Chapter 26
Wes
I don’t need to help out at Jameson’s property now that he’s back, but it’s a part of my routine. He comes out while I’m finishing up with the horses, and I nod at him in greeting.
“How’d it go around here?” he asks.
“Good, no one gave me too much trouble.” No one here, anyway.
“That’s good, I know Juniper can be such a troublemaker,” he jokes.
“Oh yeah, they all can be such a problem,” I deadpan.
“Are you doing anything later? Dave and Parker are coming over because Sutton insists I have a ‘guy’s night.’”
“Uh, no I don’t have plans, but you enjoy.”
“Come on over, if you’re free. I think the girls are going to Bailey’s house, so unless you want to hear them, you may be safer over here.”
Part of me would love to hear them, just so I can know if Bailey says anything to her friends about what happened between us. If she lets anything slip out about how it felt for her. If it made her feel like everything has changed, like it has for me.
Though, I don’t know what to do about it since I don’t know where her head is. These feelings are entirely new territory for me. My initial instinct is to do what I always do. Avoid them completely.
Not avoid Bailey, because I’ve tried that before and we ended up here.
Avoiding feelings, that I’m practically a professional at.
“Maybe,” I tell him.
“Just come by later if you decide to join.” Jameson shrugs. I like that he’s not too pushy. There’s been plenty of times I’ve been here while he’s working with the horses and he never pushes conversations, just lets me be if I want to be left alone.
As he walks away, I think of one thing that may affect my decision. “Can Bruno come?”
“Of course,” he answers without even turning around.
I decided to join Jameson’s guy’s night because the distraction sounds useful. Knowing Bailey is just next door and that I can’t interrupt her time with her friends only cemented my decision.
As soon as I get to Jameson’s house I see that his coworkers are already there. Being surrounded by guys I don’t know very well makes me slightly uncomfortable, though I do everything I can to push past it.
The beer in my hand is helping just a little bit as I try to be somewhat social. Which for me is saying a couple words here and there in a conversation I really don’t have much to contribute to.
Dave, Parker, and Jameson all work together so a lot of what they talk about has to do with firefighting which I know very little about. I did consider going into a first responder field after my life was derailed, but never followed through with any of the training.
“How was it holding down the fort here while Jameson was gone?” Parker asks me, and I shrug.
“Fine.”
“Ma didn’t bother you too much?” Jameson asks, and I shake my head.
“You missed a good call last night. Some shithead kids set off fireworks and one ended up in a tree,” Dave says, changing the subject.
I try to cover my reaction at the mention of the fireworks. And what happened afterwards. I try not to think about how weak it made me look. What Bailey must have been thinking seeing me so out of control. I hate that I can’t control my reactions to certain things.
“I think it was actually pretty close to your house, did you hear them?” Parker asks.
“Yeah, hard to miss. They were fucking loud,” I grunt, taking a swig of my beer.
“How’d Bruno handle them?” Jameson asks, nodding his head to the dog curled up at my feet. He still hasn’t warmed up to being in a space with these unfamiliar people, or the two other dogs quite yet.
“He hid,” I answer, not wanting to talk about the way I handled them.
“I never understood the point of fireworks.” Parker shakes his head. “They look cool I guess, but they are so dangerous. It’s stupid.”
“Not to mention dogs and veterans can struggle with the sounds,” Dave says offhandedly, and my spine stiffens.
Luckily, no one asks me specifically about it. I catch Jameson looking at me, gauging the reaction I try to hide. Everyone moves on from the firework subject, and I try to stay engaged, but as the night goes on it gets harder and harder because all I’m doing is wondering about Bailey.
What’s she doing with her friends? Are they having fun? What are they talking about? Will she be awake when I get back home? My mind is a constant rotation of her.
“Bet you can’t wait for Lily to come back when she’s done with school,” Dave teases Parker.
The youngest guy scoffs, taking a big swig from his drink. “She’s got some boyfriend I guess.”
“How’d you find that out?” Jameson asks.
“She told me.”
“She told you?” Jameson doesn’t sound convinced and I feel like I’m missing something yet again. I know I’m an outsider, especially in their group, but this subject has me feeling like I’m missing crucial information.
“Yeah, she told me. Texted me to not talk to her because she’s got a boyfriend and to leave her alone,” Parker grumbles.
“Did you reach out to her first?” Dave raises his eyebrow.
“Does it matter?” Parker questions in a tone that tells me he most definitely did.
But I don’t care about this juvenile drama. Right now all I want is to go back home, and be alone.
There’s only one other person I would tolerate the presence of, but I have no idea if she feels the same.
I don’t spend too much time at Jameson’s before making an excuse to go back home. Once I’m pulling into my driveway I see the other car still at Bailey’s so any attempt at taking her goes out the window.
Even though I know it’s going to be difficult to go to sleep, I’m going to try.
My mind is tired from the socialization.
Things like that take it out of me more than a workout does to my muscles.
That, I can push through, being around people and needing to think about how to talk to them, hold a conversation, and be personable?
That takes effort, and it’s something I’d rather avoid if I can.
I look over into Bailey’s room from my window, but it’s dark, and I’m sure she’s downstairs with Sutton.
Bruno jumps onto the bed, and makes himself comfortable at the end of it. He rests his head on his paws while I strip down to my boxers to climb under the covers and attempt to get some sleep.
As soon as my head hits the pillow I know it’s going to be a futile attempt, but still I close my eyes and try to picture things that may help. Peaceful things.
Sunflowers.
I don’t know why that’s what comes to me, but it is. A field of sunflowers, and ahead of me is long dark blonde wavy hair bouncing as someone walks ahead of me. I start to walk closer, to see her. To confirm it’s who I think it is.
The flowers surround us, blowing in the wind. As I get closer she turns to look over her shoulder and gives me the softest smile. I need to get to her, I want to feel her in my arms.
I speed up my steps, but before I’m able to reach her there’s a familiar whirring sound of a helicopter. I look up and around trying to find the source of it. Bailey is still ahead of me, and she’s getting further and further away.
The source of the noise makes itself known as the machine falls from the sky. I cry out for Bailey, but she’s running right in the direction it’s falling. I call out her name again, racing toward her but it’s coming down so fast and I feel like I’m running through sludge.
The helicopter hits the ground in a fiery explosion and I scream out one more time, but this time it’s real.
My throat is sore, I’m covered in sweat and breathing heavily as I look around the dark room.
It isn’t real.
None of that was real.
But it’s exactly what happens in my mind when I try to find peace within it to go to sleep.
Bruno’s sitting up looking at me.
“It’s okay,” I tell him, trying to convince us both.
I scrub my hand down my face, and look over at Bailey’s window though it’s still dark. I’m not sure how late it is, and I don’t care to look.
I know the chances of me falling asleep again are slim to none. That’s why I resort to my oldest and best coping mechanism I’ve yet to find. Pulling my clothes on, I grab my keys and tell Bruno I’ll be back.
When I get outside I see the Jeep that was at Bailey’s house is gone and her whole house is dark like she’s asleep. I debate for just a minute, then say fuck it. I need to check and make sure she’s okay.
Rationally, I know my mind made up what I saw, but part of it still feels real and that’s the excuse I give myself as to why I bang on her front door harder than necessary. It takes her a moment to open it, and when she does, she looks pissed.
“What do you want?” She folds her arms across her chest. I can’t help but notice she’s changed into sleepwear and isn’t wearing a bra.
“I just wanted to make sure you’re okay,” I grunt, not wanting to explain further than that.
Her eyes drop to my hand where my keys are. “Where are you going?”
“Where I always go in the middle of the night,” I tell her, really not wanting to explain.
She raises an eyebrow, and tilts her head to the side. “And where is that?”
I debate just walking away, I don’t need to tell her. Instead, I look down at my keys, shifting them between my fingers to hear the small chime. Then I do something I never thought I would.
“Want to come with me?”