27. Carter
Never did I think I’d spend so much time around goats, but watching Cole interact with them is a joy. Monroe is patient as he shows Cole how to pet and brush Lizzie and Billy. Cole giggles when Lizzie headbutts him. Apparently, she didn’t like him giving so much attention to her brother.
Marcus leans against me, and I wrap an arm around his waist, holding my love close as we watch our son.
Our son. The claim to Cole still takes my breath away sometimes, knowing these two men trust me enough to be part of Cole’s life…
especially after what happened… It’s a gift I’ll never take for granted.
They might reassure me that I have nothing to be guilty about, that the bitch would have done what she did no matter what, but that doesn’t ease the pain in my chest whenever I think about how close we were to losing him.
Seeing him now, so shy and unsure most of the time, losing the sound of his sweet voice… it kills me.
But then he’ll smile at one of us, he’ll meet our eyes again, or like now, he’ll open up around the goats, and the coil of fear and worry that lives in my chest eases just a bit.
Monroe hands a baggie of…something to Cole, talking to him too softly for us to hear, and the goats start up a loud duet of bleats as they stare at the bag.
“Are those…animals crackers?” Marcus muses.
Watching closely as Monroe drops a few on the ground in demonstration, I think he might be right. The goats descend on the treats, moving like they’ve never eaten before, and Cole squeals in delight as he drops a few of his own crackers onto the ground for them.
With a smile, Monroe stands to his full height and backs up a little, leaving Cole to play with the goats. He glances up at Marcus and I, and motions us over.
Taking Marcus’s hand in mine as he straightens up, we delicately walk over, making sure to hang back slightly, not wanting to disturb the goats or Cole.
Monroe moves to stand beside us, brushing his hands on his jeans.
He's close enough to speak quietly, but makes sure not to get too close. I still marvel at how…delicate he is. He's even shorter than Roman, and everything about Monroe seems almost fragile. There’s no doubt he’s good at his job, though.
The scene playing out in front of us, Cole being love-bombed by goats as he tosses a fistful of animal crackers onto the ground for them, the flashes I see of the little boy I first met is proof enough that he’s good at easing someone who’s been through what Cole has.
Still, I clock the way Monroe is careful not to get too close to others.
Even with Cole, he is mindful of how much physical contact they have.
The only one I’ve seen him relatively comfortable with is Anderson.
It helps ease my concerns a little, knowing he has someone as…
vibrant and fierce as Anderson in his corner.
Which means he has Anderson’s Daddy and husband as well.
Because it’s more than clear those two would do anything for their Boy.
“He’s doing well,” Monroe says softly. “It’s a work in progress, but he seems to like me, and will give one-word answers when I ask him something directly.”
I let out a breath, and Marcus squeezes my hand. It may not seem like much, but for Cole, who works so hard on being quiet and good, it’s huge.
“Thank you,” Marcus tells him in a choked voice, causing me to squeeze his hand this time. “We appreciate everything you’re doing for him.”
Monroe smiles, his entire face lighting up with it.
He adjusts his glasses as he says, “It’s not only my job, but my pleasure.
He’s a sweet kid.” He seems to mull his words over before saying, “I would suggest not referring to him as ‘good’. From what you’ve told me, and what I’ve been able to piece together from our sessions, his nanny used being good as a weapon against him.
Possibly threatening him even if he was a good boy. ”
I curse lowly. “When the fucking Senator sent the video of him…he promised he’d be quiet and good.”
“Yeah,” Monroe replies. “That could be contributing to his mutism, I think. The trauma of his mother dying, of having his world upended multiple times, and what he went through? It’s all cumulative to him not speaking now.
Though, he is still saying words. Not only that, he’s communicating in his own way.
We can’t force him to talk, that’ll only stress him out more, and will do none of us any favors, but you’ve all been doing well with meeting him on his level. ”
“And the ASL?” I ask. “I know before you said it was an option, but I understand you needed to meet and get to know him first before forming an opinion.”
“You were going to teach him anyway, right? For Jude?”
I nod. “Yes, the triplets—I don’t know if you’ve met them yet—they've made it their mission to teach everyone, so they can communicate with both Jude and Donovan.”
“It’s another tool in his arsenal. If he’s receptive, and is willing to use it over verbalizing, it’s not something to discourage.
We want him to feel safe, and as if we’re hearing him.
I admit, my knowledge of ASL is limited, but I’ve been brushing up on the signs I do know in case he ever wants to talk to me that way—and for the Deaf members of your family, of course. ”
I let out a breath, some of my stress easing at the knowledge that we’re doing the right thing for our son.
“Daddy, Papa!” Cole shouts, running over to us, with an empty baggie clutched in his hand. The goats follow him, almost making him tip over as Billy headbutts him from behind. Cole doesn’t mind, though, cackling as he gets his feet underneath him again.
“Are you having fun?” Marcus asks, releasing my hand to get down to Cole’s level.
“I slide?” he asks, pointing to the slide attached to one of the climbing platforms that was built for the goats.
“This is the goaties’ playground,” Marcus tells him gently.
Cole looks at him with wide eyes, almost pleading.
“He can slide down,” Monroe says softly. “If that’s okay with you? Lizzie and Billy won’t mind sharing.”
Marcus looks up at me, and I shrug. “If it’s okay with Monroe, you can go down a few times.”
Cole bounces in place. “Yay!” He looks at his new friends. “Come, goaties!”
He runs off, and we follow him to the slide.
“You sure about this?” Marcus asks as he hovers near the plank leading up to the platform the slide is attached to. Cole carefully climbs up onto the platform, oblivious to his father’s anxiousness.
“Positive,” Monroe replies. He swoops down and lifts Lizzie up into his arms. “Open your arms really wide, Cole, so Lizzie can go down with you.”
Cole follows the instructions, sitting at the top of the slide. Monroe sets the goat on his lap and Cole wraps his arms around her, then the two of them barrel down the slide, Cole squealing all the way. “Again!” he shouts once they're at the bottom.
We watch carefully as he makes his way back up the platform, and this time, Monroe sets Billy in his lap.
Marcus comes over to me, still keeping a close eye on Cole as he climbs the ladder to the platform. He wraps an arm around my waist. “We should probably get him his own playground,” he says softly. “It’s not like the yard doesn’t have the room.
I hum in agreement. A play structure would be good to have, for Cole and any other children we might have. Though, at the rate we keep adding people—and pets—to the Council, we’ll need more land sooner than later.
Cole tires of the slide and moves over to the large swing that was built specifically for someone to sit on with the goats.
Seeing him laughing as Billy sniffs his hair, the swing moving gently back and forth, causing Lizzie to fall onto her belly, legs splayed out around her as Cole reaches over to pet her, has me smiling, my chest heating up at how carefree he is.
Marcus pulls out his phone, taking a few pictures and a short video of Cole and his goat friends to show Keegan. Our love had work to do, otherwise he would have joined us for this little playdate, but spending time with Marcus and Cole has been good for the three of us.
Navigating two people…it’s not something I thought I’d do. Even when I was willing to let Cristian have Allesandro, I never expected to fully be part of something with more than one person. But Marcus and Keegan make it easy.
Getting to raise their son with them? Knowing they want to love mine as their own? It makes me happy in a way I’ve never been before.
It also makes me sad. Knowing this type of contentment and happiness could only be achieved by losing my husband.
“Papa, watch!” Cole calls out, bringing me out of my morose musings.
“I’m watching!” I assure him, smiling as he laughs loudly from where he’s now sitting on one end of the teeter-totter. Monroe lifts Lizzie up and places her on the other end, and her added weight moves Cole’s side off the ground a few inches.
“He’s amazing, isn’t he?” Marcus mutters. “So vibrant and fearless, even after everything.”
“Like his daddy.”
Marcus snorts, and I slide my arm around him, holding him flush against me. Pressing a kiss to the side of his head, I say, “You’re both an inspiration, Caro. Strong and resilient.”
Marcus turns his head to meet my gaze. “Only because we have you and Keegan.”
I kiss him softly. “And you always will.”
His face softens and he kisses me again, a little deeper, letting me taste him, as he becomes soft and pliant in my arms.
“Daddy, Papa, watch!”
We laugh and break away from each other’s mouths. “We’re watching,” I assure our son as I turn to see him racing the goats across the yard.
We all still have a long way to go, but as Cole, and Marcus, show how fucking strong they are, I know we’ll be okay. Because we’re a family, and nothing matters more than that.