Chapter 15
They dated? Karthik shouldn’t have been surprised. He’d picked up on something strange between the two of them. But he’d never thought for a moment that Meghna would have actually dated Seth. He still had a hard time believing they were even friends.
It wasn’t that she owed him this piece of information, but how had it not come up before? Was there a reason she’d want to hide it from him? A wisp of a thought crossed his brain, followed by an intense, almost nauseous feeling. He took a deep breath through his nose. He couldn’t allow that thought to fully develop. He had to get through the rest of the night first.
He glanced at Meghna, who was watching him quietly, an uneasy expression on her face. His stomach rolled. He broke eye contact, pretending to listen to another of Eric’s silly stories, slipping into a mode of being that was all too familiar. He nodded at the correct moments, laughed politely at others’ jokes, and responded to any questions that were asked. The perfect picture of a loving and caring fiancé.
Meghna, on the other hand, wore every emotion on her sleeve. When the dinner came to an end, the panic that flashed across her face was unmistakable. Karthik’s heart jumped in his throat, but he maintained a cool demeanor as they said their goodbyes and went back to the hotel. At the point where they needed to part ways for their separate rooms, Meghna attempted to say good night.
Karthik cut her off. “I’m just going to change into something more comfortable. But we need to talk.”
“Oh. I don’t know if that’s really necessary. I think we can—”
“It’s necessary. Your room or mine?”
“Umm. Mine’s okay. We can—”
“Great.”
He turned on his heel and entered his room, waiting until he’d brushed his teeth, washed his face, and changed into sweats and a T-shirt before allowing himself to think and feel what he’d started to at dinner.
God. It wasn’t possible, was it? That she still had feelings for Seth?
The sickening feeling from earlier returned. He didn’t want to think it was true, but if it was, it would explain so many of the questions he had about Meghna’s odd friendship with Seth.
Like why she put up with his rude comments and feedback. Why she helped him, over and over again, even when she got nothing in return. Why she made herself available for his every phone call and thought he was a “real creative genius.” Why she tolerated him calling her a nickname she hated.
He crossed the hallway in a bit of a daze. He must have knocked on Meghna’s door, because suddenly she was there, inviting him inside.
“What, um, what did you want to talk about?” she asked, her voice slightly higher than normal.
“You know what.” He looked around the room. He didn’t want to stand here awkwardly while they talked about this. He moved an armchair from the corner so that it faced one side of the bed and gestured for her to sit. She hesitantly perched on the edge of the bed while he took the chair.
“You and Seth used to date,” he said evenly.
“Uh, yes. Years ago. And not for that long.”
“Okay.” He nodded, but he knew that wasn’t the entire story. If it was, she wouldn’t be this nervous. And he wouldn’t feel this sick to his stomach.
“We’ve talked about him a lot, but you’ve never mentioned it.” He exhaled loudly. “Was there a reason?”
She shifted on the bed. “A reason?”
“A reason you never brought it up.”
Meghna looked away, but didn’t respond.
He waited. If there was one thing he was sure about, it was that Meghna wouldn’t lie to him. If the relationship had been so insignificant that it had slipped her mind, she would say that. Or maybe it had been so long ago that it wasn’t worth mentioning. Or it had been just a silly college fling. Or they had realized they were just good friends and it hadn’t been a real relationship after all. Or she didn’t even think about Seth that way anymore, so it wasn’t worth bringing up.
He waited for her to say something. To give one of the many explanations running through his mind. But she stayed quiet.
That sick, worried feeling faded away, and something hot and angry took its place. It coursed through his veins, raising his body temperature, increasing his pulse. He got up from the chair and started talking before he even realized it.
“He’s a dick.”
Meghna’s jaw dropped. “What?”
“He is. And you know it too. He’s constantly ignoring you. And when he’s not, he’s putting you down.”
“That’s not true.”
He scoffed. “Please. When’s the last time the two of you talked about something you needed? I bet he still hasn’t given you feedback on that piece you sent him months ago.”
Her eyes blazed with emotion, but she didn’t respond.
“He hasn’t, has he?”
“He’s been busy.”
“Right. And you aren’t? You’ve made time for him.”
“It’s not the same.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s not,” she said loudly, getting up from her spot on the bed. “You don’t know the first thing about him.”
“Oh? Enlighten me, then.” He took a few steps toward her. “Is it because he’s such a genius? That’s why I couldn’t possibly understand? That’s why he deserves all your time and effort and work?”
“He is good at what he does. Why is that so hard to believe? You said you liked his songs.”
“Yeah. I did. Because you basically wrote them.”
She pointed angrily at him, almost poking him in the chest. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Really? I don’t?” He let out a humorless laugh. “I know more than you think.”
“Like what?”
“Like why you’re still writing that same play from college. Why you haven’t moved on to anything else. He’s convinced you that it’s not good enough. That you’re not good enough. And you’re willing to believe it.”
“You haven’t even read it!”
“I would if you let me. But I don’t have to. I know you. I’ve seen your work. I know it’s good.”
A flicker of doubt crossed her face before her expression hardened. “You don’t know me. You don’t know anything about me.”
“Oh, and Seth does?”
“Yes. He does. And he—”
“He’s using you!” he nearly shouted. “He wants you around to pump his ego, to fix his work, to make it better. But what has he given you in return?”
“You’re wrong. You couldn’t be more wrong. He’s supportive and encouraging and …”
“He doesn’t love you. He’s getting married to someone else!”
Meghna inhaled sharply, letting her breath out in an angry huff. “I know that! Don’t you think I know that?” She marched even closer. “Why else would I have agreed to this? Why else would I have brought you?”
The words were like a dagger to his throat. He almost choked on them, but he managed to spit out a response.
“That’s why you agreed to this? That’s why you said yes?”
“I told you that. I told you I needed a plus-one to a wedding.”
“Yeah, but you didn’t tell me that you were in love with the groom!”
Meghna’s eyes widened, but she didn’t deny it. She didn’t say anything. She just stood there in front of him, her chest rising and falling rapidly, her eyes bright and furious, her hand clenched into a fist against her side. Almost as if she was preparing to hit him square across the jaw.
His chest tightened.
“You need to leave,” she said quietly.
Immediately, like a balloon pricked by a needle, his anger deflated. Remorse, swift and cool and heady, rushed through him. What had he been thinking? He hadn’t lost control like this in … in years.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?” she asked bitingly.
“I shouldn’t have raised my voice. Or gotten angry.”
“But you’re not sorry about what you said.”
He wasn’t. He had meant every word. Seth was a dick. Anyone who didn’t value Meghna was a dick. And he wouldn’t apologize for saying that.
He shook his head slowly. “I’m not.”
Hurt flashed in her eyes. She took a step back from him. “Then you need to go.”
He wanted to stay. He wanted to take back the last few minutes and try it all again. He wanted to tell her that he admired her. That she was talented. And hardworking. And smart. And that she deserved someone who saw all of that. Who saw all of the wonderful things that made her her. And that person wasn’t Seth. He didn’t deserve an ounce of her time. Her attention. Her love.
“I’m sorry,” he said again, even though he knew the words weren’t enough. There was nothing he could say that would repair the damage he’d done. He walked out the door, and the last thing he saw before it swung shut in his face was Meghna’s crumpled expression, her eyes shining with unshed tears.