Chapter 25
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
RAMONA
I was so mad, so past the point of screaming that heavy teardrops fell down my cheeks, testament to my shortcomings. For succumbing to the depression or not finishing the job, I couldn’t tell.
“Ramona, please look at me,” Sylvie’s voice was gentle, like a healing embrace, but I didn’t want it. Didn’t deserve it. They already had so much going on, and it wasn’t like them knowing would change anything. I was still alive, and as upset as I was… I couldn’t do it.
I dragged my eyes upward, meeting Sylvie’s dark ones, the color of the soil I’d grown so used to working, and knew that I wanted to live. That this hurt so much because there was no way out but through. Not anymore.
Her arms dragged me into her chest, holding steady against my resistance until I went limp, sobbing. Snot running, throat-cracking sobs that made my ribs hurt.
And, as if she knew what I needed, she refrained from using her powers to calm me. It would’ve completely stopped my outburst. But instead, she let me stay raw and bleeding until there was nothing left coming out of my eyes. My body shivered and shook, but there was no other noise left to give.
She pulled back first, and I accepted her light touch on my face, smoothing my tears before trailing down to my arms. I was just so tired, I couldn’t even muster a flinch when she trailed her thumbs up and down the puckered skin. They were tipped in razor-sharp, cherry red nails, but so, so gentle that they coaxed a sigh out of me.
When I drummed up the courage to meet her stare again, I found it already on my face. And her smile was cooling and warm and bright all at the same time. My lower lip wobbled, but my eyes remained dry.
“I’m so glad you’re here, Ramona.” Sylvie’s voice was quenching sunshine, and I pulled my legs closer into myself, feeling her words soaking in. “And I’m so happy to call you my sister.”
I gasped. She’d never said these sorts of things to me, but I’d never been receptive to them, had I? Through the fuzzy overlay I kept on my mind or the forcefield that was prepared to darken and shoot back tenfold anything sent my way, her assurances never would have felt like this. Like they were almost… true.
“I-I’m… sorry,” I croaked. My voice was already raw from my crying, though. How long she held me in her arms, I had no idea. But what I said was the truth. I was sorry for so many things—bringing more stress to her and my brother, disrupting their calm routine, being prepared to leave them forever.
Most of all, that.
Sylvie kept caressing my scars, like they were unblemished and presentable. She didn’t say it was okay, but she shook her head. “I know that speaking like this is difficult. So I’ll keep it brief. You are so, so loved, Ramona. Especially by me, the babies, and your brother.” Her features twisted up, “And by that Jaguar of yours.”
I surprised myself, letting loose a desperate chuckle. “Yeah. Maybe.”
She dragged a light touch down the very center of both of my scars, unafraid of what they meant. “Oh, I don’t know. Your brother and I knew from the very beginning. But regardless,” she added pressure, gently emphasizing, “you are at home here. You belong here. And whether you stay living with us or not, you are one of us. Always. I hope you know that.”
My brow crinkled, trying so hard not to immediately write off what she was saying to me. Did I feel like I belonged? The cabin at once felt like my home and not. The room I stayed in would eventually go back to being Ollie’s, where he would grow up instead of being sequestered into his little play pen in the corner while Sylvie comforted me. He played there, now, entertaining himself and happy to have his mother within sight.
But the gardens, the kitchen here where I helped my brother, even his work shed, all felt like a piece of me. And when I spent time with each of them, Sylvie as we talked and joked, my brother as we worked in connected silence, and my niece and nephew as we played, there was no need to hide.
I nodded, slowly. “I… know that. Now.”
Sylvie slid her hands down to mine, lacing our fingers together and squeezing. I squeezed back. “Good. And…” she hedged, but I kept still, kept squeezing, “If you’d like to talk about this, you have me, and I know that—” I felt the tremble in her touch until she steeled herself “—that your brother has some experience in feeling the way you have. And if you want someone impartial, we’ll help you find them, too.”
I sucked my lip into my mouth, pulling at it with my teeth. O had been stressed lately, and reasonably so, but I’d no idea that… that he’d been as depressed as Sylvie was alluding to. “Guess it runs in the family,” I tried at humor, but it was hollow.
She took it in stride anyway. A little tinkling laugh that also held a related twinge of sadness, “Maybe so. He had to figure out how to lean on us, too. Me. Chris. Juno, even with them and Josie still away helping their family. You .”
“Me?”
“Yes. He’s always loved you, Ramona. And he loves having you here. Despite enjoying his solitude, Orion has always craved family. To have you here means it’s complete.” When I stared dumbly at her, struck stupid by her words, her laugh was lighter now, almost teasing, “Have you not realized? You two have your own language where you don’t even need to speak. It’s kinda creepy to watch, actually.”
I glared, “Says the one who wanders barefoot in the forest at night.”
Sylvie grinned, flashing her teeth and crinkling her eyes, “All the better to make my blood sacrifices.”
“… You don’t actually do that, right?” When she gave a nonchalant shrug, I let my question fly, “Can I see?”
She threw her head back, laughing in a musical lilt, and I found myself snickering, too. Yeah, totally joking. It was doing a good job in making me feel a little steadier.
Sylvie leaned forward, and I sat still as she pressed a kiss to my forehead. She still wasn’t giving me calm through her magic, just her words and presence, and her scent was filled with the sweet, pure love that smelled like warm pastries and so often coursed between Dahlia and Ollie.
Because… because I was her sister.
“Now, what do you need?” What did I need? Was it different from what I wanted? “Because I can hear your brother pacing while he tries to keep Dahlia occupied. And your Jaguar’s still sitting on the porch. Just say the word, and I’ll get rid of everyone. I’ll even make myself scarce.”
I sniffed. Fuck, I’d not been thinking about Río and the mess he’d caused with O. Or how the onslaught of worry coming from my brother had made me want to crumple. “Uh… I’ll apologize to O before I handle Río. I’m sorry again that he went off.” Yeah, when I gathered myself a bit more, I was going to let him fucking have it.
And if that didn’t fill my stomach with excited little bubbles.
“All right, honey,” Sylvie stood and helped me up. “I’ll keep the babies occupied so you and Orion can talk a sec. Let me know if you need me to intervene with your Jaguar, too. Though, his skin’s still probably stinging, so maybe he’ll show some respect.”
I groaned, “Oh, god, Sylvie what did you do?”
She shrugged as she went to Ollie and picked him up. He stayed clinging onto a teething toy, fighting through the discomfort of a few new teeth that had been cutting through his gums as of late. “Taught him not to even think about insulting my mate.” She opened the door and called over her shoulder, “Make sure he knows that next time he tries, he won’t be walking away from it.”
And then she was gone, meeting Dahlia’s questions with more assurances, this time telling her that I was fine and that I just needed to talk to the grown-ups. No, she couldn’t go skating with me and Río right now.
The shiver at her ominous threat had just reached my toes when my brother’s broad shoulders filled the doorway. Purplish bags hung heavy below his eyes, which weren’t meeting mine but stayed on my arms that I was just managing to not hide behind my back. Sylvie said that he would understand.
We stood in silence, in letting our creepy way of communicating, as Sylvie so lovingly put it, flow. I shifted my forearms, took a deep breath, and presented them to him. Let him see.
Even when a tear, and then another, trailed into his beard, wetting the white hair, he didn’t look away. He nodded, his fingers on both hands flicked and twitched, and my body somehow tapped into my reserves and let a pair of silent tears run down the sides of my face, too.
I’m sorry. I won’t hide from you anymore .
I’m so sorry, I love you.
We met in the middle, me and my brother, and his arms crushed me to him. His heart was beating frantically, and I wrapped my scarred arms around his waist. We trembled and breathed and swayed, and his hard kisses into my hair helped me stand more firmly. His heavy pats on my back made me feel stronger.
And when we pulled away at the same time, O held my shoulders, and managed to meet my eyes. I nodded, lips shaking again but back straight. The pastry scent was taking over the room, now, never having fully dispersed from my conversation with Sylvie, and I again fought to accept it. To let it flow over the walls I’d constructed around myself and cast me in the sweet glow.
You belong here. You are strong.
Thank you.
O pursed his lips, but when he opened his mouth a moment later, it was a scratchy and reverberating whisper. “I—I love you, Mona. Anything I can do for you. There’s no hesitation.”
“Even if it’s to talk? About feelings?” My lips twitched in half-jest, but my stomach flipped with real nerves for what his answer would be.
He didn’t waver. Orion gave a steady, sure nod. “Even to talk about feelings. I’m getting better at it, and I would do anything for you.”
And when an aftershock in the form of a hitching sob wracked my chest, Orion just pulled me into him again, where it was warm and safe, and I whined pitifully. Like a puppy that was finally being soothed.
“I didn’t even kill your mate.” O said dryly, and my whining cries turned to laughs once more.
“He’s not.”
Orion grunted, and I felt the vibration of it against my cheek. “I may miss some things, but I’m not stupid, Mona. I can tell that he makes you happy.” I sighed, resigning myself to just accept his assertion. Not to mention that it made the non-human part of me grumble in delight. “I’d say be careful, but I know you can take him.”
That got me giving big, rolling laughs. Especially because he sounded one-hundred percent serious. “Not sure if I’m much of a match for shifter strength, big bro. But he wouldn’t hurt me.”
He grunted again and slowly dropped his arms. “You’re as strong as any of us. And I’ve been to a few of your old matches. You can knock him out as easily as I could.”
I shook my head, still snickering at the visual of me doing just that.
Orion and I left the guest room to find Sylvie on the floor, reading with Ollie and Dahlia. O nodded at me while I went toward the front door, but I paused when Dahlia darted toward me. She crashed into my leg, giving me a tight hug and a few pats before running back to her parents and brother. The gesture was so fast, I barely had time to pet the top of her frizzy little head, but it was enough to give me the strength to face Río.
The heat instantly wrapped around me as I stepped outside, but for once, I didn’t feel like I was burning up. Instead, the wind that shook the leaves and branches of the forest swept against my arms that were many shades paler than my legs and face. It felt… nice.
Wood creaked, and I turned to Río who was now standing.
One side of his face was both red and purpling with a bruise, and my mind pulled in two very separate directions. On top, most evident of all, was the desire for his sort of comfort that was a deep, life-giving red. Under that, was irritation at him showing up here and starting a fight with my family.
He wasn’t tender like Sylvie or stoic like Orion. Río’s hair was wild and so were his black eyes, hidden behind his glasses. And he didn’t wait, just grasped my face and slammed his lips to mine.
As fiercely as he held me, the kiss was gentle in comparison, and when his tongue requested entrance, I opened for him without hesitation. Río’s chest rumbled as he claimed my mouth, and… and mine did too as I let him have me.
And then he abruptly broke our contact to snatch my arm up and drag his rough tongue along my scar. It tickled, but not in a way that made me want to giggle. In a way that made my core flip. He looked up at me from under his thick, black lashes and did it again. And again when I whimpered and held his hand more tightly onto me.
Río kissed my arm over and over, leaving no inch of my damaged skin untouched, and he did the same to my other arm. “Tell me what to do for you, Princess. Anything.” The promise was so different from the one my brother gave. In that moment, I knew that they’d both kill for me. But the way Río was looking at me was like… was like he was saying he’d die for me, too. That he’d tear the world apart for me..
“I’m still pissed at you.”
He groaned and passed his tongue over my arm again. “I’m sorry, Princess. For making a scene here.” He looked up again, black eyes wide. I watched his throat bob with his swallow, saw the regret painted on his face.
“Did you apologize?” O hadn’t said whether they’d spoken at all while Sylvie was comforting me, but I’d be damned if they continued on the wrong foot. Lord knew that my mother wasn’t going to approve of any of this, and by extension, my father. Orion and Sylvie were the family that’d taken me in. Seeing me like Río saw me. I needed for them all to get along.
He gazed down at me, worriedly, arms still holding me close. “Yes. But I’ll do it again. Over and over if you need. Are we good?”
It was almost funny. Seeing him like this, all uncertain when it was usually me who felt that way. More than that, it was refreshing. I scratched my blunt nails on his chest. “We’re good.”
“Thank fuck,” he kissed me again and licked the side of my face, from jaw to hairline. “I missed you, baby. Please don’t disappear on me like that again,” he mumbled and into my hair, holding and swaying us. His glasses were certainly getting smudged with the oil I’d halfheartedly put in my hair this morning, but I didn’t have the heart to tell him to stop.
The days since my FaceTime with my parents had blended together in a string of isolated haze. I barricaded myself in the room, eating in bed amongst the mounds of blankets and extra pillows I’d found, but even that didn’t provide the comfort it usually did. Number Two had been specifically dedicated to the ritual, but it’d done little for me while I responded to Río with the bare minimum and tried to ignore the worried looks from my brother and sister-in-law. I just couldn’t handle them seeing me like this.
But maybe there was another way. They’d now seen the full extent of everything, but instead of dismissing or raging, they met me with compassion. Just how my Jaguar did, the first one who’d known. He didn’t deserve for me to treat him as I had.
“I’m sorry. I… my parents called me, and it just—” I took a deep breath to calm a sobbing aftershock after it wracked my chest. “It really set me back.”
Río kept rubbing my back and arms, skin passing over my scars just like the rest of me. “I gotcha, Princess. How can I help?”
I separated our heads just enough to see his face. To ponder the question of what I needed from him and find the courage in the expanse of his stare. The scent of love pouring off of him was better than any soft blanket could be. I glanced to my left, where his sleek, black motorcycle was parked crookedly beside Sylvie’s car.
“Can we go for a ride? And… and maybe go back to your place?”
Río’s grin wasn’t teasing or cocky. Just relieved and tender, and I gave him a small one in answer. “You know, Ramona, I love it when you bite at me, but I think I love your smile even more.”
I scowled, and he chuckled, deep and pleased. “Shut up.” I tried and lost the fight to keep my smile from retuning.
He grabbed my hand and walked us down the front steps. He picked up his helmet and started situating it on my head. “Feel okay?” I nodded, and we climbed on the back of his bike. Just like the night I learned his name, Río pulled a hair elastic off his wrist and tied his hair back for the ride. The nape of his neck was shaved, and with a familiarity I felt with no one else, I clamped my left arm around his waist and ran a finger over the prickly hair beneath his bun. Río started the bike, sending pleasant grumbles and vibrations against my thighs, and plucked my hand off his neck. He kissed my palm before settling it atop my other hand.
And then we were off.
The sun had a few hours left to give, burning with summer heat, but on Río’s bike while he rode through the trees and onto the main road that led to town, it only made the wind feel cooler. The two enhanced one another as they whipped past us, and I relished the hot licks of sunshine and soft sighs of breeze on my bare arms. I didn’t dare move them from their place around my Jaguar, where I could feel his lungs filling in excited gulps and his heart beat steadily.
I’d never given motorcycles much thought, and my joy might not extend as far as wanting to take the handlebars myself, but riding with Río made me feel free. Like walking with him in the forest when he showed me his other self.
And just like that night, time passed without a care, and when we pulled up to Río’s apartment, the sky had gone from blue to a pretty, light pink. The wispy clouds had taken on a orangish tint, and I watched the skulls on the back of Río’s hands as he parked beside his truck and pressed the ignition button to turn off the bike. He extended the kickstand and guided me to my feet.
With his help, the helmet came off next, leaving sweaty little curls clinging to my brow. Río kissed them. “All right, baby, whatcha wanna eat?” He tickled my stomach, as if emphasizing its empty state, and I swatted at his hands.
His laugh rang throughout the stairwell, and he was still chuckling while we went inside.