Chapter 7
CHAPTER
SEVEN
ISLA
The next week blurred together, passing slowly yet fast at the same time. However, each day bled into the next, and morning came, whether I slept or not. Somewhere in between the daze, I existed in this strange, suspended space where everything felt too real and not real enough.
I tried to see Julius twice. The first time, I told myself it was just to check on him and make sure he was okay.
The second time, I knew better. I needed to see him and craved to hear his voice and see his face. Yearning to have him look at me the way he always did, like everything else in the world could fall apart, and it still wouldn’t touch us.
I just needed to hear him say that everything was going to be okay, but the universe had other plans for us.
“You’re not on the list,” the guards at the jail greeted in a tone that made me feel as if Julius didn’t want to see me.
The first time, I argued. The second time, I didn’t.
I just stood there, staring at the glass, half expecting Julius to appear out of thin air.
The thought stayed with me longer than anything else.
Along with the fact that he was locked up, being held behind bars in a cell all by himself while I was free, living under the same roof with the guy who put him there.
What does that make me? What does that make us?
Since I wasn’t immediate family, they wouldn’t tell me anything else. The only thing they told Kraven was that Julius was being held with no bail for his drug charges with intent to sell. If he wanted more information, he’d have to go through his lawyer.
I called the lawyer he used for Kraven, Mark, assuming he’d try to use him for this, but his secretary said he was out of town on business until the end of the month and he’d get back to me when he could.
By the time I got back to the house the second time around, I was running out of energy fighting something I couldn’t change.
Kraven was there when I walked in. He stayed on top of making sure I ate, cooking for me more often than not. He even left prenatals on Julius’s bed the following morning after I tried to leave.
He was right, though. It was no longer just about me. I had a baby to think about, but I was still unsure about keeping it…
Shaking away the thought, I announced, “I went again.” I tossed my keys on the counter without looking at him.
After a beat of silence, he replied, “I figured.”
Meeting his gaze, I implied, “You knew they wouldn’t let me in again?”
“Yes.”
I shrugged with my hands up in the air. “And you didn’t think to tell me that before I rode the subway all the way there?”
He stood from the couch, eyeing me up and down in a matter-of-fact kind of way. “You wouldn’t have listened to me if I did.”
I opened my mouth, but quickly closed it. He wasn’t wrong, and that pissed me off more than anything.
I stared at him, frustration bubbling up. “Whatever,” I muttered, walking away.
I didn’t have the energy for this either. This pregnancy had begun to take its toll on me. I stayed in Julius’s bedroom more than anywhere else. I kept the door closed, maintaining distance between Kraven and me whenever I could. Being near him did something to me that I wasn’t ready to deal with.
Not when everything was already so complicated.
Out of nowhere, a strange, rolling discomfort eased into the pit of my stomach, and then it got worse. I covered my mouth with my hand, and by the time I made it to the bathroom, I barely had time to drop to my knees before it hit.
My stomach twisted violently, nausea crashing over me so fast it stole the air from my lungs. I hurled, again, and again, and again. My body shook as my fingers gripped the edge of the toilet bowl. Tears burned in my eyes, and my throat felt raw. Through all of that, I didn’t hear him come in.
“Kitty.” His voice was lower than usual.
I didn’t answer. I couldn’t because another wave of nausea hit with a vengeance, and his hands were holding my hair back in seconds.
This was the first time he’d touched me all week.
I hadn’t asked for his help. I didn’t expect it, yet there he was.
He didn’t say anything, no reassuring words, no soothing gestures.
All he did was hold my hair back, staying there with me, and that meant more than anything.
When the nausea finally subsided after what felt like hours, Kraven flushed the toilet. I slumped over with fatigue, breathing hard into the bowl, my forehead resting against the cool edge of the seat.
“Hey,” he murmured.
My throat burned, and after clearing it, I mumbled, “I’m fine.” I squeezed my eyes shut. “I don’t need…” My voice betrayed me. “I don’t need you hovering.”
“I’m not hovering.”
“Then what are you doing?”
“I’m taking care of you.”
His words hit differently than expected. Blame it on the hormones, but at that moment, his statement truly held some weight with me.
Although I didn’t want them to, I began to realize I didn’t have a choice in the matter. I wasn’t used to this kind of attention. I didn’t get sick, ever. I guess this wasn’t really being ill. It was me being pregnant, and this was just part of the package.
Up until then, my symptoms were mild. Maybe this was when they started to get worse. I had no idea what to expect from pregnancy. I should probably try to read up on it or something.
I let out a shaky breath. “I didn’t ask you to do that either.”
“You didn’t have to. I want to be here for you.” A glass of water appeared in front of my face. “Drink slowly,” he ordered.
I hesitated, then took it. He didn’t say anything when I leaned back against him, still shaky and drinking. His chest was sturdy, though it was his familiar scent that was comforting.
“Come on,” he coaxed. “Let’s get you off the ground.”
“I’m fine here.” The truth was, I wanted to stay pressed up against him.
“You’re not.”
“I said—”
“I heard you, but it’s still not true.”
I exhaled an annoyed breath, but I didn’t have it in me to argue. It was when I tried to stand that it felt impossible, and he was fully aware I’d need his help. Except he didn’t grab me. He just held his hand out for me.
Waiting.
He wanted me to make the choice. I stared at it for a second before I reluctantly took it. His grip was firm and steady. He wasn’t pulling me, just supporting.
As soon as I stood, I tilted sideways and swayed. It was all it took for him to wrap his arm around my waist and the other behind my knees, carrying me into his arms.
“I got you.” And he did.
This embrace was unlike anything we’d experienced, and I didn’t know what to do with it. The top of my head was tucked under his chin, and for the first time since Julius got arrested, I felt safe. His welcoming hold felt like home to me as he carried me up the stairs.
One thing was for sure. I was exhausted and emotionally spent, and our unexpected situation wasn’t making it any easier on me.
I barely noticed when he laid me on his bed. It was only then that I realized he had brought me into his bedroom.
“Kraven—”
“It’s normal.”
I glanced up at him once he was standing above me. “What is?”
“Nausea. It can hit like that.”
I stared at him. “And you just know that?”
“Yes.”
“How?”
He took a deep breath. “I looked into it.”
My heart fluttered. “You didn’t have to do that.”
He disappeared for a moment, coming back with crackers and more water.
Sitting down next to me, he handed it to me. “Try this.”
“You’re very prepared.” Picking up one of the crackers, I nibbled at it slowly, trying not to upset my stomach. “I can take care of myself.”
“I know.”
“But you’re still going to babysit me anyway?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
He grinned. “Because I love you, and that’s what you do for people you love.”
“So you think that gives you the right?”
“No.”
That surprised me. “No?”
“No,” he repeated. “It just means I’m going to do it anyway.”
I huffed out a small breath. “That doesn’t make any sense.”
“It doesn’t have to.”
I faintly shook my head. I didn’t ask him to leave, and that…
Worried me more than anything.
Kraven
Her guard was up. I saw it in everything she did that week. All her distance, all her silence, all of it was wrapped in a big fuck-you bow. It was why she moved around me as if proximity itself were something she needed to control.
I let her.
If I'd forced it, it would’ve done exactly what she expected and made it easier to push me away.
“You should eat something light tonight. Keep it simple.”
She glanced at me. “You’re very involved.”
“I’ve always been involved.”
“That’s not true.”
“It is. You just haven’t seen it until now.”
She held my gaze for a second, then looked away. Some part of her knew it was true.
“I’m not doing this with you.”
“I know.”
“Yet you’re still here?”
“Yes.”
She sighed but didn’t order me to leave, and that was enough for me.
For now.