Chapter 30
Troy
“ W hat are your thoughts, Mr. Gunner?” asked the older gentleman sitting on the other side of the conference table. His name was Mr. Belleview and he was one of my most important clients, with millions invested at my firm.
“Hmm?” I asked, my attention being brought back to this room when my thoughts prior had been floating anywhere but here.
“Did you hear what I said?” Mr. Belleview asked with a slight irritation in his voice.
Monica sat across from me scribbling notes. Kathy cleared her throat and I looked at her with annoyance that she was even here for this meeting. I wondered if my father had her sit in to babysit because of Mr. Belleview’s status, as if I couldn’t handle it. Yet, here I was, proving him right.
“Mr. Belleview, if I may…” said Monica, giving me a look before turning to him. It was a look that said I’m about to save your ass . I didn’t know why she did it. I didn’t deserve it.
I watched as Mr. Belleview assessed Monica to see if she had any authority to speak with him regarding his investments. He probably wasn’t used to a woman running a meeting where his money was concerned, but I had no doubt Monica could handle it. She was smart. She’d been working alongside me for months, sitting in on meetings and going over investment papers. I didn’t see it until now just how good at this job she had become.
I watched Mr. Belleview’s eyes linger a little too long to where Mrs. Belleview might have something to say about it before giving his full attention to Monica. Old perv , I thought. But could I blame him? She was stunning. A distraction in her cream pantsuit and lace camisole peeking out from under her blazer, her dark hair pulled half up in a clip.
Listening, I tried to catch up as she went over the papers that Mr. Belleview had before him. I wondered if he was even listening as he nodded and watched her stupidly perfect mouth talk numbers. Thanks to her, I figured out where we were in the meeting. I was able to catch my bearings, so I could continue without looking like a total idiot.
I watched Monica completely steal the show, impressing all of us with her knowledge of his accounts and what his next steps should be. Her assertiveness was sexy as hell. I always admired that about her. How hard of a worker she was. She did it because she had to, while I got to scrape by on my father’s tailcoats. The thought made me hate myself.
And I already hated myself for hurting the woman who sat before me.
Kathy looked at me knowingly, her lips pressed tightly together as she typed out a text. Probably to my father. And for the first time, I didn’t care. I didn’t care about any of this. I hated sitting in this room trying to pretend I was remotely interested in what we were talking about, which was how to make this millionaire richer. Like he needed it.
All month I had been trying to sort out these feelings of apathy. Apathy toward work. Apathy toward my usual night life. Apathy toward women. I kept telling myself that it was because of Monica and how things had ended between us. That it was leaking into other parts of my life, making everything dull.
It was dull. But it wasn’t simply because I had lost her. I realized now, in this conference room, that I hadn’t cared about this job in a long time. If ever.
I never had a chance to explore my options in life. My schools were picked for me. My university was picked for me. My classes. My degree. My internships. My job. It had all been picked for me by my father with the intention that I would go into the family business. His one pride and joy out of everything in life, including my mother and including his children.
It was the sad reality, and one I had tried to fit into for as long as I could remember. I let him dictate my life because he was a man of success and made me think that I wanted that success too. And the only way to get it was to follow in his footsteps. Exploring other paths wasn’t an option. They were frivolous and foolish. Or so he said.
As I watched Erica pursue her own dreams, even though it was a struggle for her sometimes, I couldn’t help but feel envious of my little sister. She chose a different path. It might not be earning her billions, or really even thousands, but it was still what she loved. Not that my father had any intention of letting her run his company one day. He was old-fashioned. He believed that spot was only for a man, and I realized now you would have to kill yourself to even get it.
Still, she could have had a seat at the table, but she didn’t want it. It disappointed my father, but not in the way I disappointed him with every choice I had made in life that wasn’t to his liking. The partying. The Vegas wedding. The way I ran his company.
I couldn’t blame him for the latter. I would never run my company as he did, but it wasn’t because I was lazy. I realized that now. It was because my heart wasn’t in it. I wondered why it had taken me so long to realize it.
Then it hit me. She sat right across from me. The realization in the form of a woman.
Monica had come into my life at a time I never even knew I needed it. When I met her at the bar that fateful night, I didn’t know that it would lead to what it did. Yes, I had every intention of taking her home, but I didn’t know that it would turn into what it did. I didn’t even think I would see her again. Then she walked in here, in this very building, and turned my world upside down.
I thought I had been happy before her. I thought that this was all that life had to offer. Work, money, sex. I was content with that. I didn’t think I would want more than that, until I had it.
Monica had been a bright spot in my life, casting her warm glow on everything she touched. I had been too stupid to see that. Too stupid to let her know it. Too stupid to shout it from the rooftops because I thought it would jeopardize this job that I realized now I didn’t really want. Scared of what my father might say or think.
I lost her because of it. And now, without her, my life felt dark. I was now able to see the mess for what it was. I wasn’t happy before. Not truly. I was getting by on things that held temporary happiness. Signing a new client. Making another million. Taking a woman home just because I could. It all seemed so trivial now.
I felt like I was suffocating in that conference room, even though it could easily fill twenty people. I clutched at the tie around my neck, trying to loosen it.
“You’ll have to excuse me,” I said, standing from my seat.
Mr. Belleview looked unimpressed. Kathy looked at me like I had just committed a crime, while Monica looked at me with concern in her eyes. Did she still care? I wouldn’t even let myself entertain the idea as I walked out of the room. I headed toward the elevators and rode down to the expansive lobby. The large portrait of my father and me loomed above me.
Rushing out to the sidewalk, I sucked in a deep breath. I put my hands on my knees and tried to gather myself. I had just walked out of a meeting that was one of the biggest ones of the quarter. Hell, the year. I knew my father would hear about this, but I couldn’t will myself to go back up there.
Instead, I walked down the block to the coffee shop. The young barista greeted me with his usual enthusiasm.
“Mr. Gunner. Long time no see,” he said.
“Please, call me Troy,” I said as I studied the menu.
“Can I make you your usual?”
“How about you surprise me today?” I replied.
His eyebrows rose and he looked excited. “Yes. Sure thing.”
He began busying himself with the espresso machine.
“How is school?” I asked.
“It’s good. Almost there. I can see the finish line.”
“What are you studying?”
“Education,” he said before quickly adding, “I know it’s not as impressive as what you do. It probably won’t pay the bills. Or the debt I’ve racked up…”
“It’s a worthy choice,” I said, soothing his insecurities.
“Really?” he asked, giving me a questioning look as he worked the milk frother.
“Really.”
“It’s what I’ve always wanted to do. I had a teacher when I was young who changed my way of thinking. I want to do that for someone too.”
“Wow,” I said, genuinely impressed.
He waved me off as he poured the foam over the latte, the smell of nutmeg and cinnamon wafting toward me. “It’s nothing.”
“It’s not nothing. That passion is something I admire. Something not a lot of people have because they’re so focused on the money.”
“Well, the money is probably nice to have.” He shrugged as he passed me my coffee.
“It’s not everything,” I said. “Remember that. Even when you start to doubt why you chose teaching. Don’t ever forget your why.”
“And what’s your why, Mr. Gunner?”
I gave him a look.
“Sorry, Troy.”
I smiled. “I’m still trying to figure that out,” I said, taking the coffee.
I took a sip as he eagerly watched to see what I thought. Warm notes of spice and a slight sweetness from the cream ran down my throat. I looked at the cup in my hands.
“This is delicious,” I said. “Add this to the morning lineup.”
“You’ve got it.”
“What’s your name?” I asked, realizing I had never properly introduced myself to him.
“Connor.”
“Thanks again, Connor.”
I waited as he went to clean the counters behind him, slipping a hundred-dollar bill behind the counter for his tip, before walking out the door. I walked back to the office feeling better than I had when I left. When the elevator doors opened, Mr. Belleview was saying his goodbyes to Kathy and Monica. I had missed the rest of the meeting, but I didn’t really care.
“Mr. Gunner,” he said as we came face to face.
“Mr. Belleview. I’m sorry I had to leave the meeting so abruptly.”
“It’s quite all right. I was in good hands.” He glanced at Monica, who stood behind me. “That assistant of yours is really something.”
“That she is,” I said with a single nod.
“Good day.”
The elevator doors closed, making him disappear from view. I turned and saw Monica eyeing me warily. I mouthed a quick “thank you” to her. I swore I saw the faintest smile cross her lips before Kathy was on the attack.
“What the hell were you thinking?” she barked at me as she followed me down the hallway to my office. “Do you know what you could have cost us pulling something like that? Wait until your father hears about this.”
Her shrill voice was drowned out as I thought about what my next steps might be. I thought about what Connor had said, and laughed to myself about how a kid who was probably barely even twenty-one was schooling me on life. Whatever my next move was, I knew for damn sure that Kathy wouldn’t be there. But what about Monica? This job was the only thing tying me to her now. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye yet.