Chapter 9 #2
Sean didn’t even flinch. “Really? 'Cause yer acting like ye don’t.”
My pulse quickened, anger bubbling to the surface. “Please don’t psycho-babble me.”
“That’s not even a word,” he shot back, and I could hear the irritation in his tone.
“Whatever,” I muttered, feeling the tension coiling tighter. “I’m not in the mood for this. Portal in as soon as possible.”
Hesitation flickered in my best friend’s eyes. “I can’t come there.”
My jaw clenched. “Why the hell not?”
He sighed. “It’s…complicated.”
“Sean.” My patience was wearing thin. “She’s your best friend, the woman you refer to as your sister, and she’s hurting. Badly. You know how she is… She won’t show any true emotion until she feels safe enough, and for now, neither James nor I can provide that safety. She needs you.”
Sean’s demeanor softened slightly, before his hesitation made another appearance. “So ye want me, yer second in command, to leave my post at our Collective and leave everyone here unprotected?”
I narrowed my eyes into slits. “Consider it a fucking order. The fuck is your problem, Sean? I thought you loved her.”
“I do love her. But I… There are other things to consider.”
“Like what?”
He was starting to look like a cornered wolf. “I uhm…” he fumbled with his fingers, “I love the people here, and leaving them unprotected doesn’t feel right.”
Bullshit excuse. “Then put someone else in charge. Isn’t Saoirse available?”
“Saoirse’s…otherwise engaged,” Sean muttered while averting his gaze.
“The hell does that mean?” I asked, suspicion creeping in.
He let out a defeated sigh, rubbing the back of his neck. “Nothing to worry about. Fine. I’ll make it work. Get my room ready.”
“I will.” I stared at him for a second. “Thank you.”
He nodded once, then cut the connection without another word.
EMMA
I still hadn’t cried since I’d crossed the Canadian border.
Not because I didn’t need to. Not because I didn’t want to. But because I didn’t have the guts to do it.
Crying would mean letting the pain in. Letting all of it in. And I was terrified once I did, it would crush me, that it would overwhelm and consume me until there was nothing left. That I’d never find a way back out of the darkness once I opened the floodgates.
So I shut down. Numbness. Blocking it out, exactly like I’d done right after it happened.
But then, out of nowhere, rage started seeping through the cracks. It wasn’t anger, it was fury. I was furious at the people responsible for the deaths of my parents. Furious at humans for their ignorance. Furious at everyone else for simply being alive.
And I lashed out. At everyone. At all of them. In less than twenty-four hours, I’d managed to piss off every single soul I’d met. And I didn’t give a damn.
Thank the gods James and Caden had kept their distance ever since. After last night, I would’ve ripped their heads off without a second thought.
When I woke this morning, I didn’t feel an ounce of remorse for what I’d said to them. Served them right.
By noon I felt a little guilty.
By sunset, I felt guilty enough to swear I’d fix it tomorrow.
Wrapping myself in blankets, I tried to sleep. But sleep meant nightmares, and I was afraid to face them.
Ever since I stepped into this fucked-up world almost eighteen months ago, it had been nothing but trauma and nightmares. Why the hell had I ever agreed to this? I should’ve stayed human. I could’ve been a lawyer. Normal, safe. Could’ve had my parents…
Instead, I turned out to be a mass murderer. And, apparently, a terrorist too.
The room was dark, the only light filtering in from the moon as it hung low in the sky. I curled up under the covers, trying to shut everything out… The guilt, the rage, the overwhelming grief pressing down on my chest. It didn’t matter how tight I held on to the sheets; I couldn’t escape it.
My breath hitched. The air felt thin, like there wasn’t enough oxygen in the room. My heart hammered painfully against my ribs as I squeezed my eyes shut, silently begging sleep to take me before the inevitable agony swallowed me whole.
Air. I needed more air.
Despair. Pain. Grief. Gut wrenching grief.
It all ripped through me, hollowing me out from the inside.
Shit, I am starting to lose it.
A soft hum broke the silence behind me, the distinct crackle of a portal closing. I didn’t turn around. His presence settled over the room like a familiar weight, instantly recognizable even in the dark.
My brother.
The lump in my throat swelled, becoming an unmovable knot. The tightly sealed lid over my endless pit of sadness trembled, threatening to shatter.
He didn’t say anything, didn’t utter a word. The bed dipped as he climbed in behind me, wrapped his arms around me, his warmth seeping into my back.
For a moment, the comfort of his touch almost made it bearable. Almost.
Then it all came crashing down.
The tears started first, slow and silent. I gritted my teeth, trying to hold it back, but it was like trying to stop a dam from breaking. Before I knew it, loud sobs started racking through me, uncontrollably, and all I could do was bury my face in the pillow.
Sean held me tighter, his hand gently rubbing my back, still not saying a word. His presence was steady, an anchor in a storm I had no hope of surviving.
And then. The screaming started.
I didn’t even realize it at first, the raw, guttural sound tearing from my throat, but once it started, I couldn’t stop it.
The pain—everything I’d kept locked up inside—came pouring out, a torrent of grief, anger, and terror.
I barely felt Sean's grip tightening as he held me down, trying to keep me from thrashing.
Footsteps pounded down the hall, then Caden and James burst into the room. I could barely make them out through the haze, but I knew they were there. They rushed to the bed, their voices blending into the chaos, but I couldn’t focus on any of it.
I didn’t know if they were speaking to me, trying to calm me down, or simply trying to be there. It didn’t matter. The world was a blur of screams and hands gripping me, trying to pull me out of the dark.
At some point, my screams turned back into sobs. Sean never let go, his arms still wrapped tightly around me, his breath steady in my ear. James and Caden hovered nearby, silent now, their expressions heavy with concern but no words spoken. There was nothing they could say to make it better.
Eventually, exhaustion claimed me, dragging me down into a fitful sleep. I barely registered James pulling a chair over, sitting by the bed like a silent sentinel. Caden settled into the corner, his arms crossed, his dark whiskey eyes never leaving me.
When I woke again, the room was bathed in the soft glow of morning. I shifted slightly, feeling Sean’s arms still around me. His breathing was steady, but I could tell he hadn’t slept much.
Jackson was there too. He must’ve slipped in sometime during the night, leaning against the wall, his gaze distant but watchful.
Everyone except Sean stood at the edge of the room, giving me space, but their presence was solid, reassuring.
They didn’t ask questions, didn’t demand explanations.
No one said anything, but their presence filled the room, and with it, an unspoken promise I wasn’t alone.