16. Rowan
16
ROWAN
“D o you guys have any questions for me? Are you okay with all of this?”
My parents exchanged the sort of look they had perfected during the course of their marriage. Somehow, they were able to hold a full conversation without saying a word. Dad’s trademark skeptical frown was on full display when he turned my way on the familiar old couch where I used to change Hannah’s diapers.
Every corner of this house held a memory.
“I don’t know how I feel about this,” he admitted, gruff but gentle as always. “All this time, you told us one story, and now we hear a totally different story?”
“Charles.” Mom shook her head gently, leaning over to give my hand a reassuring pat. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. We both knew there was more to the story than Rowan was letting on. There’s no need to pretend.”
When I shot a look of pure surprise her way, she continued, “Come on. You told us you were dating some Hollywood nobody, yet that same nobody could afford a sports car, which we never saw because the accident was cleared up and all evidence was erased. This is someone who had the means to not only pay for your medical bills but to cover your tuition. Obviously, this was not a random nobody off the street.”
“We didn’t want to press you on it,” Dad continued, sounding almost relieved now that there was no need to pretend. “You had already been through so much, and we all knew you had a long road ahead of you. Not only with your injuries but with the baby on the way. It seemed kinder and healthier to let you move on in any way you could.”
What did I expect? They weren’t stupid. I should have known they had their suspicions, but it had been easier at the time to imagine I’d told a decent lie.
“All right, that’s settled,” I concluded, a little shaken and maybe slightly embarrassed. I honestly thought they’d bought it. “But how do you feel about needing security, just in case?”
“It doesn’t make me feel good,” Dad admitted, rubbing a hand over his neatly trimmed gray beard. “I would much rather take Hannah somewhere safe if that’s the concern.”
“I don’t know if that would help,” I admitted. “Granted, I don’t know much about any of this. He swears this is all going to blow over soon, and he’s only acting out of an overabundance of caution. He is deeply invested in Hannah’s welfare.”
“Convenient, so many years later,” Dad grumbled while Mom clicked her tongue at him.
“It’s complicated,” I murmured. For the sake of wrapping this up sometime tonight, I left out a lot of key details. They only knew Hannah’s father was a wealthy man from a wealthy family whose father had arranged for everything to be silenced. They didn’t know about the details of the document I signed or any specifics. I hadn’t even told them his last name. The less they knew, the better until we came up with a plan to move forward.
If I wanted to move forward.
The truth was, when I checked in with my heart, there was nothing I wanted more except for Hannah’s happiness and safety, of course. But it seemed like Spencer played a big role in that, at least when it came to happiness. They got along famously, like two peas in a pod.
I couldn’t pretend my mama heart didn’t swell when I saw them together. He was the missing piece of our puzzle. All I had to do was let down my guard and allow things to progress.
For both of them and us.
“ You know I’m going to check on you ten times a day, ” Spencer had told me as we parted ways at the hotel earlier that Sunday afternoon. Our bodyguards were in place. What a bizarre thought, but then Spencer had pointed out the fact that children of wealthy families often had a bodyguard around them. “ I don’t want my daughter out there in the world unprotected, ” he had insisted.
On one hand, it was sweet to know how invested he was in her well-being. On the other? I didn’t love the idea of my daughter belonging in a world where she needed protection. There was still part of me that wasn’t ready to accept this.
“Just ignore the guys sitting outside. You both will be safe,” I made sure to remind my parents. “But don’t be surprised if I check in with you a bunch of times.” I was starting to sound like Spencer.
I left them to process what I had just dropped on their heads, going upstairs to visit with Hannah before I left. She was lying diagonally across the bed on her stomach, her feet swinging back and forth in the air while she read a book. The sight of her being so carefree made my heart ache in a good way. If only I could keep her this innocent forever, this untouched by the world.
“I’m going to head out, kiddo,” I told her. “But I’ll be here Friday, same as always. And I’ll give you a call tonight, before bed,” I added, eyeing the flip phone Spencer had given Hannah earlier. It couldn’t hurt being able to get in touch with her, and it was—in her words—a dumb phone. It only made calls and sent texts.
“ Back in my day, we just called a phone, ” Spencer had remarked with a wry grin. “ This is in case you ever need to get in touch with me or with your mom. For any reason, even if you just want to talk. Our numbers are already in there. ” She had accepted the device happily enough, though I sensed her disappointment at it not being a smartphone.
“And can I call you anytime I want to?” she asked. I nodded, sitting beside her on the bed and kissing the top of her head. She rolled onto her back, looking up at me, her forehead creased like she had something on her mind. I waited, giving her space instead of forcing her to vocalize whatever was on her mind.
“Can I ask you something?” she whispered.
“Of course.”
“Is Spencer my dad?”
I knew it was coming. This was a smart little girl, insightful, somebody who never missed a beat. If anything, I might have been worried if she hadn’t put two and two together by the time our weekend at the Beverly Wilshire was over. He was so interested in her, almost voracious. He wanted to make up for all the time he had lost.
She wasn’t letting me off the hook, those expressive blue eyes studying me as I fumbled around, trying to come up with the right thing to say. Finally, I asked, “What makes you ask that question?”
“Mom. I’m not a baby. He’s, like, the only man you ever introduced me to. And there was that one time when we were having dinner last night when he was talking about something you guys did together a long time ago. Then there’s the same eyes and shaped face we share.”
Dammit. I knew she would pick up on that when Spencer had asked if I remembered a trip we took to San Francisco one night. He’d flown me there in the family jet to show off a little. He had laughed about how ordinary the trip was for him a decade later, how he had never expected at the time to build a business up there. He’d never expected to build a business in the first place. The Spencer I used to know had no ambitions.
I wouldn’t insult her by coming up with a well-intended lie. Instead, I gave her the sort of straightforward answer she always appreciated. “Yes. Spencer is your dad, honey.” There it was. No taking it back. After giving her a minute to process, I asked, “How do you feel about it?”
“I like him.“ The fact that she didn’t hesitate was a good sign. “He’s nice. He’s fun. He listens. And you like him.”
“Now, wait a second.” She wasn’t wrong, but it would be a mistake not to set her straight for both our sakes. “I’m not actually dating Spencer. It’s complicated. Yes, we do like each other, but that doesn’t mean we’re going to, you know…” Oh, this was pathetic. I should have practiced a speech in advance.
“It doesn’t mean you’re going to get married or anything?” she concluded.
“Exactly.” She frowned, and I was sorry I couldn’t give her the answer she wanted. The answer I wanted. “But one thing I’m sure about is how crazy he is about you. He wants to spoil you rotten. He thinks you’re amazing, just like I do. You’re a lucky little girl to have so many people who adore you.”
“I know lots of kids whose parents aren’t married,” she reasoned, but I heard the disappointment in her voice. My chest went tight at the sound of it. Well, life wasn’t always cut and dry. There were complications. She was going to learn that sooner or later, right? I certainly had. Not that it made me feel better for her.
“We’ll make it work,” I promised. “But just between you and me, let’s pretend we didn’t have this talk. Spencer might want to tell you himself, in his own way.”
“Don’t worry.” A playful grin tipped the corners of her mouth. “I’ll act like I don’t know.”
“Thank you, sweetheart. I love you.” I gathered her in my arms and held her close, closing my eyes and breathing her in. Nobody was going to hurt her. I had to believe that, or else I would never be able to let go.
But I did with another promise to call her before bed. I had a ton of work to catch up on after spending the weekend pretty much offline. It was disappointing the circumstances were what they were because otherwise, I might have looked back on the weekend as a mini vacation. I didn’t know many vacations that involved essentially being locked in a hotel suite, having meals delivered, and having clothes and toiletries brought up.
To Hannah, it had been a huge adventure, a splurge. If only she could remain that innocent.
* * *
“Too bad it’s late spring.”
Noelle’s random comment made me look up from my MacBook in surprise. “What was that?” I asked with a laugh.
She touched a finger to the lush bouquet of red roses on my desk and turned slightly, motioning toward the pink and white bouquets on my credenza. Three in total, delivered every morning this week. “I was thinking we could have entered your office in the Tournament of Roses Parade, that was back in January.”
“You should be a comedian, you know that?” I struggled to hide my grin.
“So, who is this guy with all the extra cash to send you two dozen roses a day?”
Okay, so maybe he was going a little over the top, but I couldn’t pretend I disapproved. I had gone a decade without him, without any steady man in my life. There was a lot of spoiling to be made up for. “He’s an old friend,” I told her, clocking her skeptical expression and ignoring it.
“An old friend who’s been texting you all day, every day? Come on,” she continued with a laugh when I sputtered, trying to come up with an excuse. “I see the look on your face when you get a text from him.”
“Exactly what kind of look is that?” I asked, tipping my chair back and arching an eyebrow.
She should have been an actress. All at once, her cheeks went pink while she sank her teeth into her bottom lip, barely biting back a smile. Her eyes twinkled, and she let out a tiny giggle.
“I don’t giggle like that,” I deadpanned.
“But you do make that face,” she insisted, grinning. “This isn’t just an old friend. An old friend doesn’t spend hundreds of bucks like it’s nothing.”
As if on cue, my phone buzzed, sitting face down on the desk. It was like something out of an old Western movie showdown. I stared at her. She stared at me. Would I pick up the phone, or would I ignore it? Would I react exactly the way she described?
“Check it already,” she finally groaned out. “I know you’re dying to.”
“It can wait,” I decided. Yes, I wanted to answer the damn thing, but I couldn’t forget all of my responsibilities in favor of fawning over my crush. I wasn’t in high school anymore.
We finished going over my schedule for the following day, and she sauntered out of my office. “Now you can check your phone in peace,“ she teased, disappearing. Her soft laughter faded to silence as I turned the phone over to read the latest message.
Spencer: Thinking about flying down tonight. Do you know anybody who might be in the mood for dinner? Around 8:00 or so?
Did I? The way my heart jumped into my throat, there was no question about it. I was wondering if we would see each other during the week or if we’d have to wait until the weekend, but I didn’t want to ask. My pride wouldn’t let me, and it felt like I would be needy to ask for more of him than he was ready to give.
This would have been complicated enough without Hannah being involved, but I had to think of her first and foremost. I couldn’t bring anyone into her life unless I was sure they’d be there permanently. It was one thing for her to know Spencer was her father, but another for us to play house like there was a future for us. It wouldn’t only be my heart that ended up breaking.
We’ll talk about it tonight. Yes, that felt right. It was time to start thinking about the next steps after Damian was no longer a problem. Because as long as I was being honest with myself, I wanted more of him than the occasional weeknight fling or a weekend with Hannah. I wanted him just as much as I ever had, if not more.
Back in the day, I had wanted the Spencer I used to know. Now, I also wanted the rest of him. The man he had become. I only needed to be sure he wanted me. Or else I was setting myself up for another broken heart.
And this time, there wouldn’t be any coming back from it.
Me: I’ll ask around, but I’m sure I can find somebody who would be interested.
I bit my lip, grinning, when I imagined him reading that and growling. Shit, I fell hard, didn’t I?
The fact was, there was part of me that had never stopped loving him despite everything. I hadn’t fully understood that until now.