Chapter 36
Chapter Thirty-Six
IVY
I caught a glimpse of a familiar shadow at the forest’s edge and fury blasted through me, shocking me out of my stupor.
The months following my wedding should have been the best time of my life. Instead, they’d been the most heartbreaking. My only distraction from moping around like a brokenhearted, idiotic teenager was my search for my sisters.
And this… this stalker of mine who cowered in the shadows.
I was sick of it. Sick of people who didn’t deserve me. Messages upon messages had been pouring in from Juliette, Wynter, Davina… all asking—no, demanding we talk it over. Expecting I should forgive and forget.
Wynter was mad at me because Christian was upset. I understood he was her brother, but what about me? Davina remained neutral, and at this point it agitated me that she refused to pick a side. And Juliette… well, it wasn’t worth getting into it again. She knew what she did.
I was fucking done allowing people to have this kind of hold over me.
Anger and indignation rushed through my veins, compelling me to go out there and face my husband. I forced myself out of bed, took a shower, and brushed my teeth, then stomped out of the bedroom in sweatpants and a hoodie. At the entrance, I shoved my feet into green boots and was just about to make my way outside when my brother’s voice boomed.
“Where are you going?” I slowly turned around to find Aemon’s stoic, watchful face.
“Outside.”
“It’s not a good time.”
I gritted my teeth. Our entire household was aware of Christian lurking in the woods surrounding our estate, but nobody spoke about it. Like if we pretended it wasn’t happening, it might eventually stop.
“I have to talk to him.”
“I’ll come?—”
“Alone.”
A small frown took over his face. “I don’t think?—”
I shook my head. “I mean it, Aemon. This is something I have to do on my own.” I took a deep breath, smothering the snappy comment that fought to make its way out of my mouth. “I appreciate everything you’ve done. I’m so lucky to have brothers who care so much. But this… my husband… my marriage…” Shit, I was getting choked up. “I need to do this. For me. You can watch us from the window if it makes you feel better, but you’ll just have to trust me.”
There was a long bout of silence before my brother finally broke it.
“Give him hell, sister,” he said softly. “Keep your phone on you. If you need me, I’ll come running.”
His words caused a knot of emotion to form in my throat. My brothers would never fully understand how much they meant to me. They’d all been my rocks this past month.
I swallowed the lump in my throat and huffed out a small breath, hoping to ease this tightness in my chest. “Thank you. I’ll be right back.”
I grabbed a jacket and stepped out into the fresh air. My boots squeaked in the mud as I made my way across the lawn, feeling the heat of my brother’s worried gaze on my back and my husband’s electric gaze on my face.
My pulse quickened, and with each step closer to him, I couldn’t help but hope that he was only a figment of my imagination. He still wreaked havoc on my heart, looking like an Adonis in black jeans and a green jacket, his blue eyes fevered.
Four feet… three… two… He was too much. Those eyes were pulling me in as oxygen grew scarce. I could barely breathe, my chest tightening to the point I worried there was a heart attack sneaking up on me.
Or maybe they were just the symptoms of a broken heart.
My feet faltered, a mere half a foot away from him, but the familiar scent of his cologne was all it took for feelings I thought had dissipated to come flooding in. My thunderous pulse roared in my ears as we stood in silence, staring at each other, enveloped in the Irish fog.
“Hi,” he said softly, his gaze locked on my face as if memorizing each line.
“You have to stop.” My own voice sounded blessedly calm. “You can’t keep hanging around here.”
He swallowed hard. “I miss you, angel.”
The words were a punch to the gut. I’d rather he didn’t say anything at all, because the betrayal wounds opened, threatening to bleed again.
I wrapped my arms around myself, glancing to the side. Looking at him was just too much.
“You have to leave, Christian,” I murmured.
“Please give me another chance.” I shook my head, scared my lips would betray me. “Our vows were forever, angel. For better or for worse. In sickness and in health.”
I exhaled a shaky breath, the memory of our wedding day tearing me apart. I meant those promises, but even then, he’d been holding back secrets of my athair’s death and my best friend’s betrayal.
“The trust is broken. How could I ever trust you again?”
“I thought I was sparing you from pain, but I can see now that I was wrong.” He swallowed hard, clearly struggling. But I couldn’t give him what he needed. If we didn’t have each other’s backs, what did we have? As if he could read my thoughts, he added, “I’ll do anything for a second chance, angel. Anything.”
A small part of me—okay, a big part of me—wanted to fall into his arms and put it all behind us. But deep down, call it woman’s intuition or whatever, I sensed there were more secrets, and I just couldn’t continue doing this for years to come only to end up in this same exact spot.
“I’m sorry, Christian, I can’t,” I murmured, and he exhaled a shaky breath, his brows drawn tight.
“I thought I was protecting you.”
“But you weren’t,” I whispered. “You were protecting your brother and Juliette. You didn’t trust my judgment. Would I have been upset? Probably. But at least I wouldn’t have felt betrayed by you. This isn’t even about Juliette. It’s about us. You.” He stared at me, his face stony. “You have buried yourself so deep into your shell that this”—I motioned with my hand between us—“will keep happening over and over again.” His face darkened while emotions flickered in his eyes. “Until I wake up one day hating you.”
Christian flinched. “You hate me?”
“ No .” Tears blurred my eyes and emotions clogged my throat. “And I don’t want to hate you. But you ruined the fragile thing we had, this bond of trust, and I can’t just pretend all is well. You need to work out your own problems and secrets. For your sake, Christian. So you can find happiness.”
I felt naked and vulnerable as we stared at each other. It wasn’t only him I had to resist but my own body that craved to hold him in my arms once more.
It turned out the therapy sessions I’d started attending after the whole ordeal were paying off, although every time I thought of Juliette, I wanted to start punching something. It wouldn’t be this man. He’d suffered enough. I immediately scolded myself for even caring. Christian was a big boy and he could take care of himself just fine.
“I don’t want children.” My eyebrows furrowed at the sudden, seemingly irrelevant admission. “I had a vasectomy done to ensure that. You said you wanted family, children, and I said nothing.” He reached for me, but before he touched my face, his hand curled into a fist before stuffing it into his pocket. “I didn’t tell you for fear of losing you, but I was an idiot.” A tiny tremble in his shoulder caught my eyes. “I should have told you about your athair, but I thought it’d—” Hurt filled his face and the veins in his neck pulsed, tension stretching his muscles. “You’re my happiness. My light. The reason my heart beats. Don’t leave me in the darkness.”
His eyes burned into mine, bright with pain and love. But there were ghosts there too, and I knew I couldn’t help him with those.
I shook my head, my whole being swelling with exhaustion. “You deserve to be happy, but I finally understand that I can’t give you what you need.”
He rubbed a fist over his chest, his heart. “I’ll wait.”
I couldn’t do this anymore. Fearing I’d cave, I shifted away from him. “It’s for the best that we don’t see each other anymore. We need to move on, meet new people.”
He grabbed my wrist, his warm fingers curling tightly around my skin. I looked at where we were connected, then slowly lifted my eyes to his face to find his had darkened to stormy skies.
“I can’t accept that. I’ll wait for you no matter how long it takes, but if I find you looking at any man, I’ll kill him.” The muscles in his jaw flexed. “I fucked up, but I’ll fix it. Fix myself. And you will be mine, Ivy. If it kills us both.”
My mouth dropped, but before I could say another word, he released my wrist and whistled. Then I heard the familiar bark and rustle of leaves getting closer and closer before Cobra slammed into me. I fell to my knees, laughing and hugging her to me as she licked my face.
“This isn’t goodbye, wife. I will see you soon.”
With a solemn nod, he turned around, and it was only then that I noticed another figure deeper in the woods: Dante DiLustro.
Throat thick and heart heavy, a single tear rolled down my cheek. Cobra nudged me with her head, and I cuddled into her as I watched my husband disappear into the dark.