Chapter 49 – VALENTINA
Forty-Nine
VALENTINA
Astrange chill bleeds into my palm as I press it against the window glass. It travels up my arm, settling in my spine, and I know it has nothing to do with the cold. I’ve been replaying my conversation with Aunt Leni over and over, trying to process the weight of what I now know.
Still, in all the chaos, everything makes sense.
The way we were raised, the skills drilled into us, the training…the desensitization to death and violence. I can see it all so clearly now.
What kind of parent prepares their child for war before they can even spell the word?
Mine. And Remi’s and Giovanni’s. Matteo’s. Even baby Zara.
They weren’t trying to raise soldiers or little psychopaths. They were preparing us for a world that would one day come to collect…to delete us.
Hermes must have sensed my growing stress. I hadn’t even noticed when he padded into the living room and curled up beside me. Such a good boy, always by my side. I steady my bowl of Fruit Loops in one hand and scratch behind his ears.
“Can’t sleep either, huh?”
He lets out a low whine and settles at my feet, his head resting on my toes.
“What are you doing up, beautiful?”
Maksim’s voice is thick with sleep in my ear as his arms slide around me from behind. The warmth of his body seeps into mine, and just like that, the world feels a little less heavy.
“A little midnight snack,” I say, melting into his chest. “But I could ask you the same.”
“Had a strange dream I can’t really remember. Woke up, reached for you, and you were gone.”
Maksim being restless in his sleep is nothing new. Most nights, I hear the soft grunts, the light movements. He usually settles once he knows I’m there. And now I feel like an asshole for not being.
I set my bowl down on the windowsill and turn in his arms. Hermes groans and pushes to his feet, walking off like we’re disturbing his peace. He’s taken to Maksim so well these last few days, and honestly, I couldn’t be happier about it.
“Let’s go back to bed,” I murmur, rising on my toes to kiss him.
“Mm, sweet,” he replies, deepening the kiss, savoring the sugary taste of cereal still clinging to my lips. “Are these the ones with marshmallows?”
I laugh, and in a flash, my feet leave the floor. And I’m in my favorite place. His arms.
We move into the bedroom, only this time he doesn’t toss me onto the mattress. He sets me down gently and sits beside me.
“I have to go brush all this high-fructose corn syrup out of my teeth.”
I start to slide off the bed, but his hand lands on my thigh, stilling me. Then his fingers tip my chin until I meet his eyes.
“I know today was…a lot. And I know you’re worried. But you don’t have to be. I already told you that I’d paint these streets red before I let anything happen to you.”
I hook my fingers into his shirt and pull him close. “I know. And know that I’d do the same for you.”
“I do,” he says with a grin, leaning in for another taste.
“Hold that thought,” I say between quick kisses. “I’ll be right back.”
We both know as much as I love him buried inside me, tonight isn’t about sex. It’s about closeness and reassurance.
After a quick brush and a swish of mouthwash, I pad back into the room to find Maksim already asleep.
The smile that pulls at my lips is instant.
The hard edges of his face are softened, his breaths slow.
One arm is tucked beneath his head, the blanket low on his hips…
and suddenly, I’m rethinking that no sex thing.
Control yourself, Val. He’s yours. You can have him anytime.
But tonight…I just want to feel him breathe next to me. I slip in beside him and curl close. Before long, my eyes grow heavy, and I’m nodding off.
Hours later, or maybe just minutes, I can’t be sure, Maksim’s sharp movements stir me awake. I blink away the fog of sleep as his body jerks beneath the sheets, fists clenched, and breath ragged like he’s been running for miles.
When a strangled noise escapes his throat, my heart jumps. He’s dreaming—no, he’s trapped in a nightmare.
I reach for him and gently brush his arm. But he doesn’t feel me. He’s too lost in that dark place in his mind. Another jolt and another muffled cry rip through the silence.
“Maksim,” I whisper, moving closer, palm pressed to his cheek. “It’s just a dream. You’re safe, baby. It’s me.”
His eyes snap open and they’re wild and distant. For a split second, I swear it’s like he doesn’t recognize me.
“Look at me,” I whisper, sweeping damp hair from his brow. “You’re not there anymore. They can’t hurt you.”
It feels like forever before his breathing begins to slow and his fists loosen. And when his gaze finds mine, that haunted look softens just enough to let me know he’s come back to me.
“I’m here,” I murmur, pulling him into my arms and rocking him gently. “I’ll always be right here for you.”
Maksim exhales against my neck, the tension melting out of his body as I trace slow circles over his back.
“I hate that you see me like this,” he rasps, voice raw and broken.
“You never have to hide from me…”
The words I've held back hang between us, and I pause, my breath tangled in my throat.
But then they fall...
“I love you, Maksim. All of you.”
Silence stretches across the dark room. Just the soft tick of the clock, and the sound of my own heartbeat, pounding like it’s trying to break free.
And I wait for him to react, to say something, anything. Not because I expect to hear it back...I don’t. I just need him to know that I see every broken and beautiful piece, and I still choose him. That I'll always choose him.
My throat burns as I search his face in the shadows. And maybe for a small moment, I almost wish I could take it back, even if just to ease the tension now pressing between us. But I don’t regret it.
“I just wanted to let you know that,” I say with a frail smile. “My heart has loved you for a very long time. But it’s different now. Bigger.”
Maksim looks up at me, brows pulled together, something written on his face I can’t name.
“Valentina—”
“Go back to sleep, Maksim,” I whisper, brushing my thumb over his jaw. “And let me hold you until you forget.”