Twenty-Five
A new day is coming
The golden glow of sunrise
Finally appears
I’ve been waiting
To make it here
‘New Day’ from The In-Between
On the Friday of the October half term, Rose Conrad releases a bonus track for The In-Between.
I listen to it first thing in the morning, as I finish packing for Manchester.
The last week of school and the whole of half term have been uneventful, bar Tori continuing to keep up her Secret Sender charade.
So if anything, this is a sign. Rose Conrad only releases new music when something pivotal is about to happen in my life.
And today is the day when I confess how I feel to Ollie.
I look out of the living-room window; Ty’s not out yet.
‘You’re both going to be okay driving up?’ says Mum.
‘Ty is driving, and in America they apparently drive all the time. From when they’re fifteen. If you think about it, he’s more like a twenty-year-old driver here.’
Mum shakes her head and I laugh.
‘It’ll be fine. Ty’s driving us to Liverpool, I’ll get a train to see Ollie. Ty’s going to spend Saturday exploring Liverpool, then on Sunday we’ll meet up and he’ll drive us both back down. Easy.’
‘This does sound thought through,’ laughs Mum. ‘Just text me you’re okay, right? You’ve not really gone this far before.’
‘You went all the way to Greece around my age,’ I say.
‘Well yes, which is why I’m not stopping you. Go out and see the world, that’s what I want you to do. But text me when you get there?’
‘First Manchester, then the world,’ I say, hugging her. I pause. ‘Are you sure you’re going to be okay without me? If you have any flare ups or anything, call and I’ll come back. I’ve left some meals in the fridge in case you don’t want to cook.’
‘I’ll be fine. I keep saying you don’t need to do all of this,’ she says, shooing me out of the door. ‘Go have fun.’
I walk outside as Ty leaves his front door. He’s dangling car keys from his hand.
‘You’re driving that?’ I say, pointing at the black 4x4 in the driveway.
‘Paul’s away this weekend, what else would I drive?’ he says.
‘Something smaller?’ I say, as he unlocks the car and I get into the passenger seat.
‘I’m from the land of the big car,’ he says, starting to reverse out. ‘I’m not concerned about the size of the car, more about driving on the right side of the road.’
‘Wait, what?’
He turns and gives me a brief smile. ‘Selena, I’m joking, it’ll be fine.’
He makes a right out of the drive and we’re off.
‘Why don’t you put on some music?’ he says.
‘You know what I’m going to put on, right?’
‘Rose Conrad?’
‘You got it.’
I connect my phone and start building a playlist up. I don’t want anything too romantic, which is a bit difficult with Rose Conrad.
‘Are you sure you’re okay listening to only this for 250 miles?’ I say.
‘I told you, I’m a big fan,’ says Ty, lazily. Then he starts singing along to ‘This Change’.
‘I can’t believe you know all the words,’ I say, as he croons out the final wobbly note. Ty may be many things, but a good singer isn’t one of them.
‘You know how I get real obsessive about things?’ he says.
‘Like trying to complete Level 17 of a video game?’
‘Did Daze tell you? He’s ruining my image! But yes, I fixate on things I like. So that summer when I got dumped—’
‘I thought you broke up amicably with this girlfriend?’
‘I might have edited the story a bit to reduce how heart-broken I was. Anyway, after she ran off with her lab partner, I listened to Rose Conrad obsessively to remind me of her. And then I got really into the lyrics, and learning the lyrics, and the next thing you know, Rose Conrad became my thing, not hers.’
I am quiet for a bit. I know other people like Rose Conrad, she’s on a sell-out tour. But for some reason it’s making me feel annoyed that Ty’s ex also liked her. As if she’s taken that from me.
‘What was her name?’ I say.
‘May.’ He glances over. ‘You got any exes?’
‘No,’ I say honestly. ‘All girls’ school and all that.’
‘What about this guy you’re visiting?’ he says, looking at me out of the corner of his eye. ‘Ollie? The old next-door neighbour?’
I squirm in my seat. I don’t want to get into all the details of this with Ty. I want to go and talk to Ollie, and figure out how I feel and how he feels. Simple.
‘He’s just a friend,’ I say honestly. ‘My oldest friend.’
‘But he didn’t help you out with those tickets.’
‘You forgive friends,’ I say quietly.
‘Okay,’ he says, nodding. ‘I’ll leave it alone.’ He shakes his head. ‘What do I know about friendship anyway?’
‘You said before you didn’t really have many friends in your old school,’ I say. ‘Is that true?’
He shrugs. ‘I had acquaintances. Guys I hung out with. But they never got why I wanted to teach myself photography, or learn every element in the periodic table, or when I tried to perfect baking San Francisco sourdough bread. They wanted to play video games or go to the movies, which I liked, but there’s other things I like too.
So I kept drifting to the sidelines. Finding it hard to connect, you know? Until I met May.’
‘And she saw you?’ I can’t help but want to know more. And it feels nice Ty is opening up to me like this. It feels like he really cares about what I think.
‘She was interested in everything, like I was. But ironically, considering she left me for her lab partner, I don’t think we had real chemistry.
’ I laugh. ‘It’s true, I think we found things interesting.
When I saw her with Jordan, the lab partner, I could tell there was something different there.
’ He looks at me. ‘That’s why I appreciate you.
’ I think he can see my startled look, because he quickly says, ‘Because you also find things interesting. You ask me a lot of questions. There’s more to you. ’
I get a faint, buzzing feeling whenever he says something nice to me. Like he really sees me. I catch his eye, he gives me a faint smile . . .
We need to move on – I’m going to see Ollie, I can’t feel like this. ‘Is that why you want to stay here for uni? So you can meet more people?’
‘And for Daze and Mom. They’re more than my family, they’re my friends too.
I don’t know what I would do without them.
Mom’s the one who spent all that time baking bread with me.
She’s never doubted me or asked questions.
And Daze can be the most annoying person on the planet, but he’s so smart, so funny.
I don’t want to be on the other side of the world from them. ’
‘How does your dad feel about you going on this open day?’ I say.
‘Oh, Paul doesn’t know,’ says Ty.
‘Then what does he think you need the car for?’
‘He thinks I’m taking you to the open day because I’m such a good friend,’ he says. ‘So he knows we’re going to Liverpool. The car has a GPS tracker anyway.’
‘Ah, so you lied,’ I say.
‘More bent the truth.’
I raise my eyebrows. ‘You are going to the open day though,’ I say.
Ty shrugs his shoulders. ‘It’s not worth rocking the boat with Paul. He doesn’t need to know.’
‘So when you miraculously decide to go to university here, what, he won’t know?’
‘Paul believes he knows what’s best for me. I like to keep him believing he does.’
‘Even though you disagree.’
‘Selena, we’ve been through this. My dad is . . . how do you say it here . . . an arsehole. But I need to keep him happy. It’s not worth the stress otherwise.’
‘Okay,’ I say, and smile at him. ‘I’ll leave it alone.’
Ty turns up the music. He laughs. ‘Maybe this is what friendship is. Knowing when to not talk about things.’
Friends, that’s what we are. If that’s the case, why is my heart beating so much? I turn back to the window. Things felt a lot less complicated when we were fighting.