Chapter 20 #2
“Jesus.” He shook his head, the motion seemingly exhausted. “No, Emma. It’s not ideal, and more importantly, it’s not something I would ever be willing to settle for.”
He drew a long breath, fingers curling at his side as if to steady himself. “When I had a choice between betraying my heart or my people, I betrayed my heart. And I paid a steep price. I lost you…and then I chose wrong again. Instead of fighting for what we had, I gave you time and space.”
My heart thudded against my ribs so loud I was sure he could hear it.
“And then, when you had the courage to come back to Cyclos and talk to me, I screwed it all up again out of jealousy.”
He laughed, a sound with no humor in it. “And now this. Man, am I cursed.”
He closed the distance between us until the air around him felt like pressure. “But I’ll be damned if I let you chain yourself to me out of fear of repercussion or some false sense of duty. That is one mistake I will not make.”
He reached up and brushed my hair behind my ear like he’d done a thousand times before. I let him do it, because refusing felt spiteful, but the familiar flutter that used to rise at his touch didn’t come.
“I will not let the Chiefs dictate what you do with your heart, nor with your mind,” he said firmly.
My eyes searched him, his words at odds with everything I’d expected. “You’d defy the Chiefs for me?” I whispered.
“I would,” James said. “Though I do believe, on some level, they’re right.”
I frowned and stepped back so I could steal a breath. “You believe they’re right to force us into a True Bond?”
“Gods, no. But… I do believe Alek is our son.”
I took another step away from him. “Because of those four letters?”
James shook his head. “Not just that, though it certainly hints at it. Colt was right to say the Chiefs would never accept only a first name as definitive proof. If they truly believe me to be the father, they know something we don’t.
I’ve been trying to nex Stephen to ask him about it, but I can’t reach him. ”
Stephen. Where the hell was he in all of this?
“Any idea where he is?” I asked.
“Last I heard he was still searching the African Collectives for Gordon.”
Right. Gordon. The man responsible for Julian’s mind-rape when I was a newborn.
Good times.
I sighed and rubbed my temples until the ache behind them eased a fraction. “Okay, so now what?”
James cleared his throat. “How—uhm—how are things between you and Colt?”
I snorted. “Complicated would be an understatement. But the Chiefs were crystal clear about what happens if I stray…” I cracked my neck. “So he knows nothing can ever happen between us.”
He watched me for a long second. “Is that what you want?”
“There is no room to think about what I want,” I said, keeping my voice level.
He stepped in closer. “I disagree. I think what you want makes all the difference in the world.”
A warm smile tugged at my mouth. “You only say that because you’re the fierce new Leader of the largest Collective on the planet.”
He chuckled, before dragging in a slow breath, like he was steadying himself for a blow, his hands flexing uselessly before curling into fists again. “Maybe. But whatever you decide to do, I think I also need to make something clear. Something I should’ve a long time ago.”
My frown deepened. “What is it?”
His green eyes locked onto mine, raw and unflinching. “I still love you, Emma.”
I shut my lids against it, a small, defeated sound leaving my chest. “I think you love a version of me that no longer exists.”
He smiled, small and tired. “What, you’re no longer stubborn? No longer fighting me on everything I say?”
I snorted despite myself. “I didn’t change that much.”
“Exactly.”
I tilted my head and nodded once. “But I did change, James.”
He gave a lazy shrug that meant nothing to his face. “Pretty sure you’re still the same person under all that steel. But that’s not the real question, is it?”
I arched a brow. “Then what is?”
His tone shifted, lower now, intimate enough to raise the hairs on my arms. “Do you still love me?”
I stared at him, heart thudding. “What?”
“You heard me.” He stepped closer, until the air itself seemed to shrink between us.
“In spite of everything I’ve done, every lie, every threat, every dark thing I shoved down your throat, and will spend the rest of my life trying to atone for…
tell me, Emma.” His voice broke on the edges. “Do you still love me?”
My own voice was barely more than a whisper. "I fell in love with a guy who pushed me to grow. Who forced me to see a world I’d been blind to for years. I loved a guy who saw me so clearly, even when I didn’t know who I was anymore."
My throat tightened. “Are you still that guy?”
Stalemate.
He didn’t answer. Didn’t move. Just stood there, his jaw tight, his attention locked on me with a look, that said everything when he said nothing at all.
I smiled with sadness. “I think you still love the version of me that needs saving. The one who’s all light and bright, as you say.
The one who doesn’t scare you. But I’m not that girl anymore, James.
I’m no longer Emma Thompson, daughter of two brilliant scholars with an amazing law career in her future. ”
I swallowed hard, my chest burning. “I’m Emma Thompson, Offensive. Mutilated. Betrayed by the people I trusted most. And—” the word snagged like glass in my throat— “orphan.”
James winced as though I’d struck him, but I didn’t stop. “I’m not sorry for the person I’ve become.”
“Nor would I want you to be,” James whispered. “All I want for you to know, in considering your options, is how I feel. And this is how I feel.”
I took a slow, steadying breath. “My options. Right. Well, if you’re serious about taking a stand against the United Chiefs, I’d be honored to fight them with you.”
James nodded, spine straightening as if he was setting himself up to carry something heavy. “I am serious about it. And I think there might be even an easy solution to all of this.”
An easy solution for a complicated problem? I raised a brow. “Which is?”
“I think we should fake the bond.”
The words landed with a crooked, bitter laugh in my head. Oh, the irony. I could just hear Caden’s voice roaring at me the instant James said it: that’s placating them, not fighting them.
Naturally, it took James repeating my own idea for me to realize the worst possible thing: Caden was right.
Which was a truth I’d never admit out loud if that guy’s ego had to stay sort of manageable.
But I couldn’t deny that the notion of pretending—of putting on a lie that would wrap itself around our lives—did feel like a cold trade. It might buy us time. It might even save people. It might also chain me in ways I couldn’t yet see.
I shifted my weight from one foot to the other, fingers finding the seam of my sleeve. “It could be a last resort,” I said steadily even as the words tasted like surrender. “But we have other options.”
James lifted both brows. “Like what?”
For a breath I let myself picture the impossible: all of us standing together, not hiding, not bartering away pieces of ourselves. “We could fight them,” I said, softer than I meant. “Take an actual stand against them.”
James barked a laugh that had no humor in it. “Really? You want to fight fifteen of the most powerful Offensives who ever lived—the ones who command the Offensives of every Collective on the planet—with what? Kanata C, Crown, and a magic-less Cyclos?”
My jaw clenched until I tasted metal. “We have other alliances. Like Slava.”
He shook his head, the motion crisp. “Still a death sentence for anyone who joins us.”
“Then I’ll do it by myself,” I snapped, as heat flared in my chest. “I have the power of the Elder in me, James. I can best fifteen Chiefs if I have enough close support.”
He answered me flatly, like it was a fact he’d been rehearsing: “Emma. Let’s make this very clear. Whatever happens, you cannot fight the Chiefs.”
“Excuse me?” I must’ve misheard him. “Why the hell not?”
He stared at me as if it were obvious, and I was dense for not seeing it. “To take on the Chiefs, you’d have to use all the power you have. But if you show them how powerful you really are, they’ll recognize it for what is: not yours.”
I blinked in confusion. Not mine. As if I’d…stolen it?
“Your power is over two thousand years old, maybe older. They’ll recognize it, and they’ll know it’s not natural.”
Unnatural.
The word landed in my chest with the weight of a stone. I heard the familiar voice in my head again, the one Caden had silenced back when I almost froze to death.
Born a human. Not real. Not natural.
“You want me to hide who I am?” I shook my head so hard my hair slapped my cheeks. “Never again, James.”
He dragged a hand over his face, exasperation radiating off him like heat. “Still stubborn as ever.”
“And you’re still trying to keep me small.” The words came quicker now. I stepped closer until the space between us felt like a fault line. “That’s what this has always been for you, a protective cage dressed up as love.”
“I’m trying to keep you safe! If the Chiefs see—if they see you—”
“And we’re back to this.” I forced a laugh that had no humor. “Are you kidding me? This is exactly what you did when we were together. Always keeping secrets from me to keep me small. Always hiding my powers to keep me safe. You know what that amounts to?”
My nails bit crescents of pain into my palms. “To me being invisible. But I guess to you, that’s just a small price to pay.”
James’s jaw clenched so hard I could see the tendon there. “If it keeps you alive, then yes. It is a small price to pay.”
I nodded once, slow. “Because if you let me stand, I might die.”
James snapped. “You did die! You jumped in front of a fucking Amplifier and died right in front of me. You think that nightmare isn’t carved into my brain?”
“You once saved my life by sacrificing your own. I owe you for that. So whatever you decide—whatever path you take, whoever you choose to love—you’re still mine, Emma. Mine to protect, mine to save from anyone who dares to threaten you.”
My fists curled at my sides, nails biting crescents into my palms as I spoke each word like a strike. “I. Am. Not. Yours. I never needed your protection, and no matter how this turns out, whether we take a stand against the Chiefs or not, I will never need it again, nor will I ever be yours again.”
I shook my head. “Don’t you understand? I can let go of my anger toward you, but that doesn’t mean my love for you magically reappears. Your actions, your decisions, they have consequences, James.”
“Consequences?” He barked a laugh, the sound splintering the space between us like broken glass. “You want to talk about those? Fine. Here’s one: if you don’t fake the bond with me, the United Chiefs will wipe out everyone you care about. And you can be damn sure that includes Caden Colt.”
The silence that followed was razor–thin, stretched taut as wire. My chest ached from the effort of keeping myself still, my throat burning with bitterness.
“You said not even ten minutes ago you’d defy the Chiefs for me, was that a lie?”
“Faking the bond is still defying them, but in a smart way.”
“This won’t be happening, James.”
“Only because you’re too much of a fucking coward to give this plan a chance, Emma!” he roared, loud enough to rattle through the walls.
Before I could even gather the strength to respond—
The door swung open with a bang.
Caden stepped in, scanning the scene before locking onto James, his entire frame taut with purpose. His expression turned to stone, his dark eyes glinting with something ice-cold and lethal.
“What the hell is going on here?”