23. Not Even God
Kais
“W hy are you spread eagle on the floor, and why did Caitlin Marks tell me you were evacuating the chapel?”
Azariah opened one eye, his wings stretched out at his sides and a notable bulge in his borrowed sweatpants. He had a glazed smile on his lips and I was a little afraid of what his answer to my question might be.
“I wanted to give them their privacy,” Az whispered.
His head turned to stare down the aisle and I followed his look to the dark wood of the confessional booth. There was a groan, ragged and male, and then a bright female gasp.
“Oh fuck, Zach, yes!”
It was quiet, but not quiet enough for me or Az to miss it, and the angel sighed and squirmed on the cold stone floor.
Still, it took me a minute to process what I was hearing, and I huffed and covered my face as the confessional squeaked and thumped, twin muffled cries slipping out, before the chapel went totally silent again.
Az hummed happily. “Shit. That was good. You should’ve heard the sounds he got out of her before they started actually fucking. Sincerely impressive for a virgin, I gotta say. I think most of your people missed it though.”
“But you stayed,” I ground out, moving my hand to glare down at him.
Azariah winked at me. “Come on, Father Kais. Can you blame me?”
The fucking angel was a voyeur. Honestly, why didn’t that surprise me at this point?
Worse, I couldn’t answer his question because I’d gotten off the night before listening to Deyva’s soft whispers as Stav and Zach moaned.
It wasn’t them, my two best friends touching, it was just the idea of her in there.
Were they touching her too? Fucking her?
Or did she need my cock filling her up as she watched them?
“Yeah, it’s hard when you’re left out of the fun, isn’t it?” Azariah asked, adjusting himself in the sweatpants. There was a little laugh, Zach’s, from the confessional, and the angel’s eyes flicked in the direction of the sound.
“Is the entire holy fleet made up of creeps, or is it just you?” I asked.
“It’s very silly for you humans to think that sin invented sex,” Azariah shot back. “The notion that something must be bad for you because it feels so good is entirely man made.”
That was...kind of a relief actually. I crossed my arms and stared down at the angel. “Did they invite you to listen, Az?”
He pouted and rolled his eyes. “No. Did they invite you ?”
Guilt made my face flame, and I wasn’t sure if Az meant just now, or if he knew about the earful I was getting—and taking advantage of—at night in my bedroom.
The door of the confessional opened and Zach staggered out first, fully dressed but so obviously fuck-happy with his flushed cheeks and hair sticking up in odd directions, the world’s most obvious grin on his face.
And I honestly couldn’t help it, I smiled too.
So did Azariah. Fuck, so did Deyva. She looked…
Actually.
She was glowing with joy, like Zach, and probably with the energy of a fresh meal too. She was wearing a smile and her hair was mussed and her lips were swollen. And yet… Her eyes flicked to mine and there was something sad in them that made my fists clench and my stomach cramp.
Zach blushed as he found Az and I staring at him, but as soon as he saw that the church was empty he turned back to Deyva, drawing her into a long and eager kiss, messy and enthusiastic.
She leaned into him, smiling with him, giggling as he petted her everywhere, like he couldn’t decide where he wanted to touch first. So it wasn’t Zach that put that look in her eyes, or he had but not—
Is this any of your business? My stare snapped away.
“Bravo!” Azariah lifted his hands in the air and clapped at the disheveled couple wobbling out of the confessional. “Stellar way to lose the V-card, Zach. Make sure you tell that one to your grandkids.”
“Get up,” I said to Azariah.
“Spoilsport,” he sang softly, rising from the floor with a grunt and an uncomfortable twitch of his wings. “Hey succubus, you got any extra juice you could share for my wings?”
Zach reared back, glaring at the angel and I grimaced at the thought of what ‘juice’ might be, but Deyva only sighed and rested her head on Zach’s shoulder as she studied Azariah.
“You really had to listen in?”
“You could’ve done that anywhere ,” Az answered. “I assumed you must’ve wanted an audience and thought it might be wise if I were the only one.”
Deyva’s lips pursed and her eyes narrowed. Then she turned to Zach, pressed a kiss to his jaw, and murmured something in his ear before leaving his side to cross to Azariah. Az’s arms spread wide and his grin grew almost feline.
“Come on, you overgrown chicken, don’t make this weird,” Deyva said.
Azariah just wiggled in anticipation, groaning happily as Deyva wrapped him up in a hug.
Zach’s eyebrows rose, but his lips just quirked as he watched Az sink into Deyva’s embrace, his weight pushing on her.
It looked like a good hug. I might actually have been as jealous of the hug as I was of the idea of cornering Deyva in a confessional and fucking her silly.
Deyva’s hands stroked Az’s back and then there was a...almost a shimmer of light around them. Az groaned, Zach frowned, and I watched as the bald patches on his wings sprouted new feathers.
“Ow!” Az yelped, his wings flapping, but Deyva squeezed tight around his waist.
“Oh, didn’t I mention that would hurt?” Deyva asked.
She held on for another longer moment and Az sank back into the hug, sighing again.
“That’s some good shit,” Az sighed. “Zach you are just a bundle of—”
“Okay, and we’re done. Keep it in your pants, Az,” Deyva snapped, pulling away and leaving Az to stumble forward.
“Um...what just happened?” Zach asked, brow furrowed and smile crooked.
“Deyva just shot me up with a great big dose of l—”
“Angels need strong positive emotions to heal,” Deyva said louder than Az, cutting him off before he’d finished. “I only shared a little bit, I hope that’s okay.”
“You can heal people? Angels?” I asked.
“She healed me a little during that battle,” Zach said, wrapping Deyva up in his arms and drawing her back against his chest, rubbing his cheek against one of her horns in a way that made Deyva squirm and sigh.
I noted the touch, as I noted the way Deyva had refreshed the marigolds every morning since I’d picked them for her, and the annoyed twist of her lips every time one of the local women spoke to Stavros and leaned in too close, and the way she took her coffee.
“And she healed Will when that demon grabbed him, didn’t you, Dey?” Zach asked.
“When the fucking what?!” I barked, eyes bugging out.
Deyva hissed and grimaced, twisting back to glare at Zach. “We said we were gonna get him drunk first.”
“You’re telling me the three of you have known for days that the demons are learning to defend themselves against us, and I am just now hearing about it?” I growled.
Deyva was seated between Zach and Stavros on the couch in the priest house, and I was just as annoyed with the picture of them as I was with the news they were feeding me.
“What were you going to do? Wait until the gate was being attacked to tell me? What if this changes how our defenses work too?”
“Kais,” Deyva started gently.
“No!”
“Hey, this is not her fault,” Stav snapped. “Zach or I should’ve given you a full report. That’s on us, Kais.”
“It sure fucking is. We are days behind this! And the three of you have been using that time to—”
“Kais, cool the fuck off!” Zach sat forward, his shoulder in front of Deyva like he was defending her from me.
Which just made my mood so much fucking worse. Deyva was becoming an issue. A distraction. A temptation.
She’s always been that , a gentle voice reminded me.
“Kais, honestly, you’re right, man. We should’ve told you, but you were kind of… You’ve been…”
I started to growl again, and I was so annoyed by the sound that I whipped around and marched to the hall just to move, to not be staring at the three of them all close and cuddly together.
“Can I just point out that this, yes, should’ve been brought to your attention earlier, but also is kind of not that big of a deal?” Zach asked mildly.
“How is the fact that demons now have a defense against holy water not a big deal?” I ground out.
“Um, because Deyva can literally rip their heads off? Because we also have crossbows and swords and machetes and basic artillery at our disposal that aren’t kids’ toys?”
“Azariah’s reinforcement to the gate will hold,” Deyva said, and I flinched at the careful, quiet tone of her voice, that she was afraid that I’d lash out at her again.
I swallowed hard and was relieved to find her sitting up straight, meeting my stare head on. “You’re sure?” I asked.
Deyva nodded. “If the gate had fallen down naturally, I don’t know if your blessings would have held, but I honestly think so. This entire town is practically consecrated ground. There’s a reason I came here. Well, you know, aside from the three of you.”
Stav and Zach both beamed at her, the tension rushing out of them at her simple words.
I wanted to flip a table over and scream.
Every little movement of her mouth made me think of that kiss, of the soft press of her mouth on mine, of the twinge in her eyes as I pulled away.
Did Stav and Zach know? She kept adding me into statements like that and it made me feel like I was back in those dreams of her, tossing endlessly on soft mattresses, burying myself into her heat over and over again.
But maybe I was just reading too much into it?
“Either way, Azariah’s work didn’t hurt. And if you wanted him to bless those weapons too, a trash bag won’t stop them from working against hellions either. You could even train other people in the town to—”
“Absolutely not,” I snapped, marching forward.
“Wait, Kais, we should—”
“No fucking way, Stavros. We’ve talked about this.
Our people are civilians, we are their protection.
” Lord knew it was hard enough for me to watch Zach walk out of that gate sometimes, and he was the best of us.
But he was so young . And Stavros was an almost comically accurate example of ‘lover, not fighter.’
“I’m beginning to agree with Stavros,” Zach said gently. “After everything we’ve learned recently...are we really more qualified than them to fight back Hell? I thought I was God’s chosen vessel before but...honestly, I just want to live Kais. Just like they do.”
“It is not happening,” I said, each word as hard as stone.
“No one would have to fight,” Stavros continued, watching me carefully, even as he and Zach kept fucking ignoring the words coming out of my mouth. “But you know there are people here who have wanted to help. Why not show them how?”
“We are not letting vulnerable people—”
“You’re vulnerable.”
I stiffened, glaring down at Deyva, at her high chin and the thin press of her lips as she stared up at me.
“You are human, Kais. You’re vulnerable. Zach and Stavros are vulnerable. I am vulnerable. So are the demons. Fuck, so is Azariah for that matter. No one is safe. If someone wants to fight, really wants that right, you don’t have the authority to stop them. No one does. Not even God.”
My throat burned and my fingernails bit into my palms. I wanted to be sick, I wanted to hit something, I wanted to turn my back on them all.
I wanted to wrap up this entire fucking town in an impenetrable blanket and put us all to sleep and never wake up again, just so I’d never be there for the moment it all went to shit again.
“And when something happens to them? No one will save them, Deyva, not even you,” I said. And I left the room.
I was outvoted between Zach and Stavros, but I was surprised that they bothered taking it to the town as an offer, rather than just a new fact. Did the town as a whole want to continue to lean on us, their priests, for protection? Or did they want the opportunity to stand up for themselves?
For about ten seconds at the start of the vote, I thought the offer would get beaten down. Surely these people, who’d expressed so much faith in us, so much gratitude for the relative peace of their lives, would want to continue in the way we’d established.
As it turned out, I knew shit all.
Dozens of hands were lifted to the air, resolve written over the faces of our settlement as they gazed back at us from the pews. Even the women, which gave me an inkling that I might’ve been more sexist than I’d originally thought.
I expected Stav or Kais or Deyva to look smug. They didn’t. They looked worried. I was worried. But I knew what needed to be done.
I stepped forward on the dais to join the others.
Deyva and Az were sitting together in the front pew, both of their faces solemn.
Azariah was antsy in his seat, but Deyva had convinced him to sit this announcement out, to let us speak to our people directly without his heavenly presence influencing their decision.
I turned my gaze up to the many hands raised into the air. “Any volunteer fighters should report to me every evening at eight and again at seven the next morning. We’ll train in the gym until we set up a good target practice area outside. Brody, can you add that to the list of town reno?”
“Why twice a day?” One man, who didn’t even have his fucking hand up, called out.
“Because Hell doesn’t attack at our convenience. Because fighting this war is long and messy and exhausting, and I need you all to be prepared, to be safe, and to understand that this isn’t fun, it’s grueling and ugly and—”
Stavros coughed into his hand and my rant stalled briefly. In the front pew, Deyva was shooting me a serious ‘what the fuck’ look.
“No one taking this seriously expects it to be easy, Fathers,” Angus Miller said, rising from his seat.
“We never thought it was easy for you, we knew how lucky we were. But I, for one, am ready to stand at your side, and I’ll do whatever you ask of me so you can be as confident in me as I am in you. ”
Stavros and Zach both puffed up proudly, their smiles beatific as they thanked Angus. I tried to mimic them, tried to feign that claim of confidence so that no one would know that my stomach sank like lead inside me.
I’d worn that face years ago, I’d stood side by side with men, shone with confidence as we faced down a legion of Hell.
And in the end, I’d been the only man left standing, and then running.
Running for my life with the image of the soldiers who’d been slaughtered burning in my eyes as their blood tracked down my face.
I couldn’t hold Angus’ gaze and mine found Deyva instead, the sting of sympathy so clear that it matched the bile burning in my throat.