FOUR YEARS LATER
“Duri, are you ready? We’re going to be late!”
Noeul’s frustrated voice carried through the apartment. He had been waiting for Duri for almost twenty minutes, and his patience was beginning to disappear.
“Yes, yes, I’m coming, jagi,” Duri called lazily from the bedroom.
When Duri’s tall figure finally appeared in the doorway, Noeul narrowed his eyes at him. “You did that on purpose.”
“Did what?”
“Made me wait.”
Duri smiled innocently.
Noeul walked over, grabbed the front of his shirt, and kissed him.
Not gently.
When he pulled away, Duri looked considerably more pleased with himself.
“I still can’t get used to you calling me that,” Noeul murmured.
“Don’t you like it? I can always call you Noeul.”
Noeul’s eyes widened. “Without honorifics?”
“Of course. German style.”
“Do you want to die, yeobo?”
Noeul raised his hand as if to hit him, but Duri caught it easily and kissed his palm. A laugh escaped Noeul.
“Someone is in a good mood.”
Duri wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him against his body. “Of course. I’m with you, so I’m happy.”
“We’ve been together for four years now. Are you still happy being in a relationship with me?”
Duri frowned. “Aren’t you?”
“Of course I am.” Noeul’s smile softened. “But…this is the first time we’re visiting him together like this. Before we tell everyone.” His gaze dropped. “I’m a little nervous.”
Duri touched his chin and gently lifted his face until Noeul looked at him.
There was nothing hesitant about Duri’s touch anymore.
“You don’t have to be nervous,” Duri said.
“I know, baby. It’s just…” Noeul smiled, his gaze carrying a pang of longing. “He would tease me to death if he knew I ended up with Ji-Woo’s best friend. A man four years younger than me.”
Duri narrowed his eyes. “Are you looking down on me?”
“Constantly.”
“Should I remind you why you’re with me?”
His hand slid around Noeul’s waist and lower, earning an amused gasp. Noeul leaned close to his ear.
“I’m with you because of your enormous…”
Duri froze.
Noeul waited deliberately.
“…heart.”
“Hyung!”
Noeul burst out laughing.
“How can you be this shameless?”
“You corrupted me.”
“Me?”
Noeul kissed him again. “Yes. You.”
Duri caught him around the waist, but Noeul slipped away before he could turn the kiss into something that would delay them even more.
“No.”
“You started it.”
“And I’m ending it. We have somewhere important to be.”
“Cruel.”
“Get your coat, Liebling.”
Duri stared at him. Noeul smiled sweetly and walked toward the door.
Even after four years, Noeul still enjoyed knowing exactly what he did to Duri.
Twenty minutes later, they reached their destination.
The peaceful surroundings were as familiar as ever. The only sounds were birds calling somewhere among the trees and the quiet steps of the two men walking side by side.
When they reached Gong’s grave, both men bowed. For several seconds, Noeul said nothing. He simply looked at his brother’s name.
“Gong,” he said quietly. “I’m here.”
His fingers tightened slightly around the flowers. “It’s been a while.”
A faint smile touched his lips.
“I used to come here believing I owed you something. An apology. Punishment. My life, maybe.” He shook his head. “I don’t believe that anymore.”
Duri remained silent beside him.
“I loved you,” Noeul continued. “I still love you. You were my twin. For so many years, I didn’t know where you ended and I began.” His voice trembled slightly. “But I know now.”
Noeul looked down at his own hands.
“I survived you.”
A breeze moved through the trees. Noeul crouched and placed the flowers beside the grave.
“I forgive you, Gong.”
His eyes burned.
“Not because what you did was acceptable. It wasn’t.
For years, I blamed your illness for everything you did.
Then I blamed you for being ill. Neither was fair.
You were sick, and you also made choices that hurt me.
I can understand the first without excusing the second.
I will never pretend it didn’t hurt. I will never pretend you didn’t hurt me. ”
He brushed a fallen leaf from the stone.
“But I don’t want to hate you anymore.” His smile became fragile. “I want to remember my brother too.”
A tear slipped down his cheek.
“And I want to remember that before everything became so painful, I loved being your twin.”
Duri quietly reached for his hand. Noeul intertwined their fingers.
“There’s someone I want to introduce properly.” He glanced at Duri, the sadness in his expression giving way to warmth. “Gong, this is my partner, Duri.”
Duri laughed softly. “We’ve met, hyung.”
“I know that, brat.”
“I was talking to Gong hyung.”
Noeul rolled his eyes. Even there, Duri could make him smile.
“We’ve been together for four years,” Noeul continued. “And apparently, he’s still obsessed with me.”
“Apparently?”
Duri squeezed his hand.
“Gong hyung, your brother is still incredibly annoying.”
“Excuse me?”
“But I love him.”
Noeul fell silent.
Duri turned toward the grave. “I’ve loved him for a very long time. You probably knew that before he did.”
“That wouldn’t be difficult,” Noeul muttered.
Duri ignored him.
“We came because we’re about to tell our families something, and Noeul wanted you to know first.” He looked at the man beside him. Noeul’s eyes were already shining.
Duri lifted their joined hands and kissed Noeul’s fingers.
“I love your brother. And if he’ll still tolerate me when we’re eighty, I plan to annoy him until then.”
Noeul laughed through his tears. “Only eighty?”
“Fine. Ninety.”
“Better.”
Duri’s expression softened. “I can’t promise him a life without pain, Gong hyung. Nobody can. But I can promise to walk beside him through whatever comes.”
Noeul looked away, blinking rapidly.
“And I hope that wherever you are, you’re happy that he learned how to live again.”
Noeul lowered his head as tears finally fell. Duri pulled him into his arms.
“You can let them fall, you know.”
Noeul laughed against his chest. “You always say that.”
“And you always cry.”
“Shut up.”
“Tears of joy only.”
Noeul pulled back and wiped his face. “They are.”
He looked once more at Gong’s grave and realized he meant it.
“I’m happy, Gong.”
“I hope you found peace too.” He bowed one last time. “Goodbye, brother.”
Then he took Duri’s hand.
“Shall we go?”
“Yes. Everyone is waiting for us.”
The restaurant was warm and sophisticated, filled with the quiet noise of weekend conversations and the familiar scents of Korean food.
Duri entered first. “We haven’t been here for a long time, hyung. It feels nice.”
Noeul barely heard him.
“Duri, there they are.” He immediately lifted his hand. “Eomma! Appa! Yujin eomma! Ji-Woo!”
Several people turned.
Duri stared at him. “Don’t get so excited, baby. You’re disturbing people.”
Noeul looked around and immediately bowed. “Sorry. Sorry.”
Duri laughed and grabbed his hand before Noeul could embarrass himself further. Together, they walked toward their families.
Kang Yujin stood first. Noeul embraced her warmly and kissed her cheek.
“My beautiful second mother.”
“You always know what to say,” she replied, kissing his cheek in return.
Ji-Woo was next. Noeul pulled his younger brother into a tight embrace and immediately messed up his hair.
“Hyung!”
“I missed you.”
“You saw me three days ago!”
“Still missed you.”
Ji-Woo complained while fixing his hair, but his smile betrayed him.
Noeul greeted his mother and father before settling beside Duri. Food arrived quickly, followed by soju, stories, teasing, and the kind of arguments that existed only between people who knew they would still love one another afterward.
At one point, Noeul looked around the table.
His parents. Ji-Woo. Yujin. Duri beside him.
There would always be people missing.
Gong.
Haneul.
Under the table, Duri touched his knee. Noeul covered his hand with his own.
“There’s something we want to tell you,” Noeul said.
Ji-Woo immediately narrowed his eyes. “What did you do?”
“Why do you automatically assume I did something?”
“Experience.”
Noeul glared at him. Duri laughed.
“Can we tell them?”
“Fine.”
Noeul reached into his jacket and removed two envelopes, placing one in front of his parents and the other in front of Yujin.
His mother opened hers first. Her hand flew to her mouth.
“Noeul…”
Ji-Woo leaned over her shoulder. His eyes widened.
“No fucking way.”
“Language!” Noeul snapped automatically.
“You’re getting married?”
The entire table erupted. Yujin grabbed Duri first, pulling him into her arms before immediately reaching across for Noeul. His mother was already crying. His father stared at the invitation twice as though checking that he had read it correctly.
Noeul laughed. “Yes. We’re getting married.”
“When?” Ji-Woo demanded.
“Next month.”
“Next month?”
“We’re going to the United States for the ceremony,” Duri explained. “Just for the wedding and honeymoon. Then we’re coming home.”
Noeul glanced around the table. “This is our home.”
His gaze stopped briefly on Ji-Woo before moving to Yujin, then his parents.
“Our family is here. Our work is here. Our lives are here.”
Then he looked at Duri.
Duri was already looking at him.
“And so is everything we want to come back to.”
Ji-Woo studied the invitation. “Wait. Am I best man?”
“No.”
His face fell. Noeul managed to keep a straight face for approximately two seconds.
“Of course you are, idiot.”
Ji-Woo threw himself across the table and hugged him. Noeul laughed, nearly knocking over his glass.
Around them, their parents were already discussing flights, clothes, hotels, and everything else Noeul had deliberately avoided organizing himself.
He leaned toward Duri. “We may have made a mistake.”
“Definitely.”
“Your mother is planning our entire wedding.”
“I heard that,” Yujin called.
Noeul immediately straightened. “I said you’re doing an excellent job, Yujin eomma.”
Duri laughed.
Noeul turned toward him. For a moment, everything else faded. He reached across the small distance between them and kissed him.
Not caring who watched.
Not caring who understood.
When they separated, Duri rested his forehead against his.
“Happy?” he whispered.
Noeul looked around the table once more. At his family. At Ji-Woo laughing. At Yujin arguing with his mother about wedding flowers. At his father pouring another glass of soju.
And finally, at the man beside him.
“Saranghae, jagi,” he whispered.
Duri smiled.
“Saranghae.”
Noeul intertwined their fingers beneath the table. And as laughter filled the table around him, Noeul understood something that had taken him years to learn.
Some scars are not meant to fade.
But we are not our scars.