Chapter 10
CHAPTER 10
CONSTANTINE
The community center is buzzing with this energy that’s making the hairs on my neck stand up. It’s electric, all due to the force of nature that is Kay Nielsson.
“Doors are opening in five minutes. You guys ready?” she asks, tapping a pen on the clipboard she’s holding.
We both nod, and I’m a little frightened as she inspects the baked goods display on the table.
“When did she start wearing glasses?” Julius asks when she walks away.
“Beats me. You’ve known her longer, but I swear she didn’t have them earlier.”
A loud whistle gets our attention. Kay is on the stage looking more confident than I’ve ever seen a person her age.
“Hi, everyone. Thank you so much for helping me and my class with this project. Ryan White was a kid, just like us, who only wanted to go to school. His courage and perseverance have inspired many people since he was diagnosed with HIV, and even after his death, his program continues to help others. Let’s be a little like Ryan today and do some good for those living with HIV. In the words of my dad, let’s rock and roll this place down!”
The band comes onto the stage, playing the first chords of a song. The lead singer gives Kay a kiss as she steps down from the stage.
“I swear kids these days are so much more put together than in my time,” I say to Julius.
“Hell yeah. I was more concerned with the three pubes I called a mustache than trying to help others.”
I smile, trying to picture Julius as a teenager with a baby face, with those cute dimples and barely there facial hair. “I may need to see photos.”
“Never.”
We don’t have a chance to chat much longer because as people enter the hall, kids go to the front to dance and parents hang back, grabbing a free cup of coffee and a baked good in exchange for a donation to the Ryan White Program.
I’m serving someone a slice of my almond and apple cake when Leo walks into the hall.
“Look who’s here,” Julius says, leaning closer so I can hear.
I nod without taking my eyes off Leo. Julius takes over and hands out the cake and a coffee to the lady waiting. Leo walks toward the crowd and talks to another kid. My heart tightens when I see him smiling and dancing with the other kids.
He’s wearing his Hall of Fame T-shirt, and my next thought is that he walked here from the apartment without a coat on, even as my brain sees the rest.
He could get sick.
He made friends.
He could get sick.
He’s having fun.
“I’m sorry, Julius. I need a moment. I’ll be right back.”
I practically run toward the closest door. It leads to a hallway that runs along the side of the building, where there are a couple of offices and meeting rooms.
One of the rooms has the door open so I go inside, not bothering to turn the light on. My hands are shaking as I struggle to pull air into my lungs, and I feel stupid for running out on Julius.
“Constantine?”
“I’m here.” I should have known he’d come for me. How do I explain it to him?
He comes into the room, and before I overthink it, I run into his arms. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to leave you hanging out there. I just need a minute.”
“What happened? Is it about Leo?”
He runs his hands over my back, soothing me. It fucking works, and I’m not sure if I hate or love him for it.
Love?
My panic shifts from Leo to Julius.
“Hey. Hey. What’s going on?”
I look up at him, and even in the relative darkness of the room, I can see his face. We’ve spent so much time together that I could draw it without trying that hard, and I’m shit at drawing. But I know all his expressions, the worry lines, the depth of his dimples, depending on what’s making him smile or laugh.
“I need to tell you something, but…”
“Constantine, I need you to know that?—”
“What’s your problem?” Kay’s voice sounds right outside the room.
“My problem is you.”
Leo?
I move to go outside, but Julius holds me tight. “Shh. Let them talk it out.”
He’s right. I know he is, but my overwhelming feeling is to help and protect Leo.
“What have I done?” Kay asks.
“You think you know everything,” Leo snaps. “But you don’t know anything. You don’t know what it’s like.”
“I did my research, thank you very much. I grew up with men who lost friends to HIV. I heard the stories. Wait—what do you mean I don’t know what it’s like?”
Leo doesn’t reply, and the silence breaks my heart.
“I’m…the reason I’m so angry at you is…is…”
I try to move again, but Julius’s grip on me is strong. Tears start running down my face. “Baby.”
“I can’t let him do this alone, Julius,” I whisper back.
“Do what?”
When Leo’s voice returns it’s so small it’s barely audible.
“I’m HIV positive.”
I expect to hear two gasps, but there’s only one, and it’s not from the man holding me like I’m the most precious thing.
“I’m really sorry, Leo.”
I hear a thud. “What are you doing?” Leo squeaks.
“Hugging you, dumbass. What did you think? I would push you away or be mean? I’ve organized a whole freakin’ fundraiser to help people like you. I don’t know what it’s like, Leo, but I’d like to know. I’d like to be your friend.”
“You’re not scared?”
“I’m scared of many things, but not of you.”
“I’m undetectable,” Leo says.
“That’s great, and for your health, that makes me really happy. But for me, it doesn’t matter.”
“I’m sorry I was mean and rude to you.”
“Why?” Kay asks.
I can almost imagine Leo’s usual shrug as he finds his words.
“Because I thought I would get found out. That people wouldn’t stop talking about it, and eventually, they’d figure out I have it. I’ve never told anyone.”
“And you never have to unless you really want to. Want to go dance?”
“Okay.”
“Cool. I’ll introduce you to the band later.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, Dad has this stupid rule that he wants to meet all my friends. He gives them this lecture about not being scared of me or some crap.”
Leo’s laughter pulls a sob out of me.
“I’m not scared of you,” Leo says.
“You should be. I’m freakin’ crazy.”
“You’re also pretty awesome.”
The following sound is of the hallway door closing.
“Oh my god.” My knees buckle, and I almost fall down, but Julius catches me, pulling out a nearby chair and sitting on it, dragging me onto his lap.
“You wanted to tell me,” he says.
“I couldn’t. Leo made me promise.”
“Your loyalty is one of the things I love the most about you.”
I rest my head on Julius’s shoulder. “What else do you like about me?”
“It’s a long list. Might take me a long time to read it all out.”
I hold Julius’s head between my hands and pull him in for a kiss.
“Don’t start what you can’t finish, Galanis. We still have plenty of coffee and cake to give out,” Julius says.
I stand and hold out my hand. He takes it, and we leave the room.
As much as I want to check in with Leo, I need to decide whether to tell him I overheard the conversation or wait to see if he tells me.
An hour and a half later, Julius and I pack up the empty trays and clean the coffee maker. I don’t know how much money we raised, but the tin where people placed their donations is heavy as we hand it over to one of the organizers working with Kay.
“Hey, Connie?”
I school my expression before turning to Leo.
“Hey. Having fun?”
“Yeah. Um…can I sleep over at a friend’s place?”
I bite my tongue. “Sure. Who is it?”
His cheeks go a little pink. “Kay. She’s, um…my friend, and I’m going to meet the band.”
“I’m not sure… I should meet her dad properly first.”
He rolls his eyes. “Kay told me she’s lesbian and their place has like a gazillion bedrooms. That good enough for you, Dad ?”
“Okay. If you promise to call me if you need anything.”
“I will.”
“And please take my jacket with you. It’s on the hook in the hallway. You’re hot now, but I don’t want you catching a cold when you go outside.”
“Yeah, sorry. I was really excited to see the band, I didn’t know what to wear, and then I was running late. I ran here and forgot my coat.”
I ruffle his hair.
“Connie.”
“Love you too, bud. Have fun.”
He runs over to where his friends are all together.
I go back to Julius. “Hey, I have a little problem. I was wondering if you could help me out.”
“Sure.”
“My schedule has cleared out for tonight, so I was wondering if?—”
“Fuck yeah.”
I laugh at the way he takes a step forward like he wants to touch me but is holding back.
“Glad we’re on the same page because I neither have a warm coat to go home with nor the willpower to stay away from you.”
“We can come back tomorrow to clean up the rest.” Julius drags me by my hand, only stopping by the coat stand to grab his and put it over my shoulders.
I slide my arms through the sleeves, drowning in the coat.
“Fuck, you look really cute like that,” he says, pulling me closer.
“Like what?”
“Like you belong to me.”
“How possessive of you. I kinda like it.”
“Good. Let’s go so I can show you how possessive I can be.”