Fifty-One
It’ll be a while, but it’ll be the best of times
Take a chance, take a shot
On this moment of time
For we might not have it again
‘The Best of Times’ from The Brink of Teenage Freedom
The morning of the concert, I’m a mess. It feels like my entire life has been working up to this moment.
My mind is going into hyperdrive. What if I am near the front and someone from Rose Conrad’s team spots how big a fan I am and invites me backstage?
What if she sees me from the stage and clocks how I know the words to every song?
What if I run into her on the way home, as she’s dressed undercover but I know exactly what she looks like?
All of these possibilities have a near-zero chance of happening – but you never know.
Kira and Faye arrive at lunchtime to help me get ready.
‘I’m really sad you both can’t come,’ I say, as Faye braids glittery strands into my hair and Kira paints my fingernails.
‘Me too, girl,’ says Kira.
‘But we’re glad you can go,’ says Faye.
‘Yeah, you were the OG Rose Conrad fan,’ says Kira. ‘If anyone deserves to go, it’s you.’
‘And we’ll be watching the livestream, for sure,’ says Faye.
‘It’s the reason we’re all friends,’ I say, looking over to my school bag, where my Rose pin glints.
‘It’s the reason we all became friends,’ says Kira. ‘We’re friends for so much more than that.’
‘Also despite it,’ says Faye. ‘Do you remember in Year 9 when you sang ‘Torn’ twenty-four-seven?’
My chest seizes up and a strange choking sound comes from me.
‘What’s up?’ says Faye. ‘Did I pull too hard on your hair?’
‘No,’ I say, and I can hear my voice choke up too. ‘It’s just – who’s going to remember these things about me when I go to uni?’
Faye pats my head soothingly. ‘We’re not going anywhere. We’ll still be friends.’
‘Yeah, and you’ll get so many new firsts with your new uni friends too,’ says Kira.
‘Like what?’
‘I don’t know yet, but I don’t think all your firsts happen before you’re eighteen,’ says Kira. ‘And even then, you’ll still have us, like Faye said.’
‘Do you think we’ll be friends forever?’ I say.
To my surprise, it’s Faye who responds, ‘No.’
I laugh. ‘I thought Kira would say that.’
‘I’m not trying to be negative,’ says Faye. ‘I don’t think we know the future. And that’s okay. Maybe we’ll be friends when we’re fifty, maybe we’ll be distant memories to each other. But what matters is right now, in the present, we’re here for each other.’
‘When did you become so wise?’ I say, turning around to face her.
‘When did we all start growing up?’ she says, with a small smile.
‘Are you excited for your apprenticeship next year?’ I say.
‘I’m excited to stop studying, honestly,’ she says. ‘And do something.’
‘I’m excited to see what you become,’ I say.
‘It’ll be a while, but it’ll be the best of times,’ sings Faye to me.
‘Speaking of which, I should get going,’ I say, looking at the time. ‘Oh crap, I’m already late.’
‘Didn’t you set the time?’ says Kira.
‘Yes, but I lost track of it!’ I say, stuffing on my shoes.
I pull them both into a group hug. ‘Thanks for always being by my side,’ I say.
‘Go get ’em,’ says Kira. ‘Or I should rather say, “go get him”.’
I roll my eyes. ‘None of that will be happening tonight,’ I say. ‘I think he’s made his feelings clear.’
‘You don’t know,’ says Faye.
‘You’re both right, I don’t know. Maybe he’ll profess his undying love on the tube. While queuing for drinks. As the opening act comes on. So many opportunities.’
‘Hey, you’re the writer,’ says Kira. ‘You never know where the moment will take you. Be open minded.’
‘I have to be open minded,’ I say, opening my bedroom door and walking out. ‘I’ve been waiting for this night for so long.’ I turn back to them. ‘You guys can get out yourselves, right?’
‘Selena,’ says Kira. ‘Your mum gave me a key years ago.’
‘I know, I know,’ I say. ‘See you both later. Love you!’
And with that, I run outside into the day, unable to believe this is the night I see Rose Conrad live.
***
I stand outside our houses and Ty is nowhere to be seen. Weird – if there’s one thing I’ve learnt about him in the past few months is that for a teenage boy, he’s strangely punctual. Where is he?
I look at my phone, no texts. I’m getting impatient. There’s a reason I wanted to go this early. What if we miss a chance to get a prime spot?
I’m also freezing. I’m stood outside dressed in gauzy blue-green fabric that snakes around me, with the thickest coat I could find thrown on top. I’m going as the sea-green eyes from ‘I Loved You Like That’.
Just when I am about to go and bang on his front door, Ty swings it open and slams it shut behind him.
He looks slightly erratic as he approaches me, with this weird energy.
‘What’s going on?’ I say.
‘Let’s go,’ he says, grabbing my hand and pulling me forwards. ‘We’ve got a show to get to.’
We barely speak as we navigate into London, and I can tell he’s twitchy but he won’t talk about why.
‘What’s going on?’ I ask again.
‘We can talk in the queue. We’ve got a long wait,’ he says. ‘I want to make sure we get there first.’
We sit in tubes full of girls in tulle and lace, smiling and laughing, and all I can think about is how I’m going to have to beat them to the front of the line.
I take off my jacket, sling it over my arm. I know my outfit is ridiculous for normal wear, but on this tube, anything goes.
Ty makes a noise.
‘What?’ I say. He blinks, double takes.
‘You look . . .’ He pauses, breaks off. ‘Well, you look—’
‘Like a five-year-old dressed me?’ I say. Do I look like a clown?
‘Incredible,’ he says, and in that moment time stands still. He waves his free hand up and down, struggling with words. ‘Just, wow, Selena. You’ve always been the brightest thing in the room to me. But you look, just, wow.’
He’s so devastatingly earnest I don’t know what to do with it. I nod dumbly, my throat feels dry. I feel like I could cry or laugh at any second.
‘That feels like a stupidly nice thing to say on the tube,’ I say.
‘I think any time is a good time to say a stupidly nice thing,’ he says with a smile.
‘You look nice too,’ I say, smiling at him. Even though he’s wearing a T-shirt and jeans.
‘Don’t lie,’ he says, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a tube of glitter. ‘I know I’m underdressed, I’m waiting until we get there to glitter up.’
‘Well, I’m glad you’re prepared.’ I laugh.
‘I’m taking this very seriously,’ he says. He thinks about it, ‘But maybe not as seriously as you.’