Chapter 42
Chapter Forty-Two
Naomi
M y mind is a blur of rage and sadness and shame. It’s screaming at me to run and fight and hide and attack, attack, attack. I can’t even force the spinning wheel of thoughts to slow, let alone stop.
This is it. This is the moment I was somehow, in the dark depths of my mind, waiting for.
I know better than to trust people.
I trusted my influencer community, and I got burned alive.
My own family never wanted me.
What a damn fool I was to think it would ever be different. That I could ever be a person who was important enough to someone to keep around. To make real sacrifices for.
That I was, all of a sudden, after never once in my life being good enough for anyone, good enough for Sam.
Well, he sure showed me.
After my big blowout on the internet back in Austin, I was convinced that nothing could ever surprise me again. That whole thing came so far out of left field, blindsided me to the point where I thought it was a joke for hours after it all started to go up in flames.
It’s only all these weeks later that I was finally starting to process what happened. Starting to see the signs I chose to ignore from the beginning. Starting to reevaluate the relationships I thought were so solid.
It was the safety of Sam’s arms that gave me the space to be able to do that.
Maybe that’s where I went wrong. I felt secure and cared for and allowed myself to get distracted. To let my mind wander.
When I should have been paying more attention to the current snake in the room.
My heart aches for the simplicity of yesterday. Of this morning, even.
When I woke in that bed, Sam bringing me coffee and kissing me goodbye before work. He really did all that thinking I was a loser. Someone who couldn’t be trusted.
A fresh wave of shame washes over me as I allow myself to see the truth.
He never had any intention of making things real between us. He’s a responsible adult with a real job and a community. Friends and a resort that he needs to watch out for.
And what am I?
I’m nothing. I’m a loser with no plan for life. Nowhere to go. No one to turn to.
“Naomi!”
I turn my head out of instinct but immediately turn it back forward when I see Sam jogging up the path behind me.
“God, you’re fast.” He’s huffing like he just ran the whole way up the sandy trail from the resort.
I continue to ignore him, arms folded, eyes focused on the ground in front of me as I put one foot in front of the other. I only have to make it to the employee parking lot where I left my loaner golf cart, and then I’m free. I have no idea where I’ll go, but wherever it is, I’m going there fast.
“If you don’t stop walking in one second, I’m going to make you stop,” he says, still keeping pace with me as I refuse to look over.
I huff out a laugh and pick up my pace.
A strong hand clamps down on my upper arm and pulls sharply, forcing me to stop and turn to face him. I hang my head and try to look away.
Thank god for mirrored sunglasses. He can’t see how much I’ve been crying.
“That was…it wasn’t what it sounded like,” he starts, and I consider kicking him so he’ll let me go.
Actually, that’s not a bad plan.
I land a sharp kick on his shin with the sole of my flip-flop.
Sam barks in pain and drops my arm. I continue up the hill.
“Okay, I deserved that. I get it. You’re pissed and you have every right to be. You weren’t supposed to be there.”
Red rage renders me blind and sucks all the rational thought from my mind. I stop and whirl to face him. “I wasn’t supposed to be there? That’s your excuse? You have got to be kidding me!”
I start to walk once more and Sam chases after me. “It wasn’t an excuse. You weren’t supposed to be there, though. That was a meeting of the owners of the resort, and we were talking about business.”
“The owners of the resort and their girlfriends.”
Something I will never be.
Fresh tears spark in the corners of my eyes. I’ve got to get to my golf cart.
“Yeah, the owners and their partners, who are also on the resort management team. And what you heard…I can explain.”
I whirl to face him once more. “You can explain why you blocked a plan to have me work at The Sands because I’m too much of a risk to the resort’s reputation after ruining my own? Maybe you can also explain why you’ve been telling me that you want this, whatever it is, between us to be real, when you just straight up told the people closest to you that you didn't want me around. That was an opportunity for me to join that table, Sam. For us to be together like they are. I thought that’s what you wanted. But you looked at those couples and knew I wasn’t good enough for that. Knew I wasn’t good enough for any of it.”
Sam’s listening to me speak with wide eyes and a slack jaw.
I surprised him with my expert deduction skills. He clearly wasn’t expecting to be called out for what he really feels.
Well, take that, asshole.
When he finally speaks his words are soft, cautious. “Naomi, you can’t actually think those things.”
I’m still on the attack. “Me? Are you kidding me right now? This discussion isn’t about what I think. I’m not the one who just stood up in front of everyone and announced that I was too big of a risk to the resort’s reputation—” I spit the last word out before Sam interrupts me.
“You don’t understand.”
“I understand perfectly.” I turn on my heel and start to walk away but Sam’s voice stops me.
“Those guys get everything.”
It’s not so much the words as it is his tone. It’s broken, jagged, laced with years of pent-up emotions.
I pause my march and stand looking at the ground in front of me, not turning back.
“My whole goddamn life.” His voice cracks, and I can hear his labored breathing but I still don’t turn around. “My whole life those guys have had everything. They had everything and they took anything else they wanted. Anything of mine, anything of anyone’s. I gave it all up because how could I not? They were generous to me, and their families were generous. I wouldn’t be anywhere near where I am today if not for those guys and their money and their power and privilege. But even though I stand next to them, I’m not one of them. I don’t have a drop of what they have.”
I finally turn to face him. “You have got to be fucking kidding me with that line. You really expect me to believe that? You own the damn resort, Sam. That’s not nothing.”
He just stares at me and I have to look away from the sadness I see in his eyes. I’m not here to forgive him or feel sorry for him. He can have all the feelings he wants. They have nothing to do with me.
“You think I somehow pulled almost thirty million dollars out of my pocket to buy into this resort? How the hell would I have done that? I signed away my life, my sweat and blood, to this resort, but it’s all just paper. Dom paid my share. The Fuentes family fortune paid my share, just like they always did. Hell, you’re more of an owner of that damn resort than I am.”
I suck in a breath so sharply that it’s audible in the silence that falls after his words.
I’m fully prepared to continue my journey up the hill, get in my golf cart, and drive away from this man. From this life. The one I thought I wanted. The one I thought I somehow deserved.
But Sam’s words…Sam’s truth keeps me still.
“I just wanted this one thing, all to myself. Mine. I’ve never stood up to those guys, not on anything that mattered. I just let them have their way and try to be grateful they let me stick around. You think I’m scared to lose a friend when we talk about telling Dom about us? I’m scared to lose everything. And this is why. I don’t actually have anything. But I had you. And I’ll be goddamned if those guys are going to take you from me.”
“They don’t have to, Sam.” I shake my head. “You really don’t get it, do you? What you thought you had with me ended the second you spoke those words. If that’s the kind of thing that you’re thinking, this thing between us was never real. So, good luck with this mess.” I wave my hand in a dismissive gesture to the trees and the paths and the resort below, taking one last look at the gorgeous view that I thought would be mine. “Maybe I’ll see you around.”
I turn and start back up the path without waiting for his response.
Sam doesn’t follow me to my cart, but I catch sight of him at the edge of the lot as I pull out, watching me go.