he had been born when I had, he would still be here, wouldn’t he?”
“I don’t know, babe.” He smirked as he pulled his gym pants off. He knew I was dick-crazed for him. But there was not enough time, and my mother was waiting downstairs.
“Mom did great. She didn’t blink when I told her that I was gay and just hugged me, and nothing changed. But to have a gay uncle who could have helped me – answer questions and be my gay guru as I grew up would have been something special. I could have told him about you.”
“But that’s not what happened. I get it. But he was here, babe. He lived a vibrant life. Maybe it’s time you actually learned something about him. You can still get to know him – know things about him, I mean. Maybe that would help?” He walked towards me, and I ogled for as long as I dared.
“Yeah. Maybe?” I shrugged and turned on the shower. “Get your ass in here. I wanna shower cuddle.”