CHAPTER 47 #2
“I mean it, hyung.” Duri’s voice was quieter now. “No one hurts what they consider precious.”
The fear slowly faded, replaced by something softer.
“So…” He leaned closer to Duri’s ear, his voice almost a whisper. “I’m precious to you?”
Duri’s breath caught.
Noeul didn’t wait for an answer. He pressed his lips softly against Duri’s neck.
Duri froze.
Another kiss followed, warmer this time, lingering against his skin.
“Hyung…”
Noeul kissed him again.
Duri closed his eyes, a quiet sound escaping him before he could stop it. Every instinct told him to turn his head, catch Noeul’s mouth with his own, and finally take what he had wanted for so long.
But the thought returned.
He’s drunk.
Duri kept his hands to himself.
“Don’t you already know?” he murmured. “Do I really need to spell it out for you?”
A faint, husky “Yes” slipped from Noeul’s lips.
He lifted his head. Their faces were only inches apart.
Duri stared at him. Noeul was smiling, but there was something vulnerable beneath it now, something almost frightened, as though Duri’s answer mattered far more than he wanted to admit.
It took real effort for Duri to keep control.
Noeul was proving to be temptation itself, and he found himself drawn to this unfamiliar side of him.
But his thoughts kept circling back to the other man in Noeul’s life.
He didn’t want to be a fleeting passion.
If Noeul was only looking for a night to forget, then Duri wasn’t the one to play that role.
“Do you love Chung-Hee?”
The question made Noeul pause.
“Do I love him?” He looked down, thinking. “I don’t know. Does it matter?”
“It matters to me.”
Noeul let out a quiet, bitter laugh.
“Gong loved me and betrayed me. I loved Haneul and I betrayed him. Maybe it’s better not to taste love at all.” His gaze dropped to their joined hands. “It’s poison.”
“It does matter,” Duri replied quietly. “Because what I feel for you is neither brotherly nor friendly.”
Noeul looked at him. Duri didn’t look away.
“Chung-Hee hyung was my first romantic attraction,” Noeul said after a moment. “For years, I was so consumed by what I felt for him that I refused to examine anything else.”
His gaze dropped to their joined hands. “But that doesn’t mean I never noticed you. I thought about you in New York more often than I admitted. I wrote messages I never sent. Once, when someone asked about my type, I described you without meaning to.”
Duri stared at him.
“Green eyes,” Noeul continued, almost embarrassed. “Brown hair. Long, toned legs.” A faint smile touched his mouth. “Then I told myself it meant nothing. You were younger. Ji-Woo’s friend. Someone I had known since childhood. It was easier to dismiss the feeling than ask myself what it meant.”
“You have no idea how many years I’ve had feelings for you, do you?”
His voice wavered.
Noeul went still.
“Every moment you were away hurt. I tried not to let my heart follow you, but I couldn’t stop it.
And then you came back, and somehow it became worse.
” Duri swallowed. “I watched you choose someone else. I watched him hurt you. And I had to stand there pretending being your friend was enough because I was terrified that if I asked for more, I’d lose even that. ”
“Duri…”
“And now you’re here.” His eyes searched Noeul’s. “So yes, hyung. It matters whether you love him.”
Noeul remained silent for several seconds.
“I feel many things for Chung-Hee,” he said carefully.
Duri’s hand slowly withdrew from his. His smile vanished.
So that was it.
Noeul had chosen Chung-Hee after all.
“No.” Noeul reached for him before he could move farther away. “Let me finish.”
Duri looked at him.
“I feel anger. Guilt. Fear. Sometimes pity.” Noeul hesitated. Saying the next words aloud felt strangely frightening, as though admitting them would finally close a door he had kept open for years. “But none of them are connected to desire or love.”
Noeul heard his own words again.
I don’t love him.
It was the first time he had admitted it, even to himself. And instead of grief, what he felt was relief.
Duri’s expression softened. His fingers found Noeul’s again.
“I want you.”
Noeul’s breath caught.
“I’ll be brave enough to taste your love,” Duri continued, a faint smile touching his lips, “even if it poisons me.”
He leaned closer but stopped before their lips met.
Noeul stared at him.
Duri’s breath trembled. Everything in him wanted to close the distance, but he didn’t.
“Tomorrow,” he whispered.
Noeul frowned. “What?”
“You’ve had too much to drink.”
The disappointment on Noeul’s face was almost comical.
“Seriously?”
Duri laughed softly despite himself. “Very seriously.”
“But I know what I want.”
“I believe you.”
“Then…”
“And if you still want it tomorrow, I’ll be right here.”
Noeul stared at him, clearly offended now. “You don’t believe me.”
“I believe you mean it right now.”
Noeul narrowed his eyes at him, but Duri only laughed softly and pressed a kiss to his forehead.
“Tomorrow, hyung.”
Noeul’s irritation faded almost immediately. He rested his head against Duri’s shoulder instead.
Duri wrapped his arms around him.
They stayed like that for a while, the apartment quiet around them, Noeul listening to the steady rhythm of Duri’s heart beneath his ear.
Eventually, Duri spoke.
“I’m in love with you, hyung.”
Noeul lifted his head.
There was no playfulness in Duri’s expression now. No hesitation either.
Noeul opened his mouth. Nothing came out.
The words were there. He could almost feel them. But love had meant too many things in his life. Love had meant loyalty. Guilt. Obligation. Betrayal. Pain. He didn’t know yet what name belonged to the warmth spreading through him when Duri looked at him like this.
So instead, he leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to Duri’s cheek.
When he pulled away, their faces remained close.
“I don’t know what this is yet,” Noeul whispered. “But I know I don’t want to lose it.”
Duri’s smile softened.
“That’s all I need.”