Cayden
FORTY-FOUR
Me
Still have any houses that I can look at?
I hit send while I take another sip of coffee. Scarlett’s giggles fill the air, and I smile at the scene before me.
Scarlett, Luna, and Mae are playing the princess version of Candy Land at the kitchen table while I clean up the breakfast mess.
I watch Luna help Scar move her Ariel piece to the right color as they count aloud together.
She’s wearing one of my t-shirts again that I purposely put in her new drawer with a pair of sleep shorts she packed.
Her hair is in a messy bun, which I still vividly remember getting my fingers tangled in this morning when I buried myself inside her again at first light.
Practice is going to be rough today after a few hours of sleep, but it’s more than worth it. I leave tomorrow for a road trip, and I don’t want to waste these hours we get to spend together.
Mae catches me staring at Luna, and a smile touches her lips. Shaking my head, I take another drink of my coffee.
Yeah, Mae, I know. I’m completely fucked.
My phone vibrates in my hand, and I read the text that just came through.
Noah
I actually have one that I’m finishing up on that I think would be perfect for you. It’s still a couple of months out from being done, but I can send you over some pictures, and you can let me know what you think.
Me
That would be great. Thanks, Noah.
Noah
No problem. I’ll shoot them over right now.
While I wait for the images to come through, I finish wiping down the counters and put the last of the dishes in the dishwasher.
Hearing the vibration from my phone, I pick it up and read Noah’s text.
Noah
It’s an older home with a ton of character, which I’ve managed to keep through the renovations.
The yard is big enough for a swing set and for Scarlett to run around in.
There is also a separate mother-in-law suite out by the pool, which is an additional living area.
Take a look and let me know if you have any questions.
If this one doesn’t work for you, I have a couple of others in the works that I can show you.
I swipe through the photos that just came through, and the more I see of the house, the more it feels right. It’s on a private strip of beach set back and elevated enough that you still have privacy, which I like.
The small apartment out by the pool is perfect for Mae and gives her more freedom to have her own space.
It even has a couple of turrets that give off a castle vibe at first glance.
I smile when I think of Scarlett’s first impression of the house.
The only turrets she’s seen are the castles the princesses live in.
Noah did a beautiful job restoring the wood to its natural beauty. He pays very close attention to detail, and I love how he keeps as many original pieces in the house as he can.
“What are you smiling about over here?” Luna comes up beside me and puts her mug in the dishwasher.
My screen turns dark as I click the side button before setting my phone on the counter and pulling her to me. Needing more time to think about the house and what this could possibly mean, I give her another honest answer instead.
“Maybe I’m smiling because you’re here.”
“You get boyfriend points for that one,” she smiles.
“And do I get to cash in these points for prizes?” I murmur in her ear.
“Do I look like Chuck E. Cheese to you?” she asks, her brow lifts as amusement shines in her green eyes.
Pretending to study her, my eyes roam over her features. “Minus the big mouse ears and maybe the two bucked teeth…”
She elbows me playfully in the gut as I laugh before nodding my head at Scarlett and Mae putting the board game away.
“So, how bad did my daughter beat you?”
“Bad,” she laughs. “You could have warned me she’s a Candy Land queen.”
“She’s a Blade,” I shrug. “It’s in our blood to be champions.”
“She’s definitely competitive,” she chuckles, watching Scar take the board game back to her playroom.
“Wonder where she gets that from?” Mae snorts, hearing our conversation as she walks over to refill her coffee.
“Not me,” I deadpan, playing innocent.
Both girls give me identical, you’re full of bullshit looks, and I grin.
Smiling and shaking her head, Mae heads in the direction of the playroom. “I’m going to check on Scarlett and then get my shower in before you two have to leave.”
“Speaking of Scarlett,” Luna says, once we are alone. “Her birthday is next weekend.” She steps out of my arms and looks hesitant all of a sudden as she tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. “Have you started making plans?”
“Not really,” I say, scratching the back of my head. “The last two have been…small.”
Small meaning Mae and me. My parents wanted to fly in and make a whole event out of her first birthday, and I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
Not when Jules wasn’t there. I had a lot of guilt back then.
It felt wrong and unfair that I was here to pick out her cake and decorations when it should have been her.
The second one wasn’t any better.
We made the day special for Scarlett as much as I could, taking her to the beach and spending a quiet day just the three of us before ending the night with pink cupcakes and presents.
“Why do you ask?” She’s fidgeting with the towel on the counter as she works her bottom lip between her teeth. “And why do you look so nervous?” I chuckle, reaching out and covering her hand with mine as she lets go of the dishcloth.
“I just don’t want to overstep my bounds or upset anybody,” she says softly.
“Why don’t you let me be the judge of that? Tell me what’s on your mind.”
She takes a deep breath before letting it out slowly. “I know how busy you are with everything on your schedule, and Mae already does so much for Scarlett that I thought you might need help planning her birthday party,” she whispers, looking up at me through her lashes.
Something squeezes in my chest, and it takes me a minute to fully understand all the thoughts and emotions that come at me all at once.
“It can still be small,” she says hurriedly, “but I thought it might be nice for Scarlett to meet some kids her age. Her birthday falls on a Sunday, and I’ve been wanting to invite you and Scarlett to our family dinner at my parents’ house anyway, and I thought we could turn it into a birthday party instead,” she rambles on.
“They have a pool, and all my nieces and nephews would be there for her to play with…”
She studies me before looking away. I don’t say anything, but not because I’m upset.
Because she makes me feel too much. Makes me hope for things I thought I’d never want again.
“It’s too soon, isn’t it?” She shakes her head and busies herself with taking my empty coffee mug to the sink.
“I’m sorry,” she says, quietly, looking out the window.
“I shouldn’t have barged into your life like that and just assumed you’d need help planning your daughter’s birthday.
” She brushes her cheek with the back of her hand, and that’s when I realize she’s crying.
Seeing her cry sends a deep ache through my chest as I walk up behind her and turn her toward my chest. She buries her face in my t-shirt as my arms come around her.
“I would never want you to think that I’m trying to replace Scarlett’s mother,” she whispers against my shirt.
My heart breaks for the woman in my arms, and no matter how hard I tried to shield her from my scars, they still found a way to mark her.
“I don’t think that.” My throat feels thick, causing my voice to sound hoarse.
“Never once would I ever think you would try to do that.” I rub her back and try to find the words for everything I’m feeling.
“Scar is lucky to have you in her life. We both are. And if Jules is somehow looking down on us, which I like to believe, then there is no doubt in my mind that she chose you to love her daughter.”
And me.
But I swallow down the words that I’m so desperately afraid to speak or hear. Feeling them is enough for now.
“Do you really believe that? Sometimes, I feel so guilty of how happy I am to have you both in my life…how lucky I am to be here with a family she once had.”
“You have nothing to feel guilty about,” I breathe into her hair as pain lances through my heart.
The last thing I want to do is have her feel anything but the happiness she deserves.
“I think…I think that if Jules had any say in it, she would have found a way to make sure Scarlett and I were taken care of. She’d be the first one to send us a rainbow after the storm. ”
She hugs me tighter and sniffles into my shirt. “Thank you,” she finally whispers.
“And as for your earlier question,” I smile, lifting her chin so our eyes meet.
Swiping away the last of her tears, all I want to do is give her the world as I stare into those endless emeralds.
“I think it’s time that Scarlett has a proper birthday party.
If you’re up to it, I’ll leave you my card, and you can plan away,” I chuckle.
“Lord knows, I don’t know the first thing about what three-year-old girls would want for parties, let alone how to decorate for one. ”
“Really?” She grins when I nod my head. “Oh, this will be so much fun,” she says, clapping her hands. “I have so many ideas that I think she will love.”
Laughing at her joy over a kid’s birthday party, I walk over to my wallet sitting by my keys and toss a credit card on the counter.
“Get whatever you need. You only turn three once.”
She shakes her head at the card and smiles.
“I’ve got this. It will be my gift to Scarlett.”
“Take the card.”
“I don’t need it.”
Picking up the card, I walk over to her and place it in her hand. “Take the card, little moon,” I murmur. “It’s nonnegotiable. And while you're at it, order yourself some more lace panties. The last pair seemed to have ripped.”
“Seemed to have ripped?” She asks, raising a brow.
“Bad manufacturing,” I grin. “You might want to order a lot more. Just in case it happens again.” I lean down and kiss the spot behind her ear. She sighs softly, and my heart skips a beat at the sound.
“I guess it’s a good thing then, that I’m not wearing any now.”
Groaning, I slide my hands over her ass and wish I had more time to see if it’s true.
Scarlett comes running in, and I reluctantly pull away.
Cockblocked by a two-year-old.
“Luna, come see Stormy!”
Seems like I’m the second choice now when Luna is around. She wants her attention just as much as I do.
Laughing, Luna takes Scar’s hand as she leads her to the playroom. “What is Stormy up to now?”
I watch the two disappear down the hall, their fingers curled around each other and talking like they’ve been each other’s favorite for years.
Eyeing my phone on the counter, I pull up the photo of the house again.
I study the images and can already picture Scarlett running barefoot across the wooden floors…can already see future birthday parties by the pool.
My gaze stops on one of the bedrooms, its windows overlooking the blue water below. Images flash through my mind of what could be.
Something real…a life my heart already recognizes.
Scarlett and Luna’s laughter down the hall has me lifting my head toward the sound. I’ve given my daughter a place to feel safe in. Now it’s time to give her a home.
A pull stronger than I can fight has my thumb hovering over Noah’s number. Every fiber in my being knows that Jules is somehow helping me find my way to where I’m supposed to be.
Before I can convince myself I don’t deserve any of it…my thumbs fly over the keys.
And hit send.