36. Butterfly
Butterfly
I opened my eyes to my home.
Not just smell or just a feeling. I was physically standing in my childhood home. Everything was just as it was. The living room, with the same couches that had an accidental dark barbecue sauce stain on one side and a drink stain on the other side. The fireplace with its wooden logs inside and beside it. The kitchen and island counter that I used to sit at every day. The doors and stairs that led to so many memories. I inhaled deeply, and it was just scene after scene: starch and laundry detergent, Mom’s cooking, hair grease for moisturizing my hair, Pops’ aftershave, nightcaps of wine and liquor, burning wood, school supplies, and so much more. My heart felt like it was being ripped from my chest, it was hurting so bad. I missed this so much.
I reached out to touch the back of the couch. My hand went straight through without any resistance. It felt like touching smoke. Was I a ghost? Why couldn’t I touch anything? Was this not real?
How did they find me? A voice whispered through the air. I turned around, but I couldn’t place where it was coming from. We had been so careful for so long. Why now?
“Hello?” I looked, but there was no one there. How was I hearing this voice? Who was this?
I have to get away from here.
Finally, I recognized the voice. “Mom?”
I have to get away from here before they find her.
“Mom! Where are you? Who are you getting away from? Please, Mom! Help me find you!” I shouted, looking in room after room for her and coming up with nothing. The deja vu was so strong it threatened to swallow me whole. What was happening? Was she okay? Who was she running from? Where was she?
I can’t let them find my Baby Byrd.
My Baby Byrd.
My Baby Byrd.
My Baby Byrd.
My name in her voice echoed on and on, bouncing off the walls. Something in those echoes, though, pointed me toward the source.
I ran out the back door. I was instantly teleported out of the house and into the middle of the forest that raised me as much as my family did. The sky through the leaves of the trees was cloudy and gray. Humidity hung thick in the air. It was ready to start pouring at any moment. Even though I had just been placed in the middle of the woods, I knew exactly where I was among these trees, grass, stones, and flowers. Like an internal GPS, I knew that if I went one way, I would find a lake and flowing waterfall. If I went a different direction, I would find one of the many crystal caverns near our house. As deeply as I knew this forest, though, I had no idea where to go to find Mom.
The world was darkened by a shadow overhead. It was massive . Looking up, my jaw dropped. It was the size of a small jet, flying low enough to dip and touch the treetops. The creature was wide and long enough to cover the entire sky I could see through the trees. A long neck stretched in front connected to a body with wings that flapped a wind strong enough to shake the trees and blow my hair back from my face. Its tail streamed behind like a banner. It looked like a…
No.
There was no way.
As it flew past, I heard engines revving close behind. I turned and saw several masked people drive up behind and past me on ATVs and other recreational vehicles. It was obvious they were chasing after whatever was in the sky. What made my heart sink was the sight of their weapons on their backs, in their hands aimed above, or holstered elsewhere on their bodies. They had everything from knives to swords to crossbows to guns. Despite how fast they went, I could make out the aura around the weapons. They were magicked. Just like that gang who had attacked Mom when she was pregnant. Just like Quinn’s dagger. The group went by so fast, I couldn’t make out details on them or their weapons. Still, it was enough to scare me shitless.
What the fuck was going on?
I can’t reach Forest. Why can’t I feel him and the mating bond anymore? Oh, gods. I have to get far away. I have to lead them away from the house, away from the others, and from Byrdie. I have to keep her safe. Mom’s voice echoed through me again. I followed behind it as fast as I could.
When I went through the trees, I was teleported again. This time, I was in a small clearing surrounded by trees. It was quiet here. No birds singing. No trees rustling. The only sound I heard was my heart beating too fast in my ears. It was empty here.
“Mom? Mom, please! Where are you?” I called into the meadow, turning to see if I could catch anyone or anything coming through the trees.
Suddenly, a roar ripped through the silence followed by the sound of gunfire, the bark of commands, and screams of pain. But there was still no one here, still nothing for me to see. It was all sound, and it was noises that I couldn’t escape. Even when I covered my ears, I heard it just as clearly. It continued until there was a final mighty roar and a crash to the ground that almost made me fall to the grass. There were more shouts and weapons discharging, but only one sound cut through everything.
Groans. Cries. Screams. Of pain.
From my mom.
I wanted to cry. I felt the sting of tears as I listened to my panting breaths and my rapidly beating heart. I had no idea what was going on. I couldn’t even begin to fathom it. My head swirled with questions that I didn’t know how to answer.
The only thing that I knew was that something was wrong.
“M-mom?” My lip and voice quivered as I called out. “Please, Mom, tell me what’s going on? What can I do? Let me help! I would do anything. Please!”
Gods, it all hurts. I wanted it to end. I want this to be over. And I’m so tired. I’m just so very tired.
None of my wounds are healing. These weapons must be magicked to halt my healing. I still can’t feel Forrest. When did they get such magic ? —?
It doesn’t matter now.
None of that matters.
I’m… I’m not going to make it. I’m never going to see my husband or my daughter again.
Oh, Byrd. My baby Byrdie. I hope you find some way to fare better than I did ? —
“We just need patience. She’ll bleed out soon. Look. She’s almost dead as is. Once she’s gone, we can take her.” I heard a male voice say, interrupting what must be Mom’s thoughts.
That line… That voice….
My hands shook involuntarily. A feeling of nausea came over me as I couldn’t decide if the feeling I had was one where I wanted to punch a tree or sob relentlessly.
“Mom, please .” I felt my lips form around the words as I whispered—no, begged. I had done this before. I had said that before.
This wasn’t how I remembered it, though. What was this?
When I blinked, the scene came to life in front of me. It was like something from a fantasy movie. Bodies were strewn everywhere, bleeding, bent, burned, or covered in a thick layer of lava. Raindrops sizzled on the hardening and cooling magma. And the smell… I covered my nose and gagged.
Then there was my mom.
I knew her. I knew it was her. But I didn’t recognize her in this state. She was not human, not… My brain struggled to form what I knew was the truth.
Her skin was dry and pale, the glow she had from within her was gone and dull. She had scales across her body that were similar to mine, but hers were a pale yellow and lifeless maroon. Arrows stuck out from her, and she had so many wounds from knives and guns that were bleeding out onto the grass. Her blood was glittery as it mixed with the mud and the rain. There was a horn missing, and her hands and feet were missing talons. Her set of wings were broken, crooked, and torn with holes in them like a moth-eaten blanket. She had a tail with spikes that were broken, too, as the tail lay limply. Her breathing was coming out in a rattle, like it was too hard to take the next one.
Mom’s pointed elf-like ears perked up. I saw her dark-brown slitted eyes shift to another version of me on the other side of the clearing. I was young, wide-eyed, and fucking terrified. My hair was black then and in box braids. I hardly recognized my old self. But as Mom looked at me, her eyes were full of fear.
Mom never felt fear.
Mom was invincible, powerful, strong.
Mom could do anything.
Mom could keep me safe always because she was?—
No. This can’t be real. Byrd can’t be here. She shouldn’t be here. No. My baby. My only baby Byrd. No, she can’t be here. She can’t be here. She can’t be here. If they see her, they will—No no no no no, BYRD, NO!
“ RUN! ”
At the same time, Mom’s thoughts and words reverberated through the woodlands, shaking the trees and making the earth feel like it was quaking about to split apart. It shook me to my essence.
“ Byrd, go! I’ll hold them off as long as I can! Get out of here! ” Everett snarled at younger me as he prepared to shift. While he was shifting mid-air into his griffin-form, the group all looked at younger me before I took off deep into the woods.
Then the world exploded with sound and action.
A man shouted commands and orders as Mom and Everett roared. Everett’s monstrous half-lion and half-eagle form swooped down to grab and claw at everyone within his reach. Mom found energy deep within her to stand but remained partially shifted. Her earth-splitting command toward me was more than just a feeling. The edge of the clearing closest to where younger me had run away opened up to a large gap over nine feet wide full of lava and magma. Anyone close to it got sprayed with flame and molten rock as it spewed like a geyser at them. Their screams and the smell of burning hair and skin filled the air alongside the agony of those Everett had grabbed to tear apart or drop from high onto the ground with a sickening thwack. Despite Mom’s pained state, she was able to hold her own for a while. She whipped her crooked tail at anyone who threatened her from behind, used her good wing to toss back assailants, and had her fire-breath—yes, fire-breath—to also keep them at a distance. For a time, it worked. It looked like the two of them might have the upper hand. They could win?—
Everett was avoiding being speared and shot. He was distracted. A group of at least five splintered off in the direction younger me had run away. Mom was so focused on them—so focused on saving me—she didn’t sense the tall masked man until?—
Until.
No.
NO! I screamed so loud my own ears started to ring. I wanted to throw up. I wanted to run to her and stop this. I wanted this to be over. No. No no no. This wasn’t happening. This couldn’t be real. This had to be a nightmare.
He stabbed Mom in the stomach.
Stabbed .
Any energy Mom had within her immediately faded away. Her body slumped against the man and the blade. She had nothing left to give. I could see it. I felt it. I held the same place against my stomach, expecting to feel wetness there. Instead, my hand just shook. I wanted to do something. I wanted to change this. This just couldn’t be real. This couldn’t be real. This couldn’t be real.
Mom .
The man lifted Mom into his arms with ease. He was tall and muscular, but he lifted her like she was an empty box. He put her in the back of an ATV and pulled out a walkie talkie. His voice was deep even if it was muffled through his mask. I recognized his voice. It was the leader from before.
“We have what we came for. Move out and return to the rendezvous point.”
He raised his fingers to an earpiece and listened. Then: “We have what we came for. I will not repeat myself again.”
He started the ATV and drove away. I turned to see that Everett was still fighting off the hunters in front of him. He didn’t see Mom had been taken. No. No no no. I knew there was nothing I could do. I couldn’t touch anything. I couldn’t change how this ended. But I also couldn’t sit idly by, either. So, I followed.
Once I was through the trees, I was teleported again. Now, I was sitting in the trunk area of a large SUV. It was dark back here even without accounting for the heavily tinted windows, but my eyes quickly adjusted. Before me, Mom lay in a strange box. There was a silvery aura around it just like the weapons. The knife was still in her stomach, her blood pooling beneath her. Her eyes were distant and half-closed as she stared at nothing in particular. Her breathing rattled as it escaped from her lips.
She was dying.
“Mom, no…” Wetness streamed from my eyes and nose. I tried to reach out for her, let her know I was here and she wasn’t alone, but my hand went straight through the box and her. It was torture. This had to be a nightmare.
“Oh, my sweet baby Byrd.”
My head snapped up. There she was. My mom. She was alive and vibrant, whole and healed, smiling at me.
Sobbing, I looked back down into the box, but there was nothing there now. I shook my head, eyebrows furrowed. “B-but h-how?—?”
Mom lifted my head to look up at her now, and not where she had been before. Her fingers were warm on my jaw. She could touch me. She was real. “I didn’t want you to remember me that way, honey. No child should have to see their mother like that. I made that same promise when I lost my mom.”
“You’re here.” I gripped her wrist. When she took my face in both her hands, I sank into it. I had forgotten how warm her touch used to be. “You’re real.”
“Not quite, my love. This is simply old magic only our people have. Power like ours doesn’t simply vanish once we die. Nothing just stops after death. But our magic is passed down to those we care about and would die for. Or in my case, did die for.”
“Mom, what?—?”
“I died thinking of you. I hoped you would be okay and safe no matter what. It was my final wish. All of this was for you. It always has been. It was for you to thrive happily and free. That may be hard to understand. You may feel like you were robbed and not given the choice. But always remember, my baby Byrd, that at the heart of everything I or your father ever did was our love for you and our hopes that you would live long, love hard, and be happy. Nothing else mattered.”
“Mom, I am okay now.” I held tight to her hands around my face. I swallowed and finally found the words I have been wanting to say for years. “I love you so much. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you. But… I’m okay now. I found my okay. I long used to wish things were different. But then, I wouldn’t be who I am. As painful as that is, I wouldn’t be me and I wouldn’t have found the happiness that I did. I’m okay now, Mom. I swear. Your wish came true.”
She wiped the tears from my eyes with her thumbs. Mom smiled, her dark sard eyes glinting with nothing but love and pride. “You are ready then, my baby Byrd. Remember, I love you more than all the stars in the sky.”
“I love you, too,” I said before she vanished.