Chapter 18
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
RAMONA
T he heavy clouds overhead provided enough cover so that Dahlia and I weren’t completely baking while we finished yet another revolution around the skate park. The flat surfaces, anyway.
We’d graduated to me being able to have my skates on as I led her around and around and picked her up when she fell. The sturdy trooper that she was, no tears or chin-wobbles came with the wipe-outs. Just me helping her dust off, and we went again. Instead of my headphones, I kept my phone, speaker up, tucked into my back pocket so that we could glide to the same beat. I’d even bought myself a helmet, knee, and elbow pads so that she’d feel less self-conscious being the only one with safety gear on.
“Atta go, pipsqueak!” I smirked as I kept my hand steady so that Dahlia could cling to it. Río entered the park, grin wide and hair tied up into a long, swinging ponytail. My body started turning towards him, which happened to veer Dahlia and I straight toward a rail. I corrected our path before we could collide with it, though she was almost short enough to skate right on underneath.
Río jogged towards us with his board at his side, and I softly reminded Dahlia of how to use her toe-stop to slow herself down. I’d long since taken mine out, so I set my right foot perpendicular to and behind my left, dragging it until we met him in the middle.
Without a lick of shame, Río palmed the back of my sweaty neck and smacked a kiss to my lips. For Dahlia, he bent down and led her through their handshake that I still wasn’t allowed to learn. She wrinkled her nose up at him once they were done, “You kiss as much as Mommy and Daddy,” which, you know, made very reasonably sputter and grasp for something to retort with.
Río was as cool as ever, standing and pressing another to my brow for good measure. This time, he ended it with a ridiculous smacking sound that had Dahlia and I both chuckling. “What’s wrong with kissin’?”
She was doing her best to stay standing still, wheels moving back and forth in place. “It’s weird,” she said with a grin and arms stretched wide for balance.
“Huh. It is kinda weird when you think about it,” I said and was given a somehow brighter smile in return by both she and Río.
The three of us skated around for a while as the sky above continued to churn but refused to give rain. The resulting breeze and my insistence on multiple water breaks kept us from getting dehydrated. At one point, my niece and I sat on a ledge, feet swinging, while Río jumped a stack of concrete steps and practiced his grinds on a rail. We clapped each time he landed and hollered with every flip of his board that he threw.
After another round of Río’s showboating sent Dahlia into a fit of squealing laughter, I pulled out my phone to check the time. I responded to Delaney’s text, confirming our next coffee hang, and stuffed the phone back in my pocket. “All right, Dolly, time to go.”
And the whining started. From what I’d glimpsed at their school, this was a normal thing almost five-year-olds did, so I fought to gently stand my ground. She wasn’t actually that hungry, she said as I floated us back toward our stuff. She wasn’t ready to go and everyone else was staying, so it wasn’t fair, she cried.
And she turned her pouts and wide eyes at me, wielding them like a well-honed weapon, and I nearly caved. With a deep breath, I firmed my stance, “Dahlia, it’s time to go so you can have a bath and eat dinner. I promised your mommy and daddy that we’d leave at this time, and I told you the time before we got here. Remember?”
That got no retort, just more pouting and her holding still while I unlaced her skates and helped her out of her knee and elbow pads. She was able to get her helmet off herself, and I had to stifle a snicker at the very prominent helmet-hair she was now sporting.
Well, I took mine off, I guess that made two of us. While our braids were frizzy from the increased humidity today, the hair on our scalps was packed down tight.
“Hey, Princess.” I turned and immediately rolled my eyes at the amusement clear on Río’s face while he looked at my hair.
“ What , Río.”
He remained unperturbed and pressed on, “We got rehearsal at Ty’s later tonight. Wanna come over and listen?”
I crossed my arms and kept my face impassive while my stomach fluttered at the prospect of spending more time with him. Meeting his other friends. “Uhm, maybe. What time?”
Warm, strong hands eclipsed my hips and pulled me into an even warmer chest. “Aw, don’t be like that,” Río’s teeth lightly teased my ear. “I know you wanna come over and see me play. Then maybe we can play. How’s that sound?” He stole a lick and kiss on the outer curve of my ear before I swatted him away, blushing. Río laughed and danced away.
“Fine. When?”
“Any time after eight is good. I’ll text you the address.” I didn’t voice my disappointment that he hadn’t offered to pick me up on his bike, just gave a tight nod.
“Sweet. See y’all later.” I let him pull me in for a lingering kiss that held the tease of tongue before hustling myself and Dahlia out toward the car.
That night, I pulled Sylvie’s car up the long, paved driveway that snaked between some trees and a pristine lawn. Very much not what I envisioned Tyler’s home would be, but sure enough, when I arrived at a black, modern house, his challenger that I recognized from the skate spot was parked out front. Along with Río’s truck and a few other cars I didn’t recognize.
My fingers curled around the strap of my backpack, and I forced myself out of the car with it in tow. Río had suggested that I bring a swimsuit. That Tyler had a pool, and we might as well make use of it.
On the way here, I’d run out to the nearest Target, hastily bought a suit, and pulled the tags off of it with my teeth. Because… I wanted to do this with him. To be able to get in as easily as everyone else, and feel Río’s arms wrapped around me while we floated in the deep end.
Couldn’t do that with a hoodie on, though. Still hadn’t figured that part out yet by the time I was knocking on the large front door.
Before I could come to a conclusion, it opened wide.
Río had showered since the skate park, wet hair pulled back in a bun. His sleeveless band tee displayed his toned arms that were as equally covered in tattoos as the rest of him.
Just like at the skate spot, he took charge of our reunion, pulling me in. I stumbled over the threshold as our lips met, and somehow, the door closed behind me as I sank into Río’s lips and tongue. I tickled the tip of mine over the barbell stuck through his, eliciting a moan that I gave back in kind. My backpack dropped with a shudder, and I wrapped my arms around his neck.
My back pressed against the door, but that just allowed him to trap me against him. Something that I was not going to admit to him that I was all for.
But, how was I supposed to react when he pulled our hips together, demanding I take notice of how much he wanted me? I swept my thumbs against the shaved section of hair at the nape of his neck, feeling the soft and prickly hair and the twin thudding of our hearts.
“There’s a guest room down the hall.” Río planted himself at my neck, sucking and nibbling in a way that went straight between my legs. I was already nodding before he finished the sentence with his voice rough and low. Now that I’d experienced what it was like with him, the need I felt was ramped up even higher. I wanted .
We’d had sex a few times since the first time at his house, and we’d had more conversations. Río had gotten tested, sending me the results this morning. I absolutely hated thinking about him with anyone besides me, but it was comforting to know that he’d been safe nonetheless.
I confirmed for him that I’d gotten an IUD when my mom caught my high school boyfriend sexting me and that it was still good for another two years. It’d been an exciting few hours, when our childish friendship and budding relationship resulted in the first stirrings of arousal I’d ever felt in my life. Go figure that I realized I was demisexual right before finding out he was cheating on me, which halted anything physical between us. And then years passed with no one else. Until now.
“Keep it in your pants, and come back to practice,” a familiar grumble had me stumbling and throwing panicked eyes over Río’s shoulder. Sure enough, Tyler stood in the hall, arms crossed and looking as unimpressed as anyone in the world, even as Río ignored him completely and continued to kiss and lick at my throat.
I slapped at his back and gasped as he gave a harder nip of his teeth in response, “Río, knock it off.” But instead of authoritative, my command ended on an embarrassing whimper when he gave a frustrated and hot roll of his hips before stepping away.
“You didn’t see me cockblocking you and your little snack last time I was here, did you?” I was used to his words being laced with humor, half-serious more often than not. But the heat of his anger was like sweltering peppers with no reprieve.
Tyler continued to remain unmoved. He waved a bored hand, “No, but we weren’t at the end of figuring out a new song, so, chop chop.” He even added an impatient clap while looking between the two of us.
“You keep fucking looking at her, and see what happens. Come on, Princess,” Río took my hand and dragged me down a dark and pristine hallway. He made sure to knock into Tyler’s shoulder that really only met the middle of his bicep, but the vampire was like an immovable pillar.
Tyler whispered so that only we could hear him, “I don’t know who trained you, but this is the only fucking pass you get.” Then, more to himself, “Fucking animal instincts.”
My legs were long, but it took some effort to keep up with Río’s hasty, irritated strides, as we wound through the modern and masculinely-decorated home. Blacks, dark wood, and sleek metal surfaces filled the space, but it somehow felt warm at the same time. Candles, either lit or not, were found everywhere, as well as large, boldly colored landscape paintings that lined the hallway.
Low, steady strums of a bass guitar grew louder as we neared our destination, and I straightened my spine and tried my best to brace myself to formally meet Río’s band members. Aside from Tyler, anyway. Who I wasn’t too sure liked me in the first place.
Tendrils of weed and vape smoke curled out of the doorway before we’d even made it inside, and once I was pulled into the practice room, I quickly took in the full band setup, a black leather couch, and deep maroon color on the walls. Flyers from their band, Concrete Executioners, lined the walls, as well as a few vintage flyers from bands like Black Sabbath.
I blinked past the overflow of scents that assaulted my nose—substances, people, emotions, it was all a lot to parse through and send to the back of my mind.
“Hey Río’s Girl,” the one on the bass kept strumming but gave me a small smile of acknowledgement.
“Hey—”
“She has a name, Brody, and you know it.” He’d spoken about me to his friends?
“Don’t mind him, Ramona. I’m Jess.” She waved a drumstick at me from her perch behind the drum kit. Her mullet was dyed a hot pink that matched her brows.
“Uh, hey. Nice to meet you guys,” I nodded at both of them, trying to add some life to my tone that didn’t include nervousness.
Then, I turned my head, to introduce myself to the other person sitting instead of standing with an instrument, and I actually had to keep myself from growling by clenching my teeth so hard that they creaked in my mouth.
Alex, the one who’d been sucking Río’s cock the night we started this thing, was sitting perched with legs crossed and their hair in two space buns. Their cropped shirt highlighted their lithe frame, and their denim cutoff shorts were similar to mine.
Pretty. They were very pretty, and I wanted to kill them. Why the fuck were they here, did Río want them here, did they still have their sights set on him, why the fuck were they smiling at me?—
“All right, let’s get back to it so we can get out of here at a reasonable fucking hour,” Tyler picked a notepad off of the coffee table beside the couch, and joined Brody and Jess.
Río pulled me close by the waist. “Sit for a bit, Princess. Let me know if you need somethin’.” He kissed me on the temple and swatted my ass on his way back to his purple guitar.
I grunted, secretly pleased that his display showed everyone, especially Alex, that he was mine , but pissed because there was nowhere else to sit but on the same sofa as someone who knew what Río’s dick tasted like. Maybe even knew what it felt like to have him inside of them.
I sank down onto the soft leather, right on the edge of the seat, and put my bag at my feet. The band began going back and forth, discussing the best way to craft the bridge of their newest song, what chords to use, and some other musical terms that I knew nothing about. I fiddled with my sleeve cuffs, wishing now that I’d stuck with the piano lessons Mom had forced me into for a while, if only so that I could understand the jargon that was now flying through the room. You’ve got nice, long and elegant fingers, Ramona. Perfect for a piano player . When I’d refused to go after the fifth lesson and requested to have dance lessons instead, I promptly quit once she realized I had potential and convinced my father to put me in boxing instead. Luckily, my mom could never really say no when he made a decision.
“Hey, I’m Alex,” they angled their body to me and even scooted closer.
At risk of succumbing to the territorial urges that were screaming to pounce and pull their throat out for breathing in the same room as Río, I scooted a few inches away and kept my eyes on the one I was actually here for. “I know.”
“All right, let’s go back to the second verse and lead into what we’ve got,” Tyler decided, and everyone fell in step. Río settled his guitar across his chest and picked up a pick. When he met my eyes, though, he tilted his head as if to ask me what was wrong.
The reassuring smile and weak wave I sent his way only had him narrowing his eyes, but he didn’t call me out or march over. The room filled with ear-splitting music and Tyler’s growls and screams, to the point that I’d wished I’d brought my headphones or even a set of earplugs. It was loud enough for the three humans here, but I didn’t know how Tyler and Río did it. It was almost too overwhelming to sit still with everything going on around me, not to mention the disquieting thoughts of killing the person next to me. I’d never taken a life, but the way I kept imagining it, testing my resolve to the point that I had to invoke therapeutic breathing, should have been worrisome. Maybe it would’ve been if I weren’t so on the edge.
Feelings are fucking overrated , I grumbled to myself. At least, until I refocused on Río’s strumming fingers. The way they flew effortlessly over the strings and the focused peace on his face. His thick, straight brows were just slightly furrowed, his head nodding with the beat, and his mouth pursing and moving along to what he was playing. When he caught me looking at him, the warmth that took over his cold eyes, and that wink .
Okay, no, maybe some feelings aren’t overrated.
The band worked for another two hours, and I kept all my attention on Río. The stifling scents and sounds were a dull throb in the background while I watched him play and create and joke. He sent me looks throughout their practice that ranged from cocky to sweet to heated.
After running through their new song all the way through, recording it this time, Jess stood from her stool and initiated a round of high-fives. “That’s it—time to celebrate!” Brody called, and Jess sent up a resounding shout in agreement.
Even Tyler’s mouth went a tick above a flat line, and he let Río jostle his shoulder. Apparently the moment of tension between them before was forgotten.
Río skipped over to me and crouched to my level. “You good to stay for a little pool party?”
My stomach clenched like there was a boulder in it, even as I tried to convince myself that pool party didn’t mean I had to take off my sweatshirt. That my swimsuit could remain forgotten in the depths of my backpack.
At the risk of my voice trembling, I jerked a nod and let him stare into my eyes as he so often did. Río tilted his head again and brought a thumb to sweep across my cheek. “You sure? Did you bring a swimsuit?” I nodded again, hoping that he’d take that as an answer to both questions when it really wasn’t.
I glanced to the rest of the room, where the other band members and Alex were chatting and putting away their stuff. Their skin looked so smooth, unblemished and perfect, and I hated them. Myself.
“Hey, hey, where’d you go?” Río’s touch moved to my jaw, and I let him turn me to face him. He followed where I’d been looking, and realization swept his features. When he refocused on me, he wasn’t mocking like I’d been fearing. “Ah.”
Well, that was fucking worse .
He pulled on my arms, ushering to my feet, and without another word to me or glance at his friends, he guided us through Tyler’s house. I kept my mouth slammed shut and chewed the inside of my cheek. Really, it was his fault for bringing me here, knowing that his, his, ex- something was going to be present. Or, did he not care enough about my feelings to even think about it?
Río selected a room that was a few doors down a hallway I hadn’t yet seen, far enough away from the others that they were an ignorable buzzing in my mind.
There was a neatly made, king-sized bed dressed in a black comforter and white pillows. The dark wooden floor and deep maroon walls were brightened by white candles on the night tables, as well as a large, erotic sketch that hung behind the bed. A stretch of windows looked on the side of the house and the darkening night. The grass was manicured and a sharp contrast against the wild forest on the other side of the lawn. It was the same forest that housed my brother’s land, the same that neighbored the witch house, and there was something grounding about its depths.
“Are you going to be a big girl and use your words, Ramona?”
I whirled around, no longer using the sight outside as my excuse to not look at him. Still, my mouth stayed stubbornly closed, but my fists were balled up at my sides. He just had to do that. Goad me while—while looking and smelling and being like that. It was bullshit. Frustrating.
Scary.
He stepped up to me, taking advantage of the four or five inches he had on me to stare down. He didn’t touch me, despite how close our chests were, and it made me even angrier. “I’m not pulling it out of you. So tell me, or stay stewing. Your choice.”
Despite my breaths accelerating, my shoulders rising and falling faster and faster, he still denied me the comfort of his skin on mine. My body felt like it was on fire with the need for his care, for his touch, and it just infuriated me further. What the fuck was happening to me, and what the fuck was he doing to me?
“You knew they’d be here.” My words, that he’d so lovingly demanded, were a venomous hiss. If I’d had any magic like Sylvie, the force of it would’ve struck Alex, all the way on the other side of the house, dead.
Río continued to trap me with his black eyes, face and body unmoving. “Who.”
“You fucking know who. Do you still want to fuck Alex?” I barely held myself from spitting on the floor after saying their name. No matter that they were nice and had done nothing to me except know Río first and have some unknown range of sexual experiences with him.
Something that should be all mine, a growling thought roared in my mind, making red halo around my vision. The only thing saving both of them was that there’d never been a whiff of Alex on Río since the party. Just me.
As if he could sense how close I was to breaking, Río crossed the churning chasm widening between us and took my face in his hands. But he didn’t lick my face or kiss me. His hold was almost too tight when he brought our faces so close together that our noses touched. “The only one I want to fuck is you, Ramona.”
The words simultaneously hit me straight through the heart while batting uselessly against the stone walls I’d erected around myself. How could he just want me? “Why.” He was confident and without a care in the world, despite what he’d certainly been through if his damaged eyesight was any indication. And I was me. Broken and floating uncertainly. Not a pretty and charming person like Alex, or cheerful like his friends Brody or Jess. Or even Tyler, with his dark, unshakable personality.
Sharp teeth snapped my bottom lip between them, drawing blood and a gasp from my blustering lungs. He let me bleed.
“Because you’re mine, Princess.” My stomach flipped, and my heart thundered.
His . It was too good, too much of what I’d been longing for but too afraid to speak. And how dare he fucking say that when he wasn’t even going to keep me.
Instead of melting in his arms and begging him to fuck me until I had no energy to object or fight anything he said, I took my hands and shoved.
Río’s hold on me was ripped away, and the loss of contact made tears rise and spill onto my cheeks. I swiped at the wet trails with the backs of my wrists, but the reminder of my hoodie, the cuffs scraping on my skin and soaking up my tears, just made me scream.
A hoarse, wet shout that only served to build my frustration. “You don’t fucking know me! I’m not nice. I’m not polite or sweet. Or pretty . Not like the people you apparently like. And. This is temporary, so how can I even be yours?” I was close to hyperventilating, or maybe even already there.
“Princess—”
“ Stop .” I was done, so, so done with pretending that I was able to do this, but he kept calling me that name. Like I was something precious to be played with and treated with pleasure and care. Not broken and barely patched together with the pathetic list of mundane things to cling to.
Before I could think it through, I was tugging at the hem of my hoodie, fighting with it to pull it over my head. My braid got caught, but I kept on until I slid it the rest of the way, off of my arms. I threw it to the floor, bare torso now covered only with a plain, gray bralette. “There.” I held my scarred arms out for him, shoving them in his line of sight as the damning evidence. “You wanna go out there and swim with your friends now? Let pretty and perfect Alex see that I’m no competition? Don’t fucking tell me that shit!” I screamed the last bit, crying again while his stare was glued to what I showed him. Not my eyes, where he wouldn’t truly see what was wrong with me. What I’d not told anyone since I was discharged from the inpatient program.
My chest heaved, my arms quivering but remaining outstretched toward Río.
Whose face was hard and serious in a way I’d never seen before. His angular jaw was clenched so tightly that I could see the muscles straining under the tension. He didn’t even seem to breathe as he stood and watched. And when he stepped back toward me, his chest still didn’t move.
He dropped to his knees, still silent, as if any more noise would scare me away.
In horror or awe, sweat trickled down my temple, and my eyes widened sharply as he cradled the backs of my forearms. He lowered his head, examining the long, raised line that was the ugly reminder of what I’d done. Sloppy and frantic to end it all.
And then his eyes flicked upward, veiled by long, black lashes that did nothing to obscure his intense gaze. Or the way my soul pulled toward him.
Río opened his mouth, and I braced for what was to come. Pity, empty words.
But, no. None of that. None of the words I expected, and in their place, unfurled the long, flat pink of his tongue. Half-shifted, it wasn’t the smooth and soft of his human form but the rough version that was designed to scrape the meat off of the bones of his prey.
Never breaking eye contact with me, Río bent his head the last few inches. I gasped again as he began dragging that gentle and scratchy tongue up the length of my scar, tasting it.
I was frozen while I watched him do it twice more before switching to my other arm and delivering the same treatment, communicating far more than I could handle.
I yelped in surprise when he dropped my arms and took my hips instead, giving a sharp tug until he was pressed against my front, nuzzling into my sternum. His purr, another… gift, vibrated my skin and filled the room. What could I do but hold him to me and let my bare arms and torso touch someone for the first time in years?
Río pressed kisses on my skin, rubbing my sides with passes of his callused fingers, until he stood, running his front against mine the whole way. He let me take the bottom of his shirt and helped me pull it off of him until it was a heap of fabric beside my discarded hoodie.
The first caress of his warm skin against mine left me whimpering, and not even the deep kiss he pulled me into stopped it. Río took over my mouth, licking into it and dominating my tongue with his rough one. His arms were like life-giving vises, keeping me close and giving no chance for escape or fleeing. The sensation of his shoulders against my scars was tender and new, and more warm tears fell down my face.
Río broke our kiss to lap up the salty liquid from my cheeks, swallowing my emotions with a hungry growl.
Before I could start the rest of our undressing or beg him to do it, cold air smacked my front and forced my eyes open. Río took my wrist, pulling me toward the sliding glass door of the room that was hidden amongst the windows. After opening us to the hot summer night, he marched us outside, tops bare. Need and confusion pulsed within my brain, but I wasn’t stupid enough to object or stop us.
No, I let him pull me into the dark stretch of Antler Pointe forest that embraced Tyler’s property until the house and the laughter of his friends was a flicker in the distance.
We were barefoot, and we crunched over the dirt and tree roots until he slowed us to a stop. I let Río circle the base of my throat with his other hand and push me back toward god knew what. His eyes were yellowing, and his lips were parted enough to reveal his fangs.
A gust of air punched out of my lungs when my bare back met the hard and surprisingly smooth bark of a tree. Río inclined his head, as if expecting an answer, and I nodded. Yes, I would stay put.
Though he let go of me, I still felt his warmth on my wrist and neck and remained exactly where he left me. My heart pounded in my chest, a pressure that knocked against my ribs as I watched Río’s back while he rubbed his fingers quickly at his eyes and flung his hands toward the ground, as if flinging something away. He removed his jeans and boxer briefs and discarded them carelessly on the ground before tuning back to meet my eyes once again.
And it started.
An audible hum started deep in my chest, behind where Río had nuzzled into me, and intensified with the swirling that held him as the epicenter. Part of me wanted to object when his eyes shut, and his neck arched back, letting the change take over.
His skin rippled with the rearranging of his muscles and bones, the sound that accompanied it almost grotesque. Like thick, resounding thumping that was muffled by his blood and skin… that was darkening.
Río’s legs bent at angles that looked odd. His thighs widened at the same time his fingers and toes did to become the shape of paws. He dropped to the ground, catching himself despite trembling. I was entranced as his chest broadened and took on the distinct and impossibly large feline shape.
Not a full member of my brother’s pack, I’d not yet been to the pack runs, so the only shifts I’d witnessed were my mother’s and brother’s. Sights that were a very rare occurrence.
The wild beauty of Río’s more than stole my breath, and I let the grounding presence of the tree behind me hold me still. While I watched his long, wavy hair shrivel and disappear at the same time fur sprouted all over his body. Río’s facial features slid and rearranged until they were that of a strong and vicious Jaguar.
A black Jaguar.
Because where I’d expected tan and white fur dotted with black spots, there was instead a dark absence of color. Until, shift complete, he shook himself, all the way down to the end of his long tail, and opened his yellow and black eyes.