Chapter 15 – NIKOLAI #2
Raven hesitates. "One of our companions is... substantial. He may need to walk."
Larin's eyes narrow slightly, but he nods. "As you wish. Stay on the roads. Do not wander. The border areas are still occasionally contested."
We thank him and return to the train, where the others are waiting tensely. Cosima rises when we enter, her face questioning.
"We're in," Raven announces quietly. "Papers all in order, and transportation arranged."
Relief flashes across her features, followed by something more complex that I can't quite parse. Anticipation? Anxiety? Maybe both. After all, this isn't exactly a social trip.
"What's the catch?" Geo asks, always suspicious. That's the one thing I like about him.
"No catch," Raven says. "Just standard warnings about staying on approved roads and not wandering."
"Let's move," I suggest, suddenly eager to be away from the train. The confined space that had seemed luxurious hours ago now feels oppressive. "Before someone decides to look more closely at our 'papers.'"
We gather our belongings quickly, with Knight, me, and Geo carrying the majority of our supplies. Raven is traipsing after Cosima with only her bag on his shoulder, but I guess he pulled his weight getting us through the border.
Knight has donned the tactical uniform Raven procured, since they don't exactly make fancy silk robes in his size, and a heavy Surhiiran scarf partially covers his silver mask. He still looks like a walking weapon of war, but at least he's a slightly disguised one.
As we disembark, I feel the weight of every guard's stare locked on us.
They watch Knight with particular intensity, hands never straying far from their weapons.
But Raven's bribe, or his contact's influence, holds.
No one stops us as we make our way to the waiting vehicle, a sleek, low-slung thing with tinted windows that's clearly meant for important visitors.
"Knight won't fit," Cosima says immediately, studying the vehicle with a frown.
"He can walk alongside us," Raven replies, already opening the door for her. "The settlement isn't far, and it's better than trying to cram him inside."
Knight growls softly but doesn't object. Cosima hesitates, clearly reluctant to be separated from him.
"I'll go with him," I offer before I can stop myself.
Four pairs of eyes turn to me in surprise.
"What?" I growl, defensive. "The giant needs a keeper, and I could use the exercise."
The real reason is more complicated. Being trapped in that small space with all of them, with the memory of what I witnessed still fresh in my mind... I need air. Space. Distance. I need to stop seeing Cosima nestled against Raven's chest.
Raven studies me for a moment, then nods. "Fine. But stay close to the vehicle. No wandering."
"I'm not a child," I snap.
"Could have fooled me," he mutters.
We set off, the vehicle moving at a crawl to accommodate Knight's and my pace beside it. Through the tinted windows, I catch glimpses of the others.
The road leading from the outpost is surprisingly well-maintained.
No cracked asphalt or debris here. The surroundings, too, show signs of recovery that we haven't seen in the Outer Reaches.
The scorched earth gives way to actual vegetation.
Stunted and sparse, but alive. In the distance, I can make out what might be farmland, patches of green against the dusty landscape.
Knight walks silently beside me, his heavy footsteps the only sound besides the quiet hum of the vehicle's engine. I expected to feel uneasy in his presence, but there's something almost companionable about his silence.
We understand each other, the monster and I.
We both know what we are.
The vehicle slows as we approach a small settlement nestled at the base of a rocky outcropping.
It's not much to look at from a distance.
Just a cluster of white buildings with domed roofs surrounded by a low wall.
But as we draw closer, I can see that the structures are in remarkably good condition.
The walls gleam in the fading light, unmarred by decay or violence.
The gates stand open, and a few robed figures move about the streets inside. No visible weapons, no obvious security beyond a pair of guards at the gate who watch us approach with mild interest rather than suspicion.
"Remember," Raven calls through the vehicle's open window as we near the gate. "We're just a pack traveling together, seeking a better life for our omega. Nothing more, nothing less."
I nod, the words settling uncomfortably in my chest. A pack. That's what we look like to outsiders, isn't it? A strange, mismatched collection of alphas centered around an omega. Broken, all of us, in different ways. But somehow fitting together into something that almost makes sense.
When did that happen? When did we start functioning as a unit instead of as reluctant allies forced together by circumstance? And why the fuck does the thought of its inevitable ending hurt so fucking bad?
The guards at the gate eye Knight warily but wave us through after a cursory glance at the papers Raven presents.
The settlement opens up before us, unexpectedly beautiful in its simplicity.
The streets are clean, the buildings well-maintained.
People move about with purpose but without the constant wariness I'm accustomed to seeing.
No one clutches weapons or glances over their shoulders expecting attack.
It's... peaceful. In a way I'd forgotten the world could be.
Actually, that's bullshit. Forgotten implies I've ever known a world where it was possible. I was born into a warzone and came out swinging.
The vehicle stops before a three-story building with a sign in flowing Surhiiran script. Raven emerges first, speaking briefly with someone at the entrance before beckoning us forward.
"An inn," he explains as we approach. "Best accommodations in town, according to our friend at the border."
"Must be desperate for visitors," Geo mutters, eyeing the white stone. "Place looks like it belongs in a fucking fairy tale."
He's not wrong.
Geo helps Cosima out and we leave the car with an attendant who comes out to greet us, exchanging a few words with Raven before he takes the car off to park.
The entrance of the inn is framed by delicate archways carved with intricate geometric patterns.
Inside, the floor is polished stone, worn smooth by countless feet but meticulously maintained.
Not a single speck of dirt or dust anywhere to be seen.
The air smells faintly of some spice I can't identify, something sweet and warm that instantly makes me think of Cosima.
A middle-aged beta in flowing robes greets us with a polite bow. "Welcome, travelers. We have prepared our finest suite for your party, as requested by Larin."
Raven bows in return, a gesture that looks natural coming from him. He always was good at slipping past people's defenses and fitting in wherever he went. One of the things that made him so useful. I'm not exactly known for my people skills.
"Thank you for your hospitality," Raven says. "My pack and I are grateful."
The beta's eyes drift to Cosima, and something like reverence flickers across their features.
Omegas are rare enough that even here, at the edges of Surhiira, their presence commands respect bordering on worship.
And from what little I understand about Surhiira, even a commoner omega lives a better life than the most privileged omega of the Reinmichian elite.
"Of course," the beta murmurs. "Please, follow me."
We're led up a sweeping staircase to the top floor, where the beta unlocks an ornate door and ushers us into a suite that's larger than most buildings I've occupied in the last decade.
The main room features low couches arranged around a central hearth, plush carpets covering most of the stone floor.
Doorways lead off to what must be separate bedrooms, and large windows overlook the settlement, offering a view of the mountains beyond.
"Will this be satisfactory?" the beta asks, addressing the question to Cosima rather than any of us alphas.
She nods, looking surprised. "Yes, thank you. It's beautiful."
The beta beams, clearly pleased to have pleased her.
"The evening meal will be served in the dining room below, or we can bring it to your suite if you prefer privacy.
There is a bathhouse connected to your rooms with hot springs.
" She gestures to a doorway I hadn't noticed. "Please, make yourselves comfortable."
With another bow, the beta retreats, leaving us alone in the unexpectedly luxurious space.
"Holy shit," Geo mutters, looking around with his single eye wide. "This is... not what I expected."
Cosima drifts to one of the windows, her silhouette framed against the fading light. She looks so fucking right here, surrounded by beauty and comfort and luxury.
Like she belongs.
Knight moves to stand beside her, his hulking frame making the room seem smaller. She reaches up absently to touch his arm, a gesture of reassurance that obviously comes so naturally now.
I turn away, unable to watch. A bitter taste fills my mouth as reality crashes down around me. This is what I'm up against. Not just Azarel, not just the other alphas vying for her attention. But this… this whole fucking world that's so much better than anything I could ever offer her.
I stalk toward one of the bedrooms, suddenly needing to be alone before I say or do something I'll regret. The room is as lavish as the rest of the suite. A massive bed draped in silks, more windows offering breathtaking views, and a small balcony beyond carved doors.
I step out onto the balcony, gulping in the evening air. The sun has nearly set, turning half the domed surfaces below black with shadow like some ethereal chessboard. In the distance, I can see lights beginning to twinkle in other buildings in larger cities. Signs of life. Of civilization.
"What's wrong?"
Raven's voice behind me makes me stiffen. I didn't hear him approach, which is concerning in itself. I'm losing my edge around these people.
"Fuck off," I growl without turning around. The last person I want to talk to right now is him. He moves to stand beside me anyway, because of course he does. Stubborn bastard never did know when to leave well enough alone.
"Quite a view," he says conversationally, as if I hadn't just told him to fuck off. "Almost makes you forget what the rest of the world looks like."
I grunt in response, keeping my gaze fixed on the horizon. He's too close. I can smell him from here, that honey-sweet scent mixed with something else now.
Cosima.
He still smells like her, even hours later.
I want to lean closer. Want to breathe him in. Want to taste his lips just to taste her there. The thought should piss me off for entering my head like that. It doesn't. And that makes me angrier and more frustrated with myself than anything else.
"What do you want, Raven?" I ask, needing to break the silence before my thoughts spiral any further.
"Just checking on you," he says, his tone infuriatingly casual. "You bolted out of there pretty quickly."
"I needed air," I mutter, still not looking at him.
"Bullshit."
My head snaps around at that, my eye narrowing. "Excuse me?"
Raven meets my gaze unflinchingly. "You're sulking."
"I don't sulk."
"Fine. Brooding, then." He leans against the balcony railing, his golden hair catching the last rays of the setting sun.
My fingers clench around the railing hard enough to make the metal creak. "You don't know what you're talking about."
"Don't I?" There's something challenging in his eyes now. "You need to tell her, Nikolai. It's not going to get any easier."
A harsh laugh escapes me. "Right. Because that would go over so well. 'By the way, Cosima, I know you're still in love with the Surhiiran prince who lied to you, but I'm actually your mate, so how about it?'"
"At least she'd know the truth," Raven says, his voice quiet but firm. "She deserves that much."
The implication is clear. Unlike Azarel, I should be honest with her. About who I am. About what she is to me.
"She'd hate me even more," I mutter, turning back to stare at the darkening landscape.
"Maybe," Raven concedes. "Or maybe she'd finally understand why you've been such a pain in the ass."
I don't respond. What could I possibly say? That I'm afraid? That the thought of her rejection terrifies me more than any battlefield ever has?
We stand in silence for a long time, the only sound the distant murmur of the settlement below as night settles over it.
"I don't hate you, you know," Raven says suddenly, breaking the silence.
The admission catches me off guard. "You should," I reply gruffly. "I fucking hate you."
"Probably," he agrees, a faint smile playing at his lips. "But I don't. Not anymore."
There's something soft and wistful in his voice that fucks me up. I don't know what to do with this version of Raven. The one who isn't trying to bait me or push my buttons. The one who sees too much and doesn't talk enough.
"Tell her," he says again, pushing away from the railing. "Before we get any deeper into Surhiira. Before we find Azarel. Don't be one more alpha trying to control her, even if it is only by omitting the truth."
With that, he turns and walks back inside, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
I stare out at the darkening sky, considering his words. Maybe he's right. Maybe I should tell her. But the thought of seeing disgust or worse, pity, in those violet eyes...
Fuck.
When did I become such a damn coward?
I take a deep breath of the cool night air, letting it fill my lungs.
Something about this place makes everything feel possible in a way the wasteland never did.
Like there might actually be a life beyond survival.
Beyond war. Beyond the constant vigilance that's defined my existence for as long as I can remember.
It's bullshit. Nothing more than a fairy tale.
But what is finding your scent-matched omega who smells like moonlight if not one of those?
Raven is right about one thing. I need to tell Cosima the truth. And I guess if it blows up in my face, I'd rather it be because I had the balls to be honest.