SESSION 4
Dr. Kim allowed the silence to settle before speaking. “Last session, you told me about Gong. Today, I’d like to ask about someone else.”
Noeul looked down at his hands. “Who?”
“Chung-Hee.”
A faint smile appeared, then disappeared just as quickly. “Chung-Hee…” he murmured. “What can I say about him?”
“Start wherever you can.”
Noeul looked away. “Our relationship became… complicated.”
“What made it complicated?”
He let out a quiet breath. “What happened after Haneul’s death is something for another session.”
Dr. Kim nodded. “Then let’s stay with what came before.”
Noeul was quiet for a while. “I can tell you about the first time I saw him.”
“What do you remember?”
He closed his eyes. “Haneul and I were lying on the floor of my room, surrounded by chaos. Manhwa scattered everywhere, empty snack wrappers, art supplies strewn about. The afternoon sun poured in through the window. It was one of those relaxed summer days when time felt endless.
“Haneul was scrolling through photos on his phone. We had already talked about school, sports, and new video games. Then he smiled and said, ‘Look at this.’
“He turned the phone toward me. I expected another funny video. Instead, I found myself staring at a photo of an older boy. He was standing in front of a majestic, ancient building that looked as though it belonged in a history textbook.”
“Was it the building that caught your attention?”
“No.” A trace of that same smile returned. “It was him.
“‘My brother,’ Haneul said proudly.”
“What did you know about Chung-Hee then?”
“Almost nothing. Haneul told me, ‘He lives in the U.S. with our dad. He’s four years older than us. Always studying. Loves business. Travels all the time.’”
“And what were you feeling?”
“I barely heard another word. Something shifted inside me. I had never felt anything like it for anyone. Let alone my closest friend’s brother.”
Dr. Kim waited. “What did you say?”
Noeul opened his eyes briefly. “Probably something stupid.” A small, embarrassed smile touched his mouth before he closed his eyes again. “‘Wow,’ I managed. ‘He sounds… incredible.’
“Haneul laughed. ‘Yeah. He’s having an amazing time there. He’s always sending us photos. Landmarks, horseback riding… all kinds of cool stuff.’ He swiped to another picture. ‘That’s in Montana.’
“Another. ‘And that’s Boston.’
“Another. ‘He likes sports. Traveling. Pretty much anything outdoors.’
“I wasn’t looking at the places anymore.”
“What were you looking at?”
“Only at him.”
“What held your attention?”
“There was something about the way he carried himself. Confident. Calm. As if he already knew exactly who he wanted to become.
“‘What else does he like?’ I asked.
“Haneul looked at me with a grin. ‘You’re awfully interested.’
“Heat rushed to my face. ‘I was just asking.’
“‘Sure.’ He laughed again and nudged my shoulder. ‘I’ll introduce you one day.’
“I smiled. ‘I’d like that.’
“For a while, we kept looking through photographs together. Haneul pointed out places, telling stories about his brother with pride. I don’t remember most of what he said. I only remember hoping I’d meet Chung-Hee someday.”
“When did you understand what you were feeling?”
Noeul opened his eyes. “Not then. But looking back, that was the first time I fell in love.”
Dr. Kim didn’t interrupt.
“I’ve wondered many times whether it would’ve been easier if I’d never seen that photograph.” He smiled sadly. “I still don’t know the answer.”
“Do you think you fell in love with Chung-Hee,” Dr. Kim asked quietly, “or with what you imagined he could be?”
Noeul looked at her. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “Maybe both.”