Chapter 8
8
RYDER
“T hat was amazing,” Summer said, looking down at me with a big smile.
I nodded. It was just about all I could manage right now. Even though I wasn’t very deep inside her, she felt so damn good. It was becoming increasingly tough to hold back, but if I dropped all restraint, I was pretty sure I could come without even moving.
I wanted to at least enjoy this for a few more minutes before it came to an end. I moved my right hand back to her hip and slid both hands to her waist. When I looked up at her, she seemed to get exactly what I wanted to do next.
She lowered her mouth, and her lips met mine in a much sweeter, slower kiss, but it quickly turned passionate. At the same time, she began moving on me. Lasting longer than a few minutes was going to be hard, especially with that wet, tight pussy wrapped around my cock.
Had sex ever felt this good? Absolutely not. Nothing had ever been this incredible. And it had very little to do with her being a virgin. In fact, I had a feeling this would be even better once it was comfortable for her too.
She began moving faster. Finally, I couldn’t focus on the kiss anymore. I had to catch my breath. I pulled away and moved my hands to her breasts, sliding my thumbs over each nipple as I stared at them.
I couldn’t believe this woman was mine. It seemed too good to be true. It was too good to be true.
But I couldn’t think about that now. I had to focus on making love to her. We’d work through any challenges after that.
My orgasm slammed into me without warning as I lifted my gaze to her face. Her eyes were closed as she moved on me, her breasts jiggling with each movement. She was just so damn beautiful, I couldn’t stop looking at her.
Something hit me far too late as I shot my seed into her. We hadn’t used protection. She could get pregnant.
I squeezed my eyes closed and tried to shut out that thought and enjoy every second of the most incredible orgasm of my life. But all too soon, the sensations subsided. She slowed to a stop and wrapped her arms around me, pressing her cheek against my shoulder.
Oh, fuck. I was definitely going to have to conquer my demons for this woman.
Suddenly, she sat up and looked down at me. “Is something wrong?”
“We didn’t use protection,” I said.
Her mouth opened, and her eyes widened. It hadn’t occurred to her either. We’d both gotten so caught up in the moment, we’d taken this risk. It was possible—even if remotely—that in nine months, we’d be parents.
“Fuck,” I said. “I’m sorry. I should have been more careful. I didn’t even have a condom with me. It didn’t occur to me.”
When would it have occurred to me? We’d literally met just over twelve hours ago. I didn’t carry a condom around in my wallet. I hadn’t done that since my twenties.
“It’s okay,” she said.
I waited for her to add that she was on the pill. At that point, I’d breathe a big sigh of relief. But she didn’t say that. She didn’t say anything. She just looked down at me, her eyes slightly narrowed, as if she were trying to figure me out. I was trying to figure me out, so I couldn’t blame her.
“You don’t want kids,” she said. “Oh God.”
She climbed off me and sat on the rock next to me, wiggling into her underwear. Then she reached for her bra and began putting it on.
What was she going to do, run away? No, we had to discuss this.
“It’s not that I don’t want them,” I said.
Summer’s reaction told me this was huge. This was a dealbreaker. No matter what was going on between us, this woman couldn’t live a life without children. She worked at a daycare, for fuck’s sake.
It was exactly why I had avoided a relationship for as long as I had. I couldn’t do that to a woman I cared about. So I had to be honest with Summer from the start.
“I lost a lot of buddies in combat,” I said. “Some had kids. Yes, they had wives at home too, but it was the kids that got to me. I grew up without parents, and I just…I don’t know. I couldn’t do that to a kid.”
She sat back, bra and underwear fully in place. “So you wouldn’t have one at all because you’re worried about someday not being there for them?”
“Shit happens. I’m out of the military now, but there are car accidents. Natural causes. I could have a heart condition I don’t even know about.”
She looked at me. “Do you have some reason to believe you’re in bad health?”
I shook my head. “It’s not that. It’s just…what if I can’t be the kind of father someone needs me to be? I never had one myself. Just a series of aunts and grandparents who did their best.”
Fear. That was exactly what this was. And I’d always prided myself on not being afraid of anything. It turned out I was afraid of letting down somebody I loved.
“You had relatives who raised you, though,” she said. “So you know people can step in and take care of things if something does happen.”
I thought about her words. Yeah, she was right. I always bemoaned my lack of parents, but I’d been lucky. Various relatives had taken care of me for as long as they could.
It wasn’t that they’d pawned me off on each other, either. My mom and dad had one living parent each between them when I was born, and they died a couple of years apart when I was in elementary school. After that, I was with one aunt for a while, then another. Finally, Aunt Meg finished raising me. They’d all done such a good job, I shouldn’t complain. But despite that, I’d done plenty of complaining over the years.
“You’d be a great father,” she said. “But I would never want to force you into it. If we stay together, that is. You might not even want to do that. I can’t imagine a life without kids of my own, though. You have to know that from the start.”
I’d always imagined my life without kids. But I’d also imagined it without a wife. I’d resigned myself to living alone. I had Aunt Meg for holidays until she died, and then I’d truly be alone for Christmas and Thanksgiving. It seemed bleak, but I always figured I’d find some friends to hang out with. Someone who would be kind enough to welcome me into their home.
I’d still be an outsider, though. It wouldn’t be my own family.
Shit, was I actually considering this? I was.
“We don’t have to decide tonight,” she said. “We have the rest of our lives. But whatever you’re going through, we can work through it together.”
Mostly, I couldn’t imagine a future without this woman. I couldn’t go a day of my life knowing she was out there somewhere. Wondering what she was doing. Wondering if she ever thought of me.
I looked out at the view in front of us and realized something. This small town was jam-packed full of wonderful people. People who were already starting to become family to me. I was in a safe place with friends who’d make sure Summer and any kids we had were taken care of if something ever happened.
Yeah, I could do this. It would be my biggest adventure yet, and I was ready for it. More than ready.
Finally, I looked over at her—more beautiful than the view in front of me—and that was when I knew it wasn’t the town or the help our extended family would give. She was my future. Everything would be okay as long as we had each other.
I reached out and took her hand in mine, gazing into her eyes. “I can do this.” I paused, then added, “ We can do this.”
Slowly, a smile spread over her face. “Together. We can do anything together.”
And then she leaned in, lifting her face to mine. I met her halfway, her lips locking with mine in a kiss that sealed the deal. A kiss that told me no matter what happened, everything was going to be okay.
Everything was going to be better than okay. It was going to be better than I’d ever imagined.