25. In the Eye of a Hurricane
In the Eye of a Hurricane
I knew I was dreaming when I saw my mom standing before me, very much alive and well.
I was in a mall. In fact, it was the same mall me and my mom used to go to when I was a kid. I stood at the mall-side entrance of Mom’s favorite department store that wasn’t even open anymore in real life. But in this reality, it very much was. Around me, there are faceless, black shadow people scrolling through. Everyone was devoid of color, except for her.
Mom looked along the racks in vibrance. Her afro was pulled back into a long ponytail with her curls flowing down her back. Her dark sepia skin glowed with gold and silver dust that I knew was her natural skin. She was dressed just like she would have been back then in her jean capris, shirt, and platform sandals, but I thought she was timelessly beautiful.
Mom used to be on top of every fashion trend. During a time when plus-size was hated and not the standard, Mom always found something ahead of the curve and professional and, well, mom-ish to fit her fat body. She never shied from showing off her large boobs, rolls on her stomach and back, her wide hips, and large thighs. She was the reason I loved my own body and always did. To stay so fashion forward, I remembered we used to spend hours shopping on Saturdays, much to Pops’ chagrin. He would poke fun at us, but he loved paying for everything and spoiling his girls.
Mom smiled as I approached. “I’ve been waiting for you, baby Byrd. Which color do you think?”
I didn’t even know what the items were that she was holding up because I was too enamored with her; that she was here and talking to me. “Is this real? Are you really here, Mom?”
“I think the blue for me and the black for you. You always looked so good in black. You could make it look so… bright somehow. I used to love that so much,” she said, her eyes twinkling with pride as she looked at me. Gods, how long had it been since I had heard her voice? How had I forgotten its depth and timbre, how smooth it sounded? Death had taken her from me, but time had robbed me of my memories of her, even the simplest things, like how she held a pen or the way she spoke.
“Mom… I’ve missed you. I just…” I paused for a moment, worrying my bottom lip. “I am so confused.”
“About what, my love?”
“Everything, Mom. I don’t know how much you know because this is a dream obviously, but it’s everything. The book, the scars, what I am—I mean, am I even human, Mom?—Quinn.” I shook my head, on a roll I couldn’t stop. “Oh my gods, Quinn . There’s something she isn’t telling me. It’s definitely related to her family and her job, which makes sense. But also there’s knives involved apparently? But also also, she killed that vampire, so she would obviously do anything to keep me safe?—”
“You love her.”
I stared at my mom. Of all the things I rambled on about, that was what she grabbed onto? “Mom! I only like her! I mean, I like her a lot, but I don’t know anything else for sure.”
“Sure you do, boo-boo. If you didn’t, I wouldn’t. That’s how it works. I only know what you do.” She winked.
I only know what you do. I shook my head to ignore and escape the implications of that. “I have only known her for less than two months, Mom.”
“Oh, sweetheart.” She reached out and put a hand on my cheek. I leaned into her touch. “You love fiercely. You always have. You have been a love-obsessed, hopeless romantic since you were knee high to a grasshopper. There’s no shame in it. Besides, I knew your father for two weeks before he said ‘I love you’ to me for the first time.”
“Yeah, but you were soulmates, made for each other.”
“We were mates, yes, but we didn’t know that at the time. We just felt it. You have to do the same. No one knows exactly what the future will bring. But we do the best we can with what we can sense and tell. For everything, you have to follow how you feel. You have to just let your feelings be your guide while your brain gives you logic where needed. That’s your instinct, instructions straight from your soul to get you to where you need to be. It will not lead you astray, and you’ll be okay in the end. It got you this far and just look at you.”
Tears overflowed from my eyes as I choked on a sob. Mom wiped away my tears with her candy red-tipped thumbs. She kissed my forehead. She was so warm, so full of life. “I would give anything to have you back.”
“No, I wouldn’t allow that. You wouldn’t be my daughter if you needed me any longer than you had me. You are everything I have and am proud of. You are the best of me. And you are so strong, Byrd, stronger than me. I love you more than I love myself. You may miss me, but I’m never far away. You will be okay. You will always find your okay.”
Now, I was crying fully. “I love you so much, Mom.”
“I love you, too, baby Byrd, until the moon catches the sun. You’ll figure this all out.” She kissed me on my cheek before she left me with one last smile.
I wanted to stop her. I wanted to keep her here forever. I didn’t care that this was a dream, I didn’t want to wake up. Here, my mom was alive, and everything I had wished for and missed since that day over fourteen years ago. I didn’t want to go back to a world where she wasn’t in it.
Just before I lost sight of her, I decided to follow after her. Mom navigated the maze of clothing racks and displays with ease. Soon, I reached the other side.
But I wasn’t in the mall anymore.
Now, I stood in the bedroom of a familiar home. Looking around, I realized it was the bedroom where Pops, Aunt Max, Uncle Everett, and I lived for a couple of years after Mom’s murder. The walls were teal, and the decor was just the beginnings of the style I had now with crocheted pieces hanging from the walls and my favorite books stacked everywhere. Still, there was no real life here. It had been too short of a time. We hadn’t even finished unpacking from our old house. We were too busy unpacking our grief.
What was I doing here?
Suddenly, I could hear a conversation outside my room. It gave me a powerful sense of deja vu. I didn’t want to go to the door. I didn’t want to open it. But there was an uncontrollable force making me go to the door to check.
As soon as I opened the door, I knew when I was. I could never forget this night, no matter how hard I had tried. From my place in my doorway, I saw Aunt Max get slammed against a wall. The wall behind her cracked all the way up to the ceiling from the force of it. She bared her fangs at her aggressor before she summoned flames in her hands and threw them. She chased after him as he recoiled, on fire. Everett came into view with his wings and talons out, roaring.
The assailants attacking them were masked and wearing black from head-to-toe. I felt another rush of deja vu as they reminded me of the same gang that had killed my mom. There were so many of them with such a variety of weaponry. My eyes widened. The last time I had seen people like this was the last time I had seen my mother alive. Fear made my blood run cold as it consumed me. I backed up to escape, to be anywhere but here.
When I turned around in my bedroom, I saw that my window was not only open, but another masked intruder stood there. Despite his mask obscuring his face, I could tell from his build and stature that he wasn’t much older than me. We locked eyes. In the dim light from the full moon, I couldn’t see the color of his eyes. But when they narrowed, I felt the meaning of the phrase “if looks could kill.”
From holsters on his thigh, the boy quickly pulled out a gun and a knife. Both weapons glowed a red so dark and rich they looked like they were bathed in bright fake blood. Power radiated from their light. It was magic, a dangerous kind. There was something about it that felt wrong all the way down to my bones while also feeling like I was in the presence of something practically radioactive. I wanted to panic as much as I wanted to roar and fight just like my Aunt and Uncle were doing outside my door.
Something told me though that if I tried I wouldn’t live to tell about it.
Suddenly, a gust of wind blew in hard and fast from the open window slamming the intruder face-first down to the ground. He was knocked out instantly. His weapons flew from his hands, helping me to relax.
“Byrdie baby, are you okay?” Pops asked me, suddenly there behind me in his pajamas.
I nodded, unable to speak.
Pops held out his hand for me, and I took it without hesitation. He led me out of my room and into the hallway.
There, my whole world tilted for the second time in my life.
Aunt Max was slumped on the floor. She had been gutted too quickly for her body to heal. Her blood stained the carpet. Her eyes were vacant. Flames licked up the walls and around her body. They were the only things moving around her. She couldn’t be dead. It couldn’t be…
Before I could cry out for her, a body burst through a previously closed door in front of us into the flames near Aunt Max’s body. The intruder screamed as the flames devoured him, Aunt Max’s last stand.
Uncle Everett came from the room, stepping over the shards of the door. He looked worse for the wear with open, bleeding cuts and scrapes all over his bare chest and arms, and he was favoring his left side quite a bit. He was also breathing heavily. But he was alive. That was all that mattered to me in this moment. I ran up to him and wrapped him in a tight hug.
“Happy to see you, too, kiddo,” Everett said, hugging me with one arm and hissing from a sensitive spot on his ribs that I had touched in my hug.
“Don’t you die on me, Everett, ” I said.
“I will do my best. You have my word.” Everett clung to me, even though I knew it was hurting him.
I didn’t get to savor the moment for long. Downstairs, I could hear absolute chaos break out. More intruders invaded our house. I could hear bullets and arrows being shot from below up to the second floor. Their shouts were numerous. There had to be at least twenty of them, if not more. We were outnumbered and overwhelmed before any of them had even made it up the stairs.
“Everett, get Byrd out of here,” Pops commanded, coming to stand in the entrance of the hallway.
“Pops, no! I’m not leaving you!” I said.
“Yes, you are. You and Everett have to get out of here.”
“Pops!”
“Forrest, please,” Uncle Everett begged. “We can take them on together. If we are both here, maybe we can?—”
“Everett,” Pops interrupted with a finality and demand in his voice that I even felt.
Uncle Everett nodded finally and picked me up. As he turned around, I watched Pops. His back was to me, but he turned so that I locked eyes with ones that matched my own. It was quick. A moment at most. But looking into his sad but determined eyes, I knew what he was going to do.
“Dad, no! Don’t do this! Don’t leave me! No !” I screamed. I absolutely lost it. I pounded my fists into Everett’s front and back. I kicked as much as I could. I did everything I could to fight to get out of his arms. But he held on tight. The flames licked at his heels as we ran to my bedroom. Then he carried us out of my still-open window to land on the ground. I never stopped fighting and yelling for Everett to let me go even though he had an iron grip.
I only stopped as we rounded the corner to the front of the house. More attackers stood there, either having escaped from the house or waiting for us, I wasn’t sure. There had to be another twenty present. The boy from before was there among them, his weapons in his hands once again. I shivered in pure fear.
Quickly before I could fully register what was happening, Uncle Everett put me down behind him and faced the assailants. He roared, talons and fangs bared with his wings spread to make him more intimidating. The gang members pointed their weapons at him, aiming to shoot.
No… I couldn’t lose him, too. He had promised.
Suddenly, a shockwave of coral orange magic radiated out from us and hit all the assailants at once, knocking them back on their asses.
“Are you two all right?”
Uncle Everett and I turned to see a tall, white woman approach. She was gorgeous and wore an outfit that I could only describe as Stevie Nicks-chic. Her half-dyed blonde and ginger brown hair was tied back into a messy bun with her bangs spread across her forehead. She looked so familiar, but I couldn’t place her.
“Where did you come from?” Everett asked.
“It’s a very long story,” The woman replied. I felt I knew this woman, but there was something blocking me from remembering exactly how. Who was this woman?
With her arrival, though, the attackers fled, seeing they were overpowered. The boy kept looking back at me as he ran with such a rage in his eyes. Who was he? Why was he so angry at me?
After we ensured all the intruders had left, the woman got to work smothering the flames threatening to engulf the entire house. In no time at all using her magic, she managed to put the fire out so that only the second floor was scorched. But as we went back inside, we saw the damage had already been done. Well, the woman and Uncle Everett saw. They made me stay downstairs while they went to assess the damage.
Aunt Max was dead.
Everett found Pops upstairs. He had died fighting for me, to save me. Just like Mom had before. I didn’t think my heart could shatter more, but it did that day as my circle grew ever smaller. Two more funerals I never thought I would have to attend. It was another worst day of my life, another growing void threatening to swallow me whole one day. It was another person—two more people—that I would never see again outside of my dreams.