17. Demyan #2
Erin laughs and hooks a strand of her unkempt blonde hair behind her ear. It should diminish her, the layer of neglect about her, but it doesn’t. It just tugs at me, hard. She’s a beautiful woman, but it’s not that; it’s the thing in her that won’t die. The thing that burns, no matter what.
“You kidnapped me, Demyan.”
I narrow my eyes. How can she glow like that even though she needs a brush? “Are you working for Niko?”
“Who?”
“It’s a little too much of a coincidence you were there, and you have a child you’re passing off as mine.”
She goes still and a bitter triumph fills me.
I don’t believe a word I’m saying and yet I can’t stop.
I want her to be the villain. I need it because I know just how horrible I’ve been, my anger turning me into a man who shames me and would make my father proud because of how I’m treating her is how he treated me.
Outrageous accusations, the twist of different knives, the need for pain and suffering inflicted on the victim.
If she’s the villain, then I’m not the monster.
“What are you talking about?” she whispers .
“Don’t pretend you don’t know.”
I stalk up to her, and she’s on her feet fast and backing away. “You’re crazy. Who the fuck is Niko? Why on earth would I try to hurt you? I don’t want to cause anyone pain. I just want Sasha safe and with me.”
“You’re hiding something.” My gaze skims slowly over her, lingering on her tits beneath the fitted pale-rose T-shirt, drinking in their swell, the rise and fall.
She lets out a small sound, full of distress, and I hate myself more. “Hiding something? You kidnapped me, Demyan, dragged me here, or do you mean on me?”
There’s a flash of wild, feral light, a tangle of anger and pain in her eyes, and she whips off her T-shirt, pushes off the yoga pants and she stands there, in a plain cotton bra and mismatched panties.
The bra is white, panties black, and she looks even better than the last time I saw her in a state of undress. She’s more rounded.
“What the fuck are you doing?”
She shoves me. “If you think I’m hiding something, I’m showing you I’m not. Or do you think you need to do a full body cavity search?”
“Seduction isn’t going to work.”
Erin laughs. “You think I want to seduce you? I don’t. I never want to see you again. I want my baby and I want us to be gone. You’re crazy, Demyan. Batshit crazy.”
I move in, and she stumbles back until she hits the door and I cage her in. Her body heat radiates and I buzz, being so near, she’s like an electrical field. I want more.
She’s fucking right. I am batshit crazy.
“I’m a lot of things, Erin,” I say, slipping a finger over her cheek, “but crazy isn’t one of them.”
I might have lost my mind somewhere from Sasha’s room to here, but I’m not sharing that with her.
“No, you’re crazy. ”
“Who’s Sasha’s father?”
“You.”
“And you expect me to believe that?”
“You did when you kicked down the motel door. You did when you threatened to never let me see him, when you claimed parentage. Who do you honestly think his father is? He looks like you. He’s your kid.”
“You can’t possibly know that for sure.”
“I do.” Her voice is tight. “You were the only man I was with that could possibly be the father. I broke up with my boyfriend three months before that. So unless it was a miracle birth, you’re his father.”
I frown. “Erin?—”
“I’ve never heard of this, Niko. So if you’ll excuse me, I’m tired.” She pushes past me, collecting her clothes and pulling them on. “Believe what you want, but don’t you dare hurt that child or I’ll kill you.”
Her words are so matter-of-fact that despite my fucked-up behavior, I want to smile. But instead, I sit on the bed and run a hand through my hair. “I lost it there. I… this Niko is the one responsible for?—”
“Max?” Her whisper is ragged. “I hope you end him. Max… he didn’t deserve that. And neither did Alina.”
“Yeah, well, planting someone here is something he’d do.”
“I’m not— Sasha’s yours.”
Her words play in my head. No one else but me in all that time. And the way she said it, like there’s been no one…
It grips hard, that notion that the last man who touched her was me. “You said you hadn’t been with anyone before me, and after?”
“You’re the father. I know it because since that night I haven’t… There’s… I don’t do one-night stands, and that was an aberration.”
Just me .
It shouldn’t make me hard, turn me on, but it does.
She’s mine, like he is.
I try to eject the notion, but it stays.
There’s something so fucking primal about it, so satisfying I want to…
I don’t want to do a thing. I’m already acting like a psychopath.
I don’t need to put moves on her after accusing her of being a spy and trying to make her admit the child who looks like me isn’t mine.
The last time I was like this was… was never.
“Not at all?”
“Do you want a plaque, Demyan? This is embarrassing enough to admit. There’s been no one but you. At first, I was busy, then I found out I was pregnant, and being a single mother, well… I’ve been asked out, but…” She bites her lip. “I don’t date. Being a single mom makes it hard.”
She edges up, and I meet her gaze. “I’m not going to eat you or anything. You can sit, Erin.”
“Is that an apology?”
“It’s what you get.”
She sits, putting a little space between us. “Okay.”
“You didn’t think about?—”
“Termination? No. I wanted him. It fucked up my career path, but the moment I found out, I wanted that baby. He’s stubborn, contrary, and a pain in the ass sometimes, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
It’s worth it for his smile. He started his stubborn ways early.
I went into labor, and then he refused to come for forty hours, putting me through hell. ”
“That sounds like my boy, right there.”
She smiles and I do, too, as pride swells in me. Part of me wishes I was there, but the pride is bigger.
“When I say hell, I mean it, but you know what? The moment I laid eyes on him with his perfect little face, I forgot the pain. He was worth it. Worth so much more. That little baby was the entire world, and he still is. ”
I try to think of something to say, but I can’t. My throat’s tight and full because, though I can’t possibly know childbirth, I know what she means. That love that’s instantaneous, that’s all-consuming and right, I felt that when I saw him for the first time.
“Demyan… Sasha’s the best gift anyone’s ever given me, and I want to thank you for that. He’s an amazing boy. Kind and gentle and loving.”
“That’s you.”
“It’s nature and nurture, so that’s you, too. He’s stubborn and smart and I know, even at two, he’s going to grow up into such a strong young man. And you can help in the ways I can’t, but he’s so special, Demyan.”
“He can light up a room just like he lights up my heart. The word love isn’t big enough, is it?”
I stare at her. I can feel it. Her love for him. It’s strong, a steady beam of power, of life, and this woman would give anything for his happiness, even if it cost her own.
Christ, maybe keeping them apart is the wrong thing to do.
But she kept him from me. For all her words, she deliberately kept him from me.
“D-Demyan, can I see him, please? It’s killing me. And I dread that it’s hurting him, too. We’re a little unit and he must be fretting over where his mama is. Please.”
Abruptly, I stand.
“I’ll think about it,” I tell her. And before I can be swayed, I leave the room, locking the door behind me.
And I think her sobs will haunt my dreams for a long time to come.