Chapter Eight #2
“Penelope? Did I hurt you in my enthusiasm?” Concern wove through his voice as he pulled back to find her gaze.
“No, no, of course not.” Shaking her head, she laid a palm against his cheeks. “I’m crying because the release was so powerful, but also because now I know how much I was cheated out of during my marriage.”
“I’m sorry. That must be a horrible realization.” With a bit of effort, he rolled off her to lie on his side, and when he pulled her to him, she snuggled into him.
“It was.” She wiped at the moisture on her cheeks. “Regardless, this was by far the best coupling I’ve ever had. I guess it’s true that you are quite the rake.”
Even in the darkness she could discern his frown. “That is only partially true. It’s a carefully curated facade, rather.”
Why would he need that, though? “Hmm.” Was it true or a way of deflecting her interest?
A comfortable silence came over the room while a pleasant lethargy went through her limbs. Finally, she had to speak at least one of the thoughts that trotted around her mind.
“Cornelius?”
“Hmm?”
“If we can, might we come together like this a couple more times?” An even louder swatch of silence followed the inquiry, so she rushed to fill it.
“I know this sort of relationship is not sustainable and Johnathan will have an apoplexy if he discovers our scandal, but I need you in this way; perhaps it’s another bit of knowing I was cheated out of that too. ”
Did it make her seem too desperate or too vulnerable to admit such a thing?
“Oh.” In the faint illumination from the corridor, emotions flitted over his face: shock, annoyance, resignation. “Because that’s all I’m good for? A quick fuck?” he asked in a barely audible voice.
She blinked at the vulgarity, but she was also grateful he didn’t try to spare her feelings. Dancing around topics put people into too much trouble. “Isn’t that how you live your life? How you think of women?”
“I…” He heaved out a breath, and the warmth of it ruffled the curls on her forehead.
“To be honest? I used to. In fact, I don’t believe I’ve been a good man in far too long, but recently, I’ve realized that sort of thinking is wrong, and that I need something else, something deeper in my life to help turn me about. ”
Surprise held her captive for the space of a few heartbeats. At least he was honest. “There’s no harm in it, Major. Every coupling doesn’t need to end in marriage. Meeting a need is perfectly acceptable, and I’m a widow now, not an innocent.”
For long moments, he clung to the silence as his hand at her hip tightened. “What is it, exactly, you are asking of me? I need you to be perfectly clear.”
“That would, perhaps, make things easier.” As she quickly went over the idea in her mind once more, she raked the fingers of one hand through the mat of hair on his chest. “Be my lover.”
“For how long?”
“Does it matter?”
When he shrugged, it wedged them closer together on the sofa. “No, I suppose it doesn’t. Why me? Why not a man who hasn’t been affected by the war, or by life in general?”
“Don’t be an arse any more than you can help.
” She stroked her fingers along his brow, combed a shock of hair away from his brow.
“You and I have a history. There is an inexplicable attraction between us. We certainly haven’t been proper when alone together, already.
And you aren’t a pompous windbag.” She stared into his face.
“There is good in you, Cornelius. Additionally, you give me the freedom to be me while in your company. I don’t feel as if I must constantly pretend to be a woman society wants. ”
It seemed that the longer she was in his company, the more deeply buried truths about herself insisted on coming to the surface.
“You are a managing bit of baggage, but I appreciate your penchant for plain speaking.” He heaved a sigh. “That being said, I would be delighted to be your lover.”
A thrill spiraled down her spine. “Thank you.” Penny couldn’t help her grin. For the first time in a long while, she was… happy. Burrowing more securely in his arms, she sighed. “This is how winter should be spent, don’t you think?”
“It’s a good lot better than hiding in my townhouse, drinking alone.” And she felt his grin against the side of her neck.
Eventually, they both stirred and began the task of dressing.
“I should go home,” he said, as he laced her stays, even if she would merely go upstairs to retire. “It’s far too late and I’d rather not court more scandal than we’ve already committed.”
A giggle escaped her. “Live a bit, Major. Scandal is much more fun when one has a friend to do it with them.” She bussed his cheek. “Besides, neither of us wishes to marry. There is no harm, no foul here.”
“Unless you fall pregnant,” he said in some consternation. “I should have withdrawn, but I was distracted by how good being inside you felt.”
Heat slapped at her cheeks. “Don’t borrow trouble.” She shook her head, yet that was a valid concern. However, should that happen, she would have bought a cottage somewhere, perhaps away from London, and wouldn’t need to combat the gossip. “Until tomorrow?”
“Yes, of course.” When he came near, he caught her into a loose embrace and pressed his lips to her forehead. “Stay out of trouble until then.”
“The only trouble I’m willing to court is with you.” Then, gathering her shawl and her slippers, she softly told him goodnight and left the room, bound for the grand staircase.
One thing was certain, her fifteen-year-old self would have been in the seventh heaven of delight to know that her fantasies concerning the major would come true later in life.