Chapter 11
Meghna had never experienced this exact combination of exhilaration and exhaustion. She simultaneously felt like she could fly and like she might pass out at any moment. But the night had been a success. Numerous parents had congratulated her, and the principal had pulled her aside, saying she wanted to ask the school board for funds to put on another performance next semester. Meghna wasn’t ready to think about all the work that would take, but she was excited that the school was finally seeing the value of having a theater program.
The kids were all accounted for and were beginning to leave, so Meghna was finally free to go out and greet her parents. She walked into the audience alone, having previously decided it was best to leave Karthik backstage. He looked more like himself now, but she didn’t want her parents asking questions about why he was here. Not that she really knew what he was doing here, either. Beyond a quick “congratulations,” Karthik hadn’t said anything to her since the performance began. She hoped she’d get some answers from him later tonight.
“Great job, Meghna,” her father said, wrapping her up in a hug.
“Thanks, Dad. And thanks for coming.” Part of her hadn’t been sure if her parents would show up at all. They said they were proud of her, but she couldn’t help but compare the way they talked about her job to the way they talked about Samir’s career. There was a certain amount of respect in their voices when they talked about Samir that just wasn’t present when they talked about her. They had initially been disappointed when she’d decided to become a teacher, but her father had gotten on board fairly quickly. It was her mother who still couldn’t understand why she would choose to be anything other than an engineer. But she’d never have her mother’s approval. She had learned to accept that a long time ago.
As predicted, her mother offered some half-hearted words of praise and a reminder that Meghna still needed to respond to her email about venue options for the wedding. After promising to do so and to stop by the house for dinner next week, her parents said their goodbyes and Meghna went backstage one last time to collect Karthik. He was still sitting on the same stool where she’d left him, looking out at the stage with an unfocused expression.
“Hey, you ready to go?”
Karthik’s attention snapped to her, and he shook himself out of whatever trance he’d been in. “That was incredible.”
“Thanks.”
“No, really, Meghna. That was … I’ve never seen anything like that before.”
Meghna let out a self-deprecating laugh, though inside her something soft and tender bloomed. A little pea shoot pushing its way through the dirt, seeking out the sunlight.
“That’s really nice,” she said. “But you don’t have to exaggerate. I mean, they did a great job, but I’m just glad they got through it.”
Karthik frowned. “I’m not exaggerating. I mean it. I had no idea that musicals could be like this.”
“Like what?”
He was silent for a few seconds, then shook his head. “I don’t know.”
Meghna suddenly remembered something Karthik had told her a while ago.
“When you said you’d never seen a show before, I thought you meant you’d never seen a real show. Like a professional one. I didn’t think …”
“No. I’ve never been to any kind of performance. Except for tonight.”
She smiled softly. “Well, I’m glad you liked it.”
He looked off at the stage again and then back at her. “How are you so …” He waved his hand in her direction. “So unaffected.”
Meghna smothered a laugh. Karthik was accusing her of being unaffected? Oh, the irony. But she just pursed her lips and asked, in as neutral a tone as she could manage, “Unaffected?”
“Wasn’t that just as … moving for you? Sweeping and … Never mind.” He sighed. “I’ve had a strange day.”
Meghna’s curiosity was at an all-time high. She desperately wanted to know what had happened, but this wasn’t the time to delve into it.
“No, I know what you mean. Musicals can be moving and sweeping and … all-encompassing. It’s just, well, we’ve been working on this one for a long time. It’s different when you experience it brand-new.”
“Right. Of course.” He stood up, took a step toward her, then stopped. He looked a little lost, as if he didn’t know what he should do next. She felt a tug on her heartstrings.
“Do you want to go get dinner?” she asked.
Karthik agreed, following her out to her car, the only one left in the parking lot.
She drove him to one of her favorite spots. It was small and unassuming, located in a somewhat deserted strip mall, but the family who ran it made the best food and it was always quiet. She figured it would provide enough privacy for whatever conversation they so obviously needed to have.
Once inside, Meghna was relieved to see there was only one other couple there tonight. She waved at Annie, the owner’s high school daughter and one of her former students, who was studying at one of the booths in the back. Meghna pointed to indicate that she and Karthik would sit at a table on the other side of the room, and Annie came by a few minutes later to take their order. Karthik deferred to Meghna, so she asked for her usual: fresh spring rolls, green curry, and a pad kee mao to share. Annie slipped away to the kitchen, leaving Meghna and Karthik alone.
Meghna waited a few seconds, then looked at Karthik expectantly. Surely now he would explain what he was doing here.
But he didn’t. He took a sip of his water. He looked around the room. And then he pulled the menu back out and began reading it, even though they’d already ordered. Questions bubbled up inside Meghna, but she pushed them down. He was upset and she didn’t know why, but earlier it had seemed like he needed space. She could resist invading his privacy, but she needed to talk about something. She could only take the silence for so long. She wracked her brain for something neutral to talk about and finally landed on a topic.
“When did you take dance lessons?” she asked.
“Hmm,” Karthik responded distractedly, lifting his eyes from the menu.
“In Miami, you said you took dance lessons.”
“Oh.” He folded the menu and placed it back on the table. “A few years ago. Someone gifted my parents with ballroom dancing classes and, well, they were about to expire, so I went with my mom.” He shrugged as if it wasn’t a big deal. As if it wasn’t the most endearing thing Meghna had ever heard.
“That was nice of you.”
“Not really. I just didn’t want her to have to go alone.” His expression softened for a moment, and he almost looked … concerned.
“Karthik,” Meghna said gently. “What happened?”
He broke eye contact, looking down at his plate for a moment. “I had my interview today. For the promotion.”
Oh. For some reason, that wasn’t what Meghna had been expecting.
“I take it that it didn’t go well?”
He let out a humorless laugh. “No, it didn’t go well.” He picked up his fork and put it back down, straightening it so that it was perfectly aligned. He stared at it for a moment, then lifted his head, meeting her eyes directly.
“My dad’s an ass,” he said.
A surprised laugh almost escaped Meghna’s mouth, but she held it in.
“I won’t argue with you there,” she said.
A ghost of a smile touched his lips, but quickly disappeared. “I thought he was cheating on my mom. Honestly, I’ve thought that for a long time.”
Without thinking, Meghna lifted her hand and placed it over his. His hand immediately became tense. Right. He wasn’t the touchy-feely type. Just as she was about to take her hand back, he flipped his over so that his palm was touching hers. Then he wrapped his fingers around the back of her hand, holding her in place.
The small touch made her heart soar, but she ignored it, returning her focus to their conversation. “Were you right?” she asked. “About him cheating?”
“Yes.” He shook his head. “No. I don’t know.”
She squeezed his hand lightly and almost melted when he squeezed hers back.
“I don’t know how bad it got, or if he did anything that could be considered cheating, but he … A group of students sued him. For a lot of things. But mostly for the way he treated women. Unfair treatment and discrimination, but it sounded like there was also harassment and …” He stopped talking.
“You don’t have to go into the details if you don’t want to,” she said.
He shot her a look of gratitude. “Thanks. But honestly, that’s all I know. That’s all the article said.”
He went quiet as Annie came back, dropping off the food. Meghna thanked her and waited until she was out of earshot before asking, “That’s how you found out? An article?”
“Yes. It was only the campus newspaper, but I’m sure word will spread fast.”
Sympathy welled up inside her. She couldn’t imagine how awful she would feel if she was in his position.
“I guess there’s a chance it’s not true,” he continued. “But I believe it. All of it.”
“Is your father denying it?”
“Maybe. Probably. I haven’t talked to him about it yet. And I don’t want to talk to him. Really, I’m only worried about my mother. I don’t know how she’ll take this. I don’t even know if she knows. I should have made sure she was okay first, but I wasn’t thinking. I just came here.”
To Dallas. To see me. Whatever had been growing, that tiny little pea shoot, that promise of something, shot up three inches.
They moved on to lighter topics—his thoughts on the lead performer in the musical and questions about how she’d rehearsed with the kids to get them ready—but they mostly ate in silence. It was surprisingly comfortable. Natural.
“Where are you staying tonight?” Meghna asked as she finished off the last spring roll.
Karthik’s face reverted to that vulnerable, slightly lost expression. “I don’t know.”
Annie came by a few minutes later, clearing the plates and dropping off the bill. Meghna grabbed it and paid before Karthik could say anything. He looked adorably grumpy and put out about it, and in that moment Meghna made up her mind.
“Come on,” she said, getting up and gesturing for him to follow.
“Where are we going?”
“Back to my place.”
As soon as Karthik entered Meghna’s apartment, the strangest tune entered his head. It wasn’t a song he knew well. In fact, he was pretty sure he had heard it for the first time that night, but he couldn’t remember any of the words.
“Ice cream or wine?” Meghna asked over her shoulder as she walked into the kitchen.
“Umm, ice cream’s fine,” he called back.
A few minutes later she returned with a quart of strawberry ice cream in one hand and a bottle of red wine in the other. “I figured we needed both,” Meghna said. “Comfort food.”
She set them down on the coffee table in the living room, and he just stood there awkwardly, not sure what to do. There was something odd about being in the place where she lived. The tune from before popped back into his head.
“Sit down,” she said, gesturing toward the couch. “I’ll be right back. I’m just going to change.” She took a step toward her bedroom, then stopped. “Did you pack pajamas? Or anything?”
He shook his head.
“That’s fine. I’ll see if I can find something for you to sleep in.”
She disappeared into her room, and he let his composure drop. His tense muscles relaxed as he sank deep into the sofa. What am I doing here? Karthik rubbed a hand over his face. This wasn’t like him at all. And he didn’t just mean his impromptu trip to Dallas. That he could almost understand. People made out-of-character decisions during a crisis, but he wasn’t in crisis mode anymore. His breathing was fine. He wasn’t feeling sick. He was almost back to normal. So, why hadn’t he done the sensible thing and checked into a hotel? What was he doing in Meghna’s apartment?
“You know what I was thinking about?” Meghna asked loudly from her bedroom.
“No. What?”
“That was basically our first date.” Some rustling and the creaks and bangs of drawers opening and shutting accompanied her words. “I don’t think we’d ever had a meal together before.”
“We’ve had several meals together.”
“Yeah, but it’s never been just the two of us.”
He thought it over for a moment. “I guess you’re right,” he said.
She walked back into the living room, and he couldn’t stop himself from staring. Her hair was pulled back with a cotton headband, and her face had a bright, freshly washed glow. The emerald-green color of her pajamas made her skin appear almost golden. How does she keep becoming more beautiful? He swallowed and looked away.
She thankfully didn’t notice his gawking as she made her way over to the couch and tossed something at him. He reflexively caught it. He shook out the folded piece of clothing, an oversized dark-gray T-shirt. At least, it would have been oversized on Meghna. It would probably fit him fine.
“Sorry, I didn’t have a ton of options,” Meghna said as she sat down on the couch next to him. “But I think that should work.”
A thought struck him, and something hot and dangerous flooded his body.
“Whose shirt is this?” he asked carefully.
“Oh. Just mine,” she said quickly. She grabbed the throw pillow that had been propped behind her and placed it on her lap. She stared down at it, her fingers playing distractedly with one of the tassels.
Realization dawned on him. She was lying.
“Meghna, whose is it?”
She breathed out a sigh. “Fine. You’d have guessed when you saw the front anyway.”
Puzzled, he flipped the shirt over. Two cartoon glasses of milk with googly eyes stared back at him. One had a speech bubble on top of it, and he went still as he read what it said.
“That’s my joke,” he said.
“I know.”
“You liked my joke?”
She grinned. “Yeah, of course I did.”
He read the shirt again, running a hand over it. “You never responded. I didn’t know.” He shook his head. “You made this? For Samir?”
“No, dummy. I made it for you.”
Startled, he lifted his head. Her face was right in front of his, her eyes shining with barely contained laughter. He leaned toward her instinctively.
But Meghna pulled back, abruptly standing up.
“We should build a pillow fort.”
“What?” he asked, trying to make sense of her words.
“Have you ever made a pillow fort?” She grabbed a blanket that had been folded under the coffee table.
“Last time Ankita got dumped, we stayed in one for a whole weekend. We stocked up on ice cream and binge-watched old episodes of The Bachelor.”
Is that why she’d brought out the wine and ice cream? A flush of embarrassment swept through him. “You don’t need to treat me like one of your friends. I’m not Ankita going through a breakup.”
“I know that.” She frowned. “You don’t want to be friends?”
No, I don’t.The sudden burst of clarity shocked him, but it led to a series of other revelations. He didn’t want to be friends with Meghna. Didn’t want to be just friends with his fiancée. He knew their relationship wasn’t real and that it couldn’t ever be real, but he also knew without a shadow of a doubt that he wanted more than friendship from her.
“I don’t know,” he told her, his throat suddenly dry. He didn’t know exactly what he was doing, but he decided to put it all on the table. To just say what he wanted and let the chips fall where they may. The mask of indifference slipped off his face, and he looked at her the way he had wanted to since that night in Miami. He took a step toward her.
“Can friends kiss?” he asked.
She stood stock-still, an incredulous expression on her face.
“Kiss?” she croaked.
“Yes.” He walked closer until they were no more than a few inches apart.
She inhaled shakily. “I don’t kiss my friends.”
“Okay,” he whispered. “Then let’s not be friends.”
Her gaze flickered to his lips, and something like panic flared in her eyes. He immediately took a step back.
“No,” she said, her hand reaching out to grab his. “Stay. I just …” She stopped and took a deep breath.
He ran his thumb over the back of her hand.
“I don’t want you to kiss me for practice,” she said hurriedly. “I don’t want you to apologize afterward or regret this one. Like you did last time.”
“Regret?” He stared in disbelief. She thought he had regretted kissing her? How could she possibly think that? It had been one of the best kisses of his life. One of the best moments of his life. He shook his head and took a tiny step closer, looking directly into her dark-brown eyes.
“I didn’t regret it. I don’t regret it. And I won’t regret this.”
He didn’t know which one of them moved first, but suddenly his mouth was on hers. And it was nothing like their last kiss. All the hesitancy and awkwardness from before vanished. They met with open mouths and roving hands, secure in the knowledge that there was no one around. That there was no need to put on a performance. It was just them.
They broke for a moment, and Karthik trailed kisses from her lips across her cheek, all the way to the sensitive spot right behind her ear. Meghna gasped, and his lips curved into a smile against her skin.
“You like that,” he murmured. He continued a path of kisses down her neck. “Let’s find out what else you like.” His hands traveled from her waist to the hem of her shirt, but she beat him to it, sliding it over her head before he could. She dropped the satiny material on the floor and took a step back, her smile wide and brazen.
His breath caught. She hadn’t been wearing a bra. His gaze latched onto her breasts, small and round and utterly perfect. He moved to mold one in the palm of his hand, but she stepped out of reach, shaking her head.
“Your turn,” she said, gesturing to the button-down shirt he still wore. With a huff, he started slipping the buttons free, but his hands were shaking so badly that he wasn’t able to make much progress.
“If you have scissors I’ll just cut the damn thing off,” he muttered.
“Language!” Meghna laughed, then cocked her head to the side. “You know, I don’t think I’ve ever heard you curse before.”
He fumbled with a button, then threw his hands up in frustration. “Well, you’re about to hear a whole lot more in a minute.”
“Here, let me,” she said, taking a step toward him.
He almost stopped breathing as her fingers came to his chest, slowly undoing one button after another. She trailed lower, the backs of her fingers brushing against his abdomen. He hissed.
“Sorry,” she said with a mischievous grin and another brush of her hand. “Complete accident.”
“I’m sure.” He’d intended to say the words sarcastically, but they came out pleading and desperate instead.
She continued her progress, and after what felt like an eternity his shirt was finally off, lying on the floor next to hers.
“Meghna?”
“Hmm,” she said, her eyes slightly glazed over as they traveled across his body.
But he barely registered her blatant appreciation. He couldn’t think straight. He couldn’t think at all.
“Can I touch you?” he asked hoarsely.
“Yes,” she breathed.
He gently, almost reverently, cupped his hand over her breast. She immediately arched her back, pressing farther into him. He brushed his thumb over her nipple, bent his head, and took it into his mouth.
Meghna moaned, her hands moving at once, her fingers getting tangled up in his hair.
“Don’t stop.”
“I’m not,” he whispered, blowing against her nipple, then moved across her chest to pay the same attention to the other one.
How is he so good at this?Meghna tightened her fingers, holding his head against her. He swirled his tongue, and her body grew weak. Karthik’s arms suddenly came around her waist as he half caught her and half joined her in her tumble to the floor.
Her back pressed into the carpet. His face hovered over hers. She’d never seen so much emotion in his eyes: a mixture of laughter and admiration and raw need. She wrapped her hand around the back of his neck and dragged his mouth down, kissing him more softly than before, a lazy exploration of lips and tongues. And then the pace increased. Quicker. Faster. Frantic. He settled his weight on top of her, and it was like something clicked into place. Like she’d been waiting for this moment, and now it was finally here.
He reached for the top of her pajama shorts and held his hands at the waistband, ostensibly waiting for permission to push them down. She wanted to say yes. She wanted to say yes so badly, but she hesitated. She’d never been good at casual sex. She tended to catch feelings even when she didn’t want them. Especially when she didn’t want them. She wasn’t sure if she could go down this path with Karthik and not get hurt. She’d fallen for the wrong person once before, and those feelings still haunted her. She didn’t want to go through that again.
He sensed her hesitation and moved one of his hands to the top of her head, tucking an errant curl back behind her headband.
“We don’t have to do anything. We can just go to sleep.”
Her heart squeezed, but she didn’t say anything. That also wasn’t a good idea, given what had happened last time they’d shared a bed. She couldn’t allow herself to grow too attached to him. None of this was real. Not when they had an expiration date.
He waited a moment, but didn’t protest or argue any further. He got up, extending a hand to lift her to her feet.
“I can sleep on the couch,” he said. He propped one of the throw pillows against the arm of the sofa, then toed his shoes off, one after the other.
Something about his response softened her resolve. She wanted to sleep beside him without a pillow barricade in the way. Wanted to know what it would be like to tuck into his warmth in the middle of the night. To wake up beside him without any panic or worry. Even if this was the only time she’d ever experience it.
She picked her top up from the floor, slipping it over her head before walking to stand in front of him.
“Karthik, come to bed.”
His head shot up. Surprise was written across his face. “Are you sure?”
She nodded, offering him her hand.
“Just to sleep?” he asked.
She paused. “Yes. Just to sleep.”
“Okay.” He slipped his hand into hers and followed her to the bedroom.
He changed into his new shirt and took off his pants, leaving him in black boxer briefs that made Meghna immediately regret her decision. She wanted him. And he wanted her. Clearly. Just a few moments ago, when they’d been lying on the floor, she had felt how much. There had been nothing subtle about it. It had been … impressive. She shook her head, stopping the direction of her thoughts.
Karthik seemed unaware of her inner struggle as he slid under the covers, dropping his head onto the pillow. She stood still, watching him, taking in the sight of him in her bed. A little strange, but also somehow … right.
“Are you coming?”
I wish. A nervous giggle rose in the back of her throat, but she held it in. Get it together, Meghna. She switched off the light and climbed into her usual side of the bed. Her body was awkward and stiff. Her limbs were too heavy to move. She kept still, staring at the ceiling, all too aware of the mouthwatering man beside her.
“Meghna?”
“Hmm?”
“Should I go back to the couch?”
She turned onto her side, but she couldn’t make out his face in the darkness. “Why?”
“I … You seem uncomfortable with my being here. And that’s fine. Completely. I’ll be okay on the couch.” Some of the pressure lifted off the mattress. Almost as if he was getting up. She flung her arm out, meaning to stop him, but in the dark, she couldn’t gauge the distance. Her arm swung wildly, hitting him hard in the stomach.
“Oof.”
She winced at the sound. “I’m sorry. Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” he said, a little breathless, as if she’d knocked the wind right out of him. “I’m fine. I’ll move to the couch.” He took in a large, gasping breath. “In a moment.”
“No, stay. I’m fine with you … in my bed.” She let out the laugh she’d been trying to suppress. “I’m sorry. I’m not laughing at you. I’m …” Another laugh bubbled out of her mouth. The situation just felt too odd to be real. Her very attractive not-real, normally closed-off fiancé had unexpectedly come to Dallas, showed up at her play, shared incredibly personal news with her, and was now lying next to her in her bed. And she’d hit him. She gained control over the laughter and was about to explain when, to her surprise, Karthik let out a chuckle of his own.
He lay back down beside her, his head hitting the pillow with a soft thud.
“It’s fine,” he said. “I’m fine.” His hand touched her shoulder, trailed down her arm, then closed around hers. “Face the other way,” he said, squeezing her hand.
She turned onto her side, facing away from him, her heart beating loudly. His arm came around her waist, pulling her back into his chest as he curled his body around hers.
“This okay?”
“Yes,” she whispered. It was more than okay. She felt cherished, taken care of, understood.
“You sure? If I do anything you don’t like, feel free to take another swing at me.”
She laughed, her insides warming at his teasing. “Oh, you know I will.”
He laughed in return, the vibrations rumbling through his chest. She closed her eyes, soaking in the sound and feel of that laugh. Rough and gravelly and genuine. She loved it. She wanted to hear it again and again.
She relaxed into his embrace and quickly fell into a dreamlike state, not quite awake, but not quite asleep. He murmured something, and she stirred slightly in response.
“Shhh.” The arm around her waist tightened, and she thought she felt his lips skate over the top of her head. “Go back to sleep,” he whispered gently.
And she did.