Chapter 36
Chapter
Thirty-Six
CLAIRE
Idon’t need to open my eyes to know I’m still in his office.
The scent of leather and his cologne is overbearing.
My body is sluggish from the drug he slipped me, every movement mocking that of which Sisyphus must have gone through rolling the boulder up the hill.
As I move, the sharp scrape of fabric against my skin immediately tells me I’m no longer in my own clothes.
They’ve been replaced with what he likes, something he picked because he knows what he wants to see, because he likes possessing every aspect of what I do.
It couldn’t just be something simple or practical.
It had to be something he knows I would never pick for myself.
I open my eyes and note the same shade of green as I was wearing earlier; he has dressed me in a silk blouse with a neckline cut low enough to draw attention.
The skirt is tight, hitting just above my knee with a cut that is sharp and calculated to emphasize all the curves that he so desperately wants me to have, that I don’t possess.
And the heels—polished, black, and too high for comfort.
He knows I’ve never been able to walk in them.
He revels in watching me stumble just so he can be the helping hand that prevents me from breaking an ankle.
Because if anyone is going to do that, it’s going to be him.
But the part that gets me isn’t the fact that he undressed me, and exposed me to himself and who else knows, but the cruel intimacy of it.
He’s not just dressing me, he’s playing with my mind and with the part of me that has always longed for approval.
He’s using my previous love for pretty things, something he introduced me to all those years ago, against me now.
And as much as I’d like to pretend that I’m strong enough to see through the manipulation, I’m still just a girl who has only ever wanted to be provided for.
“You see,” he murmurs, startling me from his proximity that I didn’t know he created.
“This is what you’re meant to be. This is who you are…
with me. You’ll never be anything else.” He steps closer, letting his eyes rake over me as though I’m a painting meant to inspire awe and obedience.
The drug is still humming through my veins, dulling the edges of my pain and fear, but I don’t let that overtake the focus in my mind.
“Now, let me remind you of who you are to me.” He doesn’t rush.
Every movement of his is slow as he pulls me up to stand with him.
The heels force my balance into submission.
“You’ve always wanted someone to see you.
Even when you fought me, even when you continue to fight me, a part of you has always longed for it. For me.”
He wants a performance. He wants me shaking and fighting for breath and the sad part is, I don’t have to fake any of it to make it real.
My lips tremble with shame and I really do feel more helpless than I’ve ever been because this time, I know what it means to finally have something to lose.
He leans closer, eyes scanning my face. “Do you feel it? The pull? The part of you that craves it? That needs it? Don’t fight it, Claire.
I can see the way you’ve always leaned toward me.
Even now, even as you try to appear defiant, there’s a piece of you that belongs to me.
” My shoulders slump as memories of the years that he trained me, praise and punishment intertwined, surface.
I’m careful to not let them consume my focus, to hone in on my one goal here.
I nod slowly, giving him what he wants, letting him think I’ve surrendered. My body feels like it’s melting into him, the drug haze and psychological manipulation working in perfect harmony, but underneath it all it’s me that holds his downfall. “Did…did you find it?”
He doesn’t speak as he reaches into his pocket and his hand emerges with the USB. “Clever hiding spot, but not clever enough to keep it hidden from me.”
“It wasn’t to hide it from you…” I say. “It was to keep it safe until the moment I would need it. I didn’t want anyone else taking it from me.”
He chuckles softly, letting me go completely this time, and I tumble backward onto the couch as I watch him round his desk and turn on his computer.
“Needed it? Claire, do you think I’m foolish?
There’s nothing on this little stick for you to need, is there?
Nothing you could possibly use for yourself. But you already know that, don’t you?”
I force my head down, hiding the flicker of satisfaction I feel at his words. “I-I just—”
“Don’t lie,” he interrupts. “The only reason you would need it…is to use it against me.
Admit it, Claire. That’s why you’ve risked everything, walked by the one place you knew I’d be at, in the colors I prefer, playing the part I trained you into.”
“I didn’t use it,” I blurt out, trying to save myself and everyone else I’ve brought into this.
I need to keep him on my side or this will all have been for nothing.
“I didn’t use it,” I repeat. “I wanted you to know that I could have, but I didn’t.
I wanted you to know that even if I could have, I wouldn’t.
Not because I can’t, but because I still care what you think.
Because I wanted to choose you, even when I had another option.
” It’s weak, but it’s the only avenue I have left.
And as seconds turn to minutes between us while he thinks about what I said, my panic begins to rise once more.
“Well, I guess we will see what level of truth you’re speaking soon enough.” And he plugs the USB in.