Carter
“You okay, Love?”
I look over at Keegan, meeting his foggy eyes as he squeezes my hand. I go to reassure him, but what actually comes out is, “No, I’m not.”
Marcus wraps his arm around me from the other side, holding me close as Keegan studies my face. “You can talk about it, if you need to. We’re here.”
Swallowing, I have to look away from Keegan’s intense, all-too-knowing gaze. The car stops and I look out the window at the familiar warehouse. Something in my chest tightens at seeing the unassuming exterior, knowing the horrors that live inside the walls.
“I…haven’t been inside since I killed my brother,” I whisper. “When we learned about Jude’s family, Cris and I came to support Roman with whatever decision he made, but we didn’t go inside. I couldn’t… I… Fuck, I didn’t realize it would still be so hard.”
Keegan squeezes my hand again. “You don’t need to do this, if you’re uncomfortable…”
I shake my head. “No, we all know it needs to be done. I can’t hide from this. Not as a Council member, as your partner, or as a father.”
“You’re still Cole’s father, even if you don’t do this,” Marcus assures me. “We know it doesn’t mean you love him any less. And we won’t love you any less for not going in. You’re a part of us now, Carter; it doesn’t hinge on if you can torture someone with us or not.”
Looking at Marcus, I stare into his eyes, which are so full of pain mixed with anger, and for a moment, I find it hard to breathe.
Letting go of Keegan’s hand, I bring mine to Marcus’s face, cupping his cheek gently.
“Thank you, but…I need to do this. I…I want to be as strong and as brave as you are.”
His features soften a little. “You already are.”
Leaning in, I kiss him gently, soaking up his warmth and love. If Marcus can do this, can force himself to be here despite everything he’s been going through, then I need to as well.
I know if my loves heard my thoughts, they wouldn’t be happy with me, but I can’t help how I feel. Not when so much of who I am started in this warehouse.
Pulling away, I drag my thumb along his spit-slick lip. “Let’s go show that bitch why she never should have touched our son.” I try to sound braver than I am, but I’m not sure it works.
We get out of the car, and my heart pounds in my chest. Marcus takes my hand as Keegan leads the way into the warehouse. Just standing in the first empty room takes my breath away.
Images assault my mind. Walking out of here battered and bruised with Cristian’s arm around me, feeling the judgmental stare of the guards, knowing they wouldn’t hesitate to take me out should they think I’m a danger to their Boss.
Taking a breath, letting Marcus’s hand in mine center me, I head further into the warehouse, taking the lead since I know the layout.
Joel waits outside the larger of the individual torture rooms, and when he meets my eyes, there’s a flicker of compassion there.
He knows what happened inside this room, how Cristian and Tennant took turns making my life a living hell.
It was nothing I didn’t rightfully deserve, but that doesn’t make it any easier.
Keegan steps up next to me, placing a steadying hand to the small of my back.
“Open it,” I order.
Joel doesn’t hesitate, pulling the heavy metal door open for the three of us. “Let me know if you need anything.”
I nod in acknowledgment and stride into the room, not allowing myself a chance to second guess what’s about to happen.
As soon as we enter the room, the bitch we trusted with our son is there, clothed but hanging from the ceiling, her toes barely touching the ground.
For a moment, I wonder if she’s hung there all night, then I realize I don’t care.
She deserves to be uncomfortable after what she put our little boy through.
There’s fear in her eyes as the three of us move to stand in front of her. Her gaze darts between each of us before she shifts her attention to the floor, as if she can’t bear to see the consequences of her actions.
Standing in front of her, more feelings come to the surface.
I was in her position once, hanging from the ceiling in anticipation of what came next.
Being taunted by Tennant. The whip connecting with my flesh.
The tearing of my skin, and blood searing into the open wounds as the pain refused to stop, not until Cristian had to go call our son.
I release Marcus’s hand and pull out my knife. “Let’s make this easier on us, shall we?” My voice doesn’t feel like my own as I speak.
Stepping forward, I slice her clothes off, leaving them hanging as rags. Cris once told me “Dead men don’t need clothes,” and the same concept is applied here.
“What shall we do with her?” I ask, not looking back at my lovers. “Tennant has so many fun toys in here.” I fight not to grimace at the firsthand knowledge I have of some of them.
“It looks like Ten left his favorite out,” Marcus muses.
I glance over and flinch at the sight of the electricity machine. My bones tingle and I taste blood, because I remember far too well what it feels like to be electrocuted. The shock of the current rippling through my body. The idea that I was going to feel my heart stop…
Sucking in a breath, I try to stay focused on the here and now. Refusing to give into the past that's trying to bulldoze its way in.
“There are knives on the table over there.” I point to the far wall. “And other instruments in the cabinets around the room. You can choose whatever you want.” I hope my voice is steady.
I don’t dare glance at the knife table. Having to choose my own instrument of torture… No, that’s not something I ever want to relive.
“Thank you, Love,” Keegan says. “For now, we’ll start off easy, before we get to the fun stuff.”
He steps closer to the hanging woman. “Look at us. Don’t you dare think you can get out of this by looking away. You deserve to see every ounce of pain you put us through…as we put you through your own.”
The bitch raises her head, fear still in her eyes, but there's anger there too. “You have no right,” she hisses.
I can’t hold back my incredulous laugh, getting her attention. “Oh, we don’t have a right? After you took our son? Tell me, what part of that makes you think you’re innocent, and can escape the consequences of your actions, hmm?”
“I did my job, that’s all.”
“Tell me.” I step closer. “Were you a traitor before you were hired, or did the Senator get to you after?”
She presses her lips together, and I hit her across the face with the blade of my knife, enjoying the way her skin opens and blood escapes the cut. At least, for a few seconds, before it becomes too much, and the sight of her sliced open cheek has my own scar aching as if it was fresh.
I still remember the scent of my blood as Cristian dug into my flesh deep enough to hit bone, the nails on chalkboard feeling of the knife scraping against my cheekbone, and the pull of the stitches every time I spoke or screamed.
I take a shaky step back, and Marcus there to steady me before he takes my place. “So…” he asks. “Which is it? Were you hired to take our son, or was it just an opportunity?”
“There’s nowhere for you to run now,” Keegan reminds her, moving to stand behind her. “Might as well give us what we want, and maybe we’ll go easy on you.”
“I was hired, not for your son, but to spy on whatever I could. When you started using maids like glorified babysitters…the plan fell into place. I became the perfect nanny for the brat, becoming what you wanted so I could gain access. I got closer to you, since I knew I could gather good intel that way.” She smiles.
“I was right. You had a tendency to work out of your rooms. So paranoid that something would happen to your precious child,” she scoffs.
“As if people like you deserve to have children… It’s a wonder this one is still alive. ”
Keegan drags her head back, while Marcus pulls his own knife. I watch, barely present, as my love begins cutting her up.
I want to go to them, to offer Marcus the same comfort as he’s been offering me. I’m sure her backhanded comment about Amy is tearing him apart, but…I can’t.
Knowing that Cole was just a convenient scapegoat to her...
Much the same way Roman was for Julian. My brother’s cruel taunts still ring in my ears as he informs Cristian that he has our son.
Hearing Roman scream over the phone as Julian cut off his finger.
And now knowing what happened after, how close he came to being raped…
Me or Roman—the choice was easy for me. I would have done anything for him.
Roman and Cole? They’re the very life I live. I am nothing without my children. To have both my sons kidnapped in such a short period of time… It leaves me lightheaded thinking about all the scenarios of how it could have gone wrong. What if we didn’t get either of them back in time?
I take a shaky step backwards, aware that Keegan and Marcus have started their fun with the nanny, but I'm unable to participate. Not when everything is so fucked up in my head.
Everything spins, and the walls of the large torture room begin to close in on me. I can’t do this.
My chest rises and falls rapidly as it becomes hard to breathe, and my throat tightens with the impending failure. How can I prove I'm a good partner and father if I can’t even step up and do this?
Strong, warm hands cup my face, and I meet Keegan’s gaze. “Breathe, Love. You’re okay, I got you.”
I begin to shake. “I’m sorry… I…I know I’m fucking things up.”
“Hey, no. It’s okay. I’m sorry I didn’t see how difficult this was going to be for you.”
I shake my head. “I didn’t know…didn’t realize that what Cris did still affects me so much. This…this is the same room he tortured me in. I…fuck, I haven’t been in here for close to eight years now.”
Keegan swears to himself. “If you need to step out, Marcus and I won’t think any less of you.”
“But I will. I need to do this. Cole is my son too.”
“He is, but that doesn’t mean you have to tear yourself apart in order to prove that. He loves you just as you are. Roman, too.”
“I don’t want to disappoint you.”
Keegan tightens his grip on me a little. “You never could, Love. You’re perfect just as you are, scars and all.”
A lump forms in my throat. “I love you.”
He leans in to kiss me. “I love you too. So does Marcus.”
I look over at our love, who watches me with kind, warm eyes. Glancing behind him, I see one of them has knocked the bitch out, probably when I started freaking out, and guilt bubbles inside me, knowing I’m preventing them from getting their vengeance.
“I’m okay,” I reassure them both, glancing from one to the other. “You can continue.”
“It’s alright if you’re not,” Marcus assures me. He moves closer to wrap an arm around me. “We can wait, if you need time to process being here. Or we can move her somewhere else, if it’s too hard.”
I shake my head. “No. We have everything we need here. I don’t want to inconvenience anyone. You deserve to get this done now.”
“Your well-being is more important, Carter,” Keegan says firmly. “I’ll put my foot down if I have to. If you’re not okay, you can say so. Don’t lie to protect our feelings.”
“He’ll punish you for lying,” Marcus whispers in my ear, and there's a sort of levity in his voice that’s been missing since Cole was taken.
My breath hitches, but in a good way this time.
We’ve skirted around Keegan’s dominance for a while now, and the way it makes me feel.
There hasn’t been time to learn what it means for the three of us, but…
I can’t say I hate the idea of him guiding me.
Punishing me, pleasuring me, and letting me do the same to Marcus…
The pleasant tingles running up and down my spine are at odds with the panic that’s threatened to overwhelm me since getting here.
“Whatever you need, Love,” Keegan promises. “We’ll give it to you.”
I know they will, because that’s the type of men they are.
They’re somehow able to see all of me, and rather than put me into a box that fits their ideals, they’re helping me grow and keeping me steady as I become the person I think I was always meant to be.
It simply took far too long to realize that.
“I love you—both of you—so much.” Taking a shaky breath, I push away everything that isn’t the two of them and my children. “I can do this, with you at my side.”
“You don’t have to.”
I kiss Keegan, soaking up his reassurance. “I know,” I tell him when I pull away. “But I—we—need to. Together.”
“Always together,” Marcus says, swooping in for his own kiss.
“There’s a sink in the corner,” I tell them when the kiss breaks. “Usually, there's a bucket or pitcher there, too—Ten likes waterboarding. Let’s wake the bitch up and get back to our son.”
They both kiss me one last time, before Marcus moves away to get the water to toss on the bitch. Keegan keeps his hand on me as we move back to stand in front of the woman who turned our world upside down. Only this time, it’s easier to push away the past and embrace what’s to come.
I can stand tall beside the men I love, because I know they’ll catch me when I fall, and it buoys me with a strength I wouldn’t otherwise have. I don’t know what I did to deserve the two of them, but I know for sure I’ll never let them go.
My sons and my loves, they’re everything I always wanted. Getting to have some fun with my loves? Even with my past trying to push its way in, anticipation fills me more than dread, and I grin as the bitch sputters and jerks awake when Marcus tosses the pitcher of cold water over her.
Her gaze darts around, and she sneers at me, but I just grin, excitement beginning to fill my veins, because the fun is just about to begin…