EPILOGUE
There was something different about that night. Chung-Hee felt more drained than usual, so he decided to visit his favorite bar. Many people came there looking for company, but he wasn’t in that mood.
Ten months had passed since Noeul had left Korea. In the end, Chung-Hee had been right about one thing: Noeul never came back to him. He didn’t look for him or send a single message. He didn’t even visit Haneul’s grave on the anniversary of his death, perhaps to avoid running into him.
Noeul didn’t love him. That much was a fact.
And no matter how hard Chung-Hee tried, getting over him had proven far more difficult than accepting that truth.
He flirted with other men from time to time, even went on a few dates, but something always held him back.
There was still only one person his mind returned to when the nights became too quiet.
Noeul.
He took his usual seat at the bar and slipped off his jacket. He loosened his tie, unbuttoned the first button of his crisp blue shirt, and rolled up his sleeves.
“Minho, how can you leave me alone in a bar just to go meet your partner? Traitor! What if something happens to me?” a playful voice complained a few seats away.
Chung-Hee froze.
That voice.
He could never forget it, never confuse it with anyone else’s.
His heart began to pound wildly, like a drum in a frenzied song. For several seconds, he remained completely still. He didn’t trust himself to turn around.
“Noeul?”
The name came out cold and controlled, as always, but it shook.
The bartender glanced at him in surprise. Chung-Hee was usually unreadable, distant even after several drinks.
Noeul’s eyes widened at the unexpected encounter. “Lee Chung-Hee?”
His voice trembled too, not with the same fear as before, but with surprise. His shoulders stiffened. His stomach tightened. For one brief second, the bar disappeared and memory threatened to take its place.
Then Noeul breathed.
He looked around him. People. Music. Glasses clinking against the counter. Minho beside him.
He was safe.
He didn’t need Chung-Hee anymore, and he wasn’t powerless in front of him. Still, he hadn’t expected to see him so soon after returning to Korea.
Perhaps this was his chance to finally close the chapter of his old life.
Minho’s gaze moved between them. “Noeul,” he said quietly, “do you want me to stay?”
Noeul considered the question before shaking his head. “I’m okay. Go. Your partner will kill me if I make you late again.”
Minho didn’t laugh. “You’re sure?”
Noeul nodded. “I’m sure.”
“Call me if you need anything.”
“I will.”
Only after Minho left did Noeul approach Chung-Hee.
Chung-Hee hadn’t expected him to. Not after everything he had done.
For a moment, neither man seemed to know what came next. Then Chung-Hee made a small gesture toward the bartender and ordered Noeul’s favorite beer and a glass of whiskey with ice for himself. When the bottle arrived, he placed it on the counter between them.
Noeul looked at it, then at him. “I’m surprised you still remember my preferences.”
“I remember everything.”
The answer came too quickly.
Chung-Hee lifted his whiskey and drained it in one swallow. Noeul picked up the beer, turning the cold bottle slowly between his fingers.
“You’ve become quieter,” he observed.
Chung-Hee gave a faint smile. “I thought you preferred me that way.”
Noeul almost laughed.
Almost.
“Perhaps.”
The single word left a bitter aftertaste in Chung-Hee’s chest.
For a brief moment, his hand lifted toward Noeul, an old, familiar impulse. He wanted to brush the hair away from his face, to make sure the man standing beside him was real.
His hand stopped halfway. He lowered it again. The impulse had not disappeared. What had changed was that Chung-Hee no longer treated wanting Noeul as permission to touch him.
Noeul noticed. Their eyes met.
“Why did you appear in front of me after all this time?” Chung-Hee asked quietly.
“I didn’t,” Noeul replied, the corner of his mouth lifting. “You appeared in front of me.”
A quiet laugh escaped Chung-Hee.
“Have you eaten?” Chung-Hee asked. “Come on. My treat. It’s been a long time since our paths crossed, and…” He hesitated. “There are a few things I should have said to you a long time ago.”
Noeul didn’t answer right away. He studied the man in front of him.
“Somewhere public,” Noeul said.
Chung-Hee’s expression changed slightly. “Of course.”
“And I’m leaving whenever I want.”
“You don’t have to explain.”
Noeul watched him for another second. Then some of his tension eased.
“It’ll cost you,” he said at last, a sly smile curving his lips. “I’m very high-maintenance.”
Chung-Hee laughed. “I remember that too.”
Noeul reached for his own coat before Chung-Hee could take it for him and slipped it on.
Outside the bar, Noeul stopped before reaching Chung-Hee’s car.
“Where are we going? I’ll take a taxi, since I came with Minho,” he said, a small cloud of breath escaping his lips in the cold March air.
Chung-Hee glanced toward his car. “If you want, you can ride with me.”
Noeul smiled awkwardly. He tried not to show his hesitation, but Chung-Hee noticed immediately.
The memory came without warning.
Another car. Locked doors. No escape.
Noeul’s fingers tightened around the strap of his bag.
Chung-Hee saw it. “It’s completely fine if you say no,” he said calmly. “Take a taxi. I’ll send you the address.”
No persuasion. No irritation. No demand for an explanation.
Noeul released a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. “Then…better not. Let’s meet at the restaurant.”
“Okay.”
That was all.
Inside the taxi, Noeul called Duri. The moment he heard his voice, some of the tension dissolved from his body.
“Hey, hyung. Did you have fun with Minho hyung?” Duri asked. Voices echoed in the background. “Do you want me to come get you?”
“No need, Schatz,” Noeul replied in German, a habit that had become one of Duri’s favorites. “Since you’re still in class at music college, I took a taxi.”
“You were supposed to call me so I could pick you up,” Duri protested.
Then he stopped.
Silence.
“Oh.”
Noeul closed his eyes. Duri knew him too well.
“Oh,” Duri repeated, more slowly this time. “Something happened.”
“I’m fine.”
“Hyung.”
“I really am.”
The background noise disappeared. Duri had clearly stepped somewhere quieter.
“Where are you?” he asked. A pause. “And with whom?”
His voice had changed. Not jealous.
Anxious.
“It was a coincidence, I swear,” Noeul said quickly. “I didn’t want to meet him, and I don’t have feelings for him. You believe me, right? Please…don’t be angry.”
A few seconds of silence followed. Then Duri’s voice came through clearly, the background noise gone.
“You’re with Lee Chung-Hee?”
“Yes.”
“Are you serious, hyung? After everything he did to you?”
Noeul closed his eyes. He had expected this.
“I need to see him once. Not because I want him back in my life. I just don’t want the last version of me he remembers to be the one who was afraid of him.” He drew a breath. “There are things I need to say. Then I want to leave.”
“Where are you meeting him?”
“Celestial.”
“I’m coming too.”
Noeul fell silent. “You don’t trust me?” he asked quietly. “Do you think I’d betray you…betray us?”
Of course Duri trusted him. He knew what Noeul felt for him. That wasn’t what frightened him.
“I trust you,” Duri said immediately. “This has nothing to do with trusting you. I don’t trust him. I know what he’s capable of, hyung. I’m not going to pretend I’m comfortable with you being anywhere near him.”
“I understand.”
“I’m coming right now. What if he tries to manipulate you again?”
“He can try. It’s been almost a year,” Noeul continued. “I’m not the same person I was when I left. And we’ll be at Celestial, one of the busiest restaurants in Seoul. We won’t be alone for a second.” He paused. “Let’s meet in an hour at River Moon, the hotel bar. Does that work?”
“I just left class. I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”
Despite himself, Noeul smiled. “Duri.”
“Don’t Duri me. I’m coming there to sit next to you…”
“Duri, this is something I want to do alone.”
“Damn it, hyung! Fine! If anything happens, anything, you call me. If you’re not at River Moon in an hour, I’m coming to you.”
“That’s more than enough time. I just need to finish this.”
Another silence.
Noeul looked through the taxi window at the city passing around him. “Duri…”
“Hmm?”
“I missed you today.”
The tension in Duri’s breathing softened slightly.
“I love you.”
This time, Duri took a moment before answering. “I love you too, hyung.”
Then, more quietly, “Please be careful.”
When the call ended, Noeul was certain Duri was already on his way. The thought steadied him.
The restaurant was elegant, with crystal chandeliers, sleek modern furniture, and floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking the Han River. At night, the city glowed like a constellation.
It was Friday evening, and the space hummed with life: well-dressed patrons, soft laughter, clinking glasses, the rich scent of carefully plated dishes.
When the waiter arrived, Chung-Hee ordered calmly. “Two set menus, please. One without mushrooms, he’s allergic. A bottle of soju and water. Thank you.”
They sat in silence for a moment, taking each other in. When the drinks arrived, Chung-Hee poured himself a glass of soju and downed it in one swallow.
“It’s good to see you,” he said quietly. “You look well.”
“Thank you.”
“How have you been?”
“Busy. Mostly with work.” Noeul took a sip of water. “And you?”
Chung-Hee exhaled. “The same. Life doesn’t really let up, does it?”
“No.”
The amuse-bouche arrived, briefly giving them somewhere else to look. Chung-Hee picked up his chopsticks but didn’t eat.
“Where were you…all this time?”
“Traveling. Japan first. Then America, Europe, South America. Wherever I felt like going.” A faint smile touched Noeul’s lips. “For the past two months, I’ve been back in Seoul. I work as a red teamer now.”
Chung-Hee stared at him. “Two months?”
“Yes.”
“So close,” he murmured.
Noeul understood immediately. “And I didn’t contact you.”
Chung-Hee lowered his eyes. “No.”
“I wasn’t ready.”