Chapter 13 – COSIMA
COSIMA
I stare up at the metal ceiling of the train car, tracing imaginary patterns in the oxidized steel. The gentle rhythm of the tracks beneath us would be soothing if I weren't so damn bored.
When you're running for your life through a wasteland with monsters on your tail, being bored feels like a luxury.
Now that I have it, I hate it.
Knight's breathing has slowed to a deep, steady rumble that fills the nest. It's a relief to see him actually getting some rest, even if he has positioned himself against the door.
It's as if he wants to be the first line of defense should it come open.
He and Geo seem to have come to some unspoken agreement to take shifts, and now it's his turn.
Across the car, Geo sits slumped on a bench that folds out from the wall, his chin resting against his broad chest. The stubborn alpha had insisted on keeping watch long past when his body could handle it.
Now sleep has claimed him too, despite his best efforts, his massive frame folded awkwardly against the wall, his eye patch slightly askew.
Even Nikolai has finally succumbed, sprawled across one of the built-in benches with one arm dangling toward the floor. In sleep, his face has softened, making him look almost approachable.
Well… almost.
I shift slightly in the nest of pillows, pulling one of the emerald silk Surhiiran robes Raven brought tighter around me. It feels good to be clean again after our brief stop at the last station, where Raven somehow managed to bribe the staff into letting us use the private facilities.
"Can't sleep?"
The whispered question pulls me from my thoughts. Raven sits cross-legged at the edge of the nest, a book abandoned in his lap. His golden hair is loose around his shoulders, his usual impeccable appearance slightly rumpled in a way that's unfairly appealing.
"No," I admit quietly. "Too much on my mind."
He nods as if he completely understands, which is irritating because he probably does. Of all the alphas I've met, he's the most perceptive. He can read emotions in a way the others seem incapable of.
Although he seems to have trouble reading Geo's.
"How much longer?" I ask, keeping my voice low to avoid disturbing the others.
"At this rate?" He glances out the window at the moonlit wasteland passing by. "Probably another fourteen hours at least. We've had more stops than I expected. Must have added a few deliveries at the last minute."
I groan, quietly but with plenty of feeling. "Fourteen hours? I'm going to lose my freaking mind."
A slow smile curves his lips and a mischievous light enters his eyes. "I could keep you occupied."
I roll my eyes, but I'm not genuinely annoyed. His flirtation has become so familiar, it's almost comforting. "I'm sure you think you could."
"Oh, I know I could," he counters, his voice dropping to a silky purr.
For the briefest moment, unexpectedly, I consider it.
Not just as a way to pass the time, but because—gods help me—I'm actually attracted to him.
I don't normally allow myself to indulge in sex purely for fun.
Even with Azarel, there were always considerations, risks to weigh.
Each stolen moment could have brought destruction down on both our heads.
Even more than I realized, back when I had no freaking clue who he really is.
Why not? Why the hell not?
"Alright," I say, the word escaping before I fully realize I've made a decision.
Raven freezes, his eyes widening slightly. For once, I've managed to catch him off guard. "I—wait, what?"
"You heard me." The disbelief on his face makes me smirk. "If you think you can without waking the others."
He stares at me for a long moment, clearly trying to determine if I'm serious. Then a slow smile spreads across his face. "Challenge accepted," he murmurs, setting his book aside and moving toward me.
I watch him approach, his movements careful and measured as he crawls across the cushions.
He's been nothing but respectful since we've been traveling, even when we've ended up curled together in the nest. Not once has he pushed for more, or let his hands wander, despite the way he looks at me when he thinks I won't notice.
He settles beside me, close enough that I can feel the heat of him through his thin shirt, but still maintaining that small space between us. Allowing me to bridge the gap if I choose.
"Are you sure about this?" he asks, his voice barely above a whisper. His eyes search mine, looking for any sign of hesitation. "I don't want you to—"
"I'm sure," I interrupt, reaching up to trace the line of his jaw with my fingertips. His skin is even smoother than I expected, like silk, and he leans into my touch like a cat seeking affection. "I think we could both use a distraction."
"Just a distraction, goddess?"
"For now," I concede. "But a welcome one."
That seems to satisfy him. He leans closer, his breath warm against my lips. "May I kiss you?" he whispers, so close that if I moved even slightly, our lips would touch.
The old Cosima would have laughed in his face at the question. Alphas asking permission? Unheard of. But it seems natural, coming from him.
I answer by closing the distance between us, pressing my lips to his.
He tastes sweet, like the fruit we had earlier, with an undercurrent of something headier. His kiss is hesitant at first, as if he's still not convinced this is real. Then, as I thread my fingers into his hair and pull him closer, he melts against me with a soft groan.
His hand comes up to cup my face, thumb stroking gently along my cheekbone as he deepens the kiss. There's a hunger in the way he claims my mouth that makes me squirm, but the reverence is something else. Something deeper that scares the hell out of me.
He pulls back slightly, his eyes half-lidded and pupils blown wide with lust. "Cosima, before we—there's something I should probably warn you about."
I pause, my fingers still tangled in his golden hair. "What?"
He bites his lower lip, a rare show of uncertainty. "I told you before I'm not exactly a conventional alpha."
"Is this about you sleeping with other alphas? Because I really don't give a shit."
I just assumed he was sleeping with Geo, and he clearly shares a past with Nikolai, as loathe as either of them is to admit it. The thought is more appealing than I want it to be, especially considering how insane the latter alpha drives me.
But I suppose finding Nikolai more appealing than we probably should is yet another thing Raven and I have in common.
"It's not just that," he whispers. "It's—"
I cut him off with another kiss, harder this time. "I don't care," I murmur against his lips. "Whatever it is, I don't care."
And surprisingly, I don't. After everything I've been through—being sold by my father, escaping Monty, being kidnapped, discovering Azarel's betrayal—what could possibly matter about Raven's unconventional nature?
He's been nothing but honest from the start about everything else.
If there is something he's been holding back, I assume he has a reason, and it's not one that matters at this moment.
That kiss seems to break something in him. The careful restraint he's been maintaining crumbles as he presses me back against the cushions, his body covering mine as his mouth traces a line of fire down my throat.
"So beautiful," he whispers against my collarbone. "You have no idea how long I've wanted this. Wanted you."
His hands work at the sash of my robe, gently parting the silky fabric to reveal my skin beneath. I worry briefly about the others. Are they really asleep? Will this wake them? But the thought disappears as Raven's lips continue their downward journey.
"Is this okay?" he asks, pausing at the curve of my breast, his breath hot against my sensitive skin.
I nod, not trusting my voice. He takes my nipple into his mouth, and the sensation shoots straight through me, drawing a gasp I'm barely able to muffle with my hand. His tongue swirls, teeth grazing just enough to send little sparks dancing along my nerves.
"Gods," I breathe as he lavishes attention on my other breast. "That feels—"
"Good?" he supplies, glancing up with a wicked smile. "I'm just getting started."
He continues moving down my body, pressing feather-light kisses across my ribs, the soft curve of my stomach, the jut of my hipbones. Each touch is reverent, worshipful, so unlike the demanding hands I've known before.
When he reaches the apex of my thighs, he pauses, looking up at me with eyes glazed with hunger. His thumbs stroke gently along my inner thighs, parting them with silent question.
"May I?" he asks, his voice rough with want.
I blink in surprise. Most alphas would have already taken what they wanted by now. Hell, at this point, I want him to take. To stop being so damn careful with me. But there's something appealing about that care at the same time. Being touched like I'm at once a priceless artifact, and the owner.
"Yes," I whisper, spreading my legs wider to accommodate him. "Please."
He settles between my thighs, and I brace myself for the usual routine most alphas pat themselves on the back for. A cursory effort at best, just enough to ease his way for what he really wants. Knight is different, but that difference extends to all facets of him, not just who he is in the nest.
Instead, Raven lowers his head and licks a slow, deliberate stripe through my folds.
"Oh!" I gasp, arching despite myself.
He glances up at me, a desperate, ravenous look in his blue eyes. "You taste even better than I imagined," he murmurs, and dives back in like a man starved.