Chapter 42 – COSIMA
COSIMA
The medical wing gleams like something out of a pre-war hospital catalog.
White walls stretch in every direction, broken only by chrome surfaces that catch and multiply the harsh fluorescent lighting until everything feels overexposed.
The smell hits me next—antiseptic so sharp it makes my eyes water, layered with that particular sterile scent that screams medical facility in a way that makes my skin crawl.
I've been in enough of these places. First as a child when my father had me checked for defects, then later when Monty wanted to ensure I was still viable breeding stock. The memories claw their way up my throat, but I shove them back down where they belong.
Not now.
Knight's massive form blocks part of the doorway behind me, and I feel the change in him immediately. His breathing shifts, becoming rapid and shallow. The low rumble that's almost always present in his chest kicks up several notches, vibrating through the floor.
Shit.
I turn to look at him, and even though his mask hides his entire face, the panic in those blue eyes is clear enough through the eyeholes. They're tracking every white-coated figure, every piece of gleaming equipment, every surface that's too clean and too bright.
Of course medical settings would trigger him. Whatever those monsters did to him, it happened in a place that likely looked just like this.
Behind me, Nikolai and Geo file in, followed by Raven. The space suddenly feels too small, too crowded. Too many alphas radiating tension, too many doctors and assistants in pristine coats moving around with purpose that sets my teeth on edge.
Knight's growl deepens and his metal claws flex slightly, the curved blades glinting under the lights. They're chipped, damaged from all the fighting lately. I carefully wrap my hand around one of the claws, minding the bladed edge.
"Hey," I murmur, moving to stand in front of him, careful to stay within his line of sight. "Look at me."
His eyes snap to mine, wide and wild.
I place my other hand on the massive bicep of his human arm, caressing his scarred skin. He quivers at my touch, and I realize he's… shaking. His entire body is trembling enough that his bone-white hair is vibrating where it brushes his broad shoulders.
"I need you to trust me," I say quietly, keeping my voice steady even though my own heart is trying to beat its way out of my chest. My hand slides off his arm to cup his masked cheek in my palm. I have to stretch up to reach. "Can you do that?"
His head tilts down toward mine and he leans into my touch, those blue eyes searching my face.
"Prince Hamsa is here to supervise," one of the doctors says, clearing his throat and gesturing to where Plague stands near some kind of control panel.
He's watching us carefully, and I can't read his expression at all above the black surgical mask covering his lower face. "As are your... companions."
"My alphas," I correct him.
The doctor's eyes flick doubtfully over them. "Right."
Knight's growl kicks up again, and I squeeze his arm gently.
His rigid posture softens fractionally, though his eyes never stop tracking the medical personnel moving around us, and he flinches when a woman in a white coat approaches.
Dr. Rami, according to her name badge. She's got kind eyes above the sheer beaded veil, at least, which is more than I can say for most of the doctors who've examined me over the years.
"Miss Maybrecht," she says, her voice gentle. "If you'll come this way, we can begin."
I follow her deeper into the medical bay, hyperaware of Knight's heavy footsteps behind me. Geo and Nikolai fall into formation on either side of me, while Raven trails us at the rear, acting just as on edge. My own personal guard detail, except it feels like I'm walking to my execution.
I'm actually fucking scared.
But if I show it, if I say I'm having second thoughts about all this because I have a weird feeling prickling in my chest that something isn't right, Knight might react.
And Knight's version of "reacting" could very well be tearing everyone in the room apart to protect me.
The machine isn't in the room so much as the room is built around it.
It's a massive metal ring like some kind of halo connected to a long table that's clearly meant to slide underneath it.
The monstrosity is all shiny chrome and white marble material with enough blinking lights and floating displays to make it look like something out of a pre-war science fiction film.
My throat goes dry.
I’m claustrophobic, apparently.
"This is a neural imaging device," Dr. Rami explains, gesturing to the equipment.
"It will allow us to see detailed scans of your brain activity and structure.
You'll need to lie on the table here." She pats the surface, which is covered in a crisp white cloth.
"It will slide you under the ring, and the machine will do the rest."
It looks like a fucking torture device.
"Will it hurt?" I ask, annoyed by how nervous I sound.
"Not at all," she assures me with a warm smile that crinkles her eyes. "We'll administer a light sedative through an IV to help you relax."
Oh, fuck. I hate needles.
And I really hate being put under. I can't control what happens to myself when I'm under, even if the sedation is supposedly going to be light.
My hands start to shake, and I clasp them together to hide it. Behind me, Knight's rumbling has taken on a distinctly threatening quality. I swallow hard, forcing myself to stay calm for his sake.
For his safety.
For the safety of everyone in this fucking room except myself, really, if he realizes how scared I am.
"How long will this take?" Nikolai asks, his voice tight.
"Approximately thirty minutes for the scan itself," another doctor answers. "Then time to review the results."
Thirty minutes.
Half an hour of being unconscious while strange doctors poke around in my head with their machines. While my alphas watch, unable to do a damn thing if something goes wrong.
"Okay," I hear myself saying. "I want to do this."
My alphas all turn to stare at me.
"Are you sure?” Geo asks carefully. "If you're sedated, you won't be able to back out."
I nod, swallowing hard. "The episodes. The fugue states. The nightmares… I've had them my entire life and no one's ever actually figured out why. Surhiira has better medical technology than Reinmich. If we're doing this, I want to go all the way. I want answers."
Nikolai's jaw tightens. He exchanges a glance with Geo.
"Answers might not be a good idea right now," Raven says gently.
"I know you're trying to protect me," I say more softly, including all of them in my gaze. "But I can't live like this. Always waiting for the next episode, never understanding what's wrong with me." My voice hardens. "So either tell me what you know, or let me find out for myself."
Silence.
The weight of it presses against my skin. They're not going to tell me. Whatever they're hiding, they think knowing will hurt me worse than the not-knowing.
Maybe they're right.
But it's still my choice to make.
I turn to Dr. Rami. "Let's do it."
The door bangs open with enough force to make everyone jump.
Azarel storms in, still in those plain black military clothes that make him look more like a guard than a prince. His pale blue eyes sweep the room, landing on me immediately with ferocious intensity.
Then they move to the machine, and his entire body locks up.
"No," he growls, his lip curling around the word. "Absolutely fucking not."
Dr. Rami straightens, clearly affronted. "Your Highness, this procedure is perfectly safe—"
"I don't give a shit," Azarel snarls, already moving toward me. "Cosima, we're leaving."
The command in his voice makes something inside me rebel instantly. I lift my chin, meeting his gaze with all the frost I can muster when I'm half tempted to take him up on it. "I don't remember asking your permission."
He stops like I've slapped him. "You don't understand what they're looking for," he grits out.
"Then maybe you should have told me instead of keeping secrets." My voice comes out colder than I intended, but I'm too angry to care. Too scared. Too fucking tired of being left in the dark by him.
"I couldn't—" He drags a hand through his long black hair with a frustrated, wolfish sound that's somewhere between a growl and a hard sigh. "There are things you don't know. Things that could—"
"Be dangerous?" I finish for him, watching his face blanch. "Yeah, Nikolai mentioned that. Funny how even he was more honest with me than you've ever been."
Azarel flinches with each word like they’re punching him in the fucking face.
Good.
He should hurt.
"Get out," I say to Azarel, my voice flat. "You lost the right to make any decisions for me when you abandoned me to rot. So unless you're going to actually tell me what the fuck is going on, get the hell out of my sight."
His face falls like I’ve just killed him. "Cosima, I can’t—"
"Now."
For a moment, I think he's going to argue.
Going to push back with that alpha authority he wields so well.
But then his jaw clenches and his eyes darken with pain, like I just clawed into his ribcage and tore out his heart with my bare hands.
But he turns and heads for the door. I watch him go, forcing myself not to feel anything about the defeated slope of his shoulders.
Once he's gone, even though I can sense he’s lingering right outside the door and listening, I turn back to the machine.
I’m still scared shitless, but I need answers. I deserve answers. And this appears to be my only shot, if my alphas are all terrified of telling me anything without doing this first.
"Let's get this over with," I say, proud of how steady my voice sounds even though the machine looks more like a coffin.
Dr. Rami nods, gesturing to the table. "If you'll lie down here, we'll get you prepared."