Chapter 5
CHAPTER 5
DIMA
Dima was a right bastard for not keeping strict boundaries from day one, allowing Jake to so seamlessly insert himself into Dima’s daily routines. Jake had made his desire for more clear through every look, every gesture, from the moment he moved in. No wonder his mixed signals led to Jake’s snap the other night. Sharing his status with Jake, then consoling him, had been an easy decision in the moment.
Despite erasing one barrier, Jake never pressed for more. After the TV episode, he’d kissed Dima’s shoulder through his shirt and retreated to his bedroom. Too bad Dima’s vow the next morning to better distance himself had crumbled over a mug of freshly brewed coffee and Jake’s bright-eyed cheer. The next night found them together on the couch again. And the next night, and the next.
Dima loved his work, but he found himself counting the hours until he returned to the condo that had gone from a place he lived to one that suddenly felt like home. But aside from the evening snuggle sessions, nothing else changed. Jake still prepared his morning coffee, they still coordinated which of them cooked dinner each night, and neither man gave words to the shift occurring between them, as if addressing the topic might shatter the fragile balance. For a man so young, Jake had the patience of a saint. Maybe it was a military thing. Val was the same way. Even-keeled and accepting of all life threw at him.
Dima should not be thinking about his little brother while he curled around Jake, holding him firmly against his body.
He shouldn’t be cuddling Jake at all, spooning him on the couch, one of his hands sweeping up and down the smaller man’s bare torso. Each time his fingers brushed a sensitive spot, every wriggle of Jake’s adorable ass sent shocks of pleasure straight to Dima’s cock. The documentary narrator droned on the television screen, but the boy in his arms captured Dima’s sole focus the moment he dropped onto the couch and nestled into Dima’s chest.
His cock rested heavy against his thigh, but he resisted rocking his hips against Jake no matter how much the man in his arms squirmed. A few short months ago, Saturday night might have found Dima in Baltimore or DC, but he hadn’t made the trek since Jake moved in. He enjoyed this quiet dance so much more than the messy, writhing heat of a deafening club.
Dima nuzzled his face into Jake’s soft hair until he caught the sweet vanilla echoes of his shampoo. He swept his hand low again, teasing his fingers through the fuzz below Jake’s navel but stopping short of dipping under the waistband of the sinfully tiny shorts Jake called pajamas. He craved the wiggle that came next even as he braced for it. Jake’s whimper, though, rocked through him like lightning.
Even though they played with fire, Jake was the last person he wanted to burn. Dima shifted, intending to withdraw.
In a flash, Jake snagged his wrist and kept Dima’s hand in place. “Don’t you dare.”
Jake’s ragged whisper should have been lost under the volume of the television, but all of Dima’s senses had tuned to a single channel. “I’m crossing lines I shouldn’t.”
When Jake released Dima’s arm, he didn’t move away. Instead, he twisted on the narrow strip of couch until they lay face to face, straining Dima’s self-control further. Jake made no attempt to hide the evidence of his matching arousal, and the heat of his erection seared through the flimsy protection of Dima’s shirt. A matching heat flared in Jake’s expression. “We can keep pretending the lines exist,” he said, “or we can?—”
The front door swung open, cutting off Jake’s words. A familiar voice called, “Brother, I come bearing gifts!”
The couch blocked them from immediate view. Dima tightened his hold on Jake when the other man tried to slither to the floor. Val’s ill-timed arrival promised an awkward conversation, but the condo’s open-plan living area allowed no escape. Their intimate proximity would be obvious the moment they sat up. Dima maneuvered them both, making sure his larger frame didn’t dump Jake to the floor as he stood. He turned to Val, facing the inevitable head-on. “Ever hear of knocking?”
That wasn’t quite fair. Dima had always maintained an open-door policy for Val. This was the first time in his brother’s entire adult life Dima ever had anything to keep private. Not to hide, though. Dima would never allow Jake to think Dima was ashamed of him. Even if he had no idea where they currently stood.
Any smart remark from Val fizzled out. Dima saw his brother’s brain short-circuit in real time as Jake rose from the couch next to him. Jake’s tiny shorts would have hidden no secrets, but at least Val’s interruption had shriveled their erections. Jake jabbed a thumb toward his bedroom, already moving that direction. “I’m gonna…”
His door shut moments later. Dima didn’t blame Jake for abandoning him. Val was Dima’s idiot baby brother. He’d take the first hit.
Val’s strike didn’t disappoint. “No. Not him.”
Trust, Dima had been telling himself that for weeks. Funny how Val skipped over the bigger elephant in the room first. “This wasn’t how I expected to come out to you.”
Scoffing, Val rolled his eyes. “Please, I’ve known you were some flavor of queer since I was a kid. We’d have a much bigger problem if I thought you were using Jake as an experiment.”
“I’m glad you have that much faith in me, at least.” Dima edged around the couch but left distance between himself and Val, who had yet to move further inside than the tiled foyer. His brother clutched a paper bag with a white-knuckled grip. “You said something about gifts?”
“Nope.” Val tucked the package closer to his body. “You don’t deserve the good baklava.”
This explained the unexpected drop-in. Sage adored a Greek restaurant nearby, and Val never hesitated to stop by when in the neighborhood. His love language was food, though, so withholding one of Dima’s favorite desserts meant real trouble. “I get why you might be upset,” Dima said, measuring his tone the same way he would with an irate patient.
“Do you?” Val shoved the bag onto the kitchen counter, the better to wave his hands as he ranted. “Jake’s one of my best friends. He’s way too young for you. And if neither of those things weren’t enough on their own, you’ve never dated anyone for as long as I can remember. I figured you might be ace, or maybe aromantic like Weston. But no, you were just hiding from me.” Hurt seeped into his voice around the terse words.
“Not ace or aro.” Dima dragged his hands over his face. “I know I owe you an apology.” Definitely for hiding for so long, especially when Val had called him so often from California agonizing about his own sexuality. Not for Jake, though, even if Val’s arguments echoed those Dima had with himself many times over through the past weeks.
“I literally gave you a fucking list,” Val said. “But that’s okay, because I’m not ready to hear one.”
“Val—”
“Not tonight, Dmitri.” Val broke out the big guns with his use of Dima’s full name. He pointed to Jake’s bedroom. “That man is one of the sweetest people on earth. I don’t know whether you’ve got no dating experience, or if you’ve been quietly leaving a string of broken hearts behind you. Either way, Jake doesn’t deserve anyone who won’t go all in. And I’m not sure you’re capable of that.”
Therein lay the problem. Dima wasn’t sure either. He’d already given away his heart and lost it forever. In the nearly two decades since, keeping any emotional ties at arm’s length had been so much easier. He’d siloed away such a huge part of himself that he’d never even confided in his own brother.
And now he’d remained quiet too long. Val uttered another snort of disgust. “Yeah, that’s what I figured. Leave him alone, Dima.” He flung the front door open and exited without another word.
He did, however, forget the baklava.
After Dima turned the lock behind Val, Jake’s bedroom door pulled him like a magnet. Val thought him incapable of going all-in with a relationship. Maybe that had been true before, when pretending a huge part of his life never happened had been so much easier.
But whatever brewed between them was no longer a private push and pull between Dima and Jake alone. And somewhere between a club bathroom and early morning coffee, Jake made Dima not want to pretend anymore.