Chapter 41
FORTY-ONE
EMMA
Looking back now, it was all so painfully clear. How much I wanted Caden, how deeply I needed him. Even before I’d left Crown for Cyclos, he’d already wormed his way into my heart.
Not only for comfort or connection, but in that irreversible, soul-anchoring way that made it impossible to pretend otherwise.
And with that clarity came weight. Responsibility. A truth I couldn’t keep quiet anymore.
So I nexed James.
I asked him to meet me somewhere quiet, and to my mild surprise, he agreed without hesitation.
The training room wasn’t empty when I arrived. Late afternoon light stretched across the worn mats, dust drifting through the beams. The air smelled faintly of sweat and iron. For once, the room felt still, like even this place knew we weren’t here to fight.
James leaned against the far wall, arms crossed in a way that might’ve looked casual to someone else, but I knew better. He was braced—ready, wary—but not aggressive.
I stood a few feet away, arms crossed too, but tighter, like I was holding myself together more than pushing anyone out.
At first, neither of us spoke, as if we were both trying to remember how to talk without turning it into a war.
I drew in a breath, before I ripped the bandage off, and blurted, “There’s something going on between me and Caden.”
James didn’t react. Not even a flicker. No flinch, no breath caught. Just stillness.
“And I wanted you to hear it from me,” I added, softer now.
He nodded once. A gesture that somehow said everything and nothing at all.
Then he said, “So…you two are together now.”
His tone was tight. Controlled. Like every word had to fight its way past something bitter before it could land.
“I don’t know,” I admitted, uncrossing my arms. “But…it might be where this is headed, yeah.”
James let out a quiet snort. “I think you’re the only one who’s still unsure about it.”
I shrugged, not taking the bait. “I can only tell you what I know right now.”
James nodded, something akin to understanding in his eyes. “You never were the best at confronting your emotions.”
I huffed out a laugh. “Yeah, hello pot? Kettle here, you’re black.”
James smiled for a beat before his whole demeanor changed, regret simmering beneath the surface.
“I’m sorry about how I acted at the border,” he started, his apology weighted with quiet sorrow. “I acted on instinct, hardwired into me… I know it’s not an excuse, but…”
His gaze flicked toward mine, cautious. Vulnerable.
I nodded. “I understand.”
His eyes lit up in surprise. “You do?”
I smiled, a thin, brittle thing, but it reached my eyes. “The United Chiefs made a compelling case. Did I wish it wasn’t enough for you to doubt me? Of course, but I still understand why you did.”
The tension in his shoulders sharpened, his mouth parting like he might argue, like he might try to explain. But there was nothing to explain.
We both knew it was true.
He sighed, dragging a hand down his jaw like the conversation already wore him out. “I’m done fighting you, Emma. I just want to finish this mission, lift the damn bubble, and go home.”
He looked at me then—really looked—and his voice softened. “To Cyclos. Where you’ll still be welcome. If that’s what you choose.”
Wow. That was…unexpectedly kind of him.
“We still have a lot to talk about,” he added, sounding almost hesitant. “I don’t want to rehash all this again, but we still have to figure things out. The Chiefs… The future… Alek.”
That last word hung in the air like smoke.
“I still haven’t been able to reach Stephen,” he went on. “And trust me, I’d love to wait for his take on all this. But time is ticking, and we need to…decide what we’re doing.”
I nodded. “We will. We need to figure out how to handle those Chiefs, but I meant what I said at the border, James. You are not Alek’s father, and there is no doubt about it in my mind. If you’re willing to accept that, I’m sure there’s nothing we can’t handle.”
His stare didn’t waver. It wasn’t guarded the way it used to be. There was softness there now. Sadness, maybe. Regret too. But mostly…defeat.
“Friends then?” he asked with the barest trace of hurt threading through the words.
I smiled without hesitation. Small. But real.
“Friends.”
And for the first time in a long time, it didn’t feel impossible.
I took a step toward him, ready to hug James goodbye, and start mentally bracing for my next disaster of a conversation, when the door slammed open, the hinges shrieking in protest.
Rachel burst in, hair wind-whipped, and chest heaving like she’d sprinted the whole damn building.
“Emma! There you are! You’re never going to believe this!”
James and I both instinctively braced like we were about to be attacked instead of…Rachel.
She didn’t give us even a second.
“The US just lifted your arrest warrant.”
My brain…blanked. Absolutely blanked.
My mouth fell open before sound finally scraped out.
James scoffed. “She kills over fifty humans and they lift the warrant? That doesn’t make any sense.”
“Why?” I croaked.
Rachel threw her hands up, pacing two quick steps before stopping again. “Hell if I know! I just heard it from Vincent, my Leader. But it’s real. They dropped the charges against you! The presidential warrant is gone.”
Our First Offensive pressed a hand to her chest, trying to regulate her heartbeat. “I figured you’d want to know immediately.”
I nodded slowly, still stunned, the information ricocheting around my skull like it was made of rubber instead of reality.
“Thanks,” I managed, though it came out thin and far away.
Rachel stepped forward and wrapped her fingers around my arm, giving it a firm squeeze, the closest thing to solid ground in the moment. Then she backed toward the hall, already beginning to turn.
“I have to go, inform the team, and, gods, figure out what the hell this means for…well, everyone.”
And just like that, she was gone again, disappearing down the corridor with the same force she’d arrived.
James let out a long, low breath. “Well. That’s…big.”
My brow furrowed. “What the hell does that mean? Is the war with humans over now?”
James shrugged, rubbing a thumb across the inside of his palm like he was thinking through a dozen political maps at once. “It is between US humans and Canadian magi. Don’t know about the rest of the world, though. And the US is still bubbled in…”
A hollow tightness pressed against my ribs, like the news had landed somewhere too deep to reach, too big to process now. Not now. Not before the next conversation I had to survive.
I turned toward the door after I gave James a small awkward wave, and I left to go find my brother.
My conversation with James had gone better than I’d expected, but I was impossibly nervous for the next scheduled talk.
I took a sip of the Scotch in front of me, staring through the window of the bar I had invited Sean to.
It burned going down. The Scotch, not the bar.
Three minutes after I’d arrived, Sean slid onto the stool beside me like someone approaching a sleeping animal. Cautious. Careful not to spook me.
We sat in silence for a second or ten.
Sean kept stealing glances at me, like he was still trying to decide whether I was going to throw my drink in his face or not. I didn’t. Part of me thought about it, though.
“I’ve been tryin’ to figure out what to say to ye,” he said finally. “Have this whole speech planned. Rehearsed it in the mirror like an eejit.”
I raised an eyebrow, swirling my glass. “I can’t wait to hear it.”
Sean exhaled, and it sounded like it cost him something.
“I’m so fuckin’ sorry, mo dheirfiúr. For what happened at Coastal.
For lyin’ about it. For what I did to ye.
For yer scars. I was so scared of a future I had no control over, and I didn’t even think twice to protect ye.
I was a coward when I shouldn’t have been, and there are not enough words in any language to apologize for it. ”
I stared down at the amber liquid in my glass. It shimmered a little in the low light.
“You are my best friend,” I said. My voice didn’t shake, but it felt like it should’ve.
“I have trusted you from day one, and I have told you things I’d never told anyone.
But…” I stopped myself. Swallowed hard. “You are also the reason I couldn’t look into a mirror for months.
And then you let me believe it was all Caden’s fault. All this time!”
Sean’s face twisted like I’d hit him.
“I know,” he whispered, all rough. “I know. And I don’t expect ye to forgive me. But ye should know, I love ye more than anyone. I just…” He exhaled, a tired, broken sound. “Yer my person, Em. Ye have been from the moment we met. Even when I didn’t deserve ye.”
I looked at him then, the lines around his eyes, the way his shoulders hunched in on themselves. “When we first met,” I said slowly, “you acted like my friend. What was that about? Guilt?”
Sean didn’t even try to lie. “Yeah,” he admitted softly. “It started out like guilt. But I promise ye, Emma, by the time I left Cyclos, my love for ye was more real than anythin’.”
I bit the inside of my cheek…and realized I believed him.
I picked up the bottle and refilled both our glasses, then took a deep breath before speaking my truth.
“I understand what happened was an accident. I know the lying didn’t come from a place of malice, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.
Every time I shared something deeply personal with you, you were sitting on this, and I have to…
” I shook my head, searching for words. “It’s going to take me some time to get over this. ”
His eyes didn’t flinch. He took the hit.
“But,” I continued, softer now, “I will forgive you. For the lying, and the scars. Because even though I’m still in the process of getting over it, my love for you is unconditional. You are more than the sum of your mistakes, and you mean more to me than this.”
His lips parted slightly, like he was about to speak, but I held up a hand to stop him.