Chapter 21
21
VAUGHN
F rom a dark corner of Hope’s bedroom, I watched over her as she tossed in her sleep. I’d snuck in here after she’d fallen asleep, knowing there was no way she’d agree to me staying. But the casita was too far away to protect her, and that piece-of-shit fold-out bed looked less comfortable than the floor currently making my ass numb.
Hope had been mumbling for most of the night, but now, those restless sounds turned into agitated pleas and her movements became violent. Beside me, Titan whimpered as his owner battled an imaginary enemy in her dream. I wanted to wake her, but if she found out I’d been watching her, I’d cop no end of sass about it.
Titan looked at me as if to say, Aren’t you going to do something?
I looked at him and silently asked the same. He was her dog. Why didn’t he do something?
A pained cry from Hope’s lips drove me to action. The thought of someone hurting her, even if only in a dream, bothered me more than I could explain.
With one knee on the bed, I shook her by the shoulders. “Hey. Wake up.”
Nothing.
Trying a different approach, I tore the thin sheet away. The only thing that achieved was momentarily distracting me with the silk shorts and tight cotton cami she wore.
But then her fingers dug into the mattress and her face twisted in fear, so I shook her again. This time, Hope woke with a gasp.
Terror filled her unseeing eyes, and she struck out frantically with her arms and legs.
She thinks I’m an intruder.
“It’s me. Vaughn.” I parried her blows, but she didn’t stop fighting me off.
Time to stop fucking around.
I covered her body with mine, smothering her attacks while pinning her to the bed. She clawed at my face, searching out my eye sockets. I grabbed one wrist and then the other to secure them above her head with one hand. She drew in a deep breath like she was about to scream, so I covered her mouth and growled, “Stop attacking me, woman.”
She bit me. Hard.
I grunted in pain but didn’t take my hand away. The last thing I needed was Daphne storming in here with her shotgun.
Hope’s unblinking eyes flared as her body bucked beneath me. Her chest heaved with each desperate breath. She was scared out of her mind. Scared of me . And that felt as fun as a blade slowly sliding between my ribs.
“It’s Vaughn. I’m not going to hurt you.”
Finally, recognition dawned, and Hope’s fighting eased. Her breaths came fast and heavy, but she was back from the brink.
“If I take my hand away from your mouth, are you going to do something stupid like scream?”
She shook her head, so I released my hand.
“What are you doing in here?” she hissed.
I let go of her wrists and switched on the nightstand lamp, which, in hindsight, I should’ve done before waking her. We both blinked at the sudden brightness. “How am I supposed to protect you from the casita?”
“Are you telling me you’ve been in my room all night?” she whisper shouted.
“What part of I’m not letting you out of my sight needed further explanation?”
“I didn’t think that meant watching me sleep like some creepy goddamn stalker!”
“Not my fault you assumed wrong.”
“You should’ve asked for permission,” she growled through gritted teeth.
“Why? You would have said no, we’d have fought about it, and then I’d have snuck in here to watch you anyway. I saved us both a pointless argument.”
“Your logic is so flawed I don’t even know how to respond. We need to set boundaries, Vaughn. This is my space. You can’t just waltz in here whenever you want. Now, move.”
She tried to shove me away, but I grabbed her wrists before she could touch me, pinning them above her head once more for her own safety. “This isn’t about your choices or my personality problems. This is about me doing my job.”
She choked on a bitter laugh. “Please explain what your job is, because so far, all you’ve done is piss me off.”
“Keeping you safe, Hope. Keeping you alive .” I lowered my chin and held her stare. “Let me paint a not-so-pretty picture for you. If those fledgling cartel thugs decide they want retribution for what happened at the restaurant, they won’t call and make an appointment to discuss their grievance. They’ll find out who you are and where you live, and if they have even ten brain cells between them, they’ll pay a visit when you least expect it. Like the middle of the night.” I gave her a meaningful look. “They’d kill Daphne. They’d kill all the dogs. And I’m betting they’d take their sweet time sharing you around before they put a bullet in your head. I’m the only thing standing between you and those sons of bitches, and I promise you I can protect you better than anyone, but I can’t do that from the casita. So I’m staying. End of story.”
“All right,” she snapped like a spoiled brat.
I clicked my tongue. “That doesn’t sound like gratitude to me.”
“Gratitude?” Hope’s eyes narrowed. “You’re only guarding me because I’m valuable to your cause. You were going to leave town the night we met, remember? It wasn’t until you found out I could help that you stuck around.”
“It wasn’t my choice to stay. I wanted to throw you on my plane and take you to Montana. Trust me, I’m not happy about being here, either.”
Then I made the mistake of letting my gaze travel down her neck and over delicate collarbones until I reached her cleavage. When my eyes rose to meet Hope’s, my cock twitched because the blush blooming on her cheeks told me I wasn’t the only one intrigued by the position we found ourselves in.
“Are you sure about that?” Hope asked, quirking a brow. No doubt she’d felt the swelling in my jeans, too.
I was only human, and she looked sexy as hell with her hands secured above her head and one of my legs wedged between her thighs. That tight little cami clung to her breasts, and I fought the urge to lean down and close my mouth around a nipple. Would she moan and arch her spine, urging me to take more? Or would she continue this game where she pretended she didn’t want my tongue exploring every inch of her?
Goddamn. I really wanted to find out.
I wondered if this was how Hope looked after getting thoroughly fucked. All puffy lipped and breathless. Maybe with a few red handprints across her perfectly round ass. The image transformed my semi into a rock-hard boner straining at the zipper.
I grinned mischievously. “Well, maybe one part of me is happy to be here.”
Hope sneered. “Get off me.”
“What’s the hurry?”
She shot me a sharp look. “There’s something wrong with you.”
“There must be something wrong with you, too, because you’re not trying to get away.” It wasn’t a lie. Her body was soft and pliant beneath me. “Tell me you don’t like this, being completely at my mercy.” I breathed in the rich scent of her hair.
“I don’t like it.” She turned her head to the side, but it only exposed her slender neck to me. I narrowly resisted sinking my teeth into it.
“Liar. And I know you liked what happened in the bathroom this morning.”
“And you said that would never happen again.”
“Do you want it to happen again?”
Her eyes cut to mine. “No.”
“More lies.” I chuckled. “It’s cute how your mouth keeps saying things and your body tells a different story.” I ran my nose along the soft skin beneath her ear, and she shivered. “Fuck, you smell good.”
“I thought”—the column of her throat shifted as she swallowed—“I thought you said I couldn’t touch you?”
“You can’t. It doesn’t mean I can’t touch you, especially when I have these hands locked down exactly where I need them.”
She made a small, needy sound when I pressed my pelvis into hers.
“Still want me to get off you?” I licked the sensitive spot just behind her lobe. “Or would you prefer for me to get you off?”
Hope whimpered, and I took that as permission to stay and do whatever I wanted. It went without saying that fucking her was a really bad idea. But since when did I ever make sensible decisions? Hope was an adult. If she wanted me to stop, all she had to do was say so. But if she was a good girl and did exactly as I told her, why shouldn’t we do this?
“You know what I think?” I asked. “I say we stop pretending we don’t want to fuck each other senseless, and get it out of our system. Just once. And then you can go back to hating me if you really want.”
Again, Hope offered no denial. All she did was moisten her lips, making me want to run my tongue where hers had just been and claim that smart mouth. I reminded myself that kissing had no place during a quick fuck, which was all I could offer. This wouldn’t be slow and sweet. It would be fast and rough. I wasn’t sure if Hope was into that, but there was only one way to find out.
I shifted position, about to flip her onto her stomach, and my forearm met something firm beneath the pillow. A hidden pistol?
“What’s this?”
Hope’s expression turned alarmed. “No. Vaughn, don’t!”
I dipped my hand under the pillow and pulled out a?—
Well, well, well.
Definitely not a handgun.
Hope struggled to free her wrists while snarling threats about all the ways she’d hurt my manhood if I didn’t stop what I was doing.
“What do we have here?” I held the large purple vibrator between us for inspection. It had a bunch of buttons on its handle as well as a pronged clit stimulator. I shook my head. “Not exactly a beginner toy, Hope. You’ve been a very naughty girl.”
She bucked beneath me. “Put that down, or I swear to God, I will murder you.”
“With this?” I hit a button, and it buzzed to life. “You could probably bludgeon a man to death with this monster.”
Her lip curled. “Last chance, Grim. Put. It. Back.”
Oh man. This was too much fun, and Hope’s murderous glare only drove me to torment her further.
I switched the vibrator off and tossed it onto the bed. “Do you have any others? I wonder what I’ll find over here.”
I stretched across, opened the nightstand drawer, and?—
“Whoa.” I froze as I took in the veritable treasure trove of stimulation devices. Big ones, small ones. There were things in there even I hadn’t known existed. One shaped like a pink rose caught my interest. How did that pretty little contraption work? Maybe Hope would show me? The thought sent a rush of blood straight to my dick.
“I very much approve of this collection, but sweet Jesus, Gatita. Did you rob a sex-toy factory?”
“I warned you.” With an enraged growl, Hope kneed me in the ribs, sending me off-balance and forcing me to release my one-handed hold on her wrists. And then she was on me, straddling my hips and pummeling me with her fists. I let her get in a few blows since I’d earned them, and she clearly had some frustration to expel.
Fighting didn’t trigger my panic response like touch did, but Hope was playing a dangerous game, so I rolled her, putting me on top and in control again. “You’re full of surprises, aren’t you?” Both of us breathed heavily from our wrestling session.
She looked fucking gorgeous beneath me. Tits heaving against my chest, dark hair splashed across the pillow, that fuckable mouth.
But when my gaze roamed her face, I realized I’d royally screwed up. Hope’s seething expression had morphed into something I never wanted to see in her. Defeat. She looked so forlorn that my cold, dead heart almost seized inside my chest.
“Hey.” My eyes met hers. “I was just joking around.”
Hope’s bottom lip wobbled, and unshed tears welled in her eyes.
Goddammit, I’d done this. I’d hurt her with my teasing, and I needed to fix it.
“Hit me again, Gatita. Be mad at me all you like, but don’t cry. Not over an asshole like me.”
When the first tear fell, she turned her head to the side.
I gripped her chin and gently brought her face back to mine. “I’m sorry if I upset you. Talk to me, please.”
Her brow pinched. “Why do you have to be so cruel to me?”
Fuck. I really was a piece of shit. “Because I’m an idiot. There’s no need to be embarrassed. Plenty of girls own toys. So what?”
“Yeah, but their reasons are different from mine.”
“What do you mean?”
She shook her head and sniffled. “It doesn’t matter.” Her eyes flickered with some emotion that filled me with dread. Pain or trauma? Someone had hurt Hope, either before or after she’d arrived in Playa de la Palmera, and since my mind was conjuring all kinds of horrors, I really needed to know what had happened and whom I needed to kill.
“It matters to me. And I’m not letting go of you until you tell me. Why are your reasons for owning toys different from other women’s?”
Hope drew in a ragged breath. “Because back in Jersey, I wasn’t allowed to date or hang out with guys. The only time I socialized was at school, and even then, I had to be careful.”
“To hide your identity?”
She hesitated before answering. “Because I learned the hard way that it wasn’t safe for men to be around me.”
I frowned. What the hell did she mean?
“Just let me up and I’ll explain, okay? You weigh as much as a grand piano.”
I did as she asked and sat on the side of the bed. Hope did the same, leaving a safe distance between us. The gap felt as wide as the Grand Canyon. Usually I’d be happy about that, but not tonight.
She tugged on the hem of her silk shorts. “There was this guy at Princeton, Simon. He was in my study group, so I saw him along with a few others once a week when we’d meet up at the library. I liked him a lot, probably because he was everything Jorge wasn’t. Sensitive, funny, kind. One time, when we were looking for books in a quiet aisle, he finally made a move and kissed me.” Hope gave me a sad smile. “My first kiss at twenty years old. Ridiculous, right?” She inhaled a deep breath. “Simon never contacted me after. Then he didn’t show up at study group the next week or the one after that. When I asked around, no one had seen or heard from him. Not long after, his body was found.” Her stricken eyes met mine. “He’d been tortured before being killed.”
My fingers dug into the mattress. “Ortega?”
She nodded. “It was his way of sending me a message.”
That bastard.
“One of my bodyguards had noticed Simon and me getting close and told Jorge. We weren’t engaged then, but he’d made his intentions clear. He’d always acted like I was his property. That us ending up together was as inevitable as the sun setting each day. I should’ve guessed he’d do something violent if he found out about Simon.”
I clicked my tongue. “That kid’s death isn’t your fault.”
“It is. I knew what Jorge was capable of. It was stupid to even flirt with another guy.” Hope pressed her lips together. “After Simon, Jorge convinced my father that we should get married as soon as I finished my studies and returned to Mexico. Once Carlos agreed to the union, there was no getting out of it.”
“When Ortega visited you in Jersey”—my jaw tightened—“did he force himself on you?”
“No, thank God. Despite it being okay for Jorge to fuck and murder his way through Mexico, Carlos had insisted I remain a virgin until marriage.”
Relief flooded me. The thought of that asshole even breathing the same air as Hope made me simmer with rage.
“I had less freedom than a nun, and my first time was doomed to be with a sadist. This is so messed up”—her brows drew together—“but I knew Jorge would get enjoyment from claiming my virginity and making it hurt, so I took that away from him in the only way that wouldn’t get another man killed. I ordered a few different toys online, then spent a whole lot of time alone in my room at night learning about my body.” She grinned, and it was full of mischief.
I really liked seeing Hope’s playful side. After everything she’d been through, that she was able to appreciate a moment of light amid the dark was a credit to her resilience. And the thought of her using those toys to get herself off? That caused all kinds of inappropriate images to inundate my mind.
While we were talking about her sex life, there was something I needed to know, and I hoped she’d be honest about it.
“You and that schmuck Enrique. You’ve never been together?”
What I’d heard him discussing with his pal in the restroom of Javi’s worried me. Hope might think I was overreacting about his possible link with the cartel, but if she had a close relationship with Enrique and it risked her safety, it was important that I knew.
“No. He’s interested. I know that. It just doesn’t feel right.” She scrunched her nose. “There’s no spark, you know? It doesn’t make any sense. On paper we’d be perfect together. He’s good-looking, has a nice family, and we get along great. Sometimes, I wonder if there’s something wrong with me.”
“There’s nothing wrong with you. It doesn’t always make sense, the people we’re attracted to.”
Case in point: me wanting to tie up a cartel boss’s daughter and do ungodly things to her body. Hope and I were the very definition of a poor match. It didn’t stop me from wanting her.
Hope lifted one shoulder. “Even if I wanted to have a relationship with Enrique, it’s not worth the risk. Not after what happened to Simon. Call me paranoid, but I’ve never shaken the feeling that Carlos or Jorge will find me one day, and I refuse to put anyone else’s life in danger because of their association with me.” She sighed wistfully. “So it’s just me and my harem of BOBs. That way, no one gets hurt.”
“Wait.” I tilted my head. “Are you telling me you’re still a virgin?”
She looked at me as if I were a dumbass. “I thought I just explained that I obliterated my hymen years ago. You’ve seen inside my drawer.”
“But you’ve never been with a man?”
“Does that matter?”
“Yes, it matters. We almost”—I gestured to the bed—“Christ, Hope. Why didn’t you say something? Were you going to let me fuck you?”
“I don’t know.” She glanced at the middle of the bed like she was imagining us tangled in her sheets. “Maybe.”
“Maybe?” I growled, dragging my hands over my face. “Your first time shouldn’t be with someone like me.”
Hope was far more innocent than I’d imagined. And I’d almost put her on her hands and knees, fisted her hair, and shoved my cock deep inside her. Her lack of experience made what had happened in the casita even worse.
Had that been her first sexual experience with a man? Me forcing her against a wall while I jerked off, fantasizing about ruining her pussy, and coming all over her back? The devil would have to invent a special place in hell for a depraved beast like me.
“Why not?” she asked, wearing a confused frown.
“Why not?” I almost yelled but managed to keep my voice down so we didn’t wake Daphne. “Because I’m a fucking animal, Hope, and you’re a virgin. I can’t be what you need.”
She laughed bitterly. “And you would know what I need.”
“I damn sure know what you don’t.”
“Don’t treat me like a kid. If I can take Purple BOB, I can take you.”
“I wouldn’t be so confident about that.”
Hope rolled her eyes as though I were exaggerating about my size. I wasn’t. And that toy wasn’t two hundred thirty pounds of man thrusting into her with days of built-up sexual tension.
“So that’s it.” She folded her arms and shrugged. “You’re going to sleep on the floor of my room every night, and nothing will happen between us, because you think I couldn’t possibly handle a man like you?”
“Now you’re catching on.”
“Wow.” Derision filled her laugh. “Rejected by a jackass. I’ve reached a new low.” Hope climbed back under the sheets and pulled them up to her ribs. “You know what? That’s fine, because I just remembered something. I don’t need you.” She pitched a spare pillow at my head, and I caught it.
Didn’t need me? What the hell did that mean?
She switched the lamp off. “Sleep well, Grim.”