Chapter 48 Jimmy
Jimmy
My mom was officially declared cancer-free a week before COVID took over the world. We had no idea how lucky we were with that timing.
No one was traveling, and the hotels were desolate.
I’d never seen anything like it. People had to be laid off, even though we hoped that at some point we’d just have to rehire all those positions.
Schools first shut down, then all went virtual.
We were supposed to ‘Stay Home & Stay Safe,' so Becca and I spent almost all of our time at home together for a year and a half.
Watching the world become virtual was surreal.
It still sometimes feels like a fever dream.
The first couple of months of my being back home were hard. I could tell she didn’t trust me, and to be honest, I didn’t trust myself. I struggled with the whole thing. I wanted to be with my wife, but I struggled to get Autumn out of my head. I think she could tell, too, because it was rough.
The timing of quarantine was a blessing in disguise for us. I know for a fact we wouldn’t be where we are today if we hadn’t been given that time alone with little distractions to do nothing but talk and work through the things that needed to be worked through.
The unending quality time also brought us our biggest blessing yet. On May 20th, 2021, Becca had our baby girl, Emery.
After having adjusted to teaching virtually, some colleges opted to keep virtual classes as an option. Becca chose that route even after schools opened back up. She was able to be home all day with the baby, then teach classes virtually in the afternoons and evenings when I came home.
Three long years later, everything is basically back to normal. The seriousness of COVID has subsided, and everybody is back to living ‘normal’ lives and doing ‘normal’ things. My work went back to normal rather quickly. When people got the opportunity to travel again, they jumped on it.
Another positive that came out of COVID was Will and Chelsey moving back closer to home. They were also obviously enjoying quarantine and welcomed my niece Allison, just three months before Emery. We couldn’t believe our luck and wanted to enjoy every minute of it.
Chelsey and Becca were trying to enjoy their first pregnancies together, and we wanted to enjoy the little ones growing up close.
I know he had a hard time leaving, but they were back by the time we found out we were both having girls.
What a celebration that was. Especially for our mom, who had raised two boys.
It took some time, but everything fell together for everyone.
And then, as we’re all settled and happy again, fate has to insert herself in the most torturous way.
Every Thursday, Will and I take the kids to the park while the wives get some time together.
I had a work call to make this morning, so he offered to take the girls to play, giving me a few minutes to handle it.
I just finished the call, and I look up to see her standing on the other side of the pond.
She changed her hair. It’s shorter, sitting just past her shoulders. The wavy curls bounce while she walks, and as she turns, I notice for the first time since I’ve known her, she doesn’t have bangs. It opens up her face more, and besides the new hair, she still looks the same.
I knew it was Autumn before I even saw her face.
The way she walked. The way the sun painted her hair gold.
She was alone, walking along the path that circles the pond between us.
The same path we walked together just a few years ago.
It is good to see her, to see that she is, on the face of it, doing okay.
I snack on some peanuts and think about it all.
How different things were four years ago and all that’s happened since.
I haven’t seen or heard from her since that day at her apartment.
One of my least favorite days in existence, besides finding out my mom was sick.
She did a good job avoiding me at first, then once again, she was a ghost. I couldn’t help but wonder where she went, and if she’d come back again.
I knew I made the right choice with Becca, but it took a while to get over how I made Autumn feel. I wondered and hoped that it didn’t take her as long as it did me to be okay and to be happy again.
I see her now, and the feeling is both the same and different.
It makes me smile, but not just in the way it did before.
I’m relieved to see that she looks good.
Happy to see her smile at two bunnies as they roll around with each other, then dash into the bushes.
But also, I find myself still longing to hear the laugh that I love.
Part of me would like to say hello, to ask and know for sure that she’s okay, but I won’t.
As much as it hurts, I know enough now to know that the past needs to stay right where it lies, and for us, that’s in 2019.