3. I’m Not Afraid of God
Deyva
I smiled at the three familiar faces glowering down at me. A neon light bulb flickered overhead and they blocked the door of the small shed they'd thrown me into. We were still outside their gates and I tried to contain my shudder, my wrists tied at my back and shoulders pulling uncomfortably.
I needed to get in. I needed to get behind those gates where Hell couldn't reach me. Sooner rather than later, because there had to be something, someone coming to find me. Kimaris had tossed me out to teach me a lesson. I had absolutely no intention of allowing him to drag me back.
"What are you?" Zach asked, and I smiled at the open curiosity. I knew that curiosity intimately. Zach liked asking questions and finally, outside of the dream, I could answer.
"Succubus," I said, watching the big one, Stavros—who moaned and pleaded and clutched me tightest—cross his arms over his chest. As if he could protect himself from me.
"Why have you come here?" Kais asked, stepping forward.
My gaze flicked nervously to the black gun in his hand. I didn't have enough energy stored up to heal from a gunshot. Not quickly at least. And I was pretty sure none of the men in front of me would be volunteering to feed me anytime soon.
"For sanctuary," I said, eyeing each of them and leaning against the still-hot metal of the shed. The warmth felt good actually, more like the home I'd run from. And I was getting shivery and hungry after the journey.
"From what?" Zach asked, head tipping.
"Hell."
Kais raised the gun and I flinched at last. "Wait—"
A cool, wet splash struck my shoulder, my mouth open and ready to beg, body tense. My head turned and I watched the water run down my bare arm, rinsing away some of the blood with it. Relief rushed through me and a giggle escaped.
"The fuck?" Stavros whispered, stepping forward and crouching down, eyes narrowed on my shoulder.
I looked up at Kais, pale and stiff, eyes wide as if he hadn't really believed he'd just done that, and even worse, that it hadn't harmed me.
"I'm not like them. I'm not afraid of God," I said, watching Kais' stare rise slowly.
"You don't come from Hell?" Zach asked, brightening.
"Welllll." I tipped my head side to side. "Not originally ."
Zach pushed in front of Stavros, the young priest’s face hardening as he grabbed for the wooden cross dangling around his neck. He thrust it out toward me, a string of Latin bursting out of his mouth.
“I’m impressed, Zach, but do you mind if we stick to English? Dead languages aren’t all that useful anymore and I’d already jumped ship from Earth by the time the Romans rolled up.”
His mouth dropped open, plush lips practically begging for a kiss if he didn’t look so shocked.
“It’s a trick. It has to be.” That beautiful mouth tightened into an angry scowl. “She came to us in our dreams to lower our defenses, to soften us to her so a Hellion could slip past the gate.”
Stavros stroked his beard, those same rough bristles I enjoyed on my inner thighs, while Kais copied his cross-armed stance.
A bolt of panic struck my chest and for the first time, I was beginning to regret getting tossed out.
Maybe Kimaris was right. The people of earth would take one look at my horns and only see a creature that laid waste to their world.
“But she could touch the gate.” Stavros continued to watch me curiously, dark eyes flickering from my face to my arm as if waiting for a delayed effect from the holy water. “Not a single demon from any legion has ever been able to come near it.”
“She could be working with the demons even if she’s not one of them,” Zach argued.
“But she says she’s a succubus?”
“Why aren’t you afraid of God?” Kais was the one to address me, while the other two argued like I wasn’t even there.
“Because He created me.” I lifted my chin, my weary smile returning. “You could say succubi and incubi were His first prototypes for humans.”
“Impossible,” Zach scoffed.
“Yeah?” His mismatched eyes dilated, smooth cheeks reddening when I turned my gaze to him. I’d bet both my horns he was growing thick under those robes, too. “Were you there, Zach? Because I was.”
“It’s not anywhere in the scripture,” he retorted. “Except for Lilith, who—”
“Oh yeah, she’s not a succubus, but was another failed attempt.” I shrugged dismissively. “Perfection takes several tries to get right, you see. The writers of the good book would never have you believing such things.”
“And the devil tells lies, you see.” His face twisted into a sneer. “He hides behind beautiful faces too.”
I batted my eyelashes. “Aww. That’s sweet, Zach.”
“Okay, calm down.” Stavros pulled the young priest back by the shoulder, who was getting hot under the collar in more ways than one. “Zach, take a walk. Make sure the rest of the Hellfire’s been put out.”
“But—”
“I said, take a walk. ”
Standing toe-to-toe, the two of them were nearly equal in size. Zach’s fists clenched at his sides, his emotions nowhere near as clamped down as Stavros’. The older priest stood impassable, like a fortress. I licked my lips, daring to taste the tension simmering in the air between them.
Could they be…? Ah, very interesting.
After a few moments, Zach yielded, storming out of the shed with a heavy slam of the door. Kais and Stavros exchanged a quick glance before returning their gazes to me. Heavy, hungry gazes.
I bit back my whimper at the heat of their eyes on me, the closeness of them amplified by the walls of this tiny shed. I really needed to feed soon, and to get within their crucifix gate.
“Did you come from Hell or not?” Kais, ever the straight shooter.
“Yes.”
“And you’re seeking sanctuary, why?” Stavros squinted at me as though expecting me to change shape before his eyes.
“Because I’m not safe there.”
Kais looked at his fellow priest, scratching the dark curls at the base of his skull. “And does this have to do with you not fearing God?”
Sure, you could say that.
“Yes.” I swallowed, trying to find an answer that wasn’t really an answer.
“It’s true, I’ve spent a long time there, as you can see.
” I rolled my eyes up to my horns. “But recent…events have made it clear how different I am from Hellspawn. It’s no longer a welcome place for me, and I…
” I sank to the dirty floor, trying to make myself look as pathetic as possible.
“I’m asking for your protection, Fathers. Within your church.”
“For how long?” Kais finally put the gun away, although it made the question no less abrupt.
“I’m not sure.” I looked down, frowning at the burnt edge of my dress. “I hadn’t thought that far ahead yet.”
Kais released a closed-mouth sigh, angling his head at Stavros with a skeptical look. Oh no. That meant two of them were leaning toward denying me and only the big, beautiful Greek man could be my saving grace.
They all had enjoyed their time with me, I made sure of that—but it was Stavros that clung to me like a lifeline.
Sometimes I wondered who was feeding off of who, the way he begged me not to leave, how he asked to just hold me after I took my fill.
Many of those I’d fed upon wanted cuddling and aftercare once the deal was done, but I’d never been tempted to say yes until him.
He—all three of them, really—was just as much an escape for me as I was for him.
I’d been around a long time and was no stranger to priests who took vows of celibacy.
When I fed from Kais and Zach, their energy was potent and heady, a more concentrated form due to not indulging in sex for many years—or in Zach’s case, ever.
Stavros on the other hand, didn’t have that same potency. Which meant he spent it elsewhere.
I could practically taste the longing from him as he stared at me right then.
He wanted to agree with his fellow priests, but he also wanted me .
The man was simply wired to touch and crave, to spend his nights wrapped up in a woman.
I could read him from the pheromones he produced, but why such a passionate, indulgent man chose a life of priesthood was lost on me.
“Is there any truth to what Zach said?” Stavros asked quietly. “Why you’ve been coming to us in our dreams?”
“It wasn’t to…to manipulate you, Father.
” Adding on the title seemed like a good idea in theory, but the sharp pang of hunger was a stark reminder of what I needed.
“I couldn’t stand the taste of newborn Hellion anymore, or any Hellion for that matter.
Dream-feeding is harmless in small doses, but I…
I may have overindulged. Forgive me.” I lowered my eyes demurely. “Father.”
Stavros was quiet. His longing tasted just as strong as ever, but I couldn’t get a sense of where his mind was.
“If we let you in,” Kais spoke up next, “there will be none of that. Do you understand?”
“Yes, Father Kais. I do, but…” My eyes lifted to his—warmth in their brown depths but his pain just as potent as his desire. I didn’t need to be a succubus to see that.
“But what?”
“I do have to feed, in order to live.”
I sucked in a deep breath as they pulled me through the gate, pinned between Kais and Stavros, pretty Zachariah at my back just simmering with anger and fear. And it was fear saturating the air around the crowd too.
Word had gotten out and a mass of humans waited on the other side of the shoddy crucifix gate. That gate was a fucking miracle. A wild animal probably could've torn it down, but the legions of Hell couldn't even come close. I was safe.
From Hell, at least , I thought, tasting spite and suspicion and rage with every breath. Several dozen eyes watched me, like I was part of some little human parade, shepherded by the priests through the town.
"Fathers! How could you?" one woman cried out, bundling younglings to her legs, hiding their faces against her hips.
I glanced down at myself. My dress was shredded but I was decent. It was definitely the horns then.
"Kais, this can't be right," another man began, stepping down from the sidewalk. But his little tantalizing bubble of courage popped as I looked up at him.
"We'll explain everything," Kais answered back, a delicious honeyed echo in his tone as he called to them all. The priest on the pulpit. "You're perfectly safe. I promise!"
"Are they, though?" Zach muttered at my back.
"You know the terms of Sanctuary, Zach," Stavros answered, but his fingers pinched my arm with their grip. Was he afraid I'd slip away for the other humans' sake, or his own?
"I won't touch them," I whispered.
"Do you need to be touching them to hurt them?" Kais snapped under his breath.
I turned my head to study him, the shadow on his jaw and the dark circles under his eyes. He thought he was betraying these people. If he knew how to hurt me in that shed, he would've done it. He wanted me to be demonic, rather than the puzzle I presented. If I were, he would know how to kill me.
"I do, actually," I said.
"We'll get the details later. For now, we need to get her out of the street and calm everyone down," Stavros whispered.
"Do you eat regular food or just people?"
"Zach!" Kais hissed. "Keep your voice down."
Food…I blinked and brightened. "Oh! I think I did once. It grew on a tree…a pretty shade of red."
"An apple?" Zach squawked.
"Pft. No…no it had seeds that burst between your teeth," I said, closing my eyes, ignoring the whispers of the sidewalk and trying to catch the thread of ancient memory.
"Pomegranate," Stavros said softly.
"Mmm, it tasted like…good fortune."
Stavros' grip softened around my arm and I got the first lick of something sweet. Fondness and regret and… I shivered and restrained my moan.
"Tell me what you're thinking about," I whispered. The pounding in my head softened and the burns on my skin stopped throbbing and stinging, just from this little lick of emotion coming from the man next to me. Feeding in person would’ve been so much better than the scraps from their dreams, if only they would let me.
"What?" Stavros asked, frowning.
"I'm remembering pomegranates and you're remembering…" I caught Stavros' eyes, that deep shade of brown with little whispers of gold.
"My ya-ya—grandmother, in Greece," he said, eyes crinkling at the corners.
Love. That was the taste. I sighed and swayed. I hadn't tasted love in millenia.
"What is it?" Kais asked, his own grip tightening as Stavros' softened.
"That's how I can feed here," I said, holding Stavros' gaze for another second before looking ahead of me. "Emotions. Preferably the pleasant ones. It's not substantial, but it doesn't make me feel sick either. I won't touch your people."
We broke out of the small crowd and turned a corner to a side street.
"It's bigger than I expected," I said, craning my neck and trying to see how much of this abandoned town my priests had managed to claim for their flock. "Does the gate go all around?"
Stavros opened his mouth to answer, but his eyes snagged over my shoulder on Kais and his mouth snapped shut.
I could pull at Stavros' threads and he would unravel for me.
Of the three of them, he cared the least where I came from and craved me the most. And if I took advantage of that, Kais and Zach would probably toss me out on my ass.
Better to be docile and cling to safety as long as I could.
Kais pulled on my arm and I turned, discovering our destination.
It was large and gothic, one of the oldest buildings in the old town.
It'd been bruised, this old beast of a church, but there was only so much a Hellion could do from the street and I knew the second they forced me onto the steps that this was consecrated ground.
Was God watching me now? Wondering how a reject had made it back to Earth and up to the door of a church?
"It's beautiful," I said, eyeing the scorched doors, the wrought iron swirls of ornamentation. "I see why they cling to you."
"Just get inside," Kais muttered, thinking I was speaking about him and his people.
I wasn't.