Chapter 9
CHAPTER
NINE
ISLA
Another week dragged on, and it didn’t feel real. Everything had gone to hell in a handbasket, completely turning on its axis with Julius being behind bars for over two weeks now.
It’d been fourteen days since I stopped knowing where I stood in my own life.
Now, I stood in front of the bathroom mirror, staring at myself, trying to recognize someone I used to be.
My hand rested low on my stomach. I’d been doing that a lot without thinking. I may have looked the same on the outside, but on the inside, it didn’t feel that way. Especially not after the terrifying certainty that settled into my chest sometime in the middle of every night.
I’m pregnant.
I deeply sighed, my fingers lightly pressing into my stomach. I could feel something already there, growing inside me.
A soft knock broke through the silence. “I’m ready when you are.”
Kraven.
“Okay,” I answered, my voice quieter than I meant it to be. “Just a second.”
I didn’t move right away, standing there a little longer with my hand still resting against my stomach. My heart beat too fast. I desperately tried to steady myself before stepping into whatever today was about to become, and I wasn’t ready for any of it.
I didn’t have a choice. Dropping my hand, I turned and opened the door. Kraven stood there, watching me like he was trying to read something I hadn’t said yet.
“You okay?” he asked.
I unconsciously nodded. “Yeah.”
It was a lie. We both knew it, yet neither of us called it out. He stepped back to give me space to pass, but as I moved by him, I felt the shift in the air, this awareness of what was to come.
The tension had been building over the past two weeks, threading tighter with every shared moment between us. The ride to our destination was quiet, uncomfortable, just waiting…
There were too many things sitting between us for our words to make any sense. I stared aimlessly out the window, watching the world blur past, trying to focus on something that wasn’t the elephant on my chest. Or maybe it was the man sitting beside me with the reality of where we were going.
“You don’t have to stay,” I expressed after a while.
The words felt strange past my lips since I didn’t fully mean them.
Kraven didn’t look at me right away until he finally did, stating, “I want to be there.”
I turned my head slightly, studying him. “Kraven, I still don’t know if I want to—”
He cut me off. “Not here, Isla.”
My gaze shifted toward the Uber driver, understanding where he was coming from. This should’ve felt wrong, him being there with me.
It didn’t.
I turned back toward the window, pressing my lips together. Thinking about Julius being locked away while I was here with his brother. It made everything feel too loud, so I stayed quiet, and he did too.
Once we pulled into the parking lot, the building looked the same as it did the last time I was there. The doctor wanted to reconfirm everything since I had irregular periods.
Just for a second, I hesitated before getting out of the car. Just long enough for doubt to stir through me again.
Kraven’s door shut, bringing me back to the present. He rounded the car, opening the door for me as if he knew I wanted to run away. I didn’t know what I was afraid of. I already had confirmation of what was to come. It was different this time around, with Kraven there instead of his brother.
I felt more guilt than I did the last time I was there by myself.
Kraven studied me for a second before he reached out his hand for me to take, and I did. The waiting room was too bright and cold, and I wondered if they did that on purpose.
After I checked in, I sat down. Kraven didn’t sit right away. He stood beside me instead, scanning the room like he didn’t trust it. After a moment, he finally sat. He was close, close enough I could feel his warmth, but he wasn’t touching me.
He’d been doing that a lot, giving me space unless he was tending to the baby. Making sure I drank enough water, ate right, and stayed on top of my prenatal vitamins, too. He even set an alarm on his phone to remind me every day like I’d forget or I wouldn’t care to take them.
I think that was what truly frightened me, keeping me up at night. If I kept this baby…
Will I be a good mother? Did Kraven think I wouldn’t be? Was that why he was staying on top of making sure I did everything a good mother would?
I couldn’t finish one thought before another one fully formed in its place, and I was beyond exhausted from that alone. I swear every little insecurity I had about myself was alive and thriving all around me. Insecurities I didn’t even know I had, especially about having my own baby.
When I considered keeping this baby, I wouldn’t allow my mind to dwell in that space for too long. I had no idea how I could make this work. I had nothing going for me. I was still half expecting the cops to show up and arrest me too.
If I were to have this baby, I’d have to get a driver’s license and become an actual citizen of the world, and I was terrified it’d be an easier way to find me.
Right now, I lived under the radar, and I preferred it that way.
I guess you could say I never really had any big dreams for myself.
All I ever wanted was to be kicked out of the system once I turned eighteen.
Now, there I was…
Pregnant.
What the hell did I do?
“You okay?” he questioned, probably sensing my internal freak-out.
I nodded even though my heart clenched. “Mm-hmm…” My hand drifted to my stomach, feeling his gaze drop there too.
Something hidden surfaced as he said, “Isla,” in a much harsher tone.
I looked at him, really looked at him. For a second, everything slowed down with the way he peered back at me.
It wasn’t neutral or detached, but it wasn’t careful either. It was something else entirely. Something that made my chest tighten and my stomach twist in a way that had nothing to do with nerves.
Everything after that blurred. Them calling out my name. The hallway. The exam room. The way the paper crinkled under me as I sat. Even when the doctor was talking to me.
Julius should be here with us.
A sharp, aching pressure filled my chest, but before it could fully resolve, the doctor confirmed, “You’re pregnant.”
Kraven didn’t move, though something in him had changed completely.
His eyes were locked on me, then my stomach, before he demanded, “Say it again.”
The doctor smiled, probably thinking he was just a proud father. “You’re pregnant,” he repeated.
Kraven exhaled slowly, the confirmation hitting him harder that second time. “Okay,” he breathed out. “Okay…”
He wasn’t reassuring the doctor. He was reassuring himself. I watched him with a familiar twisting low in my stomach. Except this wave of nausea wasn’t from being pregnant, it was from the realization that this baby could truly be his and not Julius’s.
Call me crazy, but until then, I hadn’t given it much thought.
If the father is Kraven, what will that do to Julius, and vice versa?
This baby mattered to Kraven in a way I hadn’t seen anything matter to him, including me, and I didn’t know what to do with any of that.
The rest of the appointment passed in fragments. However, none of it stuck. My mind stayed fixated on one thing. Suddenly, the air felt different. It was heavier, charged with this uncontrollable electric current.
Until I announced what was in the forefront of my mind since I found out I was pregnant. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel.”
The immediate relief I felt finally confessing that didn’t change the fact that this baby would destroy whatever was left of their family. If I could even call it that at this point.
Is that what it’ll take for the other to back off?
The question stirred shivers to course down my spine and into my stomach. I waited for the other shoe to drop, and it did, exactly the moment the whoosh-whoosh of a fast-beating heart vibrated through the exam room.
The doctor smiled down at me. “That’s your baby. How do you feel now?”
I didn’t answer. I was held hostage, watching Kraven lean forward, softly pressing his lips to my stomach. It was when I stilled. He shut his eyes briefly, letting himself feel it fully, and I gave it to him.
Even though it tore me to pieces.
KRAVEN
I didn’t plan any of this, but the second I heard, “You’re pregnant,” it all changed for me.
Something clicked into place that I’d been waiting for my entire life, and all I saw was her and my baby.
I swore right then and there that I’d be nothing like my parents.
I’d be the best father, the one I needed all my life.
Julius wasn’t there.
I was.
I didn’t think about it and simply moved on instinct. It was inevitable, I’d been heading toward this moment since the second Julius was taken away. I felt her freeze when my lips were on her stomach.
I exhaled slowly, this darkness settling deeper in my chest. Julius might’ve started this, but he wasn’t here to finish it.
I was.
I wasn’t walking away, not from her, not from this, not from the life growing inside her, even if it wasn’t mine.
The truth was that biology didn’t matter to me as much as it should have.
What mattered to me was that she wasn’t alone and that I was there for her no matter what. I wasn’t giving this up.
I wasn’t fucking this up.
She’s mine now.
This was finally my chance to have a real family with the woman I loved. Even if it meant destroying what was left of my brother and me. Even if it meant crossing every line that still existed between Julius and me.
And I dared him to try to fuck with me.